Disclaimer: I don't own anything Naruto related.
Warning: Some mentions of sex, but only briefly. More importantly, this discusses subjects related to gender and gender identity, please go no further if this may offend or trigger you.
"You're doing it wrong, teme!"
"If you can do it, then I'm not going to have a problem, dobe."
"Yeah, Naruto. Sasuke-kun was the best in the class, and you can't even do a genjutsu."
Kakashi heard the familiar bickering of his students three training grounds away as he ambled up two and a half hours late.
Sakura's familiar "YOU'RE LATE." rounded off what was quickly becoming a tedious morning ritual.
"Eh, not even three hours late. That's practically early for Kaka-sensei." said Naruto.
"Some of the roofs are being rebuilt and I had to go a different way and got lost." The only response to this was three synchronised eye-rolls. Ahh teamwork. "Maa maa, what have my cute little genins been working on this morning?"
"I've been trying to teach them sexy no jutsu, but Sakura-chan doesn't have enough chakra and Sasuke-teme keeps doing it wrong." replied Naruto, pouting angrily.
"I'm doing everything you are doing. It looks exactly the same, what do you think I'm doing wrong." Sasuke shot back before Kakashi had a chance to speak.
"You aren't changing into a girl!" Naruto shouted.
"You've said that a hundred t-"
"Maa maa, hush hush. Let sensei solve the problem." Kakashi interrupted them before they could start brawling.
Kakashi flipped up his hitae-ate and focused his Sharingan eye on Naruto's hands. "Okay, Naruto do the jutsu, then let me be the judge of if Sasuke is doing it right."
Naruto flashed through the hand signs at an incredible speed and-
Kakashi's brain shorted out for a minute, leaving only the thought that this was the most grateful of the Sharingan he had ever been.
Kakashi had never seen the jutsu performed before, but the gorgeous, naked, blond girl barely covered by wisps of cloud absolutely deserved the excessive number of nosebleeds the jutsu has caused. It was only force of will and a body control developed over twenty years that prevented Kakashi from undergoing the same thing.
Naruto then repeated the same hand signs and was momentarily covered by a cloud that dispelled to reveal him to still be female, but now dressed in a tiny pair of orange bike shorts and a cropped shirt that barely covered his incredible cleavage.
Naruto's angry pout and crossed arms went from unbearably cute to irresistibly sexy.
"Okay Sasuke, your turn." Sasuke went through the hand signs far slower, but even without the Sharingan Kakashi would have been able to tell they were correct. Sasuke then turned into a female version of himself with a body fairly similar to Naruto's, also covered by cloud, although slightly more than Naruto had used. Amusingly his face was exactly the same, just outlined with make-up.
Sasuke allowed the jutsu to dispel and turned back into a male version of himself.
"See, sensei. I did it perfectly."
"Nuh uh." Naruto interjected, waving his arms and making his breasts bounce distractingly.
"Uh huh, Naruto." Sakura replied. "It was exactly the same and Kakashi-sensei is going to say so. Right sensei?"
Three pairs of eyes turned to look at him beseechingly. "Maybe." Kakashi honestly wasn't sure what to think. On the surface the bit with the clouds did look exactly the same, but Sasuke's was more like a genjutsu while Naruto's was definitely his own modified henge. "They look the same" Sasuke looked smugly triumphant, while Sakura made the same face but directed it at Naruto "But... Sasuke, can you do the second part that Naruto's doing now?"
Sasuke's face lost a hint of its triumph. "I'm still working on the precision and power."
"What he means is that he can't get rid of his penis." Kakashi smiled behind his mask at Naruto's special brand of bluntness. Although taking the jutsu into consideration, it did make sense. It was designed to make people look to a degree far more intense than most observations and nothing except the most powerful genjutsu would hide a bulge, and anything of that power came with issues of its own, mostly for the person casting it.
"You are both correct."
"HAHA, TAKE THAT- what?" Sakura and Naruto shouted in perfect sync.
"Sasuke, what you do copies Naruto's jutsu perfectly, you're just doing it completely differently to how he does it."
"Sasuke's doing a genjutsu, while Naruto is doing something like a henge, only solid." Kakashi explained.
Sasuke, instead of replying, performed the hand seals for henge, and turned into an odd combination of what was clearly Sakura's body, superimposed with own his hair and eye colour.
Sasuke was only able to hold it for about a minute before he turned back into himself. Sakura proved her intelligence by almost immediately recognising what Sasuke had done, then proved her lack of maturity by obviously wavering between being happy Sasuke had copied her and shouting at him for being a pervert. Maybe some lessons on hiding their feelings. All three of them could do with the help.
Kakashi was happy to leave Sasuke to learn the issue with turning himself into a girl through experience, because nothing else ever really stuck, no matter how graphic the lesson. It took a level of mental fortitude and insanity no genin and very few chuunin had, to change gender and not reveal how discomforting it was. Kakashi himself could do it, but, like most people, really preferred not to. It was only used as a last minute disguise, because any mission that specifically required a shinobi or kunoichi could be assigned appropriately.
"Okay, nope. I'll stick with the genjutsu." Sasuke visibly shook. "I always knew there was something wrong with you, dobe. How can you stay like that?"
"Hey, there's nothing wrong with me. You're just trying to make up an excuse 'cause you can't do it." Naruto shouted back.
It was quickly becoming evident that Naruto was very different to most people, in a way that neither his teammates or he himself really understood. "Maa maa. Sasuke, Sakura four laps around the village."
"That's not fair Kakashi-sensei. Why doesn't Naruto have to do it, too." Civilian children and their notions of fairness were the bane of shinobi everywhere.
"Life isn't fair, Sakura. Four laps. Go" Both of his students had mulish looks on their faces but did what he said never the less.
