Disclaimer: I do not own anything related to Harry Potter. If I did I would be a far richer man. And I'd be a woman.

So monkiepawn had mentioned in a review of my other story that it would be fun for Daphne to get her own harem. On my drive to work, this idea took hold and I wrote a short oneshot dealing with what Daphne as a Harem Mistress might look like. This is a bit of a crack fic so some OOCness is to be expected. Except for Luna. Luna is pretty much exactly the same as normal. Also there are no Horcruxes present anywhere in the backstory. The title is obviously a reference to the 'power the Dark Lord knows not' part of the prophecy.

Rated for language and innuendo.

Daphne Greengrass was not a happy witch. Dolores Umbridge had successfully managed to screw up her plan for the entire year. Four years worth of laying groundwork wasted! Because of an incompetent hag who couldn't even be bothered to try and conceal her bias, bigotry and hatred! Daphne had no clue what House the woman had been placed in while in school but she had long since become convinced that the Sorting Hat had just laughed at the disgrace of a witch and refused to bother sorting her. Umbitch certainly wasn't a Slytherin that was bloody sure. Even the despicable little ferret Draco Malfoy had a modicum of talent and some idea of when he had bitten off more than he could chew.

Well enough was enough. Daphne had waited for months hoping that somebody in the entire Ministry would get off their arse and see what a two bit whore they had thrown into the lion's den. But no. No one bothered to care. Now Harry Potter had run off to god knows where after being dragged into the Forbidden Forest. How the bloody hell was she supposed to get her harem set up properly if the man was getting himself killed?

"Tracey have you finished interrogating Pansy yet?" Daphne asked scowling down at Draco. The pathetic ferret had apparently fainted when Umbridge started to cast the Cruciatus curse at Daphne's future boyfriend.

"Yeah, just finished up," Tracey said smiling. "Granger apparently stopped the toad by saying they had a secret weapon in the Forest and were contacting Dumbledore that it was done. I can't believe the idiot bought that."

"I'm more surprised Granger couldn't come up with a better lie."

"Nah, she's pants at lying generally. Twisting the truth that girl can do, but not lying. Pansy knows they were trying to contact Sirius Black though."

Daphne gave Tracey a quick kiss and patted her cheek. It was always a good idea to reward the harem members when they did a good job. Far easier to keep order with a reward system than a punishment system. It wouldn't due at all to become known as a Dark Lady. "Excellent. And they must not have been successful meaning that either it was a trap or they have pathetic allies. Either way they probably scampered off to the Department of Mysteries. It's the only place with a door like that from his dreams."

"I still don't understand how you got Luna Lovegood to give you a straight answer about that," Tracey said shaking her head.

"You get kisses for a good job, Luna gets pudding. Don't ask me how the girl's mind works. Even Gabrielle Delacour doesn't get it and she's the most fluent in Luna-speak in the harem."

"Daph, you really can't call it a harem until we get Harry. We've been over this."

"And just who is in charge of this harem, hmm? Oh right, me. I can call my harem a harem as much as I bloody well want, Tracey. The fact we are missing our breeding man is completely irrelevant and will be corrected tonight." Daphne used a simple switching spell to swap her interrogation robes for her battle robes and then swapped Tracey's as well.

"And what if the Dark Wanker is there too?"

"Let's hope we're that lucky. If we can kill the tosser before the year is out maybe I can get Harry out his funk that Umbridge forced him into."

"What do we do with these two?" Tracey asked pointing to Draco and Pansy.

"Leave them for Susan to clean up. She wanted something to do. She's always complaining that she feels left out of harem antics. It's not my fault her breasts make me jealous now is it? She should count herself lucky I let her in."

Tracey laughed and nodded. "So, do I get to punish Luna later for going and not telling us?"

"Sorry, Trace, Luna punishment is reserved for Gabi. It was one of the conditions that I agreed to so that the little veela didn't attempt to monopolize Harry." Daphne shrugged as they reached the gates of the castle and Apparated to the Ministry lobby. She chuckled slightly. Inducting Tonks into the harem had been a stroke of brilliance. Apparation licenses a year early was only one of the fringe benefits the wonderfully flexible metamorphmagus brought to the table.

"And how exactly do you plan to convince him to go along with all this again? He has that horribly annoying noble streak after all. He might not actually be okay with being the sole male involved."

Daphne laughed. "How do you think Granger gets him to do anything? She simply tells him and he does it. The boy is completely whipped and doesn't even realize it. All I have to do is go up to him and tell him he's in my harem. Token resistance and boom, he's mine."

"You realize Granger might be a package deal," Tracey said as the lift opened onto the DoM.

"I established that arrangement years ago," Daphne waved off her Alpha. "Promises of reading the family grimoires from each member of the harem and a stipend for three books per month for life and the deal was done. I did offer her a position in my harem as a beta but she had issues with Luna being in as well. So she has breeding rights if she ever chooses to exercise them but will stay out for the moment."

"Oh," Tracey paused and thought about the blonde before nodding. "Yeah I guess that would be weird with them together."

