"There is a perfectly rational explanation for this," Robin said nervously.
"I'm listening," Wonder Woman offered, unconcerned.
"I had decided to check out the castle-" he began, keeping his eyes closed.
"Rookie mistake," Vixen interrupted him.
"Indeed," Wonder Woman agreed. "Poking one's nose in a Wizard's lair uninvited is never a good idea."
"Especially one who has already been cleared by the League," Canary added, "though I can't say I have much experience with magical castles myself."
"I'm beginning to realize that," Robin admitted.
"Why are you scrunching your eyes closed?" Vixen asked. "Is there some lingering spell on your sight?"
"I think he's trying to avoid giving us reasons to be angry with him," Canary explained.
"My people do not have nudity taboos," Wonder Woman pointed out.
"I'm a model," Vixen added, "I am not a shrieking violet or in any way modest."
Canary chuckled. "I have a decent amount of modesty, but since you are going to have to walk through the courtyard, in view of half the League, completely naked… You might as well get some value for the price you're going to pay."
Robin chuckled ruefully and opened his eyes. "Wow," he said. "Yeah, I'm going to say it's definitely worth the price of admission."
The women laughed.
"I'm surprised you don't have some bat gadget for a situation like this," Vixen admitted.
"I do… in my belt," he replied, "which is next to a hot tub in the castle."
"A trick to get your enemy to disrobe," Wonder Woman chuckled. "Classic."
"I'm surprised you stopped to use a hot tub in a castle you'd broken into," Canary said.
"A subtle spell," Vixen suggested.
"I feel less stupid now," Robin said, "and more paranoid."
"The Batclan motto," Wonder Woman joked getting a round of laughter.
"Next time we do this we should make it a beach party," Harley suggested.
"I'll have to make a magically warded lagoon," Xander decided as he considered the idea.
"Why's that?" The Trickster asked curiously, Flash and his Rogue's gallery having drifted over to where the only other villains were.
"Not everyone is going to be dinosaur proof," Xander replied, "so some safe areas are a must for entertaining guests."
"You're going to have to ward the Greenhouse," Harley said.
"Actually, with all the work Ivy is doing for me, I thought she might like something a little more impressive," Xander said.
"Like what?" Ivy asked curiously.
"I have four smaller volcanic islands surrounding the central island," Xander said. "I was thinking of a giant glass dome over the top of one of the other volcanoes to make the world's largest greenhouse."
"You are a generous employer," Ivy said, thinking of what she could grow with that much space.
"Could you carve the volcano into the shape of a rook so it looks like a giant castle?" Harley asked excitedly.
"Sure," Xander agreed. "Do you want to ward the entire island or would you prefer the it to have dinosaurs as well?"
"I'm not a big fan of massive animals," Ivy said, "are there any other choices?"
"Sure," Xander agreed, "the volcano puts out enough power that I can set up any type of environment you desire."
"How about multiple ones?!" Harley asked excitedly. "Tundra, desert, jungle in perfect squares like a giant chessboard!"
"Shape the volcano like a queen, have some smaller giant pieces that are actually buildings scattered about?" Xander asked.
"You really like building things," Supergirl said with a smile.
"I do," Xander agreed. "I especially love building 'cool' things."
"Why aren't there more people like him?!" Trickster demanded. "It would be awesome but no, it's always destroy this or punch that!"
"Doesn't that include you?" Captain Cold asked bluntly.
Trickster opened his mouth, paused, and looked thoughtful. "It does," he admitted with a frown.
"Tired of breaking things?" Flash asked him. "I spend a lot of time rebuilding things myself, but I hardly ever build anything new."
"Same here," Firestorm agreed, "and my powers are practically designed to build things."
"I've- I've gotta rethink some things," Trickster said.
"Your day pass is up anyway," Flash said, "I'll give you a ride back to the hospital."
"Thanks, bro," Trickster said gratefully, before the two vanished in a burst of light.
"Hope he remembers to come back for us," Captain Boomerang said.
"I'll fly you home if he doesn't," Xander promised.
"I wish we got invited to places like this more often," Golden Glider said. "It's been fun and we didn't get arrested!"
"The Flash likes you guys and you don't cause any hassles when off the clock," Xander said. "If you guys are free when I get everything set up I'll invite you to my house warming party."
"What do you have planned?" Captain Boomerang asked.
"Next time will be a Hawaiian style luau," Xander decided. "Give me a month or two to get it all set up and we'll have a safe lagoon warded against dinos and insects."
"Count me in," Captain Cold said, "this has been enjoyable."
"Will do," Xander said as Flash appeared in a burst of light.
"Everyone ready?" he asked.
"Yeah, nice party," Captain Cold said, giving him a friendly nod. "Thanks for the invite."
"For villains, they aren't bad," Supergirl admitted once they had gone.
