1st September 1976
For the first time in Severus Snape's life he found himself looking for a compartment on the Hogwarts Express by himself. That didn't mean when he finally sat in one he was alone – like he would have preferred. He was surrounded by who he felt were the biggest dunderheads Slytherin house had to offer. But rather than make waves with people who more or less seemed to tolerate him, he sat there quietly; he observed, but did not contribute to their meaningless dribble of a conversation.
As Avery and Mulciber prattled on about the Muggle-borns who disappeared over the summer, and voiced their admiration for The Dark Lord, he stared out the window of the train. A heavy sadness engulfed him as he watched Lily Evans hug her mother goodbye and kiss her father on the cheek. She had not spoken to him once since that night in front of the entrance to Gryffindor, when she told him that they had obviously gone their separate ways. He wrote her every day that summer and not once did she respond. It had been the darkest summer he could remember – at least since she had entered his life seven years ago.
Severus exhaled deeply then turned his attention back to his compartment, to the two idiots who were still going on about You-Know-Who.
"Even Severus has come to his senses and ditched the Mudblood," he caught Avery saying. "Finally gave her up as a bad job, eh Sev?"
All he wanted in that moment was to hex Avery's disgusting mouth right off of his face, but thought better of it. He had lost his only true friend and did not think it wise to go making enemies with members of his own house. Not when he had to deal with them on a daily basis. Instead he shrugged and grunted noncommittedly.
"You're better off, mate," Avery laughed as he threw his feet up on the seat right next to Severus. "I mean yeah, I guess she's attractive enough, if you could get over the stench of her dirty blood." Mulciber joined in with Avery's laugher. Severus was having a difficult time keeping his hands from shaking or from snarling at the pair of them. "But there's loads of proper witches you could sink your teeth into, right?"
If Avery had not stopped speaking soon, Severus did not know if he would had been able to contain himself. He started to recite the twelve uses of dragon's blood in his head to keep himself from murdering the dark haired boy in front of him.
"Ah, there she is now," Avery sneered and looked out of the compartment door.
Severus's head whipped around, and sure as anything, there was Lily standing in front of the door laughing with her friend, Emmeline Vance. She must not have known he was in the compartment she stood in front of, because when she turned and locked eyes with Severus, the smile quickly left her and he noticed a bit of color drain from her face. When Vance looked in the direction Lily was staring, her eyes narrowed; she tugged on Lily's arm and Severus heard her say, "Come on Lily. Let's go find somewhere less slimy."
"That blood-traitor bitch!" Avery hissed and pulled out his wand.
Severus' eyes widened. Although he couldn't have cared less if Avery cursed Vance, he knew that it would have made Lily unhappy. "Don't," he said forcefully.
"Why shouldn't I?" Avery sneered.
Severus rolled his eyes. "Because, you idiot. Evans is a Prefect. Do you really want to get a detention before the train has even left the station?"
Slowly, Avery stuck his wand back in the pocket of his robes. "I guess you're right."
The two boys glared at one another until Mulciber cleared his throat. "Exploding snap anyone?" he asked, assumingly attempting to ease the mounting tension. As much as Severus had not particularly liked him, he was grateful for the distraction.
"What? Oh yeah, sure," Avery agreed. "You in, Sev?"
Severus shook his head. "No. You two go on."
Mulciber shrugged. "Suit yourself."
As the two boys began their game, Severus took out his copy of Advanced Potions Making and started to read. Since he had nothing else to do over the summer, besides listen to his parents argue and watch his father increasingly become more inebriated with each day that passed, he spent almost all of his time with his nose in that book. The more he had been reading it, the more he was finding mistakes and inconsistencies with the steps for creating certain potions. Late at night, he had taken to experimenting and trying to come up with alternative methods for the potions that existed, as well as creating some of his own spells in the process. He worked at night, because he found it difficult to sleep, not due to a fear of being caught. His parents barely cared that he was living in the house, let alone if he actually performed underage magic.
The train rolled on throughout the country side on an exceptionally cloudy day. It was like the weather had read his mood and decided to duplicate it for all the world to see. Avery and Mulicber played a few games of Exploding Snap, talked more about The Dark Lord and their longing to join him after they were finished with school, and ate their way through almost the entire cart of sweets and cakes which rolled up late in the afternoon.
