My beloved readers;
I know that this took rather long to write, but I think it is always more
difficult to write the last chapter. As most of you have already guessed, I
have decided to wait for the third movie to come out to continue the story.
Why? The movies give me the visual background that I need for the story. This
way I can build the story without going too far into the description of the
events and places. Besides, everyone has watched the movies and it is certainly
a much easier common reference point.
The story has grown on me as much as it has grown on you and it has become
obvious to me that I will have a hard time not writing it as you, my one and
only readers, might have a hard time not to read it. If I find something to
strike my inspiration, I will certainly write other fanfics, but I need to work
on the idea for now.
You can be sure that I will continue right after ROTK comes out. Even now I
have a couple of rather good ideas how to conclude or continue certain things
and I think that the third part of Irulan will have even more action and depth
to it. I think it will also be much more interesting and mature, since she will
continue to grow and change along with the others around here.
Until then, I will simply have to bow and ask permission to leave. At least for
this story, since other stories might ignite in my mind any moment. The show it
over and the curtain opens for the last act until December. I can only hope
that I will find you then, once more. I will turn now and do what I meant to do
for a long time - reply your wonderful e-mails and read other fanfiction. If
any of you feel like writing to me in the meantime about anything, I will be
happy and honored to converse.
Darma Druid
***
Irulan remained in a critical state for three days. Her breathing was so low,
Aragorn and Gimli often suspected the worst, and trying hard not to show any
panic in Legolas' presence, they crept closer to the bed in an attempt to check
on her. Legolas, though, needed no checking. Her breathing was rather obvious
to him. As was anything else about her. Every bead of sweat that formed on her
brow, her moan, every slight tilting of her head was evident to him. Though
Eowyn, Aragorn, Gimli, Gandalf and even Eomer approached him many times, saying
that they would look after Irulan, that he should go and rest, he refused. He
also refused to eat or sleep during that time. Even for an elf, it was a
tiresome thing to do.
But Legolas felt not tired. He only felt afraid. Those three days he thought
about many things. Most of those were about himself and Irulan. He thought and
re-thought every moment they had had in each other's presence, starting from
the day her hand had landed on his shoulder as a gift of the gods, until the
day they had together watched Gandalf flowing down the hill like a foaming
river. Then he always found himself looking at her blanched face, tucked in
beneath blankets, thinking about what it would feel to lose her. First the idea
cut him like a sharp edge and he hastily darted away from it. But in time he
found the strength to face it and although it hurt no less, it became at least
possible to take it into consideration. He told himself over and over again
that she was mortal. That he was bound to lose her sooner or later in this or
that way. But in the glare of his emotions, reason fell into heaps very much
like the Uruk-hai Irulan had cut. So he remained alone in the room, counting
her breaths, fearing that even if he left or slept for an instant, he might
return to find her gone from this world. He was not ready to say goodbye. And
by the looks of it, he never would be. Minutes dragged by and turned into
hours. Hours swayed into days.
Gandalf came in many times, checking on Irulan and trying to replenish her
strength that seemed to flow out of her, no matter what they did.
"She seems...utterly exhausted, my friend," the wizard had said, a
frown on his face, "her body can not find the strength and stamina to
recover itself. Yet....she is alive and we must have faith in that."
Legolas had only nodded and had tried to smile despite his pain.
Eowyn would come in, sitting in a chair across his, looking more worried about
Legolas than Irulan. He had been unable to keep himself from making a comment
about that one time, and she had smiled and said "The Irulan I know is
strong. She has defied death many times, you tell me. I am so sure of her, I
need not worry. Yet you, Master Legolas....." Ever since that incident, it
became a ritual between them and whenever she started that particular sentence
Legolas would feel both annoyed and yet amused because he knew what would
follow: a long monologue about how Irulan would oppose to his behavior and what
good it would do if he joined her in her state and how he should pull himself
together -being both the man and the elf- and at least TRY to eat. Legolas
would nod and smile to her, as he did to Gandalf and she would leave soon
afterwards, accepting defeat - temporarily, of course.