"There are villains who aren't trying to hurt people just to feel superior," Xander said. "Some even actually have a good reason for what they do," he waved towards Ivy who smiled, "or are just in it for a few laughs."
"I wonder who we know like that?" Batgirl asked with a grin as Harley beamed before staring at something behind them.
Everyone turned around and saw a naked Robin walking towards them with Wonder Woman, Vixen, and Black Canary.
"OK, that's new," Batgirl said with a grin.
"Robin!" Starfire called out flying over to him. "I have been looking all over for you."
"Hey Star," Robin said, keeping the advice he'd been given in mind.
"If you act like it's no big deal, people will tend to respond the same way," Black Canary explained.
"As long as you carry yourself like the warrior you are, what you wear is of no consequence," Wonder Woman said. "I've had my armor reduced to scraps before and not one person has said a rude word."
"Everyone is naked, some just cover it up better than others," Vixen said. "As they said, carry yourself as if nothing unusual is going on and wear your confidence like a cloak, and few will find fault with your manner of dress."
"I did not know you were using the hot springs or I would have joined you," Starfire said with a smile, paying no attention to his lack of clothes.
"It was an accident as I ran afoul of the castle's security system, because I entered without permission," he admitted. He turned to Xander. "May I please have permission to enter your castle and retrieve my outfit?"
"Sure," Xander replied. "Where did you leave it?"
"Next to the hot tub," Robin replied.
"I have a hot tub?" Xander asked, surprised.
"You didn't… Magical Construct," Wonder Woman said with a smile.
"Exactly," Xander replied. "I can memorize how to reconstruct what Dr. Strange created, but actually understanding it is beyond me for the moment."
"Your best bet is probably politely asking the castle for the correct room when you enter," Vixen suggested.
"I'll do that, thanks," Robin said, turning to go with Starfire clinging to his arm.
"Five bucks says his next domino mask has at least a micro-speedo hidden in it somehow," Harley challenged.
"No bet," half a dozen people chorused.
"The Flash keeps his costume in a ring he wears," Xander said. "Shouldn't be too hard to get an earring or something that can do the same."
"If you don't mind wearing a micron of red paint," Ivy said. "I don't see it catching on."
"Looks like the party is breaking up," Harley noted.
"Did you guys see where Star went?" Cyborg asked as he and Beastboy walked over.
"In the castle," Xander said, waving them towards it absently.
"About time to start our own, as soon as we clean up a bit," Supergirl noted.
"Shouldn't take more than a minute," Xander said, "but no use of traditional powers. Levitate items, don't lift them, and if you are going to incinerate trash, use either straight pyrokinesis or fire breath, no heat vision."
"Everything is training Daniel-san, wax on, wax off!" Harley said in a poor attempt at Mr. Miyagi.
"Exactly," Xander agreed. "Practice when it's not important so you can do it when it is."
He grinned as he saw Superman and Batman staring as Supergirl used stage movements copied from Zatanna to collect trash and incinerate it. He could tell from the way her lips twitched she was trying not to laugh at their reactions to her 'magic' act.
"Nice showmanship," Zatanna noted as she joined the group with Harley and Xander, carrying a small wooden box and a handful of leather-bound books.
"Did you find out what happened with the restaurant?" Xander asked.
"An attempt by the owner to get free seafood," Zatanna replied, passing him a book. "It's in French and he mistook the word 'giant' for 'large' or at least that's my guess."
Xander opened the book and read through it in under a second. "A personal journal of a mage specializing in dimensional travel. Most of them don't last long as jumping blindly into eternity doesn't do a whole lot for your life expectancy, but he took an enormous amount of precautions." He passed the book back to Zatanna.
"I hadn't gotten that far yet," she admitted, "My French is a tad rusty and I had a show to finish."
"Brush up on it or use a translation spell because some of his protections are pretty unique," Xander said, "plus he has a list of safe dimensions and ones we would find safe even if he didn't."
"Did you get the seeds?" Harley asked excitedly.
"Melody Melons, Dirigible Plums, and Blood Oranges," Zatanna said, passing over a wooden box and a couple of books. "The books are instructions on how to grow them, though I doubt Ivy will need them."
"Blood oranges?" Xander asked curiously.
"Oranges filled with blood instead of juice," Zatanna explained. "I believe the druid who came up with them was trying to create a safe blood replenisher when he developed them. They change to match the blood of whomever picks them. They are a good started plant for learning to care for magical plants and they nourish the soil making it easier to grow magical plants in general."
"Excellent," Ivy said. "I wonder if Charles will like them."
"Charles?" Zatanna asked.
"Giant Venus Flytrap," Harley replied. "I give him chicken sandwiches when he's good."
"You spoil him," Ivy said with a chuckle.
Zatanna shook her head, amused at the byplay. "If you can grow them successfully I may have a job for you growing reagents for me. The places I shop are overcharging and even with the teleporters it's a bit of a commute."