When they were about a half hour outside of Hogsmeade, Severus heard a commotion outside of their compartment, which was James Potter and Sirius Black. The two people he hated more than any other – besides perhaps his own father. They were both doubled over in laughter and he assumed some poor bloke was walking around with a head two sizes bigger than normal or something of the like. The sodding gits thought they were quite brilliant.
"Ugh, these two," Avery groaned while glaring out of the window. "What I wouldn't give to catch the pair of them alone sometime."
Mulicber nodded. Something they could all agree on, Severus thought. His blood boiled when he heard Potter call down the train. "Oi! Evans! In love with me yet?"
He felt bile slowly rise in his throat at the thought of Lily ever falling into the arms of James Potter. He shook his head to rid himself of the horrible image. No. Even though he and Lily were no longer friends, she had better sense than to wind up with that arrogant prat. Severus remember the way she had also shouted at Potter the day his world fell apart. There was nothing but loathing in her eyes. She wouldn't end up with him. She couldn't.
Without a second thought, Severus took his wand from his pocket and gave it a small wave. Suddenly Potter's trousers were around his ankles and he was left standing in the middle of the train in nothing but his shirt and his pants. He smirked, satisfied by hearing the loud roar of laughter erupt from most of the students scattered in different compartments.
Avery and Mulciber were in stitches. "Was – was that – you?" Mulciber said through his laughter.
Severus kept his eyes wide and innocent. "I have no idea what you're talking about."
Avery let out a loud laugh. "Sure you don't, Sev! That was bloody brilliant!"
Severus sat up just a bit straighter in his seat; he was extremely pleased with himself.
After Potter pulled his trousers back up, his red face turned in Severus' direction. His chest was heaving with anger. "SNAPE!" he roared and went for his wand.
Before he could get a spell from his mouth, he heard a girl scream from down the hallway. "JAMES POTTER! YOU PUT THAT AWAY RIGHT THIS INSTANT AND GET BACK INTO YOUR COMPARTMENT! YOU, TOO, SIRIUS BLACK!"
Severus couldn't keep the small smile from forming on his face. Lily did still sound like she hated James Potter, and that was all that he could ask out of life.
Before Potter and Black left, they turned towards Severus. "Don't think this is over, Snivelly!" Potter threatened. Severus rolled his eyes. Like he really expected to go a whole term without dealing with Potter or Black's antics anyhow. Even if he hadn't done that, they still would have found an excuse to torture him.
When the train arrived to Hogsmeade station, Severus exited with Avery and Mulciber and all found a carriage together. Severus was careful to avoid Black and Potter the whole way. He knew it was just a matter of time before they retaliated.
As he looked out the window, and saw the familiar landscape unveil in front of him, he again felt the longing and sadness take over. The sight of the castle, with its towers and turrets flickering in the distance, used to be a relief. It was his home; not that disgusting house he shared with two parents who neglected and abused him at Spinner's End. It was the place where he was able to be himself, laugh and share blissful moments with the one person he ever truly loved. But not this year. Even though he had had a few acquaintances, he was entirely alone. It was the first time in his young life that the sight of Hogwarts made him feel homesick. Not for his childhood home, but for the life he had once had inside the castle walls, and the grounds surrounding them.
It was bound to be a long two years until he graduated.
Avery and Mulicber expressed their excitement towards the upcoming year. They were now sixth years, which meant they had free hours instead of meaningless classes. No longer would they have to waste their time with something as pointless as Divination or Charms. Although, Mulciber did express his interest in continuing on with Care of Magical Creatures. Not because he was interested in taking care of the creatures, Merlin no. He always had a sick fetish for terrorizing and harming the things. It was a wonder Slughorn let him continue on with the subject at all, Severus thought.
As for Severus, he would still take on a full course load. He wasn't sure what he wanted to do after Hogwarts exactly, but he knew he wanted to do something that would earn him decent money, so he could leave his parents' house for good, and never look back. Professor Slughorn had really pushed for him to pursue a career as a Healer, due to his outstanding Potions and Defense Against the Dark Arts marks. But Severus wasn't sure that would be something of interest for him. He never cared much for the weak or the wounded. All of his life he had to fend for and take care of himself, he did not want to deal with fixing others for the rest of his life as well.
Finally the carriage arrived to the front gates, and he and the other students hurriedly made their way inside the castle. It had just begun to rain, and everyone ran hunched over, trying to remain dry.
