CHAPTER 3: THE ELSA RAP
karkat was kind of freaking out after brutally murdering anna. "OH FH FUCK OH FUCK OH FUCK SHIT SHIT DAMN FUCK HELL FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKFFUFCKFFCFKUUCUGFKUCFKUCKUFUKUKDUCFKKFKUFUKFKUCKUFKUCFUKFUK!"
but then he looked at annas body with the knife on her pregnency belly and realized something scary: IT WAS JUST A RABOT.
or wait, that was actually a GOOD thing, because of he didnt really murder anybody.
"NICE FUCKING TRY, JUSTICE SYSTEM OF THIS BULLSHIT KINGDOM, BUT I AM NOT GOING TO THE SLAMMER YET", the troll said reliefly.
but sudenly, a very manly and hard boiled voice said: "yo"
karkat turned around and there was a vaguely swedish looking man in a trech coat and fedora. he was smoking a cig and investigating potential evidence with a looking glass, and also drinking beer because he was super depressed and his daughter didnt love him and his wife had died in a horse accident.
"im kurt wallander from ardelias police force and youre fucking going to the slammer, dude", he said and blew some smoke on karkats face.
"WHAT THE ABSOLUTE FUCK? I HAVE NOT COMMITTED A CRIME UNLESS KILLING THOSE CREEPY-AS-HELL SEXBOTS IS ILLEGAL, AND THEY EVEN DO IT FUCKING THEMSELVES!"
"dude im not the crime professional here oh wait i am yeah youre going to jail bro", said wallander and took some ICE STEEL handcuffs out of his pocket.
"FUCK YOU! I AM NOT WEARING THOSE, AND I AM NOT FUCKING GOING TO JAIL!"
"calm down dude or youll get charges for annoying ardelias police force", wallander sighed. "yeah thats a real law. fucked up but true. this goddamn country has no sense of justice but enough of that lets go"
"NO! FUUUCCCKKKKK YOUUUU!"
"dude lets not make this a problem just put them on...
"STOP TOUCHING ME!"
"yeah thats right then the other arm"
"no not a leg what the hell"
"FUCKING STOP TOUCHING ME THIS INSTANT OR I WILL FUCKING KILL YOU! I HAVE NOT EVEN COMMITTED ANY CRIMES!"
"dude you clearly planned a murder and just accidentally killed a robot"
"NO! FUUUCCCKKKING STOP!"
"ok thats done lets go"
and then wallander dragged his angry prisoner out.
elsa smiled and looked at gunillas HUGE BOOBS. wow, they were so huge, elsa wanted to calculate their radius (get a grip elsa, it was already said last chapter) but instead of physically just by touching them, and measuring, i guess. thats not good science elsa.
but elsa didnt care about science. or maybe she did, but not now. but did she ever, because her absurd "science" was p much just magic and there fore kind of NOT SCIENCE maybe? i forgot the point i was making, expect that magic is NOT science, even if lesbian queens tell you other wise
"toucsh my boobs you bastard!" elsa screamed hard. gunilla obeyed because she was a maid and there fore had to. elsas boobs were fairly big (radius almost 0.2m), but not THAT big. elsa had thought about axing dumledore about breats enlargement surgery magic, but had not yet
gunilla touched elsas boobs and elsa moaned sexily. "do it a gain my slave!" elsa commanded and gunilla did it again, and elsa moaned prety hard. it was getting boring, so elsa commanded gunilla to repeatedly charge into her head with her boobs, which was pretty hot and sexy.
in the room there were two annabots. elsa didnt command them to join because she felt bad about cheating on her, altough both queens had robot sex every day, but it was different because the robots were them, or ICE STEEL versions of them, i guess. and it was some how different? idk tho, maybe sexxing with somebodys elses robots WOULD be bad, if the robots were intelligent. were the elsannabots intelligent? i guess the only thing they do is have sex, which elsa and anna also do a lot, so i guess the robots are pretty much like them, and there fore like ACTUAL HUMAN BEINGs (but not literally), so there fore robot sex WOULD be baddd! but elsa and anna didnt really care, because all they cared about is sex, and pancakes, and doritos ,and sciecen, though it was mostly magic anyway
BUT THE POINT HERE IS THAT: elsa and gunilla were having sex. elsas boobs were in gunillas vag, and gunilla was licking elsas toes. and gunillas boobs were on elsas face. and gunillas hands were in elsas vag. and they moved the various body parts and boobies and it was HOT! and they came many times, and started again. SHO. HOT. AND. SEXYY! god damn, elsa was ALMOST enjoying herself as much as with anna, but with anna she could do bdsm and torture and decapitation, so maybe not anyways.