"What's up, Kaka-sensei." Naruto was sitting on the ground, leaning back on his hands in a way that made his breasts push out. If Kakashi didn't know he was doing it unintentionally he almost would have been impressed. Kakashi joined Naruto on the ground, sitting in a practiced position that allowed him to reach all his weapons, as well as get up in an instant if need be.
"Your jutsu... why did you develop it?" Maybe skirting around the topic would lead to the answer to a question Kakashi wasn't even certain of.
"'Cause ANBU keep track of people using henges and its easier to get away from them if they're distracted." Naruto shrugged as he answered.
"But why did you make it so... complete?"
"What?" Naruto's brow creased with confusion.
"I mean, if you just wanted a distracting henge why didn't you just do something to make your hair longer and give yourself breasts." That's what Kakashi didn't really understand. He'd done that himself in the past, because once he pulled down his mask, changed his hair colour and flashed some cleavage, men, and some women, were always more willing to pass on information.
"Like just make my boy self a girl?"
"Yes! Just change little bits of yourself to look like a girl."
"Well, Kaka-sensei, you don't even notice normally, and you're the biggest pervert I know, so it's not very distracting, is it?"
"I was a girl all of last week, and when you first met us, and, for some reason, every day we've had to catch that stupid cat."
"I know right. I thought you'd figured it out, but then I realised it was a complete accident."
...Maybe reading porn instead of concentrating was affecting his observation skills. "Every time you've gone after that cat?"
"That's what I just said, Kaka-sensei!"
Kakashi's genius mind was engaged properly now, to make up for his clear deficit so far. His student had been using a solid henge to turn into a girl regularly, presumably for a large portion of his...? her...? their...? life, and no one had noticed. Ever?
"Okay, leaving that aside for a minute, why were you teaching your teammates then?"
"Well Sakura's so pretty she'd just need to get rid of her clothes and give herself boobs. But she couldn't do it, and then Sasuke told me to teach him, and you said teamwork was about helping your teammates and sharing so I did, because the teme is pretty too, so he'd just need to do what Sakura needs to, except I didn't think he'd have a penis and he can't get rid of it."
Had Naruto missed sex ed entirely? No one had ever given him(?) the talk? Ah, but who would have. The Hokage certainly wouldn't have, and ANBU stayed out of his sight. Did Naruto truly have no one else?
Time to try a different tack. "Naruto, why am I a boy?"
"Because you want to be." Naruto replied promptly.
"And you want to be a boy too?"
"Sometimes. Obviously. Sensei I just told you I'm a girl sometimes. I'm a girl right now!" Right. Obviously.
"And penises and vaginas, what are they for?" Kakashi really didn't want to be having this conversation, but sacrifices had to be made.
"And you learnt that where?" Kakashi almost didn't want to hear the answer to this.
"When I was little I got lost and had to spend the night in an alley behind a whorehouse and a couple of windows were open. I had to ask jiji what some of the words meant, but he explained it and I got a new apartment the next day that was really near the ramen stand." Okay no, it was worth it to now have the image of the Hokage having to explain to a child what 'cock', 'pussy' and other, presumably very dirty, words meant in context.
But that did raise other questions, because if Naruto apparently alternated genitalia, and was aware of it's purpose, then would she(?) alternate between them for sex too? Yeah, no. No sacrifice was worth this conversation. Fortunately Kakashi could just listen to Naruto ramble, because she(?) had not yet stopped talking.
"... and he explained that boys have penises, and girls have vaginas, and penises go in vaginas for sex. Except I'm not stupid, and I read an Icha Icha once and it said that people do other things for sex too. But that means, 'cause Sasuke-teme can't get rid of his penis he can't have sex properly, 'cause who ever he ends up with is gonna have to stay as a girl."
Nope. Fuck this. Kakashi had assumed this wasn't going to be a problem for at least two years, but of course his cute little, tiny, baby, prepubescent genins, or, at least, one in particular, had to fuck everything up.
"Not quite, Naruto. I want you to go and find your teammates and tell them to take the day off, then come to the Hokage's office to meet me, okay."
"Okay, Kaka-sensei." Naruto jumped up from the ground, and sprinted off, but Kakashi only let her(?) get a few steps before calling out. "You might want to go the other way so you run into them instead of trying to catch up." And Kakashi had no shame in being a pervert and so happily watched Naruto's breasts bounce as she(?) ran back toward him, and then her(?) legs and ass as she(?) went passed him.
Kakashi, for the first time in years, went directly to where he said he'd be going, because this was a conversation that needed to be had, but Kakashi had some questions of his own that needed to be answered, and that the closest person Naruto had to family of her(?) own was also widely known as 'The Professor' was very, very convenient.
He had so not signed up for this shit.
AN: So obviously this isn't explained in the fic, but the Kyuubi is canonically gender-neutral, being a being of pure chakra and all, and I kind of extrapolated to say maybe that effected Naruto's sense of self a bit. I also clearly used the Sexy no Jutsu as a way to analyse this, because I've seen it be touched by other authors but never really properly looked into. Also, I've played a bit with the ability of other people to use Sexy no Jutsu, but don't plan to go into this, as while this technically sits in canon around early stages of Team 7, I don't really plan for it to have an effect on actual canon, because if I continue, I'll keep this as in the background of actual events.
I'd also like to make it clear that the views expressed, either positive or negative may or may not reflect my own, but only peripherally, as I'm trying to maintain my characterisation in the fic, and how I think it would come up as opposed to writing my own treatise or expressing my opinions on gender identity. If you want to chat to me about this, or say if something is truly offensive, please review or message me and let me know and I'll 100% get back to you.
Also I'm cross posting this from Ao3, so if you recognise this, don't worry, I'm not stealing other peoples work.
Aside from that, hope you like it.