A/N: Someone thought I'd ship Jerza, so I watched the episodes/OVAs with even tiny little things about their relationship and I found that yes, I do ship it. Hard. In watching those episodes, I realized that everyone in Fairy Tail except the kiddies are lovable pervs. And that's where this comes from. I can't really offer any other explanation for whatever this is.

Someday I'll write something cute or smutty about Jerza, but now is not that time.

Mentioned pairings: Gajeel/Levy, Mira/Laxus, Bacchus/Cana (if drunk hookups count)

May be OOC since I haven't studiously watched a lot of Fairy Tail.

Disclaimer: I don't own Fairy Tail.


Cana Has Questions

(Or: How Wendy's pure mind was corrupted once and for all)

Zeref had been defeated, dark guilds were dwindling in number, and Fairy Tail had finally returned to some sense of normality. Somehow that meant Mira had been arranging more events. Wendy assumed that was because Mira knew it would be easier to set couples up now that there was no danger to keep the couples apart.

Tonight Mira had invited many of the girls she knew well for a girls' night at Fairy Hills. Wendy could tell Mira was looking for information about the progress of the couples she supported, but said nothing. She had no information of her own, so she would just enjoy the night of hanging out with the women she'd come to love as her sisters.

Right now they were all in the bathroom. Cana was drinking sake off a floating bamboo tray. Mira sat next to her, but was not partaking in any alcohol. Levy sat chin-deep across the pool and Juvia seemed to be nearly in heaven in the warm water. Lucy and Evergreen were still washing up. Wendy, having just entered puberty, was too embarrassed with her growing body to take her towel off. She sat on the side of the pool with her feet in the water while Mira tried to coax her in.

So far no one had said anything unusual or particularly embarrassing, but Cana was certainly getting drunk enough to start soon.

"Hey, Mira," Lucy asked. "Where's Erza? I thought she'd be here tonight."

"She went off on a job this morning," Mira stated. "So she couldn't come."

"Another one? She seems busy lately," Lucy moaned. "I swear, she's taking a new S-class mission almost every week! Is there an armor she wants or something?"

Juvia chipped in. "It seems she chooses the missions based on location. As soon as she gets home from one, she scours the board for missions in particular places."

"Really?" Lucy asked. She knew Erza had been turning down missions with her usual companions, but she thought it was simply due to Erza's desire to take on more S-class missions again.

"As soon as she gets back, Erza asks Juvia if Juvia's seen anything on the board near certain towns," Juvia explained to the now interested crowd.

"Come to think of it, her missions seem to be lining up with reports of Crime Sorciere's movements," Levy added. "I noticed it when I was cataloging new mission reports."

Before Mira could comment, Cana began to laugh. "So you're saying she's using missions as booty calls?"

Wendy seemed simultaneously taken aback and confused.

"So she and Jellal are finally a thing?" Lucy questioned.

Murmuring commenced, but no one seemed to have a definitive answer.

Wendy may have been younger than the rest of the girls, but she certainly wasn't naïve enough to not know what couples did alone. Her lessons with Porlyusica about birth control and midwifery had gone into enough detail for her to understand the basics of sex. Unfortunately, that knowledge did not lead her to understand the implications of what she'd seen happening before she told the girls about it. "Come to think about it, recently I've seen Jellal sneak into Erza's room a few times."

"Yep, they're totally doing it," Cana laughed out.

"Really?" Levy questioned Wendy. "She's breaking the rules? Of course she always manages to find Gajeel in my room and kicks him out."

"You and Gajeel?" Wendy asked. She hadn't realized the two of them were in a relationship.

"She was actually the first one out of those slackers," Cana said, indicating the other girls in the bath, "to lose her virginity."

Wendy blushed and turned away. That hadn't been what she was intending to ask. Unfortunately her face turned towards Levy's, which she found to have turned as red as her own.

"Not before Evergreen," Levy muttered out.

Evergreen nodded, almost with pride. Although she was dating Elfman, they'd tried to keep it quiet. Of course, it had come out one drunken night that she had had boyfriends before Elfman, so they assumed she wasn't a virgin. They weren't wrong.

Mira, despite her modeling career full of sexy photos, had a long dry spell after Lisanna disappeared. Before that, she had hooked up with a few different mages in her rebellious phase. No one but Erza knew about that, though, and she wasn't about to correct a drunk Cana.

"You gotta wonder what Erza's like in bed, though," Cana said. "You'd know what kinda dirty books she reads, Levy, spill."

