CHAPTER 9: RECURSIVE METAPHYSICAL INFINITE CHILDBIRTH CLUSTERFUCK (with HOTT LESBIEN SEX, BURAUCRACY AND SONG!)!
elsa and anna readyed their knifes.
dumledore readied his magyc wand.
kafka readied his magic rifle created by dumledore witch could shoot 90000 bullets in 3 seconds.
dr freud readied his phallos shaped gun.
wallander readiyed his GUN, witch was loaded with DEUDLY BULBETS, jesus chrits.
and karkat didnt ready any thing because aparently he missed that this was gonna be a fucking fight! GOOD JOB! but oh wait, he had the elsa and anna babies from the future. witch he aparently just found. but dude babies arent weapons? so try something else bro?
and olaf the funny snow man did nothing.
and oh dave strider readied his HUGE SWORD (length almost 1m).
the elsannabots readied what ever things they had like knifes and guns and other things. they had p much all kinds of deathly stuff.
and dr house fell down because he readied his cane too much.
ITS SHOW DOWN TIME BITCHES!
but sudenly DAVE STRIDER TIME TRAVELED EVERYONE... INTO THE PAST!
"what the FUCK", elsa axed angrily.
"dude those sexbots were looking kinda murdely with knifes and shit", dave said. "just thought that maybe we should save our asses while we still could"
"neverthless, the true nature of our confortation remains!" dumledore said angrily. "i declare the meeting has begun at... wait what the hell whats the time this is the past"
"dunno", said dave. "dude shouldnt you since youre the 'best at magic' or some shit like that"
"I DONT KNOW THE CLOCK MAGIc!" dumledore angered and furiously casted a spell that made a big thunder storm appear with rain and lignting and all kinds of moody showdown stuff. "ENOUGHT! SINCE I CANNOT EXTERMINATE YOU WITH ALL BURAUCRAYTIC METHODS REQUIRED, I SHALL MAKE YOUR BLOOD FLOW ON THESE STREETS OF THE PAST! MY WRATHFUL SPELLS WILL BE THE WEAPON WITCH TEARS YOUR BODIES TO SHREDS AND UTTERLY DECIMATES YOUR WHOLE LIFES SO THAT NOBODY IN THE TIME CONTINUUM SHALL KNOW WHO WERE ELSA AND ANNA! AND THEN I SHALL FINALLY GAIN MY PLACE AS THE RIGHTFUL RULER OF ARDELIA! AND ABOLISH THE TORMENTING DICTATORSHIP OVERSEEN BY TWO RUTHLESS QUEENS WHOSE DEATH WILL BE A FACT OF CELEBRATION FOR ALL SOULS KNOWN TO MANKIND! AND A NEW AGE OF PEACE AND PROSPETITY SHALL RISE, AND YEARS TO COME SHALL BE THE MOST FORTUNOUS OF ALL! DIE MOTHER FUCKERS! BECAUSE! I! AM! A! GOD! DAMN! MASTERFUL! WIZARD! W!H!O!I!S!T!H!E!B!E!S!T!O!F!A!L!L!T!I!M!E!"
kafka dropped his gun. because he had planned to kill himself when hearing about "bureucracy", but now there was none of it. but dropping the gun was kind of bad. because in a battle, you KILL OTHERS with your fucking weapon, not leave it there? seriously?
"where r we anyway" elsa axed dave in the middle of dumledores epic meltdown.
"uhh bro in the past obviously", dave said. "but the fucking big castle doesnt exist yet so were just somewhere where it would be in the past"
so this was past ardelia! elsa thought. but why did that even matter? elsa didnt really know.
but then olaf the snow man punched karkat to the face and took his babies. "ha! now i have the babies... and my master can soon consume them!"
"hey karkat you should maybe do something about that" dave screamed at his bf. "but now its show time bitches"
dave jumped at dumledore.
"DEATHUM APOCALYPSIOINFERNALUS!" dumledore screamed. oh shit dave thought that was a very advanced spell, kind of like a stronger avorda kebabdra. suddenly SATAN bursted out of dumledores wand but dave killed it with his sword.
"FOILED THE FUCK AGAIN YOU BASTARD!" dumledore angered and evaded daves deadly sword decapitation. "BUT NOW YOU WILL SEE MY TRUE POWER... EVILIUM DARTHNIME!"
mean while elsa and anna were fighting dr freud and kafka. kafka was firing with his magic rifle every where and killing many nearby residents. dr freuds phallos gun was useless because you had to press it like 200 times for it to do ANYTHING.
"whoops", kafka said as he axidentally exterminated the fuck out of a old lady who was sitting nearby. "i am not good with artilery. it sucks as much as BURAUCRACY (FUCK BURAUCARCY!)"
"you have comitted severe crimes agains ardelia" elsa angered. she and anna held knifes next to kafkas head and were ready to stab...
until they sudenly experienced the... MIRACLE OF CHILD BIRTH! JESUS FUCK!
"oaaahaahhhahahahhhh", elsa screamed and fell down, failing to stab anything.
"uuhuhuaohaohhaohoohhhhh", anna monaed and fell down, failing to stab anything. expect elsa. she came a little.
and they began having some babies, witch were them.
"hehehehehe", kafka smiled. "even with my dubious acuracy... theres no easier target than women giving birth! bye bye, ass hole bdsm lesbien sex lover incest queens! i hope they make you do buraucarcy IN HELL!"
but maybe that last epic line was too much, because suddenly DR HOUSE CAME AND DECAPITATED KAFKA WITH HIS CANE!
"wow hows that even possible", elsa axed. "your canes wood?"
"no", dr house said, "actually its ICE STEEL, witch is the best material that can look like anything and it can kill everybody"
"i know that i invented it", elsa said. "oohhh aahahaha fuck im having a baby! oohaahhahah!"
and then dr house began helping elsa and anna with baby having. and dr house ran away. because he was scared of being stabbed, and his phallos gun experienced suden erectile disfunction.
and mean while in the olaf vs karkat battle karkat was basically punching the snow man into his god damn fACE! but it wanst doing anything.
"how do you except to kill me, when, i am made of snow?" olaf laughed evilly.
"DIE, YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT SNOWMAN MADE OF FECES OF DEPRESSED CHILDREN WHOSE PARENTS DIED IN CAR ACCIDENTS AFTER SEEING YOUR FUCKING UGLY FACE AND RIDING OFF THE ROAD ON PURPOSE!" karkat raged.
the babies began to cry, because olaf was touching them inapropirately. wow, thats evil even for a snow man. especially because usually snow men dont do anything. they just kind of exist. like, wow? how is he even alive any ways, expect because of MAGIC, witch is the god damn explanation for EVERYTHING in this story.
suddenly, KURT WALLANDER PUNCHED OLAF TO THE FACE! and this time it worked because he had the strenghth of a deprssed swedish detective. and olaf fainted. and dropped the babies, because thats what happens when you faint. you DROP BABIES. luckily karkat was fast enought to grab them before their lesbien bdsm heads collided with the ground and fucking exploded.