"It'll be a good side project," Ivy said, smiling as she opened the box and could sense the seeds of plants unlike any she had ever felt before.
"Kara," Superman said, "I have a wildfire in Kenya and an animal stampede. Care to lend a hand? Shouldn't take more than half an hour."
"Sure," Supergirl said. "I'll see you in half an hour," she promised the group before vanishing with Superman.
"I have to go, let me know how things develop," Zatanna said before vanishing.
"Let's get everything set up," Xander said, seeing all the guests had left.
"This is going to be so much fun!" Harley exclaimed.
"We really need to get some greenery up here," Ivy told Xander, "it's too sterile."
"I was planning on a jungle covering the sides of the volcano," Xander told her.
"I meant the castle," she explained. "You need some house plants."
"Yes I do," Xander agreed. "I was also thinking of setting up a small forest in a magically expanded room… possibly a dozen."
"Good," Ivy said, approving of the idea.
"Can I ask you a question?" Harley asked.
"Sure," Xander replied.
"How are you and Kara doing?" Harley asked. "I mean, I know you are almost the last unrelated Kryptonians around, but you seem to be getting really close really fast while at the same time… not. I just can't figure it out."
"I guess a little background information is in order," Xander decided. "Once upon a time I was just your average teenage vampire hunter…"
"I can't believe Robin bought that," Vixen said. "We'd never be able to get Batman that way."
"He really should have realized he could have asked one of us to either retrieve his clothes or borrow some from someone," Wonder Woman agreed as they reached the Watchtower's women's locker room.
"He's only nineteen, he was much more concerned with preventing certain physical reactions around us," Canary said with a grin. "Didn't you notice how deep each breath he took was?"
"Impressive skill," Vixen said. "If I'd known he was doing that, I'd have thrown an arm around him and encouraged him to be brave before we got dressed."
"I'd have clasped him to my chest and said I was proud to see one of man's world with such manners," Wonder Woman said with a grin.
Canary laughed. "You two are so evil!"
"Why do we keep ending up here?" Cyborg asked.
"I don't know," Beastboy said, sitting on an oversized sofa, "but I need a break."
"Yeah," Cyborg said, sitting down, "we seem to be going in circles for some reason."
The obsidian wall the couch faced lit up.
"Welcome to Jurassic Park!" Dr. Hammond said grandly on screen.
"I love this movie!" the two chorused.
"I think a few people got left behind," Harley noted as they entered the TV room.
"Oh hey," Cyborg said. "Sorry, got distracted while looking for Robin and Star."
"This place is a maze!" Beastboy said.
Xander checked with the wards on where the two errant teens were and nodded. "Yeah, they wanted some time… to themselves, so the castle was giving you the run around."
"That was nice of it," Harley said, taking a seat on the love seat with Ivy while Xander floated the snacks onto the coffee table.
Xander sat on the sofa. "Give em an hour or so. Snacks?"
"People!" Speedy exclaimed in relief as he entered the room and saw everyone. "I was wandering through these same seven rooms for hours!"
"Shhh!" Beastboy shushed him. "This is a good part!"
Speedy saw that no one was paying attention to him and sighed before sitting on a lounger and grabbing a soda and some chips. He'd have a breakdown later.
Typing By: Abyssal Angel
TN: "How about multiple ones?!" Harley asked excitedly. "Tundra, desert, jungle in perfect squares like a giant chessboard!"
My first thought is, "You're remaking Minecraft?"
Omake by fyrewolf5: What if this happened in a more Anime inspired verse instead of a normalish DC verse?
*Cheesy 60's Batman intro music*
TV Announcer: Last time our stalwart sidekick found himself in some hot water, will he escape this perilous position, or has the Boy Wonder made his final Blunder?
Robin leapt out the window only to find himself landing inside the entryway. "There has to be a way out!" He declared. Turning he started sprinting passing through room after room in random combinations, still he kept on, trying to exhaust whatever power was keeping him inside the castle.
After nearly a half hour of sprinting at his top speed, he stumbled to a stop and caught his breath. Looking around he saw a hot tub, steam rising from the water in it invitingly.
"Well… as long as I'm stuck here anyway…"
He sank into the water with a contented sigh, tension draining away. Almost the entire League was outside, while the situation he was in was embarrassing it was in no way dangerous.
He ducked his head under the water to rinse the sweat from his face and surfaced between Wonder Woman and Canary, he then rethought the amount of danger he was in.
The three women relaxing in the hotsprings had varied reactions to this sudden intrusion. Vixen as a model was mildly annoyed by the sudden appearance, but mostly unconcerned with the tights wearing sidekick showing up (come on, a grown man running around day and night with his young "ward" in tights, and no ring on either Wonder Woman or Catwoman's finger, the only two women he spends any noticeable amount of time with, that gaydar alert has been going off for decades), his lack of clothing beyond a mask didn't even surprise her, some of her "girlfriends" were quite happy to join the models in group showers or saunas to continue gossiping.