"It's actually pretty vanilla stuff. Knights and princesses. The kinkiest thing about them is probably the scenes where the girl is about to get raped and the hero saves her," Levy said.

"Yeah, but who's the knight and who's the princess here?" Cana questioned Levy. A few of the other girls burst out laughing.

"I seem to recall from the Grand Magic Games that she owns a dominatrix outfit," Mira said, playing innocent.

"And she didn't seem too grossed out by you spanking her," Lucy added. "So maybe it goes both ways?"

Wendy was getting lost. She may have known the mechanics of sex, but everything that came with it was still a mystery. Considering what she'd heard so far, she wasn't sure she wanted to know.

"There's no way she'd peg him," Cana declared. "So I'd be she's the submissive one for most of it despite the dominatrix getup."

"Juvia agrees with Levy. Erza doesn't seem to like things that are too kinky from what Juvia's seen in her room," Juvia replied.

Evergreen, despite not knowing Erza as well as the others, finally had something to contribute. "But I'd believe she's tried anal," the woman added. "When I was out shopping I saw her getting a big thing of lubricant."

"I did anal with Bacchus while we were drunk, and we didn't use lube. That hurt for a few days," Cana said.

Mira pretended to have a slip of the tongue while thinking, even if she fully intended to spill the information. "She did say she had trouble staying wet enough sometimes."

"Doesn't mean she isn't getting a little back door action," Cana replied with a sly smile.

Lucy blanched at the suggestion. "Just because you are doesn't mean she is!"

"She told you that?" Levy asked.

"I started dating Laxus around the time that she started having sex with Jellal, so I figured we should go to Porlyusica's for a check-up together. She wouldn't have done it on her own," Mira explained.

Wendy had been there that day, but Porlyusica had kicked her out. Now she knew why. Despite the healer's tendency to spit things out, she apparently hasn't wanted to corrupt Wendy. Her guildmates had no such decency.

"I mean, did she say anything else?" Lucy asked.

"No," Mira said. "We were both entirely healthy. Although," Mira paused for dramatic effect, "She's not having her periods, so who knows if she can get pregnant."

"Unless she's already pregnant?" Cana said suggestively.

"This was months ago. We'd know if she was pregnant by now," Mira said. "I'd assume it's from all her training."

"Are you and Laxus trying then, Mira?" Juvia asked. Wendy swore she heard Juvia mutter something about getting pregnant with Gray's baby.

Mira shook her head. "Well, I'm not getting any younger!" Mira added her innocent giggle to the end.

Levy leaned to whisper into Lucy's ear, "Watch Erza get pregnant faster." They both laughed.

"So back to Erza," Cana said. Her words were beginning to slur. "We've established she likes spanking."

"Definitely sex in nature, though," Mira added. "Crime Sorciere is still rather nomadic, so they sleep in tents and caves."

"I've done it a few times. It's enjoyable as long as you have something between you and the ground," Evergreen added.

"I'll have to try it some time," Mira giggled. "Have you done it Levy?"

"No," she admitted, blushing. "Gajeel isn't as adventurous with different locations as you'd think. He's still afraid I'm so small that I'll break in half as it is…"

"Boohoo, Gajeel," Cana said. "He needs to be more adventurous. One night Bacchus managed to get me to black out in a drinking contest and we woke up naked in an alley so we did it a second time. The bricks scraped my back, but it was worth it. I could see Wendy trying that when she's older. If I had healing magic I'd do it again."

"I- I think I should go to bed." Wendy finally had it in her to attempt to leave, but Cana was somehow faster. She pulled Wendy into the water.

"Even if you don't understand half of what we're saying, you're the one that got this started!" Cana declared. "Or were you going to search Erza's room for hints?" Cana paused, as if her drunken accusation was a legitimately viable idea.

Lucy began to protest, but stopped herself. Erza had looked into her underwear drawer, so why shouldn't she get to look in Erza's.

Mira was similarly curious. Although she visited Erza quite frequently for girl talk, she had no idea what Erza may have kept from her. It was a good opportunity to know.

As Cana dragged Wendy out and put a fluffy robe on her, Lucy, Mira, and Levy followed to the changing room. They all quickly dried off, eager to go into Titania's room.

"Are you coming, Evergreen?" Wendy asked innocently, hoping she'd have someone to stay with that wasn't likely to look around too much.

"I think I need a bit more of a soak," she said. In truth, she didn't want to get involved in this. She knew that Erza's current job was in Magnolia, so the mage would be returning for bed if she wasn't back already. How Mira didn't know this was a mystery.

Nonetheless, when Cana and company opened Erza's door the room was empty.

