Leah Clearwater Pov
26 years ago
I opened my eyes at the sound of my bedroom door closing and I groaned as the light from the window blindsided me.
I laid vertically across Jacob's chest with my hand on his stomach. Last night happened so fast that it seemed like a dream to me.
I lifted my head a little, glancing towards my door, then up to the top of my bed. Jacob, tan skin and wide short black bed hair, still sound asleep. I smiled, for the first time in our life we were intimate and it was amazing. He looked so adorable sleeping.
I slowly sat up carefully not to wake him, then noticing I was completely naked I held onto some of the covers, pulling them with me.
"You alright?" Jacob asks, suddenly awake, sitting up.
"Yeah, I'm fine." I said, running my hand through my tossed hair. We've never seen each other like this before, completely raw and vulnerable.
I feel very relaxed, like I spent the whole night at an expensive Spa. Physically, mentally and emotionally, I was alright.
"Are you sure?" He asked, worried as if I just got out of a hospital or something. "If you're sore you can let me know. alright?"
I sighed. How many times was he gonna ask me about my wellbeing?
"Yes! Mighty Alpha." I said sarcastically. "Honestly. My body and mind is just great. Don't worry too much." I say looking up at him.
He narrowed his eyes, wondering if I was lying.
"I'm not as weak as you think."
"I know that." He stated as if he wasn't aware of it at all. "I'm just checking."
"You don't have to. It's annoying, you're making me feel... .." I trailed off searching for the right word.
"Fragile?" He says.
With a sigh, I nod. "Yeah."
"Sorry, I know it's-"
"Annoying." I said cutting him off.
He sighed heavily, Then looked away from me ruefully.
"What?" I ask, not liking his regretful expression.
"Nothing." He muttered still not looking at me.
"Telling me." I said curiously as the irritating feeling wore thin.
When he smiled deeply towards me as if I said something beautiful, I kinda narrowed my eyes. "What?"
"I was just thinking about last night. How much ground we covered, couldn't think of a better homecoming." He smirked amused. "I actually thought you weren't going to continue to lie to me."
"Like everyone else?" I say. "Well ... you did ask for the truth." I clarified, continuing to hold on to the covers, as he glared ahead straight towards my barely empty closet. "I guess we did cover the most ground in like-"
"Ever!" He cut me off and I looked over at him.
Of course his deep brown eyes were gloating and very cocky. I bet five bucks and say that he thinks he has me wrapped around his finger.
"So... Do you have any more secrets I should know about?" He asked and I narrowed my eyes.
"Such as?" I asked..
Jacob laughed to himself. The most beautiful sound I've missed for five years. "Any past... riveting situations from college that I should know about?" He said, trying not to seem anxious.
He must have meant other 'guy' situations, as in dating.
I laughed, scooting up to him to lay my head on his bare warm masculine chest.. "No. It's safe to say for five years I haven't fallen over anyone." I smiled snuggling into him, as he wrapped his arms around me.
"Or... been intimate with anyone?" He wanted me to make it clear that I've been completely single and alone..
"No. The only thing that had any hot action from me was that parasite. Too bad there's no such thing as vampire compulsion for them, I would have taken that.." I mocked.
Jacob didn't respond. He just kept quiet, and I could tell that he hated me joking about that as much as Sue did.
Being raped by a bloodsucker was the last thing a sane person would joke about.
"There was this other guy. " I started wanting to mess with him.
"What other guy?" He said, frowning and slowly leaning his face to the top of my head.
"My roommate's cousin. His name was Javier, one night he slept over .. And we-"
"What?" Jacob said a little upset, which made me laugh. It was cute seeing him jealous.
"I'm kidding. I was actually sick that night, so he stayed and we watched television. Nothing sexual at all. He had a crush on me but somehow knew I was in love with someone else. Nothing ever happened." I grinned. "I just wanted to see what your reaction would be." I smiled, pulling him towards me, to kiss his cheek.
