Note: This started as a one shot, but when I was writing it worked itself out to be about 3-4 chapters. Chapter 1 is Quintis dealing with what happened, Chapter 2 is Happy explaining things to Toby, and Chapter 3 and 4 will be them working through it. This will have a happy ending, so maybe it'll give us some hope over the summer! :-)
"I'm married to someone else."
Those five words kept playing over and over again, like a record on repeat, in Toby's head. The five words that turned his world upside down. He sat there, just looking at the bottle of alcohol in his hand. There were no more tears, no words to say. He was still in shock, pain coursing through him. The woman he loved and trusted more than anyone had lied to him, had torn his heart out and thrown it on the ground. He took another swig from the tequila bottle, the fire burning down his throat helping to numb the pain.
It had been an hour and a half since the love of his life walked out, giving no explanation for what she had said. An hour and a half that he had been drinking, but he still felt stone cold sober. He could still remember in detail everything that had happened, from the tears filing her eyes to the heartbroken way she said "I can't". A shutter ran down his body as he remembered.
Toby looked around at the empty garage, confetti scattered all over the floor. His eyes stopped on the work space Happy used. He saw her current project, just laying there, unfinished. The dollhouse they had been working on in their free time just beyond that. That brought a whole new wave of pain, as he gulped down more tequila.
He had to get out of there. Everything surrounding him was a reminder - a reminder of Happy and her betrayal, a reminder of how stupid he had been. He threw the mug from the table across the garage, shattering it as it hit the wall. If only he would have listened when she said she didn't want to talk, they would not be in this much pain now.
Toby stood, stumbling slightly as he made his way to the door. He walked outside, the cool air a shock to his body. Happy's truck was still sitting there in her assigned spot, but he couldn't make himself go over there to see if she was still there, in as much pain as him. He stared at it for a moment, tears filling his eyes. Then he blinked and the tears were gone as he turned away. He squared his shoulders and started walking, looking for a cab to take him anywhere but here.
He paid the cabbie to just drive, no place in mind. He just needed to go away. After twenty minutes of aimless driving, small talk long forgotten, a sign caught his eye.
"Stop," Toby whispered haggardly, throwing cash down on the front seat.
Jumping out of the car, he started walking towards a now foreign, yet familiar place. A casino he had frequented regularly back before he had stopped gambling stood in front of him. His heart was racing, his hands shaking as he took step after step towards the door. The lights attracting him like a moth to a flame.
"I cannot have the rug pulled out from under me again."
Toby stopped in his tracks as those words came to the front of his mind. He took a step back quickly. He was about to break his promise. He couldn't do that, not after how much work he had done to quit. How much time he had spent talking himself out of needing the rush.
"I'm married to someone else."
There were those words again. They had been silent for awhile, but they were back, screaming in his head. He started walking hesitantly towards the doors again. The need to forget pushing him, the pull of the temptation too great to ignore. He could forget in here, forget everything that had shattered his hopes and dreams. Taking a deep breath, Toby pulled open the doors, ready to try to numb the pain and blur the rest of the world around him until there was nothing he could focus on but the cards and the table in front of him.
Happy had tried to keep it together as she destroyed everything good in her life. But the second she was alone, everything broke loose. She thought back to the look on Toby's face, devastation and shock, and her heart shattered. The pieces strewn across the floor like broken glass. She slumped against the wall outside, slowly sliding down to the ground. Sobs shook her body as she buried her head in her knees. A pain unlike any other she had ever experienced crept in, leaving her crying and screaming and gasping for air.
She would do anything to make this right, but she didn't know if the pieces could be put back together. She had destroyed all the trust that was between her and Toby. Thinking about what had just happened tore her apart even more. It had killed her to say no to him, when everything inside her was shouting yes. Never in a million years did she want to hurt Toby like that.
When they had first gotten together, she didn't think he had needed to know, it wasn't important. But as more time passed, the more she fell for him and the more scared she had been to tell him. Even the idea that he would be mad and leave was too much to bear. Then he brought up the theoretical marriage. That had been out of nowhere. She didn't even think they were at that place yet, but Toby did. Happy knew she had to tell him, but didn't know how, so she just decided to try to take care of it herself. She thought it would save a lot of pain and heartbreak and Toby would be none the wiser. But she had been wrong and now things were even worse that what she could've imagined.
