Is There a Doctor in The Navy Yard?
By Lorraine Anderson
A Doctor Who/NCIS Crossover
"So what's with the bow tie?" Tony said to the man sitting across the table in the interrogation room.
The young man reached up and straightened his collar. "Bow ties are cool."
Tony stared at him. "No. They're not."
The man shrugged. "Maybe not in this time, but trust me, bow ties are cool." He thought a moment. "And so is my hat."
"You're wearing a cowboy hat," Tony said.
"Of course," said the man, leaning back and pushing up his hat. "I'm in the United States. Cowboy hats aren't cool in Wales."
Tony took a drink of water. "We're getting off the subject," Tony said. "We found you standing over the body with a strange instrument in your hand."
"My sonic screwdriver," the man said. "Can I have it back?"
"Not until our Forensic Scientist looks at it."
"Ah, yes," he said. "How is Abby?"
Tony blinked. "You know Abby?"
The man shrugged, smiling. "In a way. I will know her, in the future." He leaned back. "Your future, my past, I mean."
"Really, Tony," the man said, leaning forward, "you really must learn to keep up. But you're getting there."
Tony decided to ignore that. "You were found standing over the body, pointing your sonic thingy at it."
"My sonic screwdriver?"
He smiled, leaning back again, putting his hands behind his head. "I wanted to determine whether the body was that of a Slitheen."
Tony sat back. "Right. What's a Slitheen?"
"What, indeed?" The man smiled sunnily.
"It looked like a dead body to me." Tony opened the folder in front of him and flipped a picture over to the man. "In fact, it was the dead body of Lieutenant Dustin Cox." A sober young man in a uniform looked up at the two men.
The man grew solemn. "Please pass my condolences to the family." He looked at the picture some more. "That young man is rather thinner than the Slitheen generally prefer."
"Huh?" Tony shook his head. "What?"
"The Slitheen is a extraterrestrial who …" He suddenly closed his mouth. "I think I shouldn't say anything more until Timothy comes in."
Tony ignored that, too. "Well," Tony said. "If a Slitheen is some sort of odd creature, then Dr. Mallard will find out." His tone implied that the other man was lying. Personally, Tony thought he was crazy, even if he hadn't murdered Cox.
McGee knocked, then came in the door. "Tony. Can I see you?"
Tony's eyes widened, then he looked at the man. "How …?"
"Your Doctor Mallard has started his autopsy, right?" the man said, "and has discovered the Slitheen."
"Tony?" McGee eyes went wide.
"I'll be back." Tony said. "Don't go anyplace."
"Wouldn't dream of it," the man said. He smiled at the "mirror" on the opposite wall.
They exited the room and closed the door.
"Ducky started the autopsy." He stopped as Gibbs came out of the other room.
"Tell me he's autopsying a human," Tony said.
"What did Ducky say, McGee?" Gibbs said.
"Ducky would like both of you down in autopsy. He discovered a problem when he cut into the body."
"What was it?" Gibbs said.
"He wouldn't tell me."
"Gibbs, Gibbs!" Abby said, rushing up. "Where did you get that wonderful thing you gave me?"
Gibbs turned. "From the suspect. Why? What is it?"
"It's like nothing I've every seen before! It has a power source. I pointed it at one of my computers, and it blew the hard drive out!" She frowned. "Sorry, Gibbs. I laid it down then, because I didn't want to blow anything else out."
Gibbs looked at the two men. Without a word, he turned towards the elevator. The other three followed. "Where are we going?" Abby said in a low voice.
"Autopsy," McGee whispered.
Abby's eyes got wide. "Oh." She wiped her face. "Gibbs, can you let me off at my lab? I want to stare at that thing again." The door stopped, and she got out.
Ducky met them at the elevator, wiping his forehead. Tony's eyes widened. He couldn't remember the last time he had seen Ducky rattled. Gibbs normally stern face melted in surprise. "Usually," he said, "an autopsy doesn't bother you."
"Yes, well," Ducky said, "this one is quite unique." He hesitated. "There's not a good way to say this."
"It seems that the skin was the only remaining part of Lieutenant Cox."
"The body," Gibbs said, glancing at the other three, "was not Lieutenant Cox? Then whose was it?" He blinked and shook his head, as if he didn't believe he just said that.
Hell, Tony didn't believe he just said that.
"Somebody fit a skin over a body?" Tony said. "That is just plain wrong. With a capital W." He and McGee glanced at each other.
"You'll need to see the body for yourself." Turning, he led the way into the autopsy room.
Gibbs stopped. "What the hell?"
Tony looked. The skin of Lieutenant Cox was peeled back, revealing another skin. The inner skin burst out of the remains of Cox like it was in a girdle that was way too tight.