"aahhhhhhhhhahaahhaahh", elsa moaned.
"ohohohohohohohohohoohohohohhoo", gunilla screamed.
"hhuuuuuuuuhhhh", elsa came.
"youre SO FRICKING SEXY", gunilla said and came.
"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING HAVING SEX WITH MY LESBIEN QUEEN LOVER HOLY SHIT FUCKING JESUS DICK WHAAATTTT?" anna screamed.
elsa and gunilla stopped and quickly put their cloths on, but anna had already seen everything, and everything was ELSA CHEATING ON HER WIFE, holy shit.
"anna i can explain", elsa sobbed sadly.
"OK THEN EXPALIN OR I WILL FUCKING KILL YOU AND YOUR BABY AND MY BABY WITCH IS YOU!" anna cried and screamed and threw tantrums and broke a fireplace in the house.
"ok, ill explain the only way i know..." elsa said... "through song! by wich i mean RAP"
"ok this gonna be good", anna said and sit down, ready to KILL if elsa was being an asshole.
AND ELSA SANG:
anna let me break it down like this for you
there once was a violet bdsm queen
whose violence destroyed somebodys spleen
the pans of a girl who baked doritos and cakes
causing children to have/ smiles on their faces
but their sex life was weak
together - with gunilla
there was an evolution
they met on the hall and there was some sex
like eating very good tex mex
they sexed each other withouth lubes
they promised to be each others baby mommy mommy babies
but now theyre both caught in their lies
their fingers in another persons pies
guilty of another person's scabies
heart to heart
dont treat me like a fool
i may have cheated
but shell get beaten
so let be your baby mommy too
anna was speechless, and the lack of speech was because she thought the rap was SUPER GOOD and elsas motives were really understandable.
"ok ill let you be my baby mommy if we can kill her!" anna said. "i totally understand you wanted to solve the problems in our sex lifes, by CHEATING."
"hope that wasnt sacrasm", elsa thought. "ok gunilla REST IN PIECES IM GONNA KNIFE YOU TO YOUR FACE!"
"noooo wait", gunilla cried, "it wasnt even me who started it!"
"it doesnt matter, you seduced me with your existence and there fore everytying is YOUR FAULT", elsa screamed and stabed gunilla in the face.
"lets go have make out sex", anna sugested and they left the body lie there.
but in the hall way, elsa sudenly remembeered the mysterious time travel babies. "hey anna! i now suddenly remember that some babies mysteriously time traveled here, and theyre there."
anna looked at the babies laying on the floor. "wow, they look like us."
"dumledore said that they could be our baby past sleves", elsa said. "lets take care of them or bad things may happen"
"good idea", said anna, "but first, DORIDTOES & SEXXXX TIME!"
and the in ardelias police forces prison karkat was ALMOST done with his huge rant, as kurt wallander dragged him into the prison.
"... AND HOW THE HELL DID YOU APPEAR CLOSE TO FIVE SECONDS AFTER THE 'CRIME', WHICH REALLY ISN'T A FUCKING CRIME, HAPPENED? THIS ARREST ISN'T LEGITIMATE, FUCK YOU AND FUCK THE ENTIRE FUCKING JUSTICE SYSTEM OF THIS KINGDOM OF ASSHOLES WHO KNOW NOTHING ABOUT THINGS SUCH AS 'NOT HAVING STUPID LAWS' AND 'NOT MASTURBATING TO LESBIAN MURDERSEXBOTS EVERY FUCKING DAY'!"
"bro are you finished with that rant now", kurt wallander axed and threw karkat into the prison, causing him to release several hundread new swear words.
"and also, by the way, theres a simple explaination for why i appeared so fast"
"AND WHAT THE HELL IS IT?"
"i came as fast as i could."
this caused karkat to scream and swear some more, and kurt wallander to leave because he didnt want to die of being screamed at VERY HARD.
NEXT CHAPTER: CAN ELSA AND ANNA TAKE CARE OF BABIES? WILL KARKAT ESCAPE THE JAIL? WHAT IS KURT WALLANDERS MYSTERY?