Aragorn and Gimli knew him too well to ask him for such a thing. So they just
joined him in his silence, occasionally talking about the incoming news and
about the latest word from both Gondor and Mordor. They were a necessary, yet
painful reminder of the fact that the world was still turning, and that it
would not stop for the love of an elf and a human. Both men were extremely
amused by the fact that Irulan's fight had turned into an unbelievable legend,
traveling from mouth to mouth, igniting disbelief and shock. Very few humans
were aware of Darma Druids, so that never came out. Instead, ironically, her
identity as the Black Knight was revealed and her fight -as amazing as it had
been- was even more exaggerated. She was very fast becoming a myth in Middle
Earth, and a very popular one, favored by both women and men.
Eomer came in, too, regularly, looking like he wanted to cry, but always
managing to keep his feelings at bay. Especially in Legolas' presence. Their
common worry for Irulan was so strong that for the moment, the hostile feelings
between them had vanished. Or at least pushed under the rug. The captain of
Rohan had even started conversing with Legolas and to the elf's irritation, as
their conversations went on, he had turned out to be a rather respectable human
being. When Eomer had reached the point which he believed to be close enough,
he had swallowed uneasily and then, rather nervously, asked Legolas what he
thought about her situation. Legolas had stared at him for long moments, not
understanding his question. Eomer had wriggled some more and then finally croaked
"You know..being an Eldar...do you think....she will make it?", and
stubbornly avoided eye contact.
"I do not doubt it for a moment, Master Eomer," Legolas had said with
a soft voice and watched the man taking this information to heart and very
apparently relaxing. After the few minutes, the Rohirrim had left without a
word and Legolas had allowed himself an amused smile.
So he sat there and watched Irulan's face painted in black in white when the
moon joined his watch, and then the drastic colors softening and slowly merging
into different hues when the sun came up again. He watched her face underneath
every angle of the light, in the light of fire or in total darkness, as his
elven eyes could still see her clear enough. Often he sat by her side, caressing
her cheeks as she was burning with fever and whispering comfort and support to
her in his native tongue. He paced in the room, sometimes remaining at the
window and looking out into the world, all the while his ears never missing a
single breath coming from her.
And this is how, on the later hours of the fourth day, Irulan's eyelids
fluttered and fought a battle, and finally enjoying a brief victory, remained
open, to drink in the sight of Legolas as the first thing in many centuries. He
dared not breathe or move as she blinked and, not looking away, tried to shake
off the daze and the glaze in her sight. After many moments, Irulan came to the
conclusion that one, she was not dreaming and this was Legolas sitting across
her; two, she was lying in a bed in a room, all memory of the past days erased
from her mind for the moment; and three, she was not dead. After all, given the
incidence at Fangorn Forest, Irulan had grown wise enough to know that she
would not feel weak or in pained in death.
A frown settled on her face very slowly, narrowing her eyes.
"Legolas?" she whispered, or rather tried to whisper, since the
dryness of her throat was astoundingly painful and her lungs would not deliver
enough air to utter the word with justice. Only then did Legolas smile softly,
his eyes shining like jewels and very gently seating himself next to her, held
her hand, never looking away. "Yes," he whispered, as if he feared
that a louder tone would disturb her, "I am here, Irulan." Then she
surrendered to sleep once more and Legolas left the room right afterwards for
the first time in days, barely keeping himself from running and found Gandalf
to report. Aragorn was with the Wizard and they both followed him back, Gandalf
checking on Irulan's pulse, a satisfied smile on his lips. Legolas locked eyes
with Aragorn and to his surprise, saw the ranger blinking hastily to suppress
tears. Once more amazed by this man he was fortunate enough to have as a
friend; he placed his hand on his shoulder and gently squeezed it.
Aragorn did not look at him and never shed those tears. Yet, to Legolas it made
no difference. He sighed sadly, remembering his comments and discussions about
the ranger's relationship with Arwen. Once more, shame filled him. He had not
been too different than Eomer, himself. He had thrown foolish and hollow
reasons at his friends, finding satisfaction in their inability to reply. How
blind he had been! How ignorant! Thankfully Gimli ran in then, thundering with
excitement and in his agitated state, even managed to wake up Irulan once more!
The fellowship laughed despite themselves, a dark cloud passing in the sky and
finally revealing the sun once more. The sun that was Irulan, who lay there,
looking confused but nevertheless extremely happy to see her friends at her
side.
And after that, she began to heal. Slowly at first, but then faster and faster
- as it became obvious when her voice was heard yelling again in the Hall.