"WHAT THE FUCK", karkat screamed angerily.
"shhh the hell up dude we have to run before dumledore flips the fuck out and magicmurders all of us", kurt wallander whispered.
and mean while in the dumledore vs dave fight... dumledore hath just casteth a special spell, the infamously terrific EVILIUM DARTHNIME.
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA", dumledore laughed. "AT LAST THE VICTORY SHALL BE MINE, AND I SHALL BATHE IN THE BLOOD OF MY ENEMIES WHOM I MIGHTILY SLAY THIS VERY MOMENT!"
"oh shit" said dave when he saw what happened. and the thing that happened was that a red lasoer beam BURSTed from dumledores wand...
"PUSH!" dr house scramed. "birth those fuckin babies bros!"
"oaahhahaohohaohoaohoaheoheoh", anna moaned.
"yyhhhyuoihhoyiyyhhyohohyohyohy", elsa cried.
for some reason, the queens had LOTS more pain than normally in birthing, dr house noticed after measuring it with his pain measurer.
"ah now i remember", the dr house said. "as the old legend says, the ardelian royalty shall be born holding knifes! so you have fucking babies knifing you to death inside you."
"aahhhh fucckkkk", elsa screamed in PAIN. pain larger than in your heart when ur mom tells you to stop looking at elsanna pix.
"but i have a medicine for pain", dr house said. "LETS SING A FUCKING SONG"
and they singed:
im havin a baby and the baby is you
id birth my lesbien love its true
dave screamed at shock when he saw where dumledores magiclaser beam was heading: DIRECTLY AT THE VAGS OF ELSA AND ANNA!
im havin a baby and the baby is you
incestbabies up the avenue
elsa screamed in pain. anna screamed in pain. the babies were born the fuck out all over dr houses face, and now layed crying and doing baby things on the street.
im a havin a baby and the baby is you
its knife is stuck at my wazoo
the laser advanced... DIRECTLY AT THE BABIES... HOLY FUCK...
im having a a baby and the baby is you
ur gonna come (out my hoohoo)
but at the LAST SECOND, dave time travled the babies for wards in time. and they became the magic time travel babies. witch were now in karkats and wallanders hands.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! WHY THE FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCKKKKKKKKK!" dumledore screamed madly while rain and thunder poured dramatically on his face.
"m-my baby!" elsa scraemd.
"my-my babby!" anne screamed.
"dont worry i time traveled them to safety", dave said. "btw theyre actually those fuckin babies over there", he said and pointed at karkat and wallander and olaf the snow man who was lying on the street. knocked the fuck out. served his right. FUCK THAT SNOW MAN every body thought.
but then dumledore followed where dave pointed and saw that... WALLANDER WAS FRIENDLY WITH KARKAT! AND A TRAITOR!
"oh shit", wallander said.
"HOLY FUCK", karkat said.
"what", dave axed.
"mmmmmmm", elsa said hottily and had hot post child birth sex with anna.
"somebody give me some fucking vicoydin im DYING HERE FUCK" dr house said after realizing that he had falled on the street after using his cane as a weapon.
"YYYOOUUUUUU!" dumledore screamed and pointed his wand at wallander. "YOU PARASITE! YOU, A TRUE TRAITOR AMONG THE MOST TRAITOROUS IN THIS CRAPSACK WORLD! AFTER ALL THESE YEARS I HELPED YOU ANY WAY I COULD... AND YOUR PAY BACK IS... BECOMING 'TOO FRIENDLY' WITH THE VERY ENEMY WE ARE SUPPOSED TO SLAY? REMOVE YOUR HAND FROM KARKATS PANTS THIS INSTANT OR I SHALL KILL YOU!"
and the wizord lowered his voice dramatically. tbh it was getting kind of over dramatic dont you think dumledore? hmmm?
"you will shoot that bastard troll this instant" dumledore whispered "or i will kill the both of you"
"then you will HAVE TO", wallander said dramatically and everyone gasped. expect elsa and anna. they were having hott lesbien sexx while these events took place. kind of fucking irresponsible huh? after all? those are? YOUR BABIES? that karkat is holding?
"very well" dumledore whispered and pointed his wand at karkat. "but do remember that i shall torture the both of you. i shall inflict upon you pain that is more serious than anythign anybody has ever experienced in the whole history of the universe. i will personally crush your most vulnerable body parts and heal them again, ensuring that the torture shall never end! AND THOU SHALL FEEL SORRY FOR WHAT THY HAVE DONE!"
wallander looked at dumledores wand, ready to fire some evil pain spell like CRUCIOTUS MAXIMUM or TORTURIUS SATANUS. they were stronger versions of the crucification curse in hary potter canon.
so, he made a decision.
"im sorry", wallander said at karkat and shed a single tear while SHOOTING HIM THE FUCK TO THE HEAD! BOOM BOOM BITCHES!
and karkat fell to the ground, DEAD. thats what happens when a depressed swedish detective shoots you to the fucking head.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" dave screamed because what the fuck? kurt wallander just killed his bf? AND THEY DIDNT EVEN HAVE SEX YET IN THIS FIC!
so dave leaped forward and DECAPITATED THE FUCK OUT OF WALLANDER, striking his head with his sword. wallander was DEAD. AS. HELL.
"and now", said dumledore, "i shall complete my plan... and MURDER THE QUEENS WHO ARE AS EVIL AS SATAN AND HITLER COMBINED AND RAISED TO THE 666TH POWER!"
dumledore casted a spell: "MORTEM SADOMASOCHIOS!"
every body gasped, even the sex having girls. because that was a evil spell that KILLED EVERY SADOMASOCHIST IN A RADIUS OF 10m. and thats basically what elsa and anna were! oh no!
"ahahahoouucch", anna screamed when dumledores spell hit her. and she came because she was a masochist.
but elsa didnt scream. or came.
elsa drew out an old looking MAGIC WAND!
dumledore gasped. "ELSA! i though you were supposed to be a scientist who didnt like magycs!"
dumledores spell exploded and didnt work. tho it still caused anna to came, witch was good? elsa made a mental note that magics could improve their sex life. remember when that was the point of the fan fic?
"you are WRONG", elsa said badassly. "i may be a woman of rationality, but that does not hinder my magical abilities... or my will to (ab)use them!"
then anna remembered she was also magic, but only fire magic. so she joined the fight! OMG IT WAS NOW DUMLEDORE VS DAVE, ELSA AND ANNA! holy shit.
"stabbium incestium!" elsa casted. a magic icicle made of incest BURSTED out from her wand and went flying towards dumledore!
"YOU FOOL", dumledore laughed evilly. "MOTIUM INVERTIUM!" the icicle began to now fly towards elsa! but luckily anna melted it with his fire powers.