Once inside, Severus stopped and dried himself off with his wand. He dawdled for a moment, thinking that maybe he could catch Lily on her way in and attempt to apologize once more. It was foolish for her to throw away years of friendship over a slip of his tongue. He did not mean it, and he just had to get her to see that he was truly sorry.
"Coming?" Avery asked, while Severus stood off to the side, letting the students pass by.
"Er – you two go ahead. I – I think I left something on the carriage," he lied.
"We'll save you a seat," Mulciber promised then the two of them mixed in with the crowed and left.
Severus' heart pounded, he knew that Lily most likely would not listen, but he had to try. He would never stop trying.
Slowly the crowd thinned out and Severus still had not seen Lily anywhere. He was determined to stay there all night if he had to, until he saw Potter and his gang of morons enter the castle and begin to walk his way. Not wanting to face them on his own, he decided he would just have to wait until after the feast and quickly walked towards the Great Hall.
When he got outside the doorway, he peered in towards the Gryffindor table. Maybe he had missed her? It was possible she entered the castle before him and was already seated with her friends. His eyes scanned up and down the table and he felt a surge of disappointment when not seeing her long red hair amongst the rest of the students.
And then, out of nowhere, someone roughly slammed into him, knocking the wind out of him and causing him to land face down on the ground. His things scattered everywhere.
"Oops! Sorry, Snivelly! Didn't see you there," Black called out with mock innocence.
He stayed perfectly still and tried to control his temper. Lily did not like when he dueled and he did not want to risk her catching him if he succumbed to turning his wand on the loathsome boy.
It took all of his strength not to blast them all into next week when he heard them laughing at his expense. Just an absolutely perfect way to begin the new school year, he thought. Stretched out on the floor like a rug. How he hated the lot of them.
With a feeling like ice water being doused upon his head, he realized that even if he wanted to reach for his wand he couldn't have. He noticed it laying just out of his reach on the floor. It seemed Potter had seen it as well.
"He probably slipped on the grease that's falling from his hair," Potter laughed as he kicked the wand away. Severus began to see red.
Severus' stomach dropped when he heard Lupin attempt to warn James of something and then heard Black's snarky remark before he took off into the Great Hall – Pettigrew and Lupin trailed behind.
Lily was coming, he was sure of it.
Then he heard her. Even though he was mortified at being caught on the floor, he couldn't deny the bit of pleasure that came over him, when hearing her shrieks of rage directed at Potter.
The imbecile stuttered as she berated him and Severus looked up with a smirk on his face, which quickly disappeared the moment she locked eyes with him.
Lily stopped mid-sentence. He watched her face void itself of all emotion, then she looked away.
"Oh… Never mind, James," she said coolly, causing his heart to constrict in the most painful way.
Without another word, Lily flipped her hair and hurried away from the pair of them. Both Severus and Potter stared open mouthed after her. Until the twit called her name and followed her like the dog he was.
Then she happened.
A voice spoke up next to him and caused him to jump. As much as he hated to admit it, it was very pleasant. Almost musical and very sweet.
"Let me help you," she said as she gathered some of his things with delicate looking hands.
It was the kindness in her voice that startled him as much as annoyed him. What was this girl playing at? Who was she? Didn't she realize he did not need nor want help from anyone? He could take care of himself, just as he always had.
When he looked into the girl's brown eyes, he felt as if she could see right through him; right into his broken soul. It made him uncomfortable and angry all at once. He felt exposed – a feeling he had not had in many months. As he briefly looked her over - her long dark hair, pink cheeks and full lips that turned up into a shy smile - he almost stopped breathing. His shattered heart, which felt as if it had not beaten in months, suddenly came alive with a vengeance. He could hear it pounding in his ears and his mouth went dry. Merlin, she was beautiful.
A/N - Here it is, the first actual chapter. :) This is going to be the only update for a while, since the rest of this will contain spoilers for Saving Severus Snape. So I don't really want to post much more until SSS is (almost) finished. What did you think of Snape's POV? I hope you all liked it and will find it in your hearts to forgive me for giving you just another small taste without a definite update in the near fututre. *hides* I actually had to cut quite a bit out of this and add it to chapter 2, so it didn't spoil the original story at all. Let me know what you think so far in that little box below! I would truly appreciate the feedback! *hugs*