Irulan had defied Fever -which was known as an impossible thing to do- and she
had defied death. Yet she, once again, failed to defy Legolas and the
Fellowship, who naturally assumed complete control over her state - 'for her
own benefit'! Legolas never left her side and that was good -especially since
she seemed to have developed a new and rather childish fear of the dark (she
never told him this, of course, and thankfully he needed no asking for his
presence)- but when he took the role of her nurse, Irulan knew she was in for
trouble. She knew how to get rid of Eowyn. She knew how to step on the very
nerves that made Gandalf throw up his hands and leave. She even knew how to
smile warmly and convince a stubborn Eomer. But Legolas....
"Legolas, I am NOT hungry. And I assure you, I am old enough to know
it!" said Irulan and her yet still husky voice had a distinctive edge to
it.
Legolas, though, never missed a step as he smiled and gracefully lay the tray
on the bed by her side, sitting beside it, himself. "Yes, my love. That
may be how you feel. Yet you have to force yourself to eat."
"But I have!" she said and against all her control, it came out too
much like whining.
"Irulan, that was hours ago. You promised that you would eat if I did. And
I have."
"So have I, damn it!"
He had already delved the spoon into the soup and was looking at her with a
warm expression on his face, spoon at hand, waiting. "Are you becoming a
child again?" he said finally, his lips breaking into an amused smile.
"You treat me like one, that's why!" she said and almost stuck out
her lower lip, but immediately stopped herself from doing so.
"Very well," the elf said with satisfaction and before she could say
anything else, gently shoved the spoon into her mouth.
Irulan swallowed and grimaced with fury. "Can I at least have the dignity
to eat myself?!" she blistered.
"No," said Legolas curtly and filled another spoon under her watching
gaze. Seeing that she was beginning to be difficult again he sighed and said
"Irulan, you know you can not. You spilled the whole soup on yourself
yesterday and almost burnt yourself."
"That was yesterday! My hands were shaking. I feel better today,
Legolas," she said and for a moment forgot that it was rather absurd to be
begging him for permission in such a matter.
He placed the spoon back into the bowl and turned to her, eyebrows raised.
"Show me your hands, then," and that irritating blank expression was
back on his face again. Irulan pursed her lips and put her hands on her laps,
staring back in defiance. "Irulan," said Legolas with a warning tone,
"I meant lift up your arms."
"I am a Darma Druid, for Heaven's sake! I am the Black Knight! I can
certainly lift up my arms!"
"Let's see it then, love," Legolas said with incredible calmness.
She bit her lower lip and looking down on her hands, tried to lift them.
Lifting them was not the difficult part, of course. It was keeping them there.
Only seconds had passed when her fingers began to shake gently and the tremor
moved up to her hands. Irulan dropped them back before it reached her arms. She
turned her face away with frustration and anger. Legolas remained silent for a
moment, then gently leaned in and kissed her. "The sooner you eat, the
stronger you will become," he whispered, placing a loose strand behind her
ear. Irulan refused to look back. "Or would you rather sit here while we
leave for Gondor?" Her head snapped around and she locked eyes with his
unwavering blue gaze. Then, sighing in desperation, Irulan nodded ever so
slightly, trying not to scream and cry with fury. Legolas leaned back again and
picked up the spoon once more.
And so the torture continued. But deciding to be wise, Irulan began to give in
when necessary. Not only did it make Legolas extremely happy when she did, but
she also feared that they might indeed leave her behind, now that she was
injured. In truth, the Fellowship had not the slightest intention of letting
her out of their sight for a single hour, but they had come to the conclusion
that threatening Irulan with this option was the only solution. And it worked.
She obliged, and although there were times when she simply could NOT be
submissive any longer, she eventually cooled down and picked up the struggle
once again.
Legolas soon took her out to walk outside. Edoras was windy and he kept saying
that she might get ill, especially now that she had become so thin and weak,
but Irulan assured him that she would certainly die if she remained in that bed
for another day. Being an elf, he knew what enclosed spaces could do to the
psyche and finally nodded in understanding. But just when she thought she had for
once actually won an argument, he told her to wait and disappeared. A few
minutes later he strode back in to meet her with garments stacked up on his
arms. Irulan watched in horror as he dressed her in a manner that would have
made her sweat easily on Caradhrass, but for the sake of going out, bit her
tongue and shut up.