The rooms, as expected, were filled with armor. They couldn't find anything even slightly incriminating except for the tutu Natsu had gifted Erza. Unfortunately, they all knew the story behind that one, so there was nothing to be said.

As soon as they'd gotten to the last room – the bedroom – Cana began to search around. The other girls watched in horror as she started rifling through the bedside drawer. She quickly pulled a pack of condoms out of the bedside drawer. Her laugh grew as she pulled a small vibrator out.

"Considering how much she leaves to see Jellal, I'm surprised she needs this at all," Cana said, turning it on.

Seeing the confusion on Wendy's face, Levy began to whisper in her ear. "You use that to help make yourself feel better," she said. While she didn't want poor Wendy to be entirely left out, she felt she needed caution in telling her too much. She was sure Wendy was already scarred.

Wendy nodded, seeming a bit grossed out.

"That's disappointing!" Cana grumbled. "So vanilla. She doesn't even have flavored lube or condoms…"

Mira and Lucy had long since went into Erza's closet. To get back at Erza for the mage's past transgressions, Lucy went into Erza's underwear drawer.

"She doesn't seem to have anything risqué in here at all," Lucy said. "Then again, she doesn't seem to have a lot of pairs, so maybe she goes commando some days?"

Cana leaned over Lucy's shoulder. "Who would've thought Erza would be so boring?" She turned to Mira.

"Maybe Erza's into cosplay or role playing?" Mira suggested as she thumbed through Erza's extensive collection of bunny and cat girl outfits. There were also a few gothic Lolita dresses and character costumes. Hidden in the middle of the rack was the bondage costume she wore at the Grand Magic Games.

Cana began to inspect the various costumes, "It's possible. Some of her armors are fetish fuel. I wonder if she uses that for lingerie?"

"Wait! Cana! Come look at this!" Lucy said, almost in disbelief. She held up a pair of handcuffs and a length of rope.

Mira, Levy, and Cana came up behind her, curious to see what Lucy had found. Wendy stood back, frightened. She swore she heard a noise coming from Erza's room.

"Where'd you pull this from?" Cana asked, grabbing the evidence out of Lucy's hands.

"Hidden in her underwear drawer," Lucy told her. Cana gave the rope and handcuffs back to start searching for herself.

"Lookie here," she declared, holding up a few pairs of seemingly Jellal-sized boxers. She opened up the other drawers, only to find one full with men's pajamas, sweatpants, and casual clothes. "So I guess Jellal does come here enough." Levy raised her eyebrows.

Wendy tried to ask the girls to quiet down, so she could check if she really was hearing things outside the closet. Sure enough, she heard a small moan. She tried to signal to the other girls to warn them that someone was in there, but they didn't stop their quest through Erza's drawer.

"Ah, Jellal!" Erza's voice came through the door. Another moan came through. Wendy wondered if it was smart to leave while she still could show some excuse or if she should wait until they were done. She quickly decided that she didn't want to be any more scarred that day, so she slipped out of the closet and covered her eyes.

Outside Jellal and Erza turned to Wendy.

"W- Wendy! I didn't hear you," Erza said shakily. Wendy opened her eyes, revealing that both Jellal and Erza were dressed.

"I- it's nice to see you, Erza, Jellal," Wendy said sheepishly. "I'm sorry I interrupted you. I'll be going now. Good night."

"It's unusual to see you here," Erza said. "Did you need something?"

Wendy paused. How was she going to excuse this? How could she even look at Erza after all she'd heard that night? "I was wondering if you had any extra sheets," she asked innocently.

Erza, though slightly annoyed at the cockblock, knew that sometimes Wendy needed extra sheets. It used to be because of her tendency to sweat profusely during nightmares, but that problem had long since gone. Erza didn't press any further, knowing it might be a more embarrassing problem that had crept up with puberty. Still, Wendy hadn't asked for sheets for a long time, and that made Erza a bit suspicious.

She turned back to Jellal and nodded. "Why don't you get comfortable? I'll be back in a minute."

Wendy saw Jellal hang his coat up on a hook and put his armor on a chair. In the next room his cloak was thrown onto the couch. She was distracted by it and almost walked into Erza's back as Erza stopped at a linen closet built into the wall. She grabbed a set of plain white sheets and gave them to Wendy. Titania gave Wendy a small smile. "If you need sheets again, they're in here. Don't be afraid to ask for anything else," Erza said.

Erza had a soft spot for Wendy, so she offered the girl help beyond what Fairy Hills's matron normally would. That didn't mean she wasn't still anxious to get back to Jellal.

