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What You Wanted

"What may be broken to you is beautiful to me." 4x01 AU: Sometimes you don't have to runaway to find what was meant to be…

Chapter Ten

His blank word document was mocking him, the cursor blinking in hypnotic beats to steal all his concentration from the latest dilemma for Nikki and Rook. Castle tried to focus, tried to clear his mind from worry about a certain brunette detective across town, but every word, every inanimate object in his office somehow reminded him of her.

That was the crux of the issue.

Thinking of her was making him crazy.

The thought of Beckett, alone, caused his heart to race and his chest to constrict. It was ridiculous. She was the one that had the bullet rip through her chest earlier in the summer, not him, yet here he was, an erratic mess. Completely and utterly useless.

He understood why she was there and he was here, but only to a point.

Kate needed to stand on her own two feet, needed to take her life back with some degree of normalcy, but they were something in the Hamptons. Every step of the way, he had her back and now -

What if the shooter found her and she was in trouble?

What if she was hurting and he wasn't there?

What if -

A soft knock pulled him from his thoughts, the noise barely discernible amongst the panic going through his mind. He spun toward the door, he wasn't expecting anyone and Alexis had already left for the night.

Trepidation filled every step as he walked toward the door, he couldn't help but think of every worst case scenario in his head. God, he was being dramatic. The doorman wouldn't have just let anyone up here without his knowledge. That could only mean -

He opened the door to find her standing in the hallway, completely intact and seemingly nervous, almost rocking back and forth on her heels. "Kate. What are you -?" he whispered his question before the words trailed off, leaving him completely tongue tied. Her eyes remained glued to the floor and silence hung in the air, before Kate looked up at him with a smile.

"I love you, Rick."

Everything froze around him, the only movement was the rapid beating of his heart. Her confidence seemed to grow from his shock as she moved forward.

He'd suspected it this summer, even dreamed about it, but hearing her say the words out loud took his breath away. It was far better than any assumption or subtext. She loved him and she came all the way to his place, despite the danger still present in their lives, just to tell him how she felt.

Kate slid through the open door, squeezing past him as he stood frozen in place for far longer than he should have. She cleared her throat, snapping him out of his daze and he finally moved to shut the door. When he turned however, he found Kate standing closer than expected.

Castle offered her a hesitant smile, before his mind caught up with the fluttering in his chest and his mouth grazed against hers. "You love me." The word fell from his lips in a gasp that painted her skin. She tried to pull back slightly, but he wasn't letting her go just yet. With a laugh, she offered him a small nod that pressed her forehead onto his.

"I do," she said, reaching forward and lacing her fingers with his. "And I was thinking that I didn't want to wait until tomorrow to tell you."

"Nothing like seizing the day," he said, his smile stretching wider than before as he pulled her closer into his body.

This was terrifying, but safe.

Her mind was swirling through one contradiction to the next as she wrapped her arms tighter around his torso. The idea of taking that next step with Castle, baring her heart, being so open and honest when she still felt so broken was scarier than she could imagine. Yet once she looked up into his eyes and saw the way they sparkled from her confession, it made her feel whole. He did that, had a way of piecing all the broken shards of her life back together into something that made sense again. She couldn't push him away, not when she so desperately needed him close.

"I don't want to sound ungrateful to have you in my arms professing your love for me…"

She couldn't help the groan that slipped from her lips at his statement. "When you say it like that…"

"Hush. It's a good thing," he hummed, lips brushing against the crown of her head. It all felt domestic, which was a weird thought after spending the entire summer with the man. "As I was saying, I'm not going to complain, but what made you decide to come here tonight?"

She pulled back from the warmth of his body, trying her best to concentrate on what she came to tell him. No distractions even though the idea of all the ways he could distract her were all so tempting.

"I missed you. As much as it completely kills me to say, you were right about things." Kate tucked her chin to her chest for a moment, the words she wanted to say frozen on her lips for a second. She took a breath and lifted eyes, continuing her explanation with almost a whisper. "I had myself convinced that this was for the best, that going back to my apartment alone was necessary to prove to everyone that I was okay. But it turns out, I'm not okay, Castle."

"Kate…"

"No, let me finish." She shook her head, reaching up to gently card her fingers through the few unruly strands of his hair that rested against his forehead. "I was shot. I almost died and it's only been a couple months. I try to pretend that I can hold the weight of the world on my shoulders, but I can't, at least not now, not by myself. Then you- you made the weight lighter this summer, Castle, and I don't want to pretend anymore, at least not with you."

"I don't want you to pretend with me."

"I know. Because beneath the overgrown two year old that you can be from time to time -" His face fell momentarily in mock offense before she leaned forward and brush a soft kiss against his lips. "You're an amazing man and my best friend and I'm lucky enough that you love me. You make me stronger. Stronger than I ever was before I was shot... and I know I'm rambling and not making a ton of sense…"

"You're perfect," Castle said, lightly chuckling.

"What I'm trying to say is...I don't want to be alone anymore. I'm in this - with you." He cupped her jaw in his palm and brought her lips up to his, this time, the kiss was anything but soft. Her heart hammered against her ribs as his mouth worked over hers, desperate and longing. She broke away on a gasp. "I love you."

She rested her forehead against his, breath mingling. Castle eyes lit up and a smile stretched across his face. He looked like he was in awe, almost like he never believed that they would end up in this place. "I love you, too. So much, Kate."

Her eyebrow quirked and she giggled, low and seductive. "Oh yeah? Then show me…"

"Show you?" he asked, nearly choking. "Wait, you mean?"

"Didn't think I'd have to spell it out for you, Castle. You're really killing your playboy image here," she teased, nipping at his ear.

"Evil," he growled, pulling her tighter against the wall of his body, lips crushing against hers. "Prepare to have your world rocked."

"Cut the cheesy lines or you'll ruin the mood," she hummed, scraping her teeth playfully on his jaw. "Take me to bed, Castle…"

Tbc

Thanks so much for reading! There should be one more chapter left in this one.

Special thanks to my beta lovelies for reading and encouraging me to keep writing.

xoxo