Jacob cleared his throat. "For a second I really thought you shagged some college dude." He said, smiling relieved, and reaching over to hold my hand in his.
"I really wish I was there to protect you from what happened. That attack." He says low.
"Yeah well you can't save me from all psycho leeches. They'll take whatever they want until they're killed." Even if he was in the room that day, he would've been able to protect me. "I was walking home, at night.. I was in the park and the bloodsucker could read my mind… he could know any defense tactic that could be used against him.." I say. "Besides, that day no longer bothers me, I don't have nightmares about being stalked anymore. You really shouldn't feel guilty." I say.
"Well I do, and It bothers me when you try to joke about it."
"Fine, but It's not your job to pity me. I don't want it." I stated.
"I don't. I mean I'm not."
"You are." I say.
"I think it's sad that you rather brush off what happened? You're not bulletproof Leah, you're human. It's fine if you feel ashamed. I know I would."
I sighed. "You're right, I just don't want to obsess over what I can't change."
"So that's what I'm doing? Obsessing?"
"In a way, Yeah." I stated. "Why do you think I'm joking about it?"
"Oh, I got it because we weren't supposed to find out in the first place?" He said let go of my hand. "You know, not everyone on the reservation can just can pretend as well as you can."
"Look, just drop it!" I said leaning away from him and moving over.
"Fine. Whatever." He said, shaking his head.
I sighed, rolling my eyes remorsefully.
I completely got what bothered him.
It was about me not wanting to tell them that I almost died and going through my attack alone and never telling anyone. That alone was confusing to him and Embry, then the fact that they had to hear what happened from Alice Cullen who wasn't aware that I would be in a vampires lair being tortured and experimented on.
I looked over at Jacob as he threw his head back against my pillow.
"What do you want me to do? Lash out? Be angry? Be that poor pathetic bitter girl again?" I stated.
"Yes, that's precisely what I want you to do." He mocked glaring up at the ceiling, like he had laser vision.
"Yeah, you would love that wouldn't you? Five years definitely haven't changed. Aren't you tired of going around and fixing the broken? You're so equipped."
"Whatever." He said he didn't want to argue with me.
I shook my head repentantly. "You're supposed to say.. 'I'm sorry Leah, I can't help acting unfurnished."
"I know I do." He retorted and I narrowed my eyes. "And I'm not equipped, I just care about you. I almost lost you completely and I had no idea. Don't you get that? How could you not tell me? How could you not speak to me for five years?" He stated. "I'm sorry, It just still hurts Leah."
I rolled my eyes. "I'm sorry." We said this all last night but it obviously takes more than one night to get through pain like this.
"We let our guard down last night, and it's going to be a struggle but I want you to trust in me again." He says ever so softly.
I smiled to him. "I want that too. Not matter how mind-boggling and nerve wracking last night was, telling you the truth on why I left the state and never came back made me feel so good." I admitted. "At one point I started to deny my feelings and salaciousness for you, but of course you weren't having it. That's how I knew it was time." I say, moving closer to him, collapsing on top of his ribs.
Everything was envisaged like he really spilled his guts out to me last night. If I wasn't the one who left to hide my true feelings I would've thought he was yearning for me, but it's obvious that that was just underneath. Thinking about how sensational he made me feel, it would really suck if he changed his mind about the thought of wanting me. Already knowing of how much overwhelming sorrow I would feel if another leech came into town and he did all he could to be with her. Now that would be tragic, yet forever in the back of my mind.
"It just never felt like my place was to be here."
"Leah, your place has always been right beside me. Not matter what insecurities we have or had." He says.
"I see that now." I said scooting myself up to his chest and laying my head underneath his chin.
"I love you." I says, kissing the top of my head and the butterflies in my stomach went crazy.
I waited so long for him to say those words. "I love you too." Those words were now easier to say out loud than to imagine in my mind.
Then out of nowhere I heard laughing coming from down stairs.
