Sly Human, Dumb Zootopia.

By Gaz1997

A/N heyo, so, i've recently seen the movie and already I'm in love and obsessed with it, the animation, the characters and voice acting but the world itself is set in is just so inviting and ready to be set upon by writers like myself.

I'm not new to the writing scene, there's others fandom's im apart of that i've written for. but this will be my first for anything like this,

also, i've noticed that there aren't exactly main Human in Zootopia fic's around and the few that do exist I've yet to read myself, but i hope to make this one hopefully a good for you're enjoyment.

well that all I have to say right now, so let's begin.

*NEWS A/N* Hey guys, Gaz here, I've got something I need to say concerning the previous chapters of this story, first I wanna say thank you to the few people who have commented and given me praise and even more so to the ones who have given me feedback on my writing and grammar, I know that the way I write isn't anything like J.K Rowling or Roald Dahl or any famous writer ect, and I know that my grammar or punctuation isn't the best, I have no excuse for it being that bad apart from the fact that I've always struggled with written English as a subject in school and college, so as I'm writing new chapters, for any of you who are new or are re-reading my previous chapters, please don't be alarmed if a few things change, like if grammar or sentences improve or I change the centring/position of my wording.

I hope you all understand that by doing this will make it all easier for you to read, and easier on my mind to worry less about trying to please you all, after all this is fan-fiction and I'm supposed to enjoy writing this for a hobby not an occupation hehe, thanks for reading and staying with me this far and I hope you continue to stay with me.

Thank you, all of you.


If there is one thing I currently hate more than anything else, it's sand.

Fucking, sand.

It gets everywhere, in the boots, the trousers, the shirts and don't get me started on the sodding underwear.

I hate the Afghanistan desert and its fucking sand, it's even managed to get onto the fucking plane I'm on right now, but I guess that's what I get for being in the army for ten years I suppose. I've done four tours now and I've changed a lot since I first joined, now though, all I cared about was getting home and being with my family.

And so here I was sitting in the back of an R.A.F C-130 by my lonesome, reason being as the local airport we normally would have used to transport us squaddie's back was on lock down by the US army over a potential bomb threat, so my ride may not have been luxurious but at least I had the hold to myself.

Just me, my thoughts and the dull thunderous sound of the planes engines powering up to taxi on the bases runway.

"Copperson! Make sure you are strapped in, were bugging out of this shit hole in five, so buckle up back there", the pilot called back through the comms.

"Roger captain, thanks for getting me out of this sandy hell".

"Not a problem mate, as long as I get to see the missus back in her majesty's England at the same time, I'm all happy".

"Aye aye to that lad".

I did a quick once over on my equipment making sure it was all still present before I fastened myself in, my Bergen lay at my side, my Rifle slung over my front and my side-arm in it's holster, all my other titbits in their pouches and body armour all present, I finally sat myself down and fastened in.

I sat in relative silence, listening to the pilots go through the check-lists they had to do before we ascended, then we started moving down the runway, the engines getting louder and louder as more power was forced out of them.

"V-1 and rotate" was the last calming thing I heard before shit hit the fan.


"RPG INCOMING EVADE! EVADE! BRACE FOR IMPACT" the pilot yelled as rockets I couldn't see hurtled towards the craft not a mere hundred meters from us, then a large explosion ripped a hole in the fuselage just behind the cockpit and from somewhere I could only guess was one of the wings.


Those were the last words I ever heard in this world.

My eyes slowly opened, the white ceiling being the first thing to grace my vision. I let out a low groan as I slowly rose up and propped myself on my elbows, my iPhone and zPhone both on the night stand reading half five in the morning.

"Ugh sodding nightmares stealing my sleep, at least the bed's being nice on my back" I slowly rose to my feet and did my morning stretches since I wasn't going to be getting back to sleep any time soon, making my way to the small kitchenette in the small mediocre apartment I was so 'graciously bestowed' with and made myself a brew up. My eyes wandered to the expensive bottle of 1962 Dalmore whiskey that sat on my counter, a gift from mother at Christmas that surely got me some friends in the higher ups back home, it was tempting to have some, but my kettle was calling me more.

With a fresh brew in my hands I walked back to my room and gazed out the window to look upon the city scape I was still desperately trying to believe was fake, even though I had been here a month already.