Tony gulped, then took a closer look. The face looked something like a baby's, only with googly eyes. The head was the general shape of E.T.s. And the whole thing was a sickly green. "Talk about a WalMartian …" he started, then gulped again.
"It looks like an alien – an extraterrestrial," McGee said, correcting himself.
"I don't believe in bug-eyed Martians," Gibbs said, looking somewhat - lost. The last time Tony had seen him like that was when Gibbs had lost his memory. But, as Tony looked, his faced turned grim again.
"I'm not sure," Ducky said, "that I should do this autopsy." He looked at the body. "And normally I don't ask this, but I would like someone who carries a gun with me if I do proceed further."
"I'll …" Gibbs looked at the body again. "McGee, stay with Ducky. Tony, you're with me." He reentered the elevator, Tony following on his heels. Back upstairs, he walked down to the examining room, nodded to the guard, and threw open the door.
The man was examining the one way glass. He waved as if he could see through it, then turned toward Gibbs. "Tell Director Vance hello for me. I see he's behind the glass." He smiled. "Where's Ziva today?"
"No, he's not behind there."
The man shrugged. "Well, suit yourself. But I can see him." He went back to the table and sat down.
"What the hell does …"
"Ducky have on his table? I told you. It's a Slitheen, Gibbs."
"Do I know you?" He pulled out a chair and sat down.
"Not yet." He stuck out his hand. "I'm the Doctor."
"Just the Doctor. Have you contacted UNIT yet? Or, better yet, the British Embassy office of UNIT?"
Gibbs stared at him. The Doctor stared back.
They sat that way for a minute. Then two. Then five. Tony, who had finally sat down beside Gibbs, stared at the two of them. After a time, the Doctor glanced at the door.
"You got somewhere better to be?" Gibbs barked.
When a knock came at the door, Tony jumped. The Doctor grinned.
"Boss?" Tony said.
Gibbs inclined his head. "Answer it," He glared at the Doctor.
"Right away, boss." Tony got up and opened the door. It was Ziva, followed by an black woman in a British uniform. Ziva stayed at the doorway, but stared at the Doctor.
"Hello, Ziva," the Doctor said. "I wondered where you were."
"Do I know you?" She shook her head, then turned to Gibbs. "Gibbs, an officer from the British branch of UNIT is here."
The black lady stepped beside Ziva. "Doctor!" she said, saluting.
"I told you not to salute, Captain," the Doctor smiled.
"Mr. Gibbs, I am Captain Erisa Magambo," she stuck out her hand, and Gibbs shook it. "I am from the British branch of UNIT."
"Captain," Gibbs said. "It appears we have one of your nationals here. But how you found out he's here seems to be a breach of security." He looked around at the members of his team in the interrogation room.
"No, Mr. Gibbs. The Doctor signalled us before you picked him up." She smiled. "He has worked with us before, but I'm afraid he's not British. He has told you he's an extraterrestrial, didn't he?"
"No," the Doctor said. "I rather wanted them to believe me."
Gibbs blinked. "We have a thing on our autopsy table, something from your pocket blew out a computer, and you didn't want to tell us that you're an extraterrestrial?"
He shrugged. "A Time Lord, to be exact."
Gibbs ignored him. "This man is an extraterrestrial," Gibbs said, flatly.
"Why, yes," Magambo said. "Of course. He has helped us greatly in Britain, and has saved the world many times."
"He has?" Tony said. "Why haven't we heard about it?"
"Classified," she said. "The only reason I'm talking to you right now is because he," she nodded toward the Doctor – "phoned us." The Doctor grinned and pulled out his cell phone. "When we found out he was being interrogated by you…" She shrugged. "We owe him," she said simply.
They looked at him. He nodded.
"If he has killed the Slitheen -" Magambo said.
"I did not," the Doctor said, getting up. "I try not to kill things on purpose." He looked at her hard.
She stared back. "In any case, even if he has killed something here, he has not killed a human, but an enemy combatant."
"Does Ducky know what killed him?" the Doctor said.
"He hadn't when I left," Gibbs said.
"Then let us go and see. Perhaps I can help. I doubt that Ducky has ever seen a Slitheen before," the Doctor said, moving toward the door.
Gibbs, looking nonplussed, and motioned the guard away. He got in front of the Doctor and motioned him into the elevator. Tony, Ziva, and the Captain followed.
They emerged onto the autopsy floor. Ducky raised his eyebrows as the crowd emerged from the elevator. He looked questioningly at Gibbs.
"Go ahead, Ducky," he said. "Do you know anything yet?"