"FUCKING DIE!" dave screamed slightly angry that he couldnt magic, and there fore, was considarably less bad ass because he couldnt scream cool magics. but he grabbed dumledores long as fuck beard and began mobving around him, strangling the old man with his beard!
and then anna used fire magic and SET IT ON FIRE.
"AAAAAAHHHHH!" screamed dumledore. elsa wanted also to contribute so she stabbed dumledore to his left foot.
"TAKE THIS!" anna screamed and threw a doridto towards dumledore. and dumledore was ALLERGIC TO DORIDTOES! so he got an allergic reaction, witch was DEADTH.
"noooooo..." dumledore coughed with his last breaths. "reincarnatium... temporalium..."
but after casting the last spell, he DIED. rip.
the elsa and anna babies were laying on karkats and wallanders bodies. and covered in their blood. they screamed harder than ur mum when she sees u looking at elsanna pix.
"hopefully those dumb babies dont get any LASTING PSYCHOLOGICAL DAMAGE", dr house said.
"dont worry were just fine!" elsa said happily. "i mean... those babies ARE past versions of me and anna, right?"
"yeah looks like it", dave said. "guess we should just... leave them here so that they can become you in the future? oh wait, thats a stupid fucking plan. who are your parents, bdsm queens?"
"they are called mr and mrs frozen", elsa said. "and they live right there, in that house."
"great" dave said. "lets just drop these babies over there and..."
"WAIT!" some body screamed. every body looked around and DR FREUD WAS THERE!
"stop RIGHT THERE or i will FUCKING KILL YOU", elsa said and pointed a knife at dr freud threateningly. but uhh elsa? you also have a magic wand? witch is like 100 times more threatning? so maybe point THAT at the dr? i mean seriously magic is just like the STRONGEST FORCE EVER because this bullshit fic has so many non canon spells and elsa seriously ur like the 2ND BEST AT MAGIC after dumledore and guess what HES DEAD SO YOUR THE BEST NOW!
"oh" dr freud said. "you cant tho"
"and WHY THE FUCK NOT?" elsa angered.
"because", dr freud sighed, "didnt you read the e mail i sent you? seriously youve done p much NOTHING related to running a kingdom after that... expect unleashing an army of deudly murder bots maybe. but ANYWAYS the point is that: the 1st recorded instance of some body giving birth to some body who already lives is NOT dave strider."
"k", elsa said. "whose the birth giver then?"
"the birth giver elsa... is YOU!"
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" elsa screamed. "but wait thats not actually a bad thing is it? but what the hell anyways?"
"the recorded instance of some one giving birth to some body who already lives is you, and the instance is now", freud said. "i saw it. and now im going to just go normaly for wards in time and become the great psychitrist i already am"
"lol" anna laughed. "ur theories SUCK so much they could only be created by stable time loops! heheheheheeh"
anna and elsa high fived. in their vags.
dr freud angered: "you will how ever REGRET the way you treat me. my existence is infinite and paradoxical. i know many things... but i will not tell them unless you apologize for what you have done."
"i already paid you for being our psichiatrist so GTFO", elsa shouted.
"very well", dr freud sighed, "but do not enjoy your victory before it is actually hapening..."
and then walked away dramatically.
"god riddance" dr house said sarcasticaly. "im already a better psychiatrist than dr freud and i studied surgery"
DUMLEDORES CORPSE BEGAN TO MOVE!
mean while in the future, witch is actualy where gunilla is after being healed by dr house, gunilla was being healed by dr house. and then left to get a REVENGE. thats what happened.
but anyways, the point is that revenge is impossible because elsa and anna time traveled away! gunilla was sneaking in the shadows (and not being killed by elsannabots because they were distracted by her HUGE BOOBS) but then... every body expect teh robots time traveled away!
"hmmmmmm", gunilla said. her life had just lost its meaning, witch was SAD AS HELL. seriously thats SO SAD? almost as sad as ur some body saying elsanna will never be canon (SIRIOUSLY IT WILL JUST SEE THE DAMN MOVIE IT PRACITACLY CONFIRMS ELSANNA! god)
but we have a point here and the point is: gunilla is sad. and not doing anything.
but then she suddenly realized: what the fuck? whats the point of wanting revenge on elsa and anna anyway if theyre disappeared some where? p sure to be DEAD too because queens dont just sudenly vanish.
and then she realized something else: shit was getting all kinds of maximally fucked up in the whole kingdom. elsannabots were punching babies SO HARD THEY DIED. elsannabots were ripping peoples legs off and knifing old women TO THEIR FACES. and annabots were burning people to death with fire powers. and also defrosting every bodys frozen veggies WITCH IS ALSO EVIL AS HELL. i mean theres like THOUSANDS of annabots and the whole fucking kingdom is PERPETUALLY, ALWAYS 100% FROZEN so ts p likely that nothing can be grown there... so like ppl cannot eat vegetables EVER again because annabots will just ruin them? THATS SO BAD WOW CALM YOUR TITS ANNABOTS
but the point here: ardelia was p much turning into an actuall hell, and very fast.
"I NEED TO SAVE THIS KINGDOM!" gunilla screamed and suddenly ran away, because she didnt like have an actual plan or anything. uuuhhhh gunilla? maybe you SHOULD, since elsannabots will probably just attack you REGARDLESS OF DISTRACTINGLY HOTT BOOBES the very minute u something to stop them? so stop running around like a dumb ass and actually plan something?
but she didnt YET ANYWAYS because a good story has cliff hangers.
"holy shit", elsa said "who would have thought that dumledores last spell witch was 'reincarnatium temporalium' would actually make him live again after some time"
"HOLY SHIT THATS NOT THE WORST" anna screamed and pointed at the other direction where something VERY DRAMATIC AND STARTLING AND SCARY WAS HAPENING...
... and the thing that was happenig was that...
OLAF THE SNOW MANS CORPES BEGAN TO MOVE TOO!
but wait, actualy is the snow man even dead? i mean wallander punched him to the face, but uhhh does that really kill snow men? i mean wallander isnt some super human i think hes just an ordinary derpessed swedish detective who is sad and depressed because his children died and mother died and father is alcoholic and lives in shit country of sweden that is full of crimes. crimes every fucking day. when u go to the store to get some milk for making pan cakes WHOOPS THERES A MURDER. and when you go to bank to axe for money and buy a car and escape the shit hole country WHOOPS THERES A ROBBERY. and when u go to the bar to drink because your depressed because crime WHOOPS TERORISTS ATTACK. seriouslu? no wonder wallanders depressed.
of course, this doesnt actually mean anything since wallander doesnt live in sweden... but in ARDELIA. but wait, thers more: ARDELIA IS ALSO A SHIT HOLE. i mean lets look at those situations again: u go to the store, and the store only sells doridtors and pan cakes. and to make the matters worse, robotic clones of the queens are knifing each other and also customers. and having sex all the time. and i guess there are crimes too since olaf the snow man was thrown to jail for acting inaprippratiely so there HAS to be a law, since elsa the dictator didnt tell wallander to do that.