Jacob sighed. I tightened my arm around his waist.
"Great." He said placing his left arm on my lower back.
I slowly lifted my chin towards his neck. "What?" He could hear much better than I could at the moment because he's been shifting lately. I, on the other hand haven't been on four paws In years.
"They're talking about us." He inhaled heavily and I put my left hand on his chest.
"Everyone downstairs." He must have meant the Pack and our families, I sat up a bit to be face to face with him.
"What are they saying? Are they talking about how much you cried like a baby last night?" I said jokingly and he laughed.
"Cried? You were the one screaming half of the night." He smiled, leaning down to kiss my lips.
"Yeah, right. I don't remember that." I lied with a grin. His body with mine feel so good, I couldn't keep my excitement and pleasure in last night.
"No you wouldn't, would you? Good thing Sam wasn't here or he would've blushed with envy." He said with a hint of cockiness. I mean he did mention yesterday that it was okay for him to believe that me staying away so long was in fact because of Sam, or that he thought I wanted to join the council because Sam was on it. "Sam jealous?" I chuckled. "As if. He has Emily for that. Besides, neither one of us has feelings like that."
"You haven't been here in years, Leah. You have no idea what's gone on."
"You and Sam? What happened? You two bonded over my abandonment of both of your packs?" I say. When I left Sam's pack years ago to join his so many emotions were clouded, yet it was clear that when I also left his pack, Embry said that Sam was surprisingly hopeful that Jacob had did something to make me leave. Little did he know it was kind-of right, everyone know I just couldn't stand by and watch the person I loved be in love with someone else.
"Jacob, please don't have this pissing contest with Sam. You don't have to rub in the fact that you're once again above him." I stated.
"I don't have to try and rub anything in, Leah" He said feeling offensive. "We both grown from a lot of things, as least I think so." He says.
"I'm just happy that I can move on from him and you can move on from leech and her precious descendant." Even though he made it clear last night that he didn't care about any of them anymore I feel it's good to remind him that he was better off.
Jacob didn't say anything and I looked up at him. The expression on his face read he wasn't bothered by my comment. But I didn't want to mention them as much as he didn't want to think of Sam.
"You are truly over it right?" I ask. "I'm really trying hard to keep the bashing to a minimum but they were a huge part of why I went away and I need to know that that door is closed."
Jacob snored. "I get it. That door was burned down years ago. The Bloodsuckers are history, you haven't hit a nerve, just continue to tell me how you really feel. I can handle your sugarcoated insults. I told you yesterday, my feelings for Bella and Renesmee were another lifetime. They don't matter, so you don't have to walk on eggshells just because we slept together." He said as if that was the only reason.
"Trust me, I won't. I just need for this... us, to mean more to you than them." I confessed.
"Trust me, Leah. You are number one. Now and here on out."
"It's just the more I mention the bloodsuckers the more I prove they still bother." I say. "Your feelings are my feelings and they hurt just as bad. They did five years ago and they do now. After all this time, I need you to understand this." I stated.
Jacob cleared his throat, glaring deep into my eyes. "I hear what your saying Leah, and you can trust me." He said and I nodded as he kissed my cheek.
"So.. you and Sam had years to get close but what's the real reason you two don't talk?"
"I think you already know the answer to that." He stated.
"Actually... . I have know idea." I retorted, other than the fact that Sam was my past and I wanted Jacob to now be my future.
"Is it something you saw or something you overheard in his mind?" I asked hoping he'll answer me honestly.
"I don't know."
"That's not an answer."
"I can care less about Sam and his thoughts." He said.
"Look, if you want the truth... I can't give you that. All I can say is that you obviously saw something in him that was worth loving, so I'm not going say he wasn't good for you because I don't know as of now definitely not."
"So you're not holding anything against him?" I asked.
"So why don't you like him then? I mean you never did, but I wouldn't disregard you if you knew something that no one else knew." I said and waited for him to comment.
