A/N: I am in love with Dr. Horrible's Singalong Blog. Sorry not sorry.
Title: And I Am Fine
Pairing(s): Minor Billy/Penny
Summary: Billy used to have two personalities. Now he has one. He used to have to pretend to be Dr. Horrible. Now Dr. Horrible has to pretend to be him. He used to love a girl named Penny who was full of life and constantly happy. Now he loves a girl named Penny who's dead, all because of him.
Warnings: Dialogue heavy, Split Personality, mentions of death, language
Act I: Arise and Sing
"Uh, if you couldn't tell, it's me. It's Dr. Horrible. Um... yeah. So, I got accepted into the Evil League of Evil, and that's pretty great, so... I suppose I have a couple of things to explain, don't I?
"So, you know Penny, right? T-T-The girl I talked about a while ago? Well, uh... heh, she's dead. And I may or may not be the one behind that. A bit of backstory first though. Uh, so there I was, in the town hall, facing off against Captain Hammer. Y-You know him, my nemesis? But yeah, and I might've gotten a bit carried away in my monologue? And my freeze ray kind of malfunctioned, which was the opposite of good.
"And that means that Hammer ended up foiling my plans once again. He kind of made my death ray bounce. A-And as you know, like any good supervillain, that you can NEVER bounce Wonderflonium. And he did, which meant that things kind of fell down, went boom. Well, not really. He pulled the trigger, went boom. And the worst thing is that he got out of that scot-free. He didn't have a scratch on him. He ran out crying like a little baby, the assh-
"Ahem, anyway... and when things went boom, the gun flew apart, and some of the pieces flew across the room and hit her.
"And... dammit... I-I-I could've saved her. I could've saved her and made everything okay. I could've done something about it. I should've... I should've pulled the trigger on the death ray when I had the chance to do it. I should've killed the Hammer.
"But I couldn't. Because I was so weak, and naive, and helpless. I was simply Billy buddy, the poor kid that wanted to make the world a better place, but couldn't even talk to a girl for more than three seconds without saying something dumb. I was Billy buddy, the kind of guy that never gets the girl and never gets to be happy in the world. I was just Billy buddy, the man that could never go through with his plans but still attempted to anyway, because he knew that if he didn't, they would slowly drive him mad.
"But I'm not him anymore. Not since I went and fucked everything up."
There was nothing but silence in his room. He remembered this place. His old lab. Oh, how he had grown to miss it.
He still was Billy, deep down. But he knew that whatever parts of Billy that had been good and pure were gone now. Only the cynicism, skepticism, and love for a girl that could never love him back remained.
And in his heart of all hearts, he knew that he could've saved her.
He SHOULD'VE saved her.
And he would've, if he had been thinking in his right mind at the time.
But there lied everything he had ever wanted, right there. Dead. She was dead, and he couldn't go back now to save her.
His heart took a leap into his throat. He needed to stop thinking about this. He was no longer Billy. He was Dr. Horrible, the villain that got everything he wanted. He was Dr. Horrible, who had definitely intended for poor Captain Hammer's girlfriend What's-her-name to die horribly, no matter what the cost. He was Dr. Horrible, the most feared AND the most worshipped villain in the country.
He was Dr. Horrible, who didn't feel a thing.
He was Dr. Horrible, and he was going to get through this no matter what the cost.
But below the surface, he was Billy.
He was Billy, who fumbled every time he tried to speak to anyone. He was Billy, who only turned to evil because he wanted to change the world. He was Billy, who felt like he could make the world a better place. He was Billy, the sweet kid from the laundromat that never could get the nerve to talk to the girl he had been thinking about almost constantly for God knows how long. He was Billy buddy.
And, dammit... he still felt it.
He felt everything.
And there wasn't a thing he could do about it.