Explanation/Disclaimer: Just when you think you're out they drag you back in
Announcer: "After what has felt like years we finally join Ash as he's about to start a brand new pokemon adventure in the beautiful region of Paris, uh I mean Kalos. After all these years on the road our braver hero has now matured into a... wait, a ten year? Are we sure that's right? What is he, a Time Lord, or something? Does have a TARDIS? Alright, forget it, whatever.
Ash has decided to challenge the Pokémon league of a completely new region and has packed up all his powerful and well trained Pokémon... and apparently left them all at home and just brought Pikachu. You know what, forget asking if he owns a TARDIS, I should be asking if he's just re-Tardis. Am I the first person to make that joke? Oh... apparently I'm the last person on the planet to make that joke. Forget it then, Im not getting paid enough to come out of retirement for this, so let's just join the "ten year old" Ash Ketchum as he enters the airport. "
Ash Ketchum, with Pikachu on his shoulder raced through the airport, "YES! Can you believe it Pikachu? We're finally here in Kalos! What a long flight that was!"
Ash's older reporter friend Alexa caught up with him and said, "You're right, that was a pretty long flight", then added with a grin, "but what do you think? Was it worth it?"
"Totally" Ash said, "Not only do I get to explore a whole new region, catch new Pokémon, and push a new video game, but I got to join the Mile High Club with you on that flight!"
Alexa flushed and exclaimed, "What are you talking about?!"
"Well, it was such a long flight so I get miles for that, right?" Ash explain.
"You're thinking of frequent flyer, not Mile High" Alexa explained hotly.
"Oh," Ash replied, then after a moment, "Then what's the Mile High Club and how can I join that?"
"I'll... explain it when you're older and when Officer Jenny won't arrest me for it." Alexa responded, "Anyway, now that you're here, what's the first thing you want to do?"
"Oh that's easy," Ash said grinning, "I'm going right to this city's gym and going to win my first badge, everyone here in Expecto Patronum City needs to watch out."
"Ahem, that's LUMIOSE City." Alexa corrected, "And are you sure you don't want to settle in a bit first?"
"Nope!" Ash replied, "Im going to WIN!"
Alexa nodded distractedly looking off at a nearby establishment, "Well, good luck Ash, I have some things I have to take care of, I'll meet up with you later."
"Wait," Ash said turning around and stopping in his tracks, "You're not coming with?"
"Sorry Ash, but I have some very important grownup work I have to do around the bar in this airport." Alexa explained "It's a story about the type of guys you can pick when drunk at an airport."
"Do you have to go undercover?" Ash asked.
"DEEP Undercover, possibly multiple times" Alexa responded nodding her head.
"So, let me get this straight," Ash asked, "You're going to leave me, a ten-year old boy, completely alone in a strange city, in a foreign country, with only one pokemon and about a buck fifty to my name?"
"That's the Pokemon Universe way" Alexa said brightly waving as she headed off towards the bar, "Have fun!"
Ash left the airport shaking his head, talking to himself, "It's a wonder any kids here survive past 12.
"So if I remember correctly the Lumiose City Gym is over at the Eiffel Tower, uh I mean, the LUMIOSE Tower.", Ash explained to Pikachu, then excitedly added, "Well, I guess we can keep ourselves entertained on the walk over there by playing our favorite game!"
PIkachu groaned and sighed but Ash paid no attention and declared, "Let's play WHOS THAT POKEMON!"
Pikachu hid his face in embarrassment as Ash ran down the street pointing at each and every pokemon he saw and questioned quite loudly, "WHOS THAT POKEMON?!" before taking out his pokedex and checking, much to the confusion and surprise to any pedestrians and trainers along the way.
*A short embarrassing walk later*
"WOAH, WHO'S THAT POKEMON?" Ash said pointing at a bird just outside Lumoise Tower.
Pikachu slapped a paw to his forehead and screamed, "PIKACHU PIKA" which roughly translates to "It's a freaking Pidgey you #*&%$. That's not a direct translation, but since Pikachuese is about a thousand times more complex than the English language filled and is filled with subtleties it makes it nearly impossible to translate directly, but you get the point.
