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What You Wanted

"What may be broken to you is beautiful to me." 4x01 AU: Sometimes you don't have to runaway to find what was meant to be…

Chapter Eight

The air felt lighter in the morning.

He woke up and eased out of bed with an extra spring in his step. Every possible cliché about the world being brighter and happier when you're in love came to mind as he wandered down the hallway. He felt like a walking cartoon with heart eyes bulging from his head.

It was ridiculous. He needed to get a grip.

Nearing the kitchen, he cleared his throat to try his best to calm his nerves and play it cool. This was his partner, the same partner who he'd been in love with for awhile now.

Yet everything was different. They had promised to take it slow. He could handle that, he could handle anything knowing that he was in a relationship with Kate.

"Good morning." He drifted around the island, finding Beckett perched on one of the bar stools at the counter, lips pressed to her coffee mug, reading. Even like this, even with bedhead and only in pajamas, she was breathtaking.

She looked up from her book and smiled at his greeting.

"Hey, Castle."

"You're up early," he said, propping his hip against the cabinet, as his eyes landed on the French press and empty mug sitting next to her plate of fresh fruit. "Oh, and you made coffee?"

"Yeah. Just wanted to say thank you," she hummed, a casual smile playing on her lips as she poured him a fresh cup.

"Thank you?"

With a soft laugh, she shook her head and handed him the mug, their fingers gently brushing when the thick of his palm wrapped around the warm ceramic. A faint shade of pink colored her cheeks upon contact, it was both beautiful and reassuring that just the simplest of touches affected her as much as they affected him.

"And you call yourself a writer?" she teased. "I thought you knew basic vocabulary."

"Funny."

She winked at him and took another sip of her coffee. "It's just a little thank you for being you and being here for me this summer."

He moved next to her, dipping his chin to press his lips against her forehead and she sighed, leaning into his touch. She shouldn't be thanking him, her presence this summer had been a gift enough. She was so different in the Hamptons, so open with him. Every once in awhile, in moments like this, the idea that she chose to be here with him, took his breath away.

"You're welcome. But I should be thanking you for letting me, be here with you."

"Don't be silly. It's the least I could do, since it's your house and all," she said, smirking.

Her eyes sparkled, joy decorating every fleck of color in the kaleidoscope of her iris. He found himself lost in them, and it took him more than a few seconds to come back to himself, completely captivated. He cleared his throat, trying to focus.

"Can I take you somewhere tonight, Kate?" He paused, trying to find an excuse for the date without pressuring her with an official label. Kate tucked her head into the cove of his neck, almost like an invitation for him to wrap his arms around her. She didn't have to say the words and shatter their quiet moment, he was happy to oblige on her silent plea. He slid his hands tentatively to rest against her hips, holding her close and allowing his lips to brush in her hair as he spoke. "We can celebrate your recovery…"

It's not what he wanted to say, but it was still as good of an excuse as any to take her out.

"I'd like that." She lifted her head, turning to meet his eyes with a smile growing across her cheeks.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. But instead of focusing on recovery and let's focus on something a little lighter – like us?"

Her expression was electric - eyes bright, smile wide.

Contagious.

A grin stretched across his face as his fingers gripped her waist, caressing the bare skin he managed to find beneath her shirt. She sank into his touch, a happy hum slipping from her lips. And he quickly realized he could listen to that sound forever.

"Really? I didn't – I didn't want to assume anything. I mean we talked, but…"

"You're cute when you're flustered," she murmured, her hands finding his, giving them a squeeze.

"Kate."

"I meant what I said last night, Castle. I don't want to put us on hold anymore."

So, they were really doing this. It wasn't a dream.

"So tonight?"

"I guess it's technically our first date." Her voice had a shy quality to it. Not the bite or tone that she typically would use with him at the precinct. This was more personal, private, just for him. "Honestly, calling it that is kind of weird since we've been out together before."

"Maybe we don't have to label it then. It's a date, but there's no pressure or expectations, about anything."

She nodded, dotting a brief peck on his cheek.

"We're just us."

"Just us."

"No pressure," she mumbled to herself, staring at her reflection in the floor length mirror. Her hands grazed along the steep neckline of her white sundress, the gauzy material held up by the thin straps against her sun kissed skin. Her fingers tripped against the angry reddened area on her chest, causing her heart to drop.

This dress didn't hide it either. It was her last option out of the four others she had tried on. It was hopeless; they all revealed the patch of skin she longed to pretend wasn't there.

She closed her eyes at the sight, pulling a deep breath into her lungs to calm the sick feeling that clenched in her stomach.

Before the shooting she had never given much thought to her appearance, using her looks to her advantage whenever it was necessary but usually it was an afterthought.

She no longer had that luxury.

Her body was now covered with scars that were more 'scary movie' than sex appeal. Unfortunately, her t-shirts and casual clothing were the only items that completely masked the discolored marks etched across her skin.

"You look beautiful."

Kate's eyes fluttered open to find Castle standing behind her in the mirror. His expression held a warmth to it – love. It was like he refused to see the ugliness that she couldn't help but focus on.

"I should change."

"Why? You look exquisite."