but oh wait... what if ARDELIA IS SWEDEN? lets check some facts. of course this would mean that sweden changes its name to ardelia in the future because you fucking idiot SWEDENS NAME HAS NEVER BEEN ARDELIA I LOOKED IT UP ON WIKIPEDIA. anyways the point is that: sweden is basically winter all the time i think. and so is ardelia, because the fucking movies name is FROZEN did you expect that thers sUMMER TIMES? WELL TOO BAD BECAUSE FUCK NO.
and then wallander lives there. and wallander also lives in sweden? but wallander is actualy fictional. so its possible that some body just named their kid wallander, and then wallander became a police man. BUT WAIT, WOULD ANY BODY ACTUALLY DO THAT? i mean basing your ENTIRE LIFE on a funny fact is fucking stupid. hmmmm... wallander is increasingly more suspicious... but wait, he just died, and there are characters thhat are actually alive, and something exciting was just happening, so maybe we should focus on the characters that are actually alive, and not as stupid and dead and depressed swedish detectives as wallander?
and fuck what was even happening oh wait OLAF THE SNOW MANS CORPSE BEGAN TO MOVE! but its unclear if snow men actually die and fuck i just ranted about that (AMONG OTHER THINGS) so maybe we should just say that olaf the snow mans BODY began to move.
but on the other hand its not very exciting if bodies begin to move. i mean bodies move ALL THE TIME? i just moved my hand while typing this, and my other hand while simultaneiously masterbating to elsanna pix. and you moved your eyes to read this. unless your eyes are stuck for some reason, my sympathies if thats the case.
so lets just say that OLAF THE SNOW MAN WAS DEAD. note that WAS. if ur body moves u usually arent dead any more, unless its zombies, and those have never appeared in this story? and snow man zombies sound p stupid. so lets just say that OLAF THE SNOW MAN WAS DEAD BUT NOW IS NOT AND ALSO IS NOT A ZOMBIE BECAUSE THATS JUST STUPID.
but anyways, olaf the snow man was basically becoming VERY alive.
"holy shit", dave said. "he didnt even do a dumb spell like the other alarmingly healing villain so what the hell?"
"oh no", elsa said "i just remembered the prophecy... this is what the propecy was:"
IN AN EVENT OCCURRING THAT INCEST BDSM QUEENS OF ARDELIA BIRTH BABIES THAT SHARE APPEARANCES NOT UNLIKE THEM
SHALL A BABY-EATING DEMON COME AND EAT THY BABIES
anna screamed: "holy shit the incest bdsm queens of ardelia just birthed babies that share the moms looks! is the prophecy becoming true by OLAF BECOMING A BABY-EATING DEMON?"
"thats a reference to–" dave said but was interrupted by... HOLY SHIT... THE BABY-EATING DEMON!
the baby eating demon was basically olaf the snow man but HUGELY TALL (height almost 3m) and RIPPED AS HELL (radius of muscles almost 1m) and other wise SWOLE AS FUCK and MUSCULAR AS SATANS ASS HOLE and everything like that. it was of course white because? its made of snow dumb ass? and it had olafs carot nose but it was LONG AS HELL (length almost 0.5m) and pointy and probably could be used to KILL BABIES before the demon swallowed them withs its HUGE JAWS (area of mouth almost 1 m2).
"oh fuck" elsa said and pointed at the baby elsa and anna that originally came from time travel and before that came from elsas and annas vags and were time traveled by ddave strider: "to make matters worse there are ACTUAL BABIES PRESENT!"
yeah elsa youre right? a baby-eating demon would be p stupid in a story with NO BABIES AT ALL. i mean the demon comes threateningly as fuck and is all "FEED ME BABIES" but then youre just "sorry i dont have a baby" and the demon is "oh sorry for interrupting" and goes away and the storys p stupid?
but the point is, the baby-eating demon screamed LOUDLY AND CREEPILY AS FUCK:
"IM GOING TO EAT YOUR BABIES"
"oh no!", anna cried. but uhh anna how is that surprising at all? the demons fucking name is the BABY EATING DEMON. so theres p much NO EXTRA DRAMA AT ALL if it says that its gonna eat your babies.
"maybe the demon is still powering up", dr house suggested. wow dr house i thought you studied surgery not DEMON SCIENCES. and actually demon scienctes sound p stupid because demons are RELIGION and MAGIC and MYTHERIES, witch are NOT SCIECNE. so what would a demon science even be? "lol demons dont exist" said the demon scientist. tho this isnt real life and demons actually exist... or maybe its just this baby-eating demon. but still that field of study has NO FUTURE because the heroes HAVE TO kill the demon or other wise disable it because other wise it would be in future ardelia where the story started and eat elsannas time travel babies witch were there for like 5 chapters? so the point here: demon science is bad.
"HOW DO YOU EXCEPT TO OUTRUN ME..." the bay-eating demon said "WHEN I CAME AS FAST AS I COULD?"
and it was FULLY POWERED UP and FIRED A BABY DESTROYING LASER AT ELSANNA BABIES! OHHHH SHIT!
but the laser was stopped by...
... it was stopedd by DUMLEDORE!
"SILENCE THY MOUTH, THOU ADOLESCENT DEVOURING MONSTROITY" dumledore screamed "IN MY GRACIOUS UTOPIA OF BOUNTIFULNESS AND PEACE THERE ARE NO CREATURES OF HELL BENT ON CONSUMING CHILDREN; THERE FORE I SHALL DEFEAT YOU! EN GARDE, THOU SNOW PIECE OF FECES!"
and dumledore and the baby-eating monster engaged in a SPELL DUEL.
"holy shit we need to hide the babies" elsa said. "dave pls time travel us some where else"
"uhhhh im not sure if that would be good" dave shrugged "i mean if freuds not lying wouldnt it mean that this is your childhood? so the timeline goes to full shit if the demon is not defeated and mr wizard with his long ass beard will probably just die trying"
"that is indubutably true", elsa sighed. but how could they defeat the monster?
"AVARDA KEBABDRA PLUS!" dumledore casted. the spell magiced the baby-eating demon DIRECTLY TO ITS FACE but failed to do anything.
the demon laughed and fired a lazer beam witch dumledore evaded.
"HOOOOWWW ISS THSIIIISS POSSSIBLEEEEHHH?" dumledore screamed. "that spell is like THE DEUDLIEST SPELL EVER?"
"I AM IMMORTAL AND CANNOT DIE", the baby-eating demon slithered. but uuhh hey demon? immortal p much just means u cannot die? so whats the point of adding that you cannot die IN ADDITION TO being immortal? the point is: nothing, stupid. learn english before u try to eat babies.
"LEARN TO SPELL, NOOB" the demon then screamed. "ABSORBIUM DUMLEDORIS!"
and suddenly dumledores BODY BEGAN TO WARP and was ABSOTBED INTO THE DEMON! HOLY SHIT!