"Depends, really. Luna can be adorable when she's not actively annoying you. Granger just ticked her off too often I think, now the girl's having fun with her."

"I hear fighting from that direction," Tracey said pointing.

"Well, let's go save my boyfriend's arse then," Daphne said.

"Future boyfriend," Tracey corrected.

"Toe may toe, toe mah toe." Daphne pushed the door open to find a large sunken chamber with the Veil of Death fluttering away. They were just in time to witness Bellatrix Lestrange shooting a curse towards Sirius Black as he laughed at her. With an annoyed sigh, Daphne tossed off a levitation charm at Black and he flew into the stands near her old werewolf instructor. Her future boyfriend on the other hand must have missed that part because he roared at Bellatrix and chased her out of the room like a madman brushing right past the two newcomers.

"Really, and I go through all that trouble tracking you down," Daphne huffed. "Tracey, be a dear and heal Granger for me. I have a Dark Wanker to kill and a boyfriend to wrangle." Everyone in the room still conscious gaped up at her. "Oh and wake up Nymph. I'm probably going to need an alibi at some point tonight even if it's just for tossing Umbridge back to the centaurs. She could still speak, they weren't nearly rough enough on the bitch."

"Yes, Mistress, whatever you say, Mistress," Tracey said, rolling her eyes.

Daphne waltzed back out of the room and took the lift up to the Atrium. She watched Dumbledork trying to duel Voldemort and failing miserably though he had the presence of mind left to make it look good. The Dark Wanker then made his last mistake.

He violated her boyfriend.

Harry managed to expel the possession as she strode onto the scene. Harry slumped to the floor and Daphne stopped momentarily at his side to kiss him and whisper, "Well done, Harry. Now let your Mistress finish him off for you."

"Wha- ?" Harry muttered.

The stunned look was mirrored by all the Aurors and Ministry workers that had finally showed as well as Dumbledore and Voldemort himself. "You, Wanker!" She pointed at Voldemort. "You damaged what was mine! Harry is a member of my harem and you have hurt him. Prepare to die, fool!"

"Who are you, girl?" Voldemort asked staring at her with his mouth open.

"I am Daphne Greengrass. Mistress of the Greengrass Harem. And you have ticked me off!" She tossed out two quick spells, a cutting curse and a banishing charm neither even all that powerful. Voldemort moved to raise his shield just as she had expected. Smirking, Daphne Apparated directly behind him and sent an overpowered severing curse into his neck. Voldemort had barely even started to turn as the spell removed his head from his shoulders, a look of complete bewilderment permanently etched into his face.

Dumbledore stared at the headless corpse in complete shock. "But, the prophecy...either must die at the hand of the other..."

Daphne strode forward and slapped Dumbledore. "Harry is mine. His hand is mine. I killed your Dark Wanker with my hand. With Harry's hand. Get over it."

"Did we miss all the fun?" Luna asked as she stepped off the lift with Tracey, Hermione and Tonks in tow. "The others are coming up on the next lift, Mistress. We thought it best to bring the haremettes first."

"Well done, Luna. You get pudding when we get back to the room," Daphne said nodding to the younger girl.

"Yay! And naked fun times?"

"Yes, and naked fun times."


"What...what is going on?" Harry asked meekly from the floor looking between Voldemort's head, Daphne, Luna and Hermione. "Hermione? Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, Harry, Tracey patched me up," Hermione replied with a soft smile. "Do whatever Daphne tells you, okay?"

"What? But...what?"

"Harry?" Daphne said dropping to a knee and gently turning his head to her with a hand on his cheek. "You're the male member of my harem now. I tried to tell you earlier in the year but Umbitch kept tossing you in detention and messing with my timetable. Okay?"


"Is dead. So no more emoHarry. Naked fun times – as Luna puts it – are much more fun when there is at least one boy in the group and you can't be expected to perform very well if you're utterly depressed after all."

"Harem?" Harry asked. Daphne smiled. He finally seemed to be snapping out of whatever shock he had fallen into.

"Yes, Harry, my harem. I'm Mistress. You can learn the other ranks later. Right now I need to get you back home and cleaned up."

"I uh...Hermione, you're okay with this?" Harry cast a glance towards his friend.

"Yes, Harry. Daphne and I struck a deal a while ago. It's perfectly acceptable and she will treat you well. If she doesn't, come complain to me and I'll rescue you even if I have to start my own harem," Hermione said smiling at him.

"Ready to go, Harry?" Daphne asked.

"I have no idea what the bloody hell is going on but...sure. Why not?" Harry said shrugging. It seemed better to go with the flow since apparently most of the females he knew had suddenly gone crazy without bothering to tell him.

"That's my boy," Daphne warmly patted his cheek and helped him to his feet. "Have a nice night everyone. Haremettes, meet us in the Nest in an hour. Nymph make sure Luna gets her pudding first."

"Nymph," Harry muttered eyeing Tonks. He turned back to Daphne as she lead him through the sea of parting people. "Just who is in this harem anyway?"