She did not tell Legolas about her restless sleep and how she kept having
nightmares in which she confronted herself over and over again in Helm's Deep,
because she did not want him to fuss over her more than he already did. But
maybe she did not need to. For Legolas remained with her during the night and
seemed not surprised when she woke up from those images, panting and gasping,
her eyes widened with the horror. When it became truly unbearable, Irulan asked
him to lie with her in the bed, and Legolas obeyed with apparent joy. 'No doubt
that he has been dying to do just that!' Irulan thought with amusement and
decided to leave the matter at that.
Since it would be utterly uncomfortable for him to lie on the covers while she
was feeling cold even underneath them, he had to join her under the covers. And
it felt so incredible to fall asleep with Irulan lying in his arms, that
Legolas immediately began to think how dreadful it would be once she was healed
and this permission expired. As it had been with every achieved closeness with
her, he immediately grew so fond of it, the idea of parting with it literally
pained him.
But he forced himself to push these thoughts away and enjoy the present. And
the present was better than it had been in a very long time. Irulan was
healing. She was also suspiciously obedient - which was an extremely good
thing, of course. She had overcome the Fever. The fellowship was with them.
Their journey would continue. Legolas sighed and leaned back on the pillow,
gently embracing Irulan's shoulders as her head rested on his chest.
Irulan, on the other hand, felt secure and comfortable in his presence. She
found the courage to think about things that she had not dared to consider
before. Such as the Fever and the Shifting. As impossible as it was, she had
overcome Fever. But Irulan was not naïve. She knew well enough that she had
done nothing. In fact, Legolas had overcome the Fever. Her only luck had been
that she had loved him back. He had healed her heart. He had chased her and
forced her to face her feelings. Even more important, he had made her accept
the fact that love DID exist and that it was not something to run away from,
but something to be cherished and lived till the very end. He had risked his
own life by approaching her. Had it not been for Legolas, she would have never
come this far. And that's why no other Darma Druid would. For how many Sisters
were loved by such a man - if loved at all? And how many were capable of
returning that love? Little did Irulan know that the Druids were not out of her
life, yet, and that she would confront them in the most unthinkable of
circumstances not too far in the future.
Those nights would always stand out in their memories. Failing to sleep,
Legolas and Irulan talked long hours, content just to be in each other's arms.
They talked about the things that they had not found the chance to share during
this journey. The hectic running and fighting had stopped for the moment and
both took advantage of this interlude to delve into each other's spirit and
past as much as they could.
Thanks to Gandalf, Irulan's wound healed almost completely. Even the scar faded
quickly, leaving behind only a little scratch. That scratch though, remained on
her throughout her life, sometimes oddly pulsing with pain and throwing her
mind unwillingly back to the very night she had faced both madness and death
and had overcome them with love.
The Fellowship remained by her side always. They were torn about how to treat
her, so they treated her in every way and fashion and Irulan became used to
their chaotic relationship. After all, she had killed hundreds in front of
their very eyes, so she was definitely not a little girl. And yet, although they
respected her by heart, her wounded state made it impossible for them not to be
a little overprotective when it came to her.
Middle Earth was not finished with Irulan, though. Neither was Irulan finished
with Middle Earth. In the days and weeks to come, her incredible journey and
affiliation with the people that constituted the cornerstones of their times in
this world would continue. And unknown to her yet, she would face events of
such horror and glamour that her current memories would look weak and diminished
compared to those. Her story had barely begun. She was walking on the path she
had chosen, not aware that it would turn her into something unparalleled and
wondrous, something that was worthy of a myth, destined to ring in many hearts
and minds for time after time.
For now, though, Irulan was only a rather unusual mortal woman, walking with
Legolas in the moonlit wheat fields of Rohan, her arm secured in his. It was a
not so chilly night, and the air felt dry and clean. Irulan reached out to
touch the wheat stems swaying in the soft breeze and smiled to herself,
remembering the valley of wind and grass. So many unthinkable things had
happened in such a short time, such miracles had unfolded before her
eyes....once again she thought how blessed she was.
"What are you thinking about?" said Legolas and she turned to find
him smiling down at her.
"Everything," she said, smiling back herself and taking a deep
breath, feeling the soft and sharp scents of nature mingling in her lungs.
"All that has happened. Things that will happen."
"Does it really matter?" he said softly, not looking away from her
profile.
Irulan blinked in surprise. "Does what matter?"
"The past. The future."
She thought about it for a moment, as the only sound remained the wheat stems
brushed away or gently crushed beneath their heels.
"Are those things not what make us who we are?"