"Good night, Wendy," she said, closing the door as Wendy left for her own room.

"Good night, Erza," Wendy replied through the door. She didn't dare tell Erza about the others in her closet. She also didn't dare think about anything she'd heard coming out of the other girls' mouths that night. She'd heard lot, and she wasn't sure she had any desire to remember any of it. Maybe she could beg Doranbolt to erase her memories. Then again, that would mean she would have to tell him what happened. Wendy nixed that idea immediately and mulled over solutions on her way back to her apartment.

Erza returned to her room. Jellal had left his shirt and pants on, which disappointed Erza. She immediately exquipped out of her clothing, leaving herself naked in front of him, and walked over towards him. She liked wearing costumes for him, but she wasn't in the mood to wait today. Her lips crashed against his for a sloppy kiss and she pushed him to the bed.

Inside the closet, Mira was looking through the keyhole watching the couple.

"Are they doing anything?" Levy asked, curious.

"It sounds pretty vanilla – just kissing," Lucy whispered.

"Get out of my way! I need to see," Cana said harshly, pushing Mira to the side.

Jellal stopped kissing Erza to whisper in her ear. "Someone's in your closet." He nipped her earlobe in case whoever was in the closet could see them. He didn't want to tip them off.

"Let them stay there," Erza whispered back. She helped him undress and they continued their rather clumsy ministrations.

"Man, they're boring," Cana lamented. "All that speculation for nothing!"

Lucy and Levy, now regretting their decision to follow Cana and Mira, moved away from the door and crawled to the back wall of the walk-in closet.

Jellal heard this, and was tempted to show her that she was wrong, but chose to focus his attention solely on Erza. They managed to continue until they came, hiding their mutual embarrassment at the situation. Jellal attempted to wrap his arms around her for their usual post-sex snuggles before both took their turns in the bathroom. To his surprise, Erza was already out of bed and requipped into her pajamas. If she hadn't been opposed to the crowd in her closet before, she certainly was now.

Erza stomped over to the door, forced it open, and glared at the four mages in her closet. She didn't say anything, instead opening a drawer to grab Jellal a pair of sweatpants. She placed them on the bed next to where Jellal was lying under the covers.

"Out," she sternly told the other girls.

"So being watched is your fetish?" Cana asked her.

"No. I had been cockblocked once tonight and it wasn't about to happen again," Erza explained, as if that explained anything. She may not have had any modesty around her guildmates, but they didn't think she'd go this far as to have sex in front of them.

"It wasn't that hot anyways," Cana informed her. "I expected you to be all into bondage or something. You're just into the boring stuff." Obviously she hadn't sobered up enough get out of her perverted mindset.

Erza glared at Mira. "Did you get her on to that idea?"

"No," Mira said.

"I know that's your thing anyways," Erza said with attack.

Levy had snuck out of the room while Lucy watched Jellal's face. It remained stoic despite the red flush tinting it.

"Wait," Erza paused. "Is this what this is about? You were trying to figure out what my fetishes were?"

Mira kept a smile on her face. Lucy looked horrified. Cana nodded.

"Why wouldn't we?"

Erza stared at her, dumbfounded, but not entirely motivated to do anything. Lucy and Mira backed out of the room while Cana followed them out, closing the door behind her.

As soon as the door closed, Mira leaned over into Cana's ear. "What you were looking for is in her exquip space."

"How do you know?" Cana asked.

"I know she has the stuff you want to know about, and if it's not in her room, it has to be there," she said with a smile and walked off.

Cana considered going back to confront Erza about it, but even she was sober enough to know it wasn't a good idea. Some day she would find out.


After a stop in the bathroom, Erza went under the covers to snuggle with Jellal, happy just to have him there for another night. Although she wouldn't admit it, having her friends watch was an experiment for her. She didn't end up liking it, but if Jellal went along, he had to have some adventure in him. Her mouth curled into a sly smile as she nuzzled her head against his chest and fell asleep. Oh, did she have a lot she wanted to try with him now.


A/N: I think Erza and Jellal are total dorks in bed. They both get really embarrassed easily around each other in even mildly sexual situations and considering the emotional baggage I'd bet they wouldn't get too adventurous in bed too fast. Instead, it's my headcanon that they have sex like adorable embarrassed virgins for a while before they get the hang of it. So here while everyone's expecting the two to be really adventurous they're still being adorkable.

I might do the FT guys speculating about the same thing with naïve Natsu actually asking the confused questions, but Idk if I'm currently motivated enough for that.