It was enormously clear that he was blaming our former Alpha for something. He took a deep breath. "This is stupid." He stated low merely to himself. "I rather just let all this go."
"Good, let whatever it is go and tell me." I say curious.
"You." He said and I leaned back a little to look at him confused.
"I'm talking about you." He retorted. "He thought about you way more than he did Emily. He thought after so long he could hide what he was thinking deep inside but he couldn't. I saw it, I saw it every time he entered the room. You're Sam's first love, Leah. He may never recover no matter how many children he has with Emily."
"Jacob, Sam may have been with me first but I'm his past."
"It's more than that." He says.
"How?" I asked, tilting my head, glaring at him.
"I don't know. Just think of it as how you felt when I was in love with Bella."
"That's different." I clarified.
"Only slightly. You were still jealous."
"No, I wasn't." I disagreed.
"Yes, you were. Bella might have been someone you hated and still hate but even back then, she had someone that you wanted. Me." He said with a shrug. "You wanted the devotion I had for her... you wanted someone like me.. to feel for you like I had for her."
I nodded. "Now, think of Sam Uley being you. Even though he has an imprint." I completely understood.
By Sam being downstairs right now, that means the pack is probably gossiping about me and Jacob in front of him.
"Anyway, I guess that's the thing. You coming back was too simple. Sometimes I forget exactly who I don't want to be, but then I turn around and be that guy." He said sadly looking away, and I was a little confused.
"A guy like who? A doormat that pleases everyone around him?" I ask.
"I'm not like him and it kills everyone." Jacob stated.
"Not me. I like who are. Thank heavens you're not like Sam. I don't love you because I think you're some kind of illusion that I made up in my head that's just like him. I don't want you to have to think on what Jacob Black should be turning into five years after Bella Swan or, three years after Renesmee Cullen." I stated. "Sam always does what's expected off him. You make your own choices and make up your own mind. I like that you know how to laugh and be happy. I don't want us to fall apart anymore because of the past. I don't know what it is that we're supposed to do about Sam's so called feelings of me but if you say that they're there. Then I'll take your word for it and keep it in mind while I'm here." I said honestly.
"You see?" He smiled. "This is what I know, and it never made any sense to step away from one another for so long."
"Well if we didn't then you couldn't have possibly decided on what it is that you needed or wanted."
"That was clear years ago." He stated.
"You mean three years ago when the imprint broke."
"No." He shook his head. "I knew before that. I had doubts... and maybe still do a little." He confessed slowly.
"Wait, why?" I was confused. "Why are you doubting anything? Especially after last night, and now."
"Because I need to hear you say it again." He whispered. "I want to hear you say it." He says, glaring into my eyes. "Just to make it clear." He grinned.
I nodded. "How clear do you want me to make it? Just to feed your ego.. alright, here it goes... I left because of you, and I came back and glad to finally get everything off my chest on who I felt." I stated.
"You should move in with me." He says and my eyes widen.
"Just hear me out." He leaned in.
"Oh, yes. I differently need you to explain this enormous question." I say amused.
"Yesterday you mentioned how much you didn't want to live with Sue and from what I see this room is small and I know I live an hour away but I want to get to know you again. I rarely come here to La Push, and I maybe move close now that Rebecca has went back to Hawaii. My Dad doesn't say it but I know he's lonely, I want to watch after him and be with you."
"Jacob, if we move in together than we'll be a real couple."
"Mmm-hm." He nodded. "What do you say? Come move to my apartment with me?"
I smiled. I literally just came back to town. Yet, I didn't want to say no or waste anymore time away from him. "You don't still snore do you?" I grinned.
He laughed. "Guess you'll have to find out. Though I should warn you.. I like to stay up late to workout before bed."
I sat up, getting on my knees and crawled on top of him. "That's alright with me, I like to stay up late too." Jacob looked at me confused, but he then leaned back as I lifted my leg over his body to straddle him and I then wrapped my arms around his neck.