"NOW I HAVE DUMLEDORES MAGIC INSINE OF ME! HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHA!" the demon laughed.
"doesnt matter", elsa said and pointed a knife at the baby-eating demon. "IM STILL GOING TO KILL YOU!"
"ME TOO!" anna screamed and pointed a doridto at the baby-eating demon. wow anna thats actually A BIT SMART? if the baby-eating demon absorbed dumledores soul surely it also absorbed his ALLERGY OF DORIDTOES?
"uhh yeah im up for some demon slaying too" dave shrugged and pointed his ICE STEEL SWORD at the demon. but wait a sec how did dave get ICE STEEL? im p sure thats not homestuck canon.
"whered you get that sword by the way" elsa axed quietly.
"wallander had a collection of ICE STEEL SWORDS for some reason so i time traveled there and stole it" dave said. there, NOW THE PLOT HOLE IS EXPLAINED and we can be happy with this bull shit story. expect that we dont know why the hell wallander had ice steel swords if his weapon of choice is guns but DONT WORRY THAT WILL BE EXPLAINED LATER.
"fuck this im out" dr house said and retreated a but farther away so that the baby-eating demons sick lazer beams wouldnt fucking kill him. and thats probably the smartest thing anybody ever did in this story.
"uguuaahhh!" elsannababies screamed and pointed their knifes at the baby-eating demon. but to be honest the babies arent going to do SHIT. babies can barely use knifes and how the hell were they even born with them anyways? now THATS a real plot hole there. or maybe its just a refrence to something i dont know.
but the baby-eating demon just laughed... and FIRED A LAZER BLADE THAT CUT ELSA AND ANNA INTO HALFS, TOTALLY KILLING THE FUCK OUT OF THEM! HOLYYYS HIIITITTT"! !WOW WHAT THE FUCK!
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" elsa and anna screamed as they FUCKING DIED and their bodies split into two and their corpses fell on the ground.
"woah what the fuck" dave said and narrowly avoided being lazered to death by the baby-eating demon.
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!HAHAH!" the demon laughed "NOW NOTHING WILL PREVENT ME FROM EATING THOSE BABIES AND BEING FILLED WITH BABY ENERGY WITCH WILL ALLOW ME TO COMPLETE MY EVIL PLAN!"
"thats some shit monologuing right there" dave said and sworded the demon RIGHT INTO HIS FACE. but it didnt do anything, because the demon was immortal.
and then the baby-eating demon said: "FUCK YOU" and casted a spell: "TORTORIUM MAXIMUS!"
and DEEP INSINE HIS MIND, dave strider heard a voice that sayed things that made ALL OF HIS NIGHT MARES BECOME TRUE AND JESUS FUCK THEY BECOME TRUE! dave could only drop on the floor and roll around in pain because in his mind the following words were being spoken creepily and torturously:
"wait a sec", dave said and stopped being tortured "im like p sure that elsanna WILL become canon, because this is the god damn past and in the future the elsannababies will be grown up and have sex every day and im guessing thats P CLOSE to the definition of a ship becoming canon"
"SHOOT! FOILED AGAIN!" the demon angered.
"and by the way your monologuing was pure shit because you didnt even reveal your evil plan" dave said and tried to cut the baby-eating demons arm off with his sword but it didnt work because the demon was immortal, stupid. "i mean whats the point then? dude i get it youre evil because your fucking name contains DEMON that was already established as hell just tell me your evil plan already"
"OKAY..." the baby-eating demon said and fired lazers every where but dave avoided them. "THE EVIL PLAN IS... TO MAKE SURE THE UNIVERSE NEVER EXISTS!"
"not sure whats that got to do with eating babies but ok" dave said and again avoided lazers. this fight is getting quite boring by the way?
"BRO I JUST SAID THAT EATING BABIES GIVES ME BABY ENERGY WITCH I CAN USE TO DO THE THING!" the baby-eating demon said and PUNCHED DAVE TO THE FACE and KNOCKED HIM THE FUCK OUT! HOLY SHIT!
dave fell to the ground because thats what happens when youre punched dumb ass.
"NOW NOTHING CAN STOP ME FROM COMPLETING MY EVIL PLAN..." the demon said "... BECAUSE AFTER I KILL YOU ONLY THE CANE IDIOT REMAINS!"
and the demon looked at dr houses direction but was SUDDENLY VERY SHOCKED because SOME THING VERY SHOCKING HAD HAPPENED THERE! AND THE THING THAT HAD HAPPENED WAS...
dr house, the most legendary surgeon of all time, had taken a half of anna and a half of elsa and surgically created... ELSANNA!
elsanna was a magic surgery dude whose other half was elsa and other half was anna. and she moaned rythmically because the halfs were having sex the whole time. and she had both fire powers and ice powers and WATER POWERS because fire + ice = water dumb ass im p sure thats like learned in ELEMENTARY SCHOOL seriously get a grip if you didnt know that alrady.
"NOOOOO!" the baby-eating demon shouted. "THIS IS IMPOSSIBLE..."
"heh i am not the BEST SURGEON EVER for nothing" dr house said smugly. stop interrupting this moment ass hole elsanna has something to say!
and the thing that elsanna had to say was this: "yo, you baby-eating fuckboy. guess what dudes? because my elsa half and anna half are having sex all the time... i am getting pregnant all the time... and bro, guess what happens when youre pregnant?"
"WHAT IS IT?" the demon axed.
"YOU GIVE BIIIIIIIIIIIIIRRRTTTHHHHHHHHHHH!" elsanna shouted dramatically. "BECAUSE... THATS... WHAT... BEING... PROGNANT... MEEEAAANNNSSSS!"
and she layed on the ground and opened her legs.
"you wanna eat all babies of the human race, bro?" elsanna shouted dramatically. "then you can START WITH THESE!"
and she began to sing with the most beautifullest voice in the universe ever heard while SHOOTING THE BABY-EATING DEMON WITH BABIES COMING OUT OF HER ELSA AND ANNA FUSION SUPERVAGYNA!
the baby water glows white on the street tonight
not a miscarriage to be seen
a kingdom of giving birth
and it looks like I'm the queen.
HUNDREADS OF BABIES were launched towards the baby-eating demon!
the babies is howling like this swirling storm inside
couldn't keep it in, heaven knows I tried!