Legolas shook his head and looked up at the moon that was standing out in a
cloudless sky, brilliant to the eye and a cooler, yet nevertheless no lesser
beauty to the sun. "Sometimes I think that we are but the same -that we
are one- and that those things only make us different."
"Maybe different is good. WE are different, Legolas."
Legolas nodded and smiled again. "Yes we are. But we are united." They
had arrived by the apple tree in the middle of the wheat field. Irulan and
Eowyn had often walked through these fields, talking about love, loss and
longing, ending up under the shadow of this very tree that stood like the last
remnant of his race - a single green patch in the middle of yellow fields.
Legolas stopped and bent to pick up a fallen apple. Irulan watched him as he
used his knife to cut it open, then carefully taking out a black seed, threw
the rest away. "I have a gift for you," he said as he held her hand
and turned her palm up to place the seed into it.
Irulan smiled with amusement and looked down on the single dark speck in her
palm that was washed with the bluish light of the moon. The apple tree above
them shook gently in the breeze and its smell filled her nostrils. "You
give me an apple seed?" she said and looked up at him with wonder and
intrigue.
Legolas looked at her for a long moment with that intense gaze that looked
right into her soul. A look that spoke of a love so deep, it was and would
always remain beyond Irulan's understanding. Only when her limitations were
shed with the loss of her current physical form, and when her spirit broke free
in death, would she be able to grasp it. "I give you life," he said
softly, his voice like an unwritten melody, "In your hand you hold an
entire tree. Every branch it will shoot, every fruit it will bear, every hue of
every petal of its uncountable flowers that will adorn it spring after spring
is there." He smiled and began to encircle her with soft steps that made
no sound at all. Irulan looked down at the seed as his voice filled the entire
world. "The sour-sweet taste of each apple is there, Irulan. The
intoxicating fragrance of its flowers is there. The moss that will crawl on the
tree's bark; the birds that will touch it; the people that will pass beneath
it, looking up at it and thinking of love, beauty, perhaps of sorrow and
desperation are there."
Legolas completed the cycle and stood before her once more and for no apparent
reason, Irulan felt under a spell. There was an entrancing aura to the night
and to this place. "It is all in your hands. The possibility of all that
becoming real depends on your one simple movement. You could throw it on hard
and bitter soil, and each of those things will vanish instantly, never to be.
Or you could lay it on fertile earth and watch it grow."
Legolas took her other hand then and gently kissed her palm. Even though they
had shared much more intimate moments, the kiss made her heart catch fire.
"Irulan," he whispered, once more looking at her. In the moonlight
and under the swaying branches of the tree, he looked even more out of this
world than he ever did. "There is so much we can become. So much we can
make possible. And all is only in your hands. You are a goddess. You will
choose life or death. You will choose being or not being. Your will is above
all."
Irulan just stared at him agape, not knowing how to break free of the spell,
much less what to say. Legolas looked up at the tree then and remained like
that for many moments. Irulan enclosed her fingers on the tiny seed in her palm
and felt its rough surface against her skin. Even now, she imagined it pulsing
with possibilities, with countless awe inspiring things. Even now, it was
striving to be given a chance - a single chance to reach to the skies.
Suddenly Legolas reached out with his free hand and touched the bark. "Do
you know what I think of you?" he said, his face dancing the dance of
shadow and light. Irulan shook her head, still dazed in the strangest way.
"This tree," he said softly, "has stood here for many years. Its
existence meant nothing, Irulan. With all its beauty, its effort to hold on to
and continue life; with all the intricate things happening in its nature every
moment, it had no value. Not until one night you decided to take this path and
lay eyes on it."
Legolas sighed, lost in a world where only elves could roam. "Alas, then
suddenly all the storms it had withstood; all harsh droughts it had passed
through; all bitter winters it had survived gained depth and meaning. Finally
it found its place among the countless interacting living and breathing things
in life. Perhaps it stood three thousand years before you came," he said
and turned to her, stepping closer as his warmth enveloped Irulan like a
protective blanket. "But it was not alive till your eyes gazed on it, even
if momentarily. It was worthless until it became a single detail in your
life."
Irulan shook her head and looked up at him, slowly encircling her arms around
his neck. "Who am I to stand in the way of such a force?" she said
finally.
Legolas pulled her to himself and kissed her under the single apple tree in a
field of wheat in the land of Rohan under the watching gaze of the moon and the
stars, as the seed of love sprouted between them.
****