Disclaimer: Nope not mine!
A/N: I hope this is going over okay. It's new for me so I'm a bit nervous..
We spend our lives building up walls, thick layers we are sure will never get tore down. It's hard though, when someone comes along and begins to knock those walls down. The feeling you get, exposed, naked, it's not a easy one. Those walls were there for a reason, but once they are gone, we are left to feel, and feeling is never easy, feeling hurts, but if we allow ourselves, sometimes, letting those walls down might just be worth it.
Alex had never really liked people, he had tried, because his job sorta required it, but no matter how much work he put into it he knew he'd be a people person. Maybe that's why he found it strange how well he got along with kids. Tiny people? He could deal with them, but their parents, that was always another story. Still as he laid awake at 4 a.m. staring at the bland walls in Meredith's guest bedroom, he was actually missing the sound of people. The quiet made him think, and he was beginning to think he hated silence more than he did people.
His eyes jerked up to see Meredith standing in the doorway smiling softly at him. Since she became a mom, he found it amusing how her tone was all comforting at times, like an actual mom tone or something.
"Yeah, you too?"
"Bailey had a nightmare," she shrugged. "He's fine now though."
"Yeah? Think I might be having one too." He frowned.
Her watched Meredith as she nodded and walked over to his bed. Slowly she crawled in beside him and relaxed. "Our nightmares are real though, that's the part that sucks."
"Tell me about it." He spoke with a frown.
"Amelia said Jo asked about you today."
"Am I supposed to be touched?" Alex asked.
"I don't know," Meredith laughed. "Maybe a little."
"Well I'm not."
"She just wanted to make sure you were here and okay."
"Where else did she think I'd be?" He questioned looking at Meredith. With a chuckle he shook his head, "Bet she hates that I'm here."
"Probably. Somehow I don't think I'll ever be her best friend," She smiled.
"Better not be."
"Don't worry Karev, you're pretty much stuck with me at this point."
He nodded his head, he wouldn't tell her, but he was perfectly fine with that. Without Meredith, without the kids he was sure he would drown. They were his comfort zone, and the one place he felt like he belonged. He wondered when all that really happened, when suddenly this twisty, inappropriate woman and her children became home to him.
"Hey, I was in your basement today, wouldn't take much to make it a pretty sweet apartment." He spoke looking over at her.
"You want my basement?" Meredith asked arching a eyebrow.
"I don't know, I was just thinking, it's a big space, and it's kinda empty."
"And there's alot of women that get on your nerves here?" Meredith asked knowingly.
"Amelia and Maggie look at me a lot," he shrugged. "And they ask questions, they are not you and Yang," he shrugged.
"So you plan on being here awhile then?" Meredith pondered, "I mean, if you want my basement."
"Unless you want me to leave?"
"No," Meredith laughed smacking him on the arm. "You are my person, you stay. If you want the basement, it's yours."
"Yes Karev I'm sure," she chuckled, "I will even help yo"u fix it up if you want."
"Sounds like a plan, just no chick stuff. It's gonna be a man cave, a place for me and Bailey to hide from all you women when you're being all girly and crap," he joked.
He watched as Meredith rolled her eyes at him and then sighed, "So you really think it's over?"
Alex smiled and wrapped his arm around Meredith pulling his closer, he sighed as he felt her head rest on his shoulder. She smelled like lavender and some other kind of girly scent he wasn't sure about. "She's not my post it note Mer, you had Derrick, he was yours, we don't all get post it notes and all that stuff."
"My story didn't excatly get the happy ever after," Meredith frowned.
"Yeah and that sucks."
"I shouldn't have let myself think this was ever gonna work." He spoke groaning. "Why did I ever let myself think Jo would want all that stuff with me? Marriage, kids, picket fences? Dude that's not even me."
"It's totally you, now," Meredith smiled. "And she's the one that brought it up, totally not your fault."
"Yeah, I should have just kept my mouth shut." He groaned. "I freaking suggested a dog, Grey."
"And a goldfish," she smirked.
"Shut it." He huffed. "I just..." He began, "I had been with this family all day, miracle baby and perfect parents, you know how that goes, and I was just thinking how I wanted something like that. When I suggested the dog her eyes got all wide though, and I just asked her if she ever wanted any of that with me, and she just shrugged her shoulders and said she didn't know."