AND EVEN MORE BABIES CAME. seriously, the amount of babies here is UNREAL. dr house almost died of shock because this was so MEDICALLY UNPOSSIBLe but STILL SOME HOW HAPENING!
im the best at birthing the world has seen
im the fountain of babies i have to be
conceal, don't feel, the babies will die
so fuck them and good bye!
the babies began BITING THE DEMONS FACE AND OTHER BODY PARTS! jesus fuck THE DEMON WAS P MUCH BEING EATEN ALIVE BY BABIES! WITHC is p ironic because the BABY-EATING demon is being EATEN by BABIES, wow.
let them go, let it go
can't hold the babies in anymore
let them go, let them go
exit my vag and slam the door!
but the demon began EATING THE BABIES WITCH WERE EATING HIM, witch is p appropriate because its the BABY-EATING DEMON.
i don't care
what the laws going to say
let the baby storm rage on,
infant death never bothered me anyway!
the streets were FILLED WITH BABY PARTS RIPPED APART BY THE DEMON! it was swallowing the babies whole and spitting out a leg or an arm or a head or some other baby body part shit.
it's funny how some gigabirth
makes two babies seem small
and the laws of physics that once controlled me
can't get to me at all!
so elsanna responded by BIRTHING MORE BABIES! a BABY TORNADO SUDDENLY BURST OUT OF HER VAG and headed towards the baby-eating demon.
it's time to see what I can do
to test the limits of my vag and break through
no logic, no physics, no rules for me I'm free!
a LAZER BEAM MADE OF PURE BABIES EXPLODED FROM ELSANNAS VAG! it FLEW TOWARDS THE DEMON that had a baby tornado surrounding him. the babies were punching and knifing and biting and kicking the demon ALL OVER THE PLACE and he was BLEEDING WATER because hes made of snow and snow men bleed water you dumb ass?
let them go, let them go
i am one with the baby filled sky
tho tons of babies are being slaughtered
you'll never see me cry!
the baby-eating demon let out a TERRIFYING SCREAM and OPENED HIS MOUTH! IN WITCH ELSANNAS BABY LAZER WENT!
here I stand
and here I'll stay
let the baby storm rage on!
the battle field was FUCKING FULL OF DEAD BABIES. shit was all kinds of unbeliveable. dave strider briefly woke up and just said "what the fuck" and fainted again.
my babies flurry through the air into the mouth
the demon brutally devours babies all around
and one thought crystallizes like a babious blast
filling with baby energy very fast,
the demons gonna time travel to the past!
how the hell did you know that, elsanna? but anyways, it was TRUE. with every baby the demon swallowed, the more it healed its wounds! and because ELSANNAS BABY LAZER was going directly into its mouth, the babies couldnt attack it again! and the demon WAS charging energy to TIME TRAVEL, HOLY SHIT!
dont let it go, dont let it go
the demon will eat every baby under the sun
dont let it go, dont let it go
dont let the demon be gone!
the baby-eating demon began glowing with MYSTERIOUS TIME TRAVEL ENERGY! HOLYS HIT ! ITS GONNA ESCAPE AND FUCK UP THE WHOLE TIME LINE OF THE WORLD elsanna thought.
here I lay
in the light of day
the baby storm rages on,
HOLY SHIT THE DEMON IS GONE!
and it was TRUE. the baby-eating demon time traveled the fuck away after being filled with mysterious BABY ENERGY.
elsanna screamed and forcefully closed her vag to stop the birthing, but a few babies still flew out and died after crushing their heads on the pavement.
the streets were filled with dead babies in various states of having all of their body parts. every passer by was fucking fainted by the whole shock of tons of baby murder. and dave strider woke up again and this time didnt faint again.
"what the hell", dave said "1st why are there dead fucking babies everywhere 2st where is the demon 3st where the hell did this elsa anna fusion come from"
"1st i gave birth 2st time traveled away 3st dr houses surgery", elsanna said. "pls dave can u tell me where the demon went and time travel me there? i cant let it live or other wise it will eat all babies of the human race!"
"yeah i some how know" dave said "the demon went to before the universe was born"
"great" elsanna said and kind of ignored the metaphysical BS that was involved in time traveling to a time BEFORE TIME WAS EVEN A THING? seriously how is that possible expect with MAGIC BABY FORCE
"but i cant time travel you there"
"and why the hell not?"
"im not a fucking wizard thats why" dave angered "the demon could but 1st it had absorbed dumledores soul 2st it was filled with baby energy. shits p much impossible for me and even if i could do it it would permanently take my powers away and i couldnt time travel you back"
"then SO BE IT" elsanna said heroically. "i will SACRYFICE MYSELF for the GOOD OF ALL BABIES IN EXISTANCE!"
"fine", shrugged dave. "but the world (or at least ardelia) is still doomed dude. because of the creepy ass sexmurderbots murderiously rampaging in the future, witch was the present"
"hmmmmm" elsanna wondered. saving the world was KIND OF POINTLESS if it was gonna be destroyed anyways right? so what the hell could they even do.
"i can deal with that" dr house said sudenly. "i was the BEST in med school. theres approximately 0% chance that i CANT think of some bull shit solution for this bull shit problem"
"ok", dave shrugged and time traveled dr house away to the future.
"AND NOW ME!" elsanna proclaimed heroically. wow, she was HEROIC AS HELL not counting the fact that she had just killed millions of babies p much pointlessly because it had only further powered the baby-eating demon.
"ok good bye and have fun dying for the good of mankinds babies or whatever the fuck" dave said and time traveled elsanna to the time before the universe. it was HARD AS HELL and dave did use fuck tons of time travel power and HAD NONE WHEN THE TASK WAS COMPLETE.
"good thing that it still worked tho" dave said after elsanna had disappeared and he was alone not counting dead babies. and no, dead babies dont count because 1st theyre dead 2st theyre babies and babies are barely even ppl? so yeah dave was ALONE AS HELL.
and then he realized some thing SHOCKING AND ALARMING AS FUCK...
... if he had no time travel powers left...
... HOW COULD HE RETURN TO THE FUTURE? T
later dr freud was walking around ardelia witch was basically in full fucking panic mode because MILLIONS OF DEAD BABIES had suddenly apperad out of thin air? and thats a PRETTY FUCKING SERIOUS SITUATION im telling you man.
suddenly DAVE STRIDER came looking SAD AS FUCK and carrying BABY ELSA AND BABY ANNA, the original time travel babies.
"take these i dont need them" he whispered and threw the babies at freud who was luckily not stupid and had lived through his cylical torment infinity times and could there fore grab the babies.
and dr freud didnt question this at all for the same reasons. he walked to ardelias center and saw the dead baby littered streets.
"holy shit" he said but only retorichally because he already knew the whole of his time loop you dumbass.
every body around was fainted due to the enormous baby gore... expect a young man who was dressed in black robes and a stupid wizord pointy had and had a magiyc wand.
"hello" said the younger version of dumledore "i am dumledore"
"hi" said dr freud "im dr freud"
and then they were basically silent for a few minutes because ppl just dont usually know how to respond when they see millions of slaugheted babies. except puke and faint. but they didnt do that.
"what the fuck happened here" dumledore said.
"just some stupid ass pragnancy clusterfuck" dr freud shrugged.
"hmm" dumledore said. "this whole kingdom cant function if every body keeps fainting all the time due to baby mass murder. maybe i should do something about this since im a VERY POWERFUL WIZORD."
