Notes: I really can't believe I'm finishing this story. It's been a fun ride and I'm grateful for all the support and compliments that I have received. I especially didn't think I would attract the attention of the remarkable writer Thunk, whose incredible stories are truly a joy to behold, in either Inuyasha or the Dragon Ball Z fandom. Thank you everyone for your reviews, I'd name names but I'm afraid it would be far too arduous. Please enjoy this final chapter.
Disclaimer: Inuyasha "Sengoku o-Togi Zoushi" and its characters are the property of Rumiko Takahashi.
Normal Once Again? –Epilogue
Women were everywhere. And for the delinquent monk Miroku, it was heaven. He sighed contentedly as one raven-haired beauty wrapped her arms around his neck and nuzzled him, while a shapely, golden haired woman whispered softly in his ear. It was perfect, incredible and Miroku didn't want to think of it ending. When the ebony haired woman tilted her head upward, her lips soft and looking all the more alluring, Miroku smiled lazily and leaned down to gently touch her ruby lips.
He then jumped back in horror. Aside from four jagged teeth at the top of her mouth, the woman was toothless. She smiled even wider and Miroku stared at her, disgust and confusion raging within him.
A sudden, sharp pain caused Miroku to cry out and he realized the blond woman who had been whispering things to him that would have made the fairest of ladies blush, had bitten him savagely. Cursing, Miroku shoved her away from him, only to face two other women who held similarly horrific visages.
He was overwhelmed. The once beautiful women had shown themselves to…old women (and ugly ones at that) in youthful disguises. And they were everywhere; Miroku couldn't believe how quickly stooped, wrinkly crones had surrounded him.
Crimson, ebony and golden hair had given way to course, dirty gray and snow white. Sallow skin hung in droopy wrinkles and gnarled hands, with yellowed claw-like nails grasped and groped. It was a nightmare…it was perverse. Hundreds of decrepit, disturbingly virile old women…wanted Miroku.
As he was backed against some magically appearing wall, the tortured Miroku did the only thing his mind could devise. He screamed and screamed as he being crushed by seemingly hundreds of bodies…
"Are you sure that Miroku-sama is okay?" Kagome asked quietly, glancing at Miroku's shifting body positioned in the center of the room.
"Would you stop asking already?" Inuyasha replied across from her, disgruntled. "He ain't got a scratch on him and the healer of this dump said he was sleeping."
Kagome frowned. "I know, it's just-"
"If you're so worried, why don't you look him over yourself?"
From his position beside Kagome, Shippou snorted. "Even in his sleep, he would probably enjoy it."
"I still can't believe that we found him unharmed." Sango commented from beside Inuyasha.
"It is highly unusual for any youkai to resist attacking someone in such a defenseless position."
"He wasn't completely uninjured," Kagome pointed out. "His clothes were…" She blushed at the memory.
Noticing Kagome's face, Shippou smiled evilly as a plan worthy of Naraku formed in his clever mind. "We've seen worse, right Inuyasha?"
Inuyasha glared at the kitsune, the all-too-innocent expression and chipper voice making him instantly suspicious.
Shippou's grin grew wider and he hurriedly continued. "Weren't you all over him at the hot springs?"
Silence reigned. Both Sango and Kagome fixed Inuyasha with twin looks of shock and disbelief, which he matched with his own look of horror.
Kagome felt her face flush. She'd accidentally seen one of those yaoi scenes on an anime when she had been flipping through the television channels, but never imagined…
Inuyasha and Miroku? Sesshoumaru mentioned something about it earlier. It must have been the curse, she thought with no small measure of desperation. Miroku chased after every pretty face and Inuyasha had loved Kikyou. And still did, despite the fact she was a walking corpse.
That last thought made Kagome feel even worse. She could barely stand imagining Inuyasha kissing Kikyou, if he had been doing-what had he been doing with Miroku?
The sound of Shippou snickering broke the still air and finally drove Inuyasha over the edge. With no regard to personal safety, he lunged, all but ready to send poor Shippou to join his father. But the smaller youkai quickly jumped on Kagome's shoulder and stuck out his tongue rudely.
"You think you're gonna get away with it?" Inuyasha growled, his hands clenching. "When I get through with you Shippou, it'll make what I did to Sesshoumaru look like nothing!"
He leapt…and when Kagome said "Osuwari," came crashing down. Unfortunately, he landed atop the still-shifting Miroku, who had just chosen that time to make his reappearance to the realm of the living.
Miroku had been having a terrible day. He'd been groped and dominated (which he'd greatly enjoyed) by the lovely Sango and beautiful Kagome, and then things had gone downhill. Inuyasha had grabbed him (in the nude no less) and been prepared to do things he didn't even want to imagine to him, Sesshoumaru had seen them and called him a "bitch," two insane snake hanyous, who had been sent by Naraku had been prepared to make him a father and lastly he was dreaming of depraved old women (who all wanted him) with the foulest breath imaginable.
It was a very bad day.
That was his excuse, one he would cling to firmly and resiliently.
He awakened to find, aside from sparse furnishings, an ashen-faced Sango, a chortling Shippou, oddly angry Kagome and Inuyasha on top of him, a pained expression on his face. And that his robes were missing.