She slammed her head back against the wall, the pain a physical manifestation of what she was feeling. Slowly she stood and on shaky legs made her way to her truck, not really knowing what to do. She could go back in there and beg Toby to forgive her, but she couldn't face seeing the pain she had caused on his face, not yet at least. She could go to a bar and drink herself into oblivion, but that wouldn't change the fact that she had hurt Toby in the worst possible way. She could go to her dad, he wouldn't ask questions but he would wonder. She could go home, but home reminded her of Toby and all the hours they had spent there together.
Happy slammed her hand down on the steering wheel, hitting it so hard pain radiated up her arm. The light flooding from the door opening cause her to turn her head. Out came Toby, stumbling as he walked. She wanted nothing more than to run to him and hold him while she whispered her apology over and over again, but something stopped her; it was the fear that she had broken them too far past repair. So instead, she continued to watch Toby stumble around, clearly he had had too much to drink. The tears that had stopped now rolled down her face again at seeing Toby like this. She had caused this.
She inhaled sharply when Toby glanced her way. Part of her screamed for him to come this way so they could figure everything out, but she didn't say a word or make a move to let him know she needed him. Instead, she watched him turn and walk away down the road. The one man she loved above everyone else, the one man she had only ever loved, the one man who she had wanted a future with was walking away, putting distance between them. That was the last thing she had wanted, especially after a day like today.
Happy had thought she lost him earlier and it had devastated her just thinking about a life without him. But now she was faced with the possibility that might be true and devastation wasn't a strong enough word for how she felt. There were no words. Slowly she got back out of the car as sobs wracked her body. She ran to the garage and straight to Toby's desk. She hiccuped when she saw the picture he had of the two of them laying on the desk, dried tear stains marring the glass. Slowly she ran a finger down the frame, her sobs coming harder.
Bending down, she opened the bottom draw and pulled out the sweatshirt Toby always kept there. She pulled it over her head, Toby's scent comforting her just a bit. It helped calm her down, until there were no more tears. By wearing his sweatshirt, Happy could almost pretend that Toby was there with her and everything was going to be fine. She went over to her work space, determined to distract her mind with the motorcycle engine she had been working on. She tried to focus on the engine, but her mind kept going back to Toby. She stayed there, trying to work, until she could barely keep her eyes open. Dropping her wrench, she slowly made her way to the couch and collapsed in exhaustion on top. She curled up in a ball and fell asleep praying that she and Toby would make it through this.
A few hours later, Happy woke with a start, screaming Toby's name in panic. She had been dreaming about his kidnapping, but this time she hadn't been able to save him in time. She frantically looked around the garage for him, panic washing over her, momentarily forgetting the night before. Then she remembered and the panic increased, as well as the pain. Grabbing her keys, she raced out to her truck, knowing the only way to curb the panic was by finding Toby and explaining everything. She needed to try to make this work out.
She started driving to his apartment, hoping he would be there and let her in. She was about two blocks away when she saw a familiar looking hat laying in the middle of an alley. She slammed the brakes, squealing to a stop, and jumped out. At the end of the alley she heard someone moaning and raced to their side. Her heart stopped and fell to her stomach when she saw it was Toby. He was bloodied and bruised, one eye almost swollen shut.
"Oh my god, Toby," Happy whispered, kneeling to his side, carefully framing his face with her hands.
Toby turned his head and when he saw Happy, a tear fell out of the corner of his eye, "I'm so sorry, Hap," he whispered over and over.
Happy felt tears falling to her cheeks, a few tears even dropping on his jacket, as she helped Toby up, careful of his injuries, "Don't baby," she quietly said, trying to comfort him, "Everything's going to be alright. I'm going to get you home now. Please don't think any of this was your fault."
But Toby ignored her as she helped him to her truck, Toby heavily leaning on her. Instead he just kept whispering, "I'm so sorry."
Happy didn't think her heart could break anymore and the pain she felt couldn't get worse, but she was wrong. Hearing Toby, seeing him like this, and knowing it could have been avoided, caused her so much more hurt. Her world was slowly falling apart around her and there was nothing she could do.