"Well, we're here at the Gym, buddy," Ash said pointing up at the tower, "That walk hardly seemed to take no time at all!"
"Pika." Pikachu responded darkly, which probably doesn't need any translating, you probably get the jist.
As Ash walked up the steps to the tower he said aloud, "Challenging this electric-type gym with only my Pikachu is the best idea I've ever had!
Ash knocked on the steel door that leads to the gym area and a metallic voice responded, "Yes, how can I help you?"
"My name is Ash Ketchum from Pallet Town and I'm here to challenge the Gym Leader to a battle!"
There were some whirrs and clinks and then the voice responded, "Very good then, and how many badges do you have so far?"
"Oh jeez," Ash said thinking hard, "Eight... sixteen... thirty-two, but then there were a few from the Orange Islands... I think something like 40 badges to date."
The whirring and clinking stopped for a moment, then restarted, "...wait, how is that possible?"
"Oh, I've been to so many different regions before" Ash explained."
Again... the whirring stopped for a bit before it restarted, "But... you're ten, how is that possible."
Ash shrugged, "I dunno, I'm a natural?"
Silence filled the room for a moment before the voice responded, "There are only two logical conclusions... either you are a liar..."
"I am NOT a liar!" Ash interrupted hotly.
"If so, then you must be A DOCTOR!" the door shrieked, "EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE!"
"Wait, what..." Ash started before he was blasted with high voltage. While Ash was reeling from the electric attack a trap door opened under his feet and Ash plummeted into the darkness below.
*OUTSIDE THE TOWER...*
A door on the side tower opened up to let Ash slide through it, about 10 stories up in the air. Ash hung in the air for a moment looking down and said dryly, "It really is a miracle any kid in this world lives past 12..." before gravity took over and he started to fall... as the ground raced up at him Ash grabbed Pikachu to try to keep him safe. "I got you buddy" Ash said cradling his Pokémon.
"Pikapi..." Pikachu whispered up to his trainer, then started to say more but Ash interrupted pointing at a bug type that just flew past, "HEY! WHO'S THAT POKEMON?!"
Pikachu glowered at his trainer and just muttered "Pika..." as the two continued their descent...
Announcer: "What will happen to our brave heroic Pokémon trainer? Will he splatter the pavement and if so will all of us be out of work? If you've watched the Anime this is making fun of then you probably already know the answer to this! The real question is will this author continue with another chapter? Tune in next time on Pokémon We Reading This... if there ever is one..."
TO BE CONTINUED...
Ash hung in the air attached to wires hanging above the set. "Well, that wasn't bad for a triumphant return." he said, trying to free himself.
"It wuz da BESHDEST!" Alexa yelled up to Ash, staggering a little bit.
"Wait," Ash called down confused, "How are you actually drunk? We didn't shoot a scene at the airport bar."
"There's not even any alcohol here on the set, how could you possibly be so lit?" Ash exclaimed.
"I'll go inveshdigate dat!" Alexa said wandering off in a zig zag pattern.
"WAIT!" Ash called after her, trying to free himself, "Can you help me down?!"
Too late, she was already gone and Ash just hung there looking at the empty room. He sighed, "I need more companions... we'll have to add a few next episode..."
THE REAL END
Authors Note: Hey, thank you all for reading. I hope you enjoyed and I'm sorry I haven't written anything for this site in pretty much forever. For one, I stopped watching Pokémon for a long while, which makes writing parodies of it kind of hard. I checked in to the show once or twice but what I saw was Ash traveling with someone who looked like a 5-year-old and her butler and it couldn't keep my attention. However, I was told to check out X/Y, and I have to admit its interesting so far, and it gave me a few ideas to write.
The other reason I haven't written much here is because ive been working on another website for a while. If you want to see that stuff go to and look for Mr. Eddie. I write comedic food reviews, and the occasional video game review or cartoon review, as well as a video game podcast. So that leaves very little time for writing here. However, I will try to continue poking fun at Ash's journey through France here as I have time to do so. Thanks for reading.
...oh and please don't forget to leave me a review!