"It's nothing special, Castle. I just – the neckline…" Her voice trailed off and a lump formed in the back of her throat as she brushed her knuckles against her scar. Castle placed his hand on the bare skin of her upper arm, turning her to face him.

"The neckline is fine. The dress is fine. It's magnificent because it's you and you're here with me."

"Such a romantic," she huffed, trying to hold back her smile. He always had a way of cheering her up this summer, even on the darkest days of her recovery.

A constant beacon of light.

"It's the writer in me." His tone was slightly defensive, but she wouldn't let him doubt himself as she reached forward to squeeze his hand.

"Don't change."

"I won't, as long as you don't either," he said with a gleam in his eye.

"Clever word play, Mr. Castle."

"You sort of just walked right into it."

"Mmhmm, I guess I did."

"You ready?"

"I should –" she hesitated and took a step back to look at the mirror, but he shook his head.

"Beautiful," he said, cupping her jaw and tracing his thumb along her cheekbone. "Remember?"

"You look pretty handsome yourself, Castle."

"Let's go make the rest of Southampton jealous."

"Lead the way."

Sweet small talk.

A gourmet meal.

Breathtaking atmosphere.

She offered him a soft smile and sipped her glass of red. Pleasantly relaxed in her seat, she listened to his tale of Alexis's first time at this restaurant. He had let her order anything from the menu she had wanted. Needless to say, he had learned his lesson when his eight year old daughter spit caviar all over the unsuspecting waiter when he had asked her how she appreciated the fine quality in their choice of fish eggs.

He laughed during her retelling of a family vacation when her young stubborn sixteen year old self snuck out of the beach house they had rented for the week, only to be caught by her mother who had waited outside her bedroom window.

"It was like we were mentally linked in some way. She always knew when I was up to something."

"What about rebel Becks?" he asked, eyebrows dancing at the nickname. "How did you get away with all that teenage angst that you always alluded to?"

"I had to get creative."

"Ah, I think we would've gotten along back then." He chuckled, taking a sip of his scotch.

"I probably would've thought you were a creepy old man," she teased, arching her brow as she laughed.

"Old? Mid-twenties was hardly old," he scoffed, his lip drooping at the idea. It was cute.

He was cute.

Cute? Had her teenage self momentarily take over her thoughts? She was falling for him, quicker than she ever thought she'd allow herself to. Her walls were still there, still protecting her, but no longer meant for him.

He was on the inside now.

"You'd want Alexis hanging out with someone in their mid-twenties?"

"I see your point," he groaned, shaking his head and dramatically shivering. "It's a good thing we met when we did then. The appropriate age for me to wear you down with my ruggedly good looks."

And man did he...

It was an inevitable journey from day one. She didn't believe in destiny, but the attraction was there, almost biological. Thankfully he was persistent - focused.

Unlike when they had first –

Oh. She'd never told him and there was no way he had remembered.

"True, only that's not when we actually first met."

"It's not?" His eyes narrowed, leaning forward, forearms propping him up against the white tablecloth.

Intrigue flashed across his expression.

"Nope. We met about nine years before then…"

"You didn't –" Speechless. One thing she had never been able to accomplish. She made Richard Castle, jaw droppingly speechless.

Kate laughed with a nod. "Waited in line for an hour at the signing when Flowers for Your Grave came out."

"How can I not remember this?" he whined. He was always about the story and it had to be killing him to not have every last detail of theirs.

"Castle, I was a scrawny brunette in a sea of blonde bimbos. It was easy to not remember me. Plus that was so long ago."

"I wish I could remember a young Kate Beckett." He reached for her hand, toying with her fingers between his own. She couldn't help smiling at the contrast in size between their digits; his large hand could easily engulf hers or offer support when she'd need it most.

"It was something my mom had planned on doing, but she never had the chance. So when I passed by and saw the poster in the Barnes and Nobles window, I figured what the heck."

"Please tell me I wasn't an ass?" Castle's eyes were wide, like this past encounter could possibly taint their future.

"No," she said, shaking her head. "You were very gracious. You even took a picture with me."

"There's a picture? Do you still have it?" he asked, his face lightening. Of course he'd want to see the picture, not that she blamed him.

"I do. It managed to survive when my apartment blew up. The book protected it. I'll show you when we go back to the city."

The mention of going back silenced them both; she could almost hear his heartbeat hammering in time with hers. She hadn't told him yet. There hadn't been a good time – a right time.

"Speaking of the city…"

"I want to go back," she blurted out. Her lips moved before her brain could process what she was saying. She meant it, but she hadn't intended on bringing it up over dinner. Tonight was meant for soft touches and tentative kisses, not discussions of plans that could fracture the delicate foundation of their newfound relationship.

"Kate –"

Castle's cell phone interrupted him, silencing his words, left heavy on his tongue. They both stared at the device, like they were frozen in the moment. She blinked away her irritation with the call and offered him a small nod, her lips pressed in a thin smile. It wasn't his fault.

"You should get that."

He nodded, unable to look away from the source of the disturbance for far longer than necessary. There was concern etched in the worry lines near his eyes when he looked back at her.

"Kate – it's the precinct."

tbc

Thanks so much for reading. I appreciate all the feedback!

xoxo

A & E...you guys make me laugh daily. Thx for all the husks.