"i have a suggestion" dr freud said "make them into robotic workers of ardelia that will flip the fuck out murderously if ardelias kingdom ever falls and there fore protecting it from foreign attackers"
"thats very specific", dumledore replied. "but ok." and he did magics, and just what dr fred had said suddenly happened.
of course, dr freud only knew events in his time line, so he didnt know if the murderous rampages of elsannabots would REALLY destroy elsas and annas murderous reign. but he sure hoped it would! because elsa and anna were a bit ass holish some times u know.
"hmmmm", dumledore then said. "maybe i should erase every bodys memories of this day and lock the worker robots into a cave where they will only be discovered when its time"
"a good idea" dr freud agreed. and dumledore did some magics, and every body suddenly forgot everything about tons of dead babies.
expect some ppl of course:
1st dr freud began regaining some memories around the time that the story begins. because other wise why would he do the things he did? well he wouldnt dumb ass. and he wouldnt even know that ELSA AND ANNA were the first ones to birth babies that looked like them.
or maybe a better explanation would be that dumledore DIDNT magic erase his memories because dr freud didnt seem very shocked by the baby slaughter? what ever, you can DECIDE THE BEST EXPALANTION FOR YOUR DAMN SELF.
2st michel de montaigne who was observing the events and only mentioned being part of the evil dudes and making the prophesy probably kept some memories locked DEEP IN2 HIS SUB CONSIUS, witch is a freudian term, and there fore dr freuds probable therapy with him helped him regain the memories while having a weed dream.
3st young kafka also did the thing above, because he was mentioned hating dead babies? but thats kind of bs because... whO DOESNT DIS LIKE FUCKING DEAD BABIES? what the hell? so this even wasnt a plot hole? seriously?
but anyways after wards dr freud delivered the elsanna babies to mr and mrs frozen who were elsannas parents. and also offered to be the babies psychiatrist, because the god damn babies were STILL COVERED IN KARKATS BLOOD and p likely to be TRAUMATIZED AS HELL. but luckily they werent. and elsa and anna were just normal ppl who liked to stab each other.
AND THEN IN THE TIME BEFORE THE UNIVERSE WAS BORN, BEFORE THE BIG BANG I MEAN, AND BEFORE TIME EVEN WAS A THING, MAKING THIS A P STUPID THING...
the BABY-EATING DEMON appeared!
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHHHAHAHAHAH!" the demon laughed because its plan had JUST been succesfull as hell! the universe wasnt created yet, but when it would be, it would momentarily be as small as a little baby and THEN THE BABY-EATING DEMON COULD EAT IT!
and every body knows that if you eat the universe, you SYMBOBLICALLY eat every baby that would have ever been born in that universe. and there fore, the baby-eating demon would EAT ALL. BABIES. EVER! HOLY SHIT
but his moment of triumph became RUINED AS HELL as some body new time traveled there...
... and it was...
... ELSANNA the elsa anna fusion and this wasnt even a twist because what the hell, it was JUST said that elsanna was teleported here.
"STOP RIGHT THERE, YOU BABY DEVOURING DUMB ASS!" elsanna shouted. "i will NOT permit you to eat the whole universe, bro!"
"TOO BAD", said the baby eating demon, "BECAUSE IM GOING TO DO IT ANYWAYS!"
they were both p much just over powered gods so they knew some things. and one of the things they knew was that... there was ABOUT ONE MINUTE TO THE CREATION OF THE UNIVERSE!
the baby-eating demon wasted no time, witch was p smart because 1 MIN WAS ONLY LEFT, and FIRED A BABY EAT LAZOR AT ELSANNA.
"lazeris protectium!" elsanna shouted and casted a spell that totally protected her. because its name was that.
and then elsanna counter attacked with her amazing FIRE-ICE-WATER-POWERS! he made the demons left arms temperature be too cold and his right arms temperature be too hot witch was p much the MOST UNCONFORMATABLE THING EVERR!
"AAAAHHHHHH!" the baby-eating demon screamed. "IM MILDLY ANNOYED! OH FUCK!"
and that was just srcasm btw.
the demon casted again the spell which makes a voice that says "ELSANNA WILL NEVER BE CANON" appear in your head. but elsanna was elsanna, so the spell was stupid and didnt do anything.
"elsanna is CANON AS FUCK, bro" elsanna laughed at the demons pathetic magiyc.
5 secs were left until the universe was going to be created. and what the hell? the baby-eating demon and elsanna didnt even try to kill each other properly? YOU FUCKING IDIOTS.
"NO IT ISNT" the demon argued just like my mom. "AND BESIDES, ITS NOT EVEN HOT! HOW IS ELSANNA HOT AT ALL?"
"its the HOTTEST THING EVER" elsanna screamed angrily "BECAUSE ITS INCEST!"
and then she realized something...
elsa had given birth to anna. and anna had given birth to elsa.
there fore, elsa was annas mom and anna was elsas mom. BUT WAIT! that also meant that anna was elsas daughter and elsa was annas daugter! and elsa was annas grand mother... and anna was elsas grand mother...
witch basically meant that elsanna was...
"HOOOOLYYYY SHIIITTTT!" elsanna suddenly began to scream. incest was p hot, so infinite recursive lesbian bdsm incest was basically THE HOTTEST THING EVER? possibly even INFINITELY HOT?
and remember when at the storys start elsa and anna were having bed room problems? well now when their souls were combined in elsanna they realized that THEIR LOVE WAS INFINITE FUCKING INCEST and ALL PROBLEMS they had in their lives JUST WENT AWAY, infinite elsanna incest was just THAT HOT.
now elsanna knew what she had to do!
2 seconds until the universe was created.
the realization was SO HOT that elsas and annas souls in elsanna began to have THE HOTTEST SEX EVER KNOWN TO MAN KIND.
"so you want to eat the universe, noob?" elsanna shouted and FLEW NEXT TO THE BABY-EATING DEMON and PUT HER VAG IN THE DEMONS MOUTH...
... elsanna screamed: "THEN DO IT!"
and due to the infinite hotness of recursively incestous lesbian bdsm queen love...
GAVE BIRTH TO THE UNIVERSE
dave strider sat down on the street of past ardelia and began to cry. HE WOULD NEVER SEE KARKAT AGAIN! NEVER! AND THEY DIDNT EVEN EVER HAVE SEX IN THE STORY! SHIT WAS SO SAD THAT EVERY BEING IN THE UNIVERSE JUST CRIED, AND NOBODY REALLY KNEW WHY, EXPECT DAVE STRIDER I MEAN!
and then he saw the place where he was sitting: in front of ardelias police station.
and suddenly every thing made sense... why wallander and karkat had acted like that...
he walked in and was greeted by a sad looking woman.
"im sorry" the woman said. "if youre looking for a police man im sorry to tell you that the towns police officer björndödare wallander was just killed in a horse accident. where will we find our next protector?" she began to cry.
"hello" dave said. "i am bjorndidares or whatever the fucks long lost son... KURT WALLANDER"
dr house suddenly time traveled from the past to the future, next to gunilla who had just decided to save the kingdom.