He felt Meredith's hand rest on his leg, "What happened then?"
"Crap," he muttered. "Am I really doing this?"
"You are." Meredith smirked. "We're sharing, don't stop now."
He rolled his eyes, because he wanted to stop, but he knew he probably wouldn't. Talking about feelings was not his strong suit. He had always hated feeling weak, like he couldn't handle his emotions. He was supposed to be able to be strong and just deal, but every now and then stupid Meredith with her grin and bright eyes made him go all emotional. He knew he'd feel better just to spit everything out, but it still didn't make it any easier.
"Whatever," he grumbled. "I don't know, I asked her what were we even doing, and if where did we stand. It just got quiet then, and we didn't really say much. She just doesn't know what she wants, and after all this time, she should right?"
"I would think."
"I mean she's the one that put it all in my head, got me thinking about it all anyway."
"You'll find it, someday, you'll find it."
"Don't do that Grey." Alex warned.
"Go sap on me, don't."
"But you deserve it." She added. "We both do."
"Hey Alex." He heard her whisper quietly."
"What happens when you move to the basement and can't sleep? When I don't see your light and know you're up." Meredith asked honestly.
"I'll text you," he shrugged.
"You better." She smiled.
"You're such a freaking girl." He grinned.
"Yes, and you need me." She teased with a laugh.
"Shut up Grey."
She threw her head back and laughed as she swatted his arm and shook her head at him, "Go to sleep Karev, you have a long day tomorrow."
If Meredith had learned one thing over the years it was this, if you were looking for a career where you didn't have to deal with high school drama type stuff, picking a job in a hospital would not be a good idea. She had walked into the hospital earlier with Alex and then watched as he quickly went the other way, determined to avoid Jo if at all possible.
Meredith was about to turn a corner when she sighed, realizing Jo was headed toward her. She took a deep breath and pasted a smile on her face.
"Hey, can I talk to you for a second?" Jo asked.
"If this is about Alex..."
Jo dropped her head, "He's staying with you right?"
"He is." Meredith nodded.
"Well I was just wondering..." Jo paused, "Is he okay?"
Meredith sighed, "Okay?"
"Yeah, I mean how's he doing?"
Meredith frowned, "Have you asked him that?"
"I've tried, but I think he's avoiding me." Jo frowned.
"Alex is dealing the way Alex deals," Meredith spoke. "I'm sure when he's ready to talk he will."
Meredith looked around carefully, if she could just find a exit strategy, she could end this awkward conversation once and for all. She saw Amelia walking up the hall, but when she saw Meredith, she only smirked and waved with one hand as she turned to corner.
Jo nodded, "I do love him, I don't know what he has said but I do."
"Then tell him that," Meredith spoke with a tight smile.
"I just, I don't know what I want, or when I'll be ready for what I want," Jo sighed dropping her head.
"My advice?" Meredith spoke slowly, "If you want Alex, maybe it's time you figure that out."
She felt her phone buzz and she looked down to see a text from Alex, 'Is she talking about me?' It said. Quickly she typed back, 'How'd you even know?' She saw Jo look at her and she forced a smile as Alex texted back, 'People talk.' trying not to frown she responded, 'Help! This is awkward.' She almost groaned when she got back a laughing emoji and nothing more.
"I don't think it even matters anymore," Jo shrugged. "We aren't in the same place."
Bringing herself back to the conversation she slide her phone in her pocket. "Are you sure?"
"Yeah." Jo nodded.
Meredith grimaced, "You're the one that put it in his mind to begin with," she spoke tightly. "Those thoughts were very unKarev and you put them there."
"Maybe I did."
"You think he'd got there this fast on his on?"
"Maybe, the way he takes care of you and your kids, I don't see why he wouldn't." Jo frowned.
"Well," Meredith spoke taking a deep breath, "As much fun as this conversation is, I need to get back to work. If you want to talk to Alex, give him time."
"Yeah, okay." Jo nodded as she turned to walk off.
Grabbing her phone Meredith let out a frustrated groan as she sent a quick text. 'You can come out now, she's gone.' She almost laughed when he sent back, 'What did she say about me?' Rolling her eyes she responded, 'Now whose the girl Karev?'
The angry emoji's he sent her back only made her laugh harder.