Here we are again. This time I decided to try my hand at crack. It's weird, and far from my best, but maybe you guys will enjoy. Stranger things have happened. The premise was built in a discussion over at /r/RWBY, and I had some ideas for it, so I decided 'why the hell not?'

This is set after V3, with quite a few divergences from canon. See if you can spot them.


1. Coffee with her old nemesis

"So, I finally get to meet your girlfriend?" Ruby was ecstatic, skipping in her step from joy. It had been months since her sister had found a match, and still they hadn't been introduced. She had long started imagining what the woman would be like. Drop-dead gorgeous and mature or a playful trickster like the blonde herself, she couldn't decide.

"Oh come on, Rubes, chill for a second." Yang was really not as excited about the upcoming date. There were so many things that could go wrong, and she was sure they would all come to pass. The brawler was generally an upbeat and optimistic person, but this meeting had disaster written all over it. She'd only agreed to it because she had practically been strong-armed into it. "But yes, only a bit further along."

The red-hooded huntress squealed in delight, trying to hurry her sibling's pace. Her curiosity was gnawing at her mind, unable to contain the need to know. Stopping for a second, she cleared her throat and decided upon a much composed walk, almost lady-like, one that would've made Weiss proud. She had been waiting for this event for so long, and there was no way she was going to ruin it. It was her dear sister's heart, and she wouldn't dare to put it at risk.

Crossing the street, they proceeded to turn a corner through the alleyways of Vale. The morning was quiet, most people at work since it was a regular work day, trying to recover from the disasters that had terrorized the city not long ago. Luckily the staff at Beacon were still fighting for control of the school, which gave the hunters and huntresses-in-training a much needed break, making the upcoming gathering a possibility.

At long last reaching the agreed establishment, Ruby looked at the establishment they were approaching. It was a small coffee shop that doubled as a bakery, something Yang had probably planned for – they were known for their mean strawberry cookies – with some tables set up outsides, allowing the costumers to enjoy their breakfast under the protection of cute little pink umbrellas.

The scythe-wielder silently nodded in approval of the place. But before she could notice the people who sat by the store's front, she heard a voice that chilled her spine.

"Red?"

Without second thought, she grabbed the weapon packed behind her back, and unleashed it into scythe form. Following the recognizable sound, she spotted a ginger man dressed in white, who too looked incredibly displeasured, pointing his cane at her menacingly. At his side was a short girl with brown and pink hair, sitting casually like the scene didn't bother her at all.

"Roman… and your lackey. What are you doing here?" Ruby was trying to be imposing, but her diminutive size and high pitched voice were making it very hard. Of all the things she'd envisioned for the day, finding a notorious criminal mastermind was low on the list. And now Yang's date was ruined for sure.

"I'm meeting someone. Innocent stuff, I promise. No need to go all huntress on me, darling. How about we agree to part ways without a fight? I'd hate to wipe the floor with you like last time, my suit just came back from dry cleaning."

"No way, you're going down today. Right, Yang?"

She looked over to her sibling, and was dumbstruck to see that she wasn't in any form of battle stance. She hadn't retracted her gauntlets, she wasn't even looking at the enemy. Yang was staring at Ruby with an expression mixed between sadness and embarrassment.

"Actually, Ruby… They're the ones we came to meet." The speedster couldn't make sense of the words coming her way, looking more and more confused. "You wanted to meet my girlfriend, well… there she is."

Her sniper-trained eyes followed the direction her sister was pointing, and fell on the short girl by Torchwick's side, who now had an amused smile on her lips.

"I don't get it. Is she behind Neo?" She asked innocently.

"She IS Neo, Ruby…"

Their conversation was interrupted by one very upset red-haired man.

"This has got to be a joke. No, this is another of Mercury's pranks, I just know it." His partner grabbed his arm, and traded a glance with him that voiced more than words ever could. He stopped yelling, but by no means did he settle down. "You're serious? Neo, sweetheart, for the love of Oum, of all the pretty girls you could have, you went and picked the devil's sister?"

She shrugged nonchalantly, and smiled at the blonde, who was still deciding how to handle her time bomb of a sibling.

Ruby kept looking at Neo, then at Yang, and back again, failing to make coherent sounds leave her mouth. Her sister opted for grabbing her shoulders tight, lowering herself slightly and whispering an explanation.