"I know where I stand, I know what I want." I smirked.
"Is that a yes?" He ask.
"It's more of a hell yeah." I smiled. "When do you want to leave?"
"After we get some breakfast."
He was once clueless and didn't get it and I was the first to spot a wretch a mile away. Even when we were the leeches guard dogs, I swallowed my pride and stayed because Seth needed me, as did he. I was happy to breathe his air. "You don't know how many dreams I had of you reminding me that you loved me." I said leaning into him, and kissing his softly angelic lips. "Every inch of me felt I will always love you." I said nicely gripping a hand hold of his beautiful hair kissing him sweetly. "I can't wait to move in with you." I said gently placing my tongue playfully in his mouth, He groaned moving his hands to my hips.
He laughed blushing. "You know Leah Clearwater, everything about you is more beautiful than words could ever explain."
Jacob stared at me and I felt an intense pull for me to make love to him. He's so sexy when he gets all mushy and passionate-eyed.
I can tell by the alluring look in his eyes that he didn't care if I agreed to move in with him or not. He'd still be around. He was going to show me how much he wanted me in his life no matter what. Jacob leaned into me. I met him halfway. He smelt divine. My cold palms on his skin. His heat was warm and I felt like I was burning. Touching him was heaven. He moaned. I once dreamed of this moment with him.
This doesn't seem real, that we're finally here. Our kiss increased into something more desirable as our hands intertwined. He wanted me. If only he would've kissed me five years ago, then I definitely wouldn't have left.
"See, right here has always been your place. I've always needed you. I've always wanted you." He whispered pausing from our kiss.
He took his tongue beautifully caressing mine and I thought about how smooth and experienced he was, which made me want him even more. To think we both only had been with one person, but I shudder to think how many times he talked about spending nights with her. I moved closer into him, at the same time putting my hand to the back of his neck. Kissing him feels like eating my favorite food…. so unbelievably good. His hand on my cheek was exquisite, he was warmer than before.
I could feel the tickle of sweat dripping down my neck. I could feel the blood through my veins as if I was shifting. My legs trembled with urgency.
He moaned once more like before only now with a hint of a smile. He wanted me just as badly as I wanted him. I can sense it and so could he. He held me tightly. In his arms I feel whole. I remember every feeling i had calling his name in anger years ago, Feeling completely hopeless we'd ever reach this much of an understanding of each other. Back then I'm sure none of these emotions would have come to light. This moment had to be now. Me in his arms like this, It seemed like I had no worries that my petition would be fulfilled. To have him with me like no one had ever been before.
Never stopping for air, I pulled him into me wanting his composed warmth to take over this arousing feeling that I had. Jacob's hands passed over my waist. I shivered.
He groaned as if he was struggling to stop himself from doing something. Our body's were so close that I could feel him getting harder with every silent breath.
Smiling with fire on my tongue, trying not to break our kiss, I thought about how every second made me feel lukewarm, but if I were to stop kissing him I just might turn into an atomic bomb and explode.
His muscles tighten all around me. Being with him like this was brand new to me. Something I couldn't even dream of in my wildest fantasies.
If I could , I would pinch myself just to make sure this was actually real. His hot hands rubbed smoothly against my skin, and when I felt his tongue in my mouth once again, I sorta lost my concentration.
Jacob must have thought something was wrong because he pulled back, but I didn't want him to stop. "It's like we've been kissing for years."
The last thing I wanted was to stop. "Well let's do more than kiss."
I tightened my grip on his hair and shoved my tongue in his mouth. He leaned back involuntarily and I pulled him towards me.
I was nervous at first, but now I'm more confident knowing we can go as far as we'd like without any regrets.
I was getting a lot of pleasure with our makeout session, but all I really wanted was for him to make love to me again.
Kissing him was great, but I'm craving more of him. While running my hands through his hair, I rubbed my body against his. Not fast, but slow... really slow. Our bodies were talking and I liked it.