The other two however had rather… different reactions to his sudden appearance and lack of clothing.
Wonder Woman's response was a bit more immediate, "Great Hera! How dare a man intrude on our bath uninvited," pausing she took a quick look at the other two women present to make sure this wasn't like that time with the 'police officer' in the cake, that had been embarrassing to explain in the after action report. When they both shook their heads to indicate this wasn't planned she continued, "begone foul manspawn!" She stood up and grabbed him by the back of his neck and threw him with just enough strength that he wouldn't die on impact, assuming someone got him assistance quickly, this inadvertently gave him a view many men would say was worth the suffering to come.
Canary's response to the intrusion was to duck under the water leaving only her head visible and crossed her arms over her chest for added protection from the pervert that just showed up. She also decided he needed a good scolding for being such inappropriate behavior, she had just managed to get Ollie to cool it with the horndog routine and wasn't about to take it from anyone else. Taking a deep breath to properly express her displeasure, she thought '150 decibels sounds about right.'
Satisfied that she had made her point Wonder Woman sat back down to continue enjoying the hot-springs, confident that there would be no further unexpected interruptions, now that she knew the proper response, she wouldn't have minded if another 'police officer' showed up.
Once her companions were out of the line of fire, Canary stood up and decided it was her turn to address the young man and explain to the rest of the party goer's why someone without any meta powers was flying unaided "PERVERT!"
The added force of Canary's scream altered Robin's trajectory from a painful but potentially survivable landing near the gathered heroes (any of the speedsters could theoretically catch him and bleed off enough velocity to let him survive, a full body cast doesn't stay on that long), to something just a little further out, possibly over the fog barrier and into an oncoming cargo container ship, but honestly who's really paying that much attention.
The assorted party goer's were alerted to this issue by Canary's scream, Batman quickly noted who was still at the party and who was missing, then pulled out a pair of Bat Binoculars and tracked the flying object, upset, but not really surprised when he was able to identify Robin hurtling to his doom, and muttered under his breath so quietly even the kryptonians had problems hearing him, "this is why I've got the clone tanks, and the Lazarus pit."
Xander and Kara were able to quickly identify who was flying through the air, and where their initial take off point was, seeing the cooling feminine fury and not wanting to get any closer to a naked Robin respectively, they glanced at each other and chorused, "not it!"
Superman was a fraction of a second slower in taking this all in, since he was also trying to gauge Batman's likely reaction to the potential loss of his sidekick. Seeing as Batman seemed to be more resigned then upset, he glared at the other two kryptonians and took off to try and save the boy's life, leaving a strong gust of wind in his wake, causing Harley, Ivy and Kara to giggle, with the former two commenting about power not being everything and his needing to work on finesse, while Batgirl groaned.
Once everyone started figuring out who the "victim" was and what happened, there were many mixed reactions. The magic users were curious how he had managed to annoy the castle enough to cause it to use a passive defense spell to send him into a potentially lethal situation. Green Arrow merely turned to Captain Atom and said, "And this is why I didn't go take a look myself."
Most of the women felt it was a valid if slightly strong reaction, while the men were slightly jealous of what was seen, but mostly just glad it hadn't been them sent to their potential doom.
Not having the full set of powers of a Kryptonian, it took Starfire a few seconds to fly up and figure out what had happened, when she did, her eyes started glowing furiously and she downed the full bottle of mustard in her hand, fortunately no one was close enough to hear her next comment except for Xander and Kara who wisely kept it to themselves. "If friend Robin wished to see a naked woman, why did he not ask me? Does he not find my grebnaks enjoyable anymore, I've seen him looking at them enough times, I was sure he was bound to ask sooner or later." Deciding she could no longer let him set the pace, she resolved to have a TALK with Robin once he had recovered enough (the full body cast would prevent him from disappearing during the conversation, an annoying habit he had picked up from his mentor), to figure out what was going on between them, she only hoped the rumors she had heard about why he wore tights weren't true.
Fortunately or not, Superman was able to catch Robin before he took any more damage, and after slowing down, teleported them up to the Watch Tower and put Robin into a med-bay to recover, with an alert to inform himself and Batman if there were any changes to his status, then returned to the party to talk with Batman and make sure no one else ended up in traction today.
In truth, the only reason Robin would survive was because Canary hadn't noticed that Wonder Woman's throw had a bit of a spin to it causing Robin to be hit in the front with her scream and allowing him to have a brief unobscured view of her full glory, before being sent flying further. As he started losing consciousness due to the pain from the powerful hits, his last thoughts were, "fucking bullshit magic!" And "that was totally worth it."