"dr house!" gunilla said. "hi and thanks for saving my life! i momentarily lost my sanity due to being consumed by revenge, but now i regained it for what ever reason and want to save this kingdom from the murderous sexbots"
she pointed to the left where an annabot was ripping the arms out from an old man who was crying.
"i know a way for that", dr house said.
"great!" gunilla smiled. "what is it?"
"show your boobs"
ELSANNA GAVE FUCKING BIRTH TO THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE.
the baby-eating demon tried to eat the universe that was BURSTING out of elsannas vag... BUT COULDNT! because one part of it was still inside elsanna!
"AHHAOHAOHOHOHAOHOAOAOHAOOHAAOOAAOHOHA" the baby-eating demon shouted.
elsanna PUSHED HARDER THAN SHE HAD EVER PUSHED IN THE HISTORY OF HER PRAGNANCIES. inside her soul, the souls of elsa and anna were desperately having birth to increase the size of the universe that was being born from elsannas vag.
and it looked like it worked! the universe was getting bigger and the baby-eating demon couldnt eat it all... and it began pushing its mouth too far apart and breaking it!
the size of the universe began slowly to decrease...
... and it looked like the baby-eating monster was going to win after all!
"N-NOOO!" elsanna cried.
and thats when the baby-eating monster spit a ball of PURE DARK ENERGY from his mouth. it entered the universe and landed on a specific point in time and space elsanna and the demon observed...
young elsa had just found a cave that contained millions of robots that looked like grown up her and anna? how cool!
"wow!" elsa said. she liked science, so she couldnt admit the truth that her magical intuition always knew, deep inside...
... and the truth was that the elsannabots were really made of babies of elsa and anna.
and with every second their kingdom marched towards certain destruction... the less the elsannabots were robots and more they became elsa and anna... but elsa could never admit the truth.
until now, when she was combined with anna and also giving birth to the entire universe.
and mean while in the frozen familys manor... anna was stepping outside holding a knife... just like in the dream she described to dr freud...
and SUDDENLY A BALL OF PURE EVIL DESCENDED FROM THE SKY!
and inside it was a seed that soon hatched and created the MOST EVIL BEING ANY BODY CAN EVER IMAGINE.
olaf the snow man laughed evilly and said: "DO... YOU... WANT... TO... BUILD... A... SNOWMAN?"
back in seconds after the universes creation, elsanna had a great idea: she magically created a doridto and THREW IT ON THE BABY-EATING DEMONS FACE!
the demon got an allergic reaction but didnt die. how ever, the size of the universe stopped decreasing because the demont couldnt eat it that well because he had an allergic reaction dumb ass.
now would be the time to act... if only elsanna could accelrate the creation of the universe! what could she do?
and then she remembered another thing that was as hot as incest...
... and it was...
she decided to observe a certain persons time line in the universe that was rapidly birthing out of her vag.
so dave strider decided to become wallander.
ardelia was a shit hole full of crimes, so the job wasnt easy. there was LOTS of crime. however, after years passed he found he had regained enough time travel energy to observe the next couple of hours. there fore, he could always "come as fast as he could" and catch criminals just seconds after they had commited crimes.
after years and years had passed... after mr and mrs frozen had died in a knife accident... after robotic versions of the new queens had begun patrolling the streets of ardelia... dave suddenly almost had a heart attack when he saw that KARKAT HAD APPEARED!
but to not raise suspicion, he could not do anything until karkat would commit a crime. after all, he was involved with the evil dudes resistance agains elsas and annas tyrannical rule.
seconds after universes creation, a single tear shed down elsannas eye.
but when karkat finally flipped the fuck out and attempted murder, dave would finally see his bf again.
but he couldnt tell him the truth.
the time line required that karkat didnt know who wallander really was... so all dave could do was enjoy the final moments as time hurried towards the conclusion he saw and feared every day...
elsanna cried two more tears.
"WHAT THE FUCK", karkat screamed angerily.
"shhh the hell up dude we have to run before dumledore flips the fuck out and magicmurders all of us", kurt wallander (WHO WAS REALLY DAVE) whispered.
but deep down he knew it was impossible. dave knew he could only raise false hope in his bf to make his death more pleasurable...
... and then dumledore gave dave his choice...
... and he killed karkat mercifully and inevitably...
... until was finally decapitated by his past self.
elsanna began crying harder than anybody had ever cried. FORGET YOUR MOM NOT LIKING ELSANNA, THIS WAS THE SADDEST THING THAT HAD EVER HAPPENED!
and the souls of elsa and anna insine her began ALSO to cry, and because they were masochists, began to HAVE TONS OF SEXUAL ENERGY... AND HAD THE MOST PASSIONATE LESBIEN SEX THAT HAD EVER HAPPENED...
and finally, the universe began expanding FAST AS FUCK. it expanded so hard it ripped the baby-eating demons MOUTH TO PIECES IN A FEW NANOSECONDS. the demon could not scream, for he had no mouth, when the universe filled the nothinness that his body used to fill and destroyed the monster for good.
elsanna her self had also a couple of nanoseconds to look at her baby – the universe.
the babies are us, she thought. not elsa and anna, but US, the entire human race and all other countless races inhabiting foreign galaxies. they always were. her recursive metaphysical infinite pregnancy had created all that ever was and all that would ever be, including herself.
and then the universe expanded to the emptiness where her body was, and killed her.
"show your boobs", dr house repeated.
"what", gunilla said but decided to obey. after all, what damage could it do?
suddenly, every elsabot was alerted by her HUGE BOOBS (radius almost 2m after dr houses little "improvement surgery").
and suddenly, every annabot became MAD AS HELL at the elsabots.
there were equal amounts of elsabots and annabots, so they began fighting each other. fire powers, ice powers, knifes, kicks, punches, bites, ALL MEANS OF VIOLENCE were employed as the elsabots that had become so unrobotlike they couldnt even resist gunillas boobs fought the annabots that had become so unrobotlike they could feel jealousy even tho robots dont usually have feelings.
the battle raged on, for days, but the robots had stopped attacking citizens and destroying private and public property.
and finally, 1 week 2 days 16 hours 37 mins 9 secs after the robots had started rampaging murderously, the last ones killed each other simultanously. remaining citizens of ardelia had tried to destroy the last ones, but ICE STEEL couldnt be destroyed by anything else. luckily, in the end, all elsannabots had died.
gunilla had been declared the queen because of her high IQ (value almost 230), and HUGE BOOBS. dr house was the royal surgeon whose amazing talents had succeeded saving 78% of ardelias total population.
there were like 10000 statues of elsa and anna already in the kingdom. all of them were destroyed expect two, witch were placed deep into the reconstructed palace (witch had mostly been abandoned, because gunilla didnt want use royal money to hire thousands of maids only to keep it clean).
and when gunilla once at night took a wrong turn and wandered past the room where the statues were located...
... she could swear that she heard sounds of kissing, moaning and stabbing.
but maybe that was just her imagination.