"Zootopia, the land of bullshit and fuckery".

Zootopia, a city full of anthropomorphic, walking, talking intelligent animals on the same level as humanity, yup it was enough to fuck with me, the only human to exist here.

Whoop de fucking do.

I stared down at the pieces of paper that lay upon the small table next to the large windows view of the city, contemplating whether I should start filling them in or not.

My thoughts went back to the dream, no... memory, the last memory and moments I had of earth, my home world, only to end up being dragged by some cosmic bull shitting force that dumped me in the middle of the Zootopian down-town square park a month ago, haha, now that was a scene.


Officers Judy Hopps and Nick Wilde sat in their police cruiser, not too long ago this kind of scene had been a little... alien to the both of them, but after a month or so since the night howler incident, it had become a regular routine, cruise around the cities districts, help stop and prevent crimes, and just generally be good cops, but the best thing about there jobs was being able to spend the days working together as best friends on the beat.

"Another day at the office hey carrot's?" voiced Nick as Judy pulled the car up to the ZPD HQ for their lunchtime break.

"You said it sly fox" Judy grinned in return as she turned off the engine and jumped out of the car, Nick stepped out the other side as they both then proceeded to walk towards the building at each others side, but not before they heard a loud booming noise in the distance behind them, they both turned to look up to the skies.

"I don't remember there being a warning saying it was gonna rain cats and dogs this afternoon?" questioned Nick as he ushered in Judy as the clouds crept closer over the city

"Me neither, and did you have to use that phrase?" she answered.

"Yes, yes I did, It's a classic".

A loud crack of thunder broke their conversation which was instantly followed by a large flash of lighting, the cycle repeated multiple times over the city parks centre for roughly a minute or so before the loud noises and flashes began to let up as sky began its own downpour.

"That did not look normal at all" said Judy as she was glued to the rain hitting the windows

"You aren't wrong there carrots, that lighting shower was strange, I mean it just kept hitting the town centre".

"You're right Nick. We should go check it out, someone could be hurt or in distress".

"What? But it's our lunch break! And i'm not getting my tail all wet, do you know how irritating it is having a long wet tail?" He couldn't really argue though as Judy was already dragging him into the downpour and back to their squad car.


You know how I said that I hate sand the most? I take that crap back, pain, pain is right now the most hated thing on my mental shit list, because right now I hurt, like really fucking hurt, like someone savagely kicking a man where he shouldn't ever be kicked times a thousand, or being stabbed multiple times with a rusty anything. Bloody hell it hurt to move, it hurt to breath, it hurt to think, it just hurt.

Slowly the pain washed away as I felt a dampness upon my face, it was only on my cheek as it seemed I was still wearing my helmet luckily, but this couldn't be right, I was feeling rain upon my skin, but I was in Iraq. You know? A war infested shit stain upon the Earth surrounded by fucking sand, but that wasn't the only thing I felt, I could feel something cold and wet, like damp mud and grass. Yeah it definitely was, but it felt hot, like it had just been burnt?...

That was it, I couldn't take it, I needed to get the fuck off my arse. Moving my arms to roll over onto my stomach I slowly rose to take a knee, my rifle clattered against my chest and my Bergen fell to the ground at my feet. I hoped my Dalmore bottle wasn't broken, then I'd be pissed.

The ringing in my ears and impaired vision finally subsided, but I didn't take time to look around yet, my main priority was my current health and equipment status. Feeling around my body everything seemed to be where it should be, body armour and webbing vest and belt with all my kit still in place. I felt around my body as much as I could inspecting it for any immediate wounds and to my luck there were none. My rifle and Glock were next and both were in immaculate condition just as they had been when I was on the crate. I quickly went over to my Bergen and everything had survived.

The only thing left I could think to do as I hefted the heavy Bergen upon my back and rifle to my waist was find out where the hell I was now. That's was when I finally looked around and I shit you not my mouth could've hit the floor.

"You have got to be fucking shitting me" I finally managed to say out loud as the rain continued to pour down.

"Fucking animals?".

A/N, So, there you go, my first chapter, I hope you guys like it so far, and as any aspiring writer should be im open to criticism and the like, also if you do see any spelling mistakes ect plus be willing to point them out, thank you, so anyways onto the next chapter, peace out.