This is my rather belated entry to my own challenge. I have strange ideas in the middle of the night, what can I say? Actually, this mad scheme is the brainchild of a particularly boring algebra lecture and an über- productive imagination. God Help us all.

I own nothing but my socks. Wait, no. I liberated these from my sister's closet. Darn. I don't even own my socks. On with the show!

The Rocky Hogwarts Picture Show

Chapter One: The Old man and the Play

The war was over, Voldemort was dead and Albus Dumbledore was hard pressed trying to find new and fresh ways to celebrate the momentous occasion. It had to be something new, something exciting and - most importantly - something everyone would hate with a fiery, fiery vengeance.

"Ah-ha! I've got it!" Dumbledore shouted gleefully, and jumped out of his seat.

All the staff and students turned to stare at him, as it was breakfast time and they were unaccustomed to the Headmaster suddenly shouting and jumping like a lunatic. Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed him as he bolted from the room.

"Oi, Harry?"

"Yeah, Ron."

"You think Dumbledore's finally lost it?"

"Ron, the man's been wandering around without a map since before our parents were born. He's just been rather good at hiding it."

"So, he's not crazy then?"


"Yeah, Harry?"

"Shut up."

Meanwhile, in the Headmaster's study, the final plans for his grand scheme were taking shape.

The headmaster beamed to himself, mumbling things under his breath, "It'll be brilliant! Absolutely Fabulous! And best of all, no one will ever be able to forget! Perfect!"

Hogwarts was in for a rather nasty shock in the near future.

The following morning at breakfast, the students watched the high table very closely. After yesterday's little display, they were all wondering if Dumbledore would do something equally, if not more, erratic. Several of the staff members caught the smug grin and rather crafty expression Albus wore and felt cold fear settle in their chests. Whatever mad plot He was planning, it could certainly not be good. So the suspense thickened and Dumbledore stood just as everyone was ready to scream with impatience. "I have a small announcement to make." Here he paused to savor the moment. Brilliant idea, he thought to himself, really. He stood there contemplating the ingenuousness of his grand plan for a full five minutes before he realized that he had yet to tell everyone what his plan was. "Erm.... Right then." He cleared his throat and someone yelled, "Just spit it out already!"

"Well, then. My announcement is this. Two weeks from now, there will be auditions for Hogwart's first all school play." The students erupted in cheers. Several of the staff members gasped. Heedless to the interruptions, Dumbledore continued, "Everyone must audition, though only a few will have actual parts in the production. The play of choice will be announced tomorrow at dinnertime in order to give you all time to rehearse for your chosen roles. That is all."

The students set about trying to decide if Dumbledore was completely insane or just bloody brilliant.

"Imagine! A play! Hogwarts has never had an all-school play before!" The head girl could hardly contain her excitement.

"There's probably a good reason for that, Hermione!" Ron looked positively green under his mop of red hair.

"He's Mad! Completely bonkers!"

"Oh, honestly Harry, Don't be so dramatic. It's just a play, after all."

"Mione, this is Dumbledore we're talking about Do you really think it will be just a play'?"

"I think the both of you are overreacting!"

"Well the both of us think you're underreacting!"

"Ronald Weasley and Harry Potter! If you don't calm sown right now, I'll tell Professor Snape it was the both of you that put that dungbomb in Goyle's cauldron last week!"

"You wouldn't!" Harry and Ron exclaimed, shocked at the prospect of Hermione ratting them out.

"Try me!" Hermione glared at them and both boys gulped audibly.

"Mione's right, Ron. We've got to calm down. After all, what's the worst that could happen?"

"I suppose you're right, but I still got a bad feeling about this."

Little did they know what supremely evil scheme was simmering merrily in Albus Dumbledore's crafty mind.

End of Chapter One

Aren't I just too cute for words? If anyone else is interested, here are the requirements for the challenge, although the challenge is officially over, I would still be delighted to see demented minds at work.

Cast of characters must be as follows:

Severus Snape as Dr. Frank N. Furter Hermione Granger as Janet Weiss Harry Potter as Brad Majors Ron Weasley as Riff-Raff Ginny Weasley as Magenta Cho Chang as Columbia Draco Malfoy as Rocky Horror Neville Longbottom as Eddie Albus Dumbledore as Dr. Scott Minerva McGonagle as the Criminologist Other characters are free to be cast as you see fit.

At least 5 of the following must be used:

1. Traipsing about like a magnificent poof!

2. This coming from a guy in gold lamé hot pants

3. Snape looks better in a dress than I do. Excuse me while I weep in a corner and mourn my utter lack of femininity.

4. Good God man! You're ruining a perfectly good pair of stilettos!

5. "Ladies and gentlemen, We have hit rock bottom"

"Snape is to play the lead role"

"Oh no, here is a lower place."

6. Congratulations Albus, You have manages to find a completely new and Ingenious way of humiliating me utterly.

7. "Snape in tights. Not as repulsive as i thought it would be."

"i fear you"

8. "A musical. Hmm, interesting."

"Don't you mean horrible and degrading, professor?"

"What? Oh yes, of course. Terrible thing. Must put a stop to it, damn it!"

9. Sweet Merciful CRAP!

10. French fries cause cancer. Next time you order a burger and fries, You're really asking for the French fries of DEATH!"

11. Pope spelled backwards is e-pop.

12. Just remember, if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.

Be kind, Review.