The bad day had yet to end. it seemed.
Miroku wasn't quite sure if it was a reflex of finding a someone unexpected laying on him or the result of the horror he had experienced. Whatever the reason, Miroku did something he would have never done were his right mind. He knocked Inuyasha away from him, sending the overly-subdued (in Inuyasha's opinion) to the cold, hard floor.
"Miroku," Inuyasha snarled, still under the effects of the spell and flat on his back. "You better hope I don't get up, otherwise-"
"Houshi-sama," Sango interrupted Inuyasha pointedly. "It's good that you're awake. Perhaps you can explain-"
"What happened with you and Inuyasha, Miroku-sama?" Kagome asked, cutting off Sango.
It was the question. One Miroku had hoped he would never have to answer, especially not after waking up from what had started as the best dream of his life. Sango, Kagome and even Inuyasha were watching him intently (or murderously), all awaiting his answer. Miroku knew he had two options.
The first was admitting the had curse taken hold, driving Inuyasha mad with lust and causing some discomfort in the process. The second option involved lying, but judging from the faces around him (and Shippou's triumphant smirk), the ruse wouldn't go over very well.
So, doing his best to keep hold of the recently-noticed blanket (never had he so desperately wanted his robes) Miroku told them everything. He might have embellished slightly about Inuyasha's use of force and measure of interest, but he excluded nothing, aside from the dream he prayed would soon be forgotten. All in all, Miroku told them the truth. It was yet another instance of a rarity that day.
Kagome frowned as she tried to take it all in. Hearing about Inuyasha was enough, but did Miroku have to go in detail about the snakes? It also makes the way we found him even stranger.
"But if the last thing you remember was being attacked by the hanyous, why then did we find you healed?" Sango inquired, voicing everyone's curiosity.
Miroku shook his head. "I'm afraid that is an answer I cannot give you. Though I do have questions of my own. What happened with Sesshoumaru and how is it that none of you, aside from Inuyasha, have tried to touch me since I awakened?"
"Who the hell knows?" Inuyasha replied haughtily. "Once I cut off his arm and used the Kaze no Kizu against him, Sesshoumaru took off. The bastard never learns."
"You defeated him with such ease?" Miroku replied skeptically.
"Like I had a choice? The way Kagome and Sango ran after you, the last thing I needed was for them to catch you. Especially since you'd probably let them."
Miroku gave Inuyasha a wounded look. "Surely you aren't
insinuating that I, a humble monk, would take advantage of-"
Sango glared at him. "You already have houshi-sama. Need we remind you?"
Blushing slightly at the insinuation, Kagome did her best to smile. "So you were worried about us Inuyasha?"
The hanyou blinked at her in surprise, but quickly covered it. "Feh. What use would you have been at finding Shikon fragments if you were enormous and carrying Miroku's child?"
Miroku winced. It was surely not the best thing to say to Kagome and he couldn't help but feel offended as well.
"Enormous?" Kagome repeated furiously. "Inuyasha, you-you! Osuwari!"
The sound of a hanyou meeting the hard ground filled the room. Again and again. Miroku couldn't help but feel for him, one could only use the words delicate and supple in reference to a woman's size and escape unscathed.
Still, the question of why Sango, Kagome and Inuyasha had not become a collective intent upon ravishing Miroku, still remained unanswered. Perhaps the Lady Sakura had taken pity on him, or perhaps it was taking some time to work again. There was one way to find out…
While Kagome continued to punish, err -subdue Inuyasha, Miroku sighed pointedly.
"Things don't change, do they Sango-sama?" He asked, an expression of innocence plain on his face.
Sango's look was suspicious, yet she nodded. "Not very often-"
Sango, Miroku and Shippou winced, for Inuyasha's sake, before Sango continued speaking. "Though there are times when that is a good thing."
"I agre-oh!" Miroku gasped dramatically and closed his eyes tightly. His exclamation attracted not only and Shippou Sango's attention, but Kagome's as well. Inuyasha lay dead to the world, bruised, blooded and knowing never, ever in his natural life to call Kagome (or any incarnation of her) enormous.
Sango's eyes were wide with concern. Such worry and even fear. Miroku almost wished it wasn't necessary for him to do as he planned.
"Are you alright houshi-sama?"
Both Sango and Kagome leaned closer. Closer…making his eyes into slits, Miroku watched them. They were almost leaning over him, he almost had a scant glance of firm, and supple-surely he wasn't thinking of that, not after all he had been through.
Still the temptation…with the speed of the thief he was, Miroku maneuvered his hands into expert groping position. He would probably end up looking no better than Inuyasha, but it was worth it for the sake of knowledge.
And just when he wanted more than anything for the curse to work, Inuyasha was disabled and Shippou…well the kid had to learn sometime, the unthinkable happened. Instead of jumping on him like the he had expected (hoped) when he felt Sango and Kagome's rears, both women had remarkably similar responses.
Sango's Hiraikotsu and Kagome's large, overstuffed bag suddenly appeared in their hands, before taking residence on Miroku's head. Painful residence, assuredly.
Watching the scene, Kagome and Sango blushing and angry and Inuyasha and Miroku beaten, Shippou sweatdropped. "Maybe next time, I'll remain silent."