"I know this is a lot to take in, but I'm serious. She's the one I've been dating this whole time. And I really want you guys to get along, so please, please, can you behave?"

The dark-haired girl swallowed hard and nodded. She had promised she wouldn't do anything to compromise the event, and she still meant it. She could tell it was important for the brawler.

"Same goes for you, Roman. No funny business."

"Hey don't look at me, I'm not the one with a body-part slicing death machine in my hands."

Taking the hint, the silver-eyed girl collapsed her weapon and returned it to her back. Then, she took a seat across from the sharply-dressed man, allowing her sister to sit next to Neo. Yang extended her hand towards her girlfriend's, in a strangely strong grip. Ruby couldn't decide if they were intertwining fingers or arm-wrestling, which was, in truth, oddly fitting for those two.

Roman was the one to break the silence.

"All right, you got me curious now, how the hell did this happen?"

"After the battle of Beacon, we went back to Patch. Ruby, you were still recovering from whatever happened at the tower, and one day… I was training outside, and Neo just kinda… floated into our backyard on that puny little umbrella she calls a weapon." The blonde threw her tongue out at the multi-colored girl, who only rolled her eyes, with an unspoken promise for later payback.

"We fought, obviously. Oh dear Oum, did we fight. She was tired, famished, I think she might've been drifting around the air for days, but she was still quite the opponent. But in the end, I won, obviously." She interrupted the monologue to give a proud and confident smile, flexing her free arm to show her bulging muscles, before continuing.

"I couldn't take her out, it's hard to kill something that looks so adorable. So I gave her some food and sent her away, warning her of the ass-wiping she'd get if she ever returned. But she came back the next day. We fought again, this time we came to a standstill, and we rematched every day for a week. It was nice to get to fight someone my level, keeping the blood flowing. Until one time, we just got tired of fighting, and we…" Yang managed to stop herself just before the saucy part, remembering her innocent under-aged sister hearing the whole thing. "...yanged."

"Oh gross, sis. I was even in the house!" Ruby shivered at the mental image.

"You were unconscious! Also, trust me, I skipped the 'gross' details. And there were many, believe you me." She nearly purred those last words, staring seductively at the pink-haired girl. "After you woke up, and she found Torchwick, it became harder to meet up. Which reminds me, Roman, Rubes said you got eaten by a gryphon and exploded, how did you survive that?"

He shrugged and simply said "Aura." When the glares his way made clear it wasn't enough, he was forced to continue.

"Grimm apparently aren't too fond of chewing their food. His entrails mostly protected me from the explosion, though it took forever to get the smell off my clothes. And that beast owes me a new hat, the fiend."

Neo patted him on the back, trying to console the sorrow of losing his favorite accessory. Satisfied with the explanation, the brawler took to finishing her story.

"It turns out that since someone froze Cinder to the top of the CCT, they don't have to keep working for her, so they managed to stick around."

"Don't expect any thanks, Red."

Roman received a quick look from his short partner, and though Ruby couldn't see it, it was clear he was terrified by what he saw. Neo really could be intimidating when she wanted to. He didn't delay in correcting his prior statement.

"Ahem. Thanks, Ruby."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. There's something I'm curious about. How do you two, you know… talk?"

Yang smiled coyly. "We have our ways…"

Roman cut in, seeming almost startled.

"Wait, you figured out too how to..." He didn't finish, and there was an exchange of glances between him and the blonde. They reached a conclusion without saying anything, and pretended nothing had happened, to the red-hooded huntress' great dismay.

"What? How do you do it? Does she write or something, come on, tell me!" The entire table laughed, and no one responded.

Instead, the conversation was switched to a different topic, and the rest of the date went uneventfully. Ruby was on her best behavior, trying to get past the fact that her sister was dating a fun-sized sociopath, and she was having coffee with her old nemesis, the man who had started her journey in Beacon.

When they parted ways, she breathed in relief of being released from the grip of the company she was in. It was going to take a lot of getting used before she could properly process her sister's new relationship. Luckily she didn't think she would have to see either of them again so soon.

Oh, how she was wrong...


So, hum, yeah. That happened.

In case you didn't notice, Yang still has both arms and Cinder is stuck with Kevin. What that means in the larger picture, I'll let you figure that out for yourselves. There will be more clues in future chapters.

I'm not sure how I feel about this one, but oh well, I hope you enjoyed it.