"I have examined the body underneath the skin –" he motioned at the other table, where the skin of Cox was laid out – "and I cannot find a mark on it, apart from this red substance. And that's not blood." He looked at the Doctor. "At least not a kind of blood that I'm familiar with.
"Ugly son-of-a-bitch, isn't he?" Tony said to McGee.
"I was about to cut into ..."
"Hold on a minute," the Doctor said. He approached the body, bent over it, and stuck his finger in the red substance, collected somewhat lower than the neckline. He brought the goo-covered finger to his face and licked it.
"Ooh," Tony said. McGee looked disgusted, and even Gibbs looked as if he were going to be sick. Ziva looked at him, impassive.
"Ketchup," the Doctor said.
"Ketchup?" Ducky said.
"Slitheen are deathly allergic to ketchup," he smiled.
"Ketchup killed the beast?" Tony said.
"No, acetic acid killed the Slitheen," the Doctor grinned. He looked down at the green alien. "Now, how did you get ketchup way down there, hmmm?" He turned to Gibbs. "May I have my sonic screwdriver?"
"How do I know that you …"
Vance walked into the autopsy. He was followed by Abby, who took one look at the thing on the table and made a noise somewhere between a gulp and a gasp.
Vance looked at Gibbs, then pointedly at Abby. "We'll need to give the man his property."
"I'm sorry, Gibbs." Abby pulled the sonic screwdriver out of her pocket and gave it gingerly to the Doctor, who twirled it around like a gun and stuck it into his pocket.
"And," the Captain said. "We'll take the Slitheen."
"Over my dead ..." Gibbs started.
Vance looked grim.. "We need to give her the body."
"But," Gibbs said.
"I think we can safely assume that this thing murdered Cox." He looked at the body for the first time, then looked away. "These orders came directly from the president. We are to let this man go and turn over any evidence we have from this case." He glanced at the body on the slab. "Damn, that is ugly."
"Are we going to get a ton more of these things?" Gibbs said, reflecting what Tony was thinking. The average everyday murderer he could handle. Aliens that looked like big green babies with long claws, he wasn't so sure about.
"Oh, the Doctor said. "I shouldn't think so. Most of the Slitheen family seems to gravitate towards England."
"Why," Tony said. "They like the fish and chips?"
"Oh, no," the Doctor said. "Acetic acid, remember?"
"Vinegar," Abby whispered. "A lot of British people put vinegar on their fries."
"Maybe they figure that if they first conquer England, they can conquer the world?" The Doctor shrugged. "How should I know?"
"Doctor," Magambo said. "We should go."
"Of course." He turned to the crowd. "Thank you all," The Doctor said.
Ziva looked puzzled. "What did we do?"
"Why," the Doctor said, "you closed off the crime scene and you brought the body here, out of sight of everybody else." He shook his head. "I don't think the general population is quite ready for the Slitheen yet."
"Or the Daleks. Or the Cybermen,..." the Captain said. She exhaled. "We'll require a body bag," the captain said. "My men are outside, ready to transport the body."
The team watched as the body was bagged and transported off. The Doctor and the Captain were the last to leave.
Gibbs and his team escorted the Doctor and Captain out of the building to where a diplomatic vehicle stood waiting, the driver standing at attention at its side. The Captain nodded her farewells and left the Doctor to make his. The Doctor went to each in turn and shook their hands. "You are a great team. We will meet again, soon," he said. "But that will be in my past, so I shall have to be introduced to you. I hope I shall see you again in my future." With a cheery wave, he got into the waiting car.
"What," Tony said. "Was that?"
"That," Director Vance said, "never happened. I have that on the highest authority. The President also added that if any of you talk of this again, you shall be discredited. And fired."
"Not court-martialed?" Tony said.
"That would lend credence to the story," Vance said. "Trust me; you do not want to be discredited."
"In other words," Abby said, "'Do you want fries with that?'"
"Oh," Tony said.
Vance walked away.
"Back to work, people," Gibbs said, after a sigh. "I believe that we all have paperwork from that last case to do?"
"You're sure you don't want to talk about this," Abby said.
"This," Gibbs said, "never happened, according to Director Vance. And there are no such thing as extraterrestrials," he added, although he looked wistfully at the place where the car used to be.
"Right, boss." They walked back to the building, and Tony went back to his cubicle. But he couldn't concentrate. When in the future would the doctor come back?
And what kind of trouble would he bring when he came?
"Tony!" Gibbs called.
"Yes, boss." Trying not to think, he went back to his paperwork and managed to forget, losing himself in writing up the last case ...
... until a loud grinding noise started in one corner of the office, a large police box came into view, and a youngish man with a Stetson hat and a bow tie popped out the door. "Hello," he said. "I'm the Doctor."