He whispered something that was hard for me to understand as I moved my tongue in and out of his mouth. In the hints of licking his lips teasingly, he grabbed my ass hard for me to stop killing his buzz. I laughed pulling him closer while he smiled.
I knew he wanted to lead but I was getting a bit restless.
"I can't believe I wasted five years away from this." I muttered rubbing my body against him again and he moaned loudly, but kept on kissing me.
He just seemed so delicate, like if I were to act on the insane lust that was shooting through me I wouldn't get the chance to feel his warmth.
"Someone's getting impatient?" He grinned.
Wonder how for so long he managed to stay single, or how in the world anyone would choose something cold and sparkly over him. When he tossed my shirt across the room, he brushed my hair back. Running his fingers through my roots… I tilted my head, closing my eyes. It felt so relaxing. I smiled, sighing with pleasure. I loved the way his hands felt in my hair. I should let him wash it for me from now on.
"You're so beautiful." He spoke in the most amazing mutter ever. I shuddered when I felt his smooth lips on my neck, kissing gently down towards my chest. When he reached my cleavage I knew that we were getting closer to what I was dying for. I sighed as he continued kissing down my chest, and worked his way back up to my shoulder, then neck.
I kept my eyes closed as his warm lips brushed against the now tiny scar on my throat, and I whispered his name. "I want you." I couldn't help saying it out loud.
When he slowly moved his lips to my ear and gently licked, then sucked my love I accidentally pulled his hair a little too hard.
I realized it didn't bother him as he continued to kiss my skin. "I love to enjoy this and then take my time making love to you." He says, and my heart was hammering.
"I don't think I can take much longer." I opened my eyes as then rolled us over so that he was lying on top of me.
Jacob's hand softly trailed down my stomach, I twisted my hands in his hair.
I stopped our kiss by rolling us over so that he was on his back and I was on top. Jacob looked at me confused.
"Relax. I'm just switching places." I smile seductively, putting my hands gently on his neck, kissing him and he instantly laughed amused.
Letting my guard down wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I kissed his collarbone sweetly and the heat from his body intensified.
He brushed his fingers across my nipples, and sucked down his neck. Jacob's eyes closed, as I made a cute little sexy noise against his skin.
I lowered my lips down towards his abs letting my tongue sweep over every line on his chest as possible.
Jacob tried hard to keep his sighs to a minimum while I caressed his body, but like most guys it won't take long before he just took over again.
I gripped his shaft gently, massaging my hand up and down and Jacob moaned.
The Big Bad Wolf loved it.
Suddenly, he rolled us over. "Are you trying to stop me from making you blush Black?" I said smirking and he didn't say anything as I looked up into those sexy dark brown eyes.
"Maybe.. or maybe I just want to please you first." Jacob leaned down towards me and I closed my eyes as our lips touched once again.
The kiss was sweeter than the first. He held my cheek and I eased his shaft between my thighs. Gently but fast, I gasped as his eyes never left mine.
Pick up his pace I moaned as he reached between us to massaged which now our wetness, not just mine. The fact that I haven't thought of using protection with him had me second guessing at the thought. "Jacob?"
"Yeah?" He whispered not stopping.
"Have you ever thought about ... babies?" I said and he paused. "I know last night we didn't have time to think on it but we have to think about our actions for now on."
"Then the question is... If I purposely impregnated you, would you be upset?"
Babies? So soon? I don't know if he snores or not.
"Purposely? Like on purpose?" He laughed. "Yes, that's what I mean."
"Jacob, I just got home. I can't get pregnant right now. I'm not working, and I just agreed to move in with you."
"Leah, calm down. I was just joking. I have enough self-control to pull from you before I cum. Alright?" He said too calmly kissing me then continued and I moaned into his mouth.
"Though just the thought, I'd love to have mini pups with you some day." I say fast, and Jacob leaned his head down to mine and kissed me harder than ever.