I just realised today (i.e. Sat. 7th) that I'm supposed to be writing… yeah I have a whole list of excuses… but *ahem* you don't want to hear them…

Disclaimer: No they're not mine, and I'm sorry in advance for my writing.

That is all. Apart from: GO WEB GO!

And no hobbits were harmed in the production of this writing… story… thing…

_~*~_

…and standing in the hallway was their greatest nightmare… in fact it was so horrible that they both went into a pathological state of shock, had to be shot with a tranquliser gun and had to be taken to the Rivendell A& E.

What was this horrible fiend? I wouldn't want to scare the readers but… just so you know… it's 6ft tall, pinky-purple with green spots and it's a dinosaur with a sickeningly 'nice' outlook on life. If you see it stay away! Don't say I haven't warned you…

Merry looked at Pippin, who was sitting on the floor, shaking, and rocking backwards and forwards.

"Hey it's all right man, it's not going to spread peace and love while I'm around."

Pippin looked at Merry in a friendly brotherly-love kind of way – the sort of look that makes slash writers be glad that they're alive.

Merry might have said something else, perhaps reveal a deep dark secret, or maybe just added a nonchalent comment.. but Arwen walked in with a particularly unpleasant look on her face.

That isn't to say her face looked unpleasant, because being an elven beauty even when she walks into rooms with unpleasant looks on her face she still looks all pretty and lovely.

Just not quite so pretty and lovely.

"Did Legolas pay you to search Aragorn's room?" She demanded, picking Pippin up by his braces.

That is to say the things that held his trousers (a/n pants for all you lovely americans) up, and not made his teeth nice and straight.

Because that would be just stupid.. Right?

"Well that would depend who Aragorn was." Pointed out Merry.

Arwen glared.

"Describe him…?" Gulped Pippin, still dangling 5ft above the floor.

"Well… he has nice eyes… and arms… and a great body!" Arwen said enthusiastically

Merry looked deadpan.

"And you know him as Strider." She said, annoyed that they hadn't even bothered to read the great article about her and Aragorn in "Hello' magazine.

Merry continued to looked deadpan

"And messy hair…?"

"Oh yeah! Him…" Said Merry. Arwen dropped Pippin and looked at Merry.

"And?"

"And?" Said Merry, a little puzzled where this coversation was going.

"And did you search his room?" Arwen looked like she was going to eat one (or both) of the Hobbits alive soon. In a well-mannered way of course.

Merry looked at Pip, who nodded, then fainted.

"Yeah..."

Arwen leaned closer.

"Did Legolas tell you to?"

"Uhhh… Yes?"

Arwen sweared. Then she sweared again. Then she uttered a long string of Elven expletives which, with a few words exchanged for nicer ones, probably translated to something like: "That nasty bunny-rabbit puppy-Elf is bunny-rabbit jealous of me. I'll get the bunny-rabbit puppy fluffy-kitten back for this."

But of course, since she was an Elven beauty her voice sounded like bells ringing in the wind even while she said all those charming things.

She stormed out the room and slammed the door which caused Pippin to start having a seizure.

Merry shrugged and started eating a Mars Bar.

_~*~_

Meanwhile….

Legolas was not pleased with the Midgets' work. In fact, he wasn't really pleased with anything, being the grumpy elf that he is.

But he decided, since he was all alone, with the attention focused on him, it was an excellent time to say a Soliloquy, although unfortunately he couldn't think of one for himself so he started quoting Hamlet. But then, when he forgot the part after "To be or not to be?" he gave up and brutally murdered a passing slave girl just for the hell of it.

He stormed off dramatically to his room to get changed out of his robes, which were stained with blood, smashed brain and other (edible) body parts and made a note for the slave to take them to the dry cleaners.

He paused, then booby-trapped the note so he could kill the slave as well and left.

Back in the corridors of Rivendell he finally met up with the scruffy dude Arwen seemed to have 'an interest' in.

"Hi." Said Aragorn as he wandered casually down the corridor.

"Hi." Said Legolas, then he realised who it was and stuck a "kick-me" sign on Aragorn's back.

Am I really that immature? He asked himself.

YES! Everything inside him screamed. He shrugged and continued walking down the corridor.

When he had finally reached somewhere that wasn't a Corridor. He saw Arwen approach.

And she was not a happy bunny.

"Hello Leg-o-las." She said stiffly.

Legolas scratched the back of his neck. "Gee.. hi Arwen."

At that moment a gunshot and a scream issued from the general direction of Legolas's room. He smiled evily.

(Cue camera close-up on his evily-smiling face)

"Excuse me? This is my revenge scene!" Screamed Arwen "And I intend on getting my revenge good and proper." From her cloak she brought forth a shadowed object.

Legolas screamed. Then he screamed again.

"Noooooooooooooo….." He yelled "Not a –"

And there I finish my part of the story so that WinterRose gets the joy of writing…

Well if you want to flame me.. go ahead… It's so cold here… Just don't flame the others.. they might live somewhere nice…