Created 3-18-00 Finished 3-18-00

The Cat on the Dovrefell

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FF7 does not belong to me. Neither does the original script of the Cat on the Dovrefell.

I created this when I was but a fledgling fanfic writer, and under the influence of sparkling cider. I post these now, three years later, and laugh heartily at my rather silly attempts at storytelling. Still, they have entertainment value-that's good enough reason for posting them, right?

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Once upon a time on Christmas Eve, a pilot named Cid Highwind caught a great red beast with a scarred eye and tattoos on its flanks. Looping a leash around the creature's neck, he set off for his friend Cloud's house. He knocked on the door of Cloud's inn, calling out in a loud voice, "Yo! Cloud! It's me, Cid! Let me in, it's $%^&* freezing out here!"

Cloud opened the door and told Cid to come in. "Cid! It's great to see you. Been a while."

"Yeah." Cid nodded, lighting a cigarette. "Say, buddy ole' pal, can I stay for the night?" He looked at the table to his left and saw that it was laden with food. His mouth began to water and his stomach growled.

"I wish you could, I really wish you could, but the truth is that every Christmas Eve, a pack of Tonberries come into the house and wreck everything. There are too many to fight off, so we all have to run for our lives. That's why we leave the food out-so they won't come after us. Sorry . . . "

To Cloud's surprise, Cid threw his head back and laughed. "Oh, is that all? Don't worry-when I'm done with 'em, the @#%^ monsters won't come back. Just lemme have the side room and you stay up in your room with yer wife and kids."

Having said that, Cid tied the great red beast to one of the legs of the stove and left him there. He made sure the leash was loose.

"Have fun, old boy." Cid patted the beast familiarly on the nose. The beast twitched its tail, but did not even growl. Instead, it merely closed its eyes and put its head down on its paws. At once it went to sleep.

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Later that night, with a howl of wind and a great hoot, Tonberries crashed through the door of the house and jumped on the table, eating furiously. One of them, seeing the red beast sleeping underneath the stove, grabbed a sausage and stuck it on a fork. Hopping off the table, the Tonberry rudely poked the sausage on the beast's sensitive nose, screaming "Kitty, will you have some sausage?!"

The animal, so rudely awakened, jumped up with a snort of annoyance and blinked a few times. As it took in the scene of destruction and the annoying racket, it snarled before letting out an earthshaking roar that caught all the Tonberries' attention. Then, crouching low, the animal sprang free of its leash. The Tonberries shrieked in fear.

In the closet by the dining room, Cloud and his family stayed in terrified silence as unearthly shrieks and snarls resounded in the adjoining room.

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The next day, Cloud went out to chop some wood in the forest since the wood stove running low on fuel. As he lifted his sword to cleave a huge tree, he nearly jumped out of his skin as a Tonberry popped out of the woods, asking him shrilly, "Cloud Strife, Cloud Strife, have you got your big cat with you still?"

Cloud grinned. Being the keen swordsman he was, he sensed an opening. "Yes, I do, and now she has seven more kittens, each bigger and fiercer than she is."

"Well in that case we'll never come to visit you again!" The Tonberry shrieked, running away.

The End

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A/N: Does anybody know what the heck a dovrefell is? It was in the original title of the story, so I left it there, but . . . damn! What IS it!?

Just so you know, I had an unspeakable amount of fun writing this thing . . . I hate those damn Tonberries, I really do. Them and their little knives . . . grr.

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