Disclaimer: I don't own them. I forget who does, but it's definitely not me. Something to do with some kind of Reptile, I think...

The Memory Remains

She wanted to be on the ship when the Tok'ra went to pick him up from the moon's surface, but the High Council decided it was quicker for them to go direct rather than make unnecessary detours along the way.

She wanted to be back on the planet waiting for him when the ship landed and he disembarked, but circumstances dictated otherwise and she was forced to remain in the SGC, debugging the computer terminals in the control room - a constant reminder to kill Lieutenant Simmons for screwing up again.

She wanted to stand in front of the stargate and pace impatiently back and forth until he stepped through, safe at last. But her stoic sense of duty to the United States Airforce kept her welded to the control room computers, furiously tapping away at the keyboard as the gate activated.

When he finally appeared through the event horizon she wanted to run to him, knocking insignificant SF's aside as she raced into his open arms. But Military Protocol forced her to stay at her station, allowing nothing more than a tight smile of relief to appear on her face as he looked around for her, frowning in confusion, and her heartbeat finally slowed for the first time in many hours.

Standing to attention outside the infirmary doors, she desperately wanted to be at his side, asking Janet question after question about the state of his health, but she, as with the rest of her team, had been ordered to wait outside until they were told otherwise.

Finally, she was allowed in to see him. Janet had agreed to one person visiting at a time, and she had walked in immediately, knowing Jonas and Teal'c would understand completely that her need was greater than theirs. She saw him sitting propped up in his bed and she wanted more than anything in the world to enfold him in her arms and never let go, but fear of repercussions held her at a respectable distance.

Instead, she simply sat on the edge of the bed and placed her hand next to his. No physical contact and no rules broken. But close enough to feel the heat resonating from his body. There was no single reason on this planet or any other that stopped her from doing this.

A myriad of emotions passed over her Commanding Officers face, from frustration to resignation before he eventually settled on determination, and resolutely grabbed her hand in his own and held it too his face. Both closed their eyes at the unexpected contact and a single tear rolled down her cheek.

Janet returned and the moment was broken, as they always were. But the memory, as with all of their illicit moments, they would hold on to and remember with a sense of fondness, and just a touch of bitterness, until the next time they could lose themselves again.