The Bad Guy
Written by Zelda
Oh but yes, we are, after all, the bad guys. The Resistance, or what's left of it, can be a real pain in the tail. But let's not forget that we're the bad guys. That's always put such a label on our species. Ever since those Puckworlders managed to get my ancestors locked up in limbo, we couldn't defend our reputation, and we suddenly became the scourge of the universe. Not that I disagree, mind you, but we've been raised into the title. You'd have a bad attitude as well, if you spent your entire young life locked in a dimensional prison. Trust me.
These Resistance upstarts have been standing in our way from regaining our much more dignified, regal aspect. There was a time when the mention of the word 'Saurian' would conjure up images of vast, wealthy kingdoms. Now we're harkened to bounty hunters, scraping for whatever empire we can take back. Humans don't think of Alexander the Great as a monster, but he managed to conquer almost a fourth of the landmass on that worthless ball of rock. It makes me wonder why they could ever cheer on such a fly-by-night group as the Ducks. But then again, we are talking about humans here. I don't think any of them are capable of truly rational thought anyway, which is what made them such excellent targets in the first place. Just like Puckworld, really. The original conquest of the planet was ages before my time, but even in dimensional limbo, under the sharp red eyes of our BRAWN guards, hatchlings were still born, and history was still taught. No length of imprisonment could destroy the grandeur of our species, no matter how close we were driven to extinction. Some of the humans of this planet believe in a place called Hell. They think that they have to be good while they live, so they won't spend eternity there. Let me tell you, Hell is nothing compared to being born into the fate the Saurian race was slated for. I don't think humans can even imagine it. From the day I was hatched, I knew only two things. One, we were once one of the greatest races of creatures to ever traverse the cosmos. And two, we were all to be exterminated, our entire warrior population winnowing down, dying off slowly in limbo. After living through that, I think Hell would be a vacation spot for me. And I was the one who managed to break that cycle of death.
You haven't thought about that, have you? Well after all, bad guys can't possibly be heroes. But while you're all caught up on the tragedy of Puckworld, and the stories of the members of the Resistance, there's another side that you're not hearing. What about the Puckworlders that banished our entire race into limbo? Instead of punishing those responsible for the invasion and conquest of Puckworld, they instead chose to advocate wiping us out entirely. I was the one, the last surviving Saurian of an Overlord bloodline, I was the one who had the ingenuity to devise a way for us to escape from that death trap. If it wasn't for me, my race would still be slowly dying off in the prison of limbo, unable to get around the iron watch of the BRAWNs. And although I haven't managed to get the entire war fleet out yet, I still have my henchmen, and my species now has hope. They're still waiting for my order to this day. I don't think any of you can deny it, even if you don't like to see me that way. I am a hero to the Saurian race. And I will save them, one day, I've sworn to it. We'll rise to greatness once again, starting with planets like Earth, planets that are just too easy. Humans are truly pathetic when it comes to dealing with aliens like us. They'll never know what hit them, when the time comes.
Ahh but of course, like the fabled lion with a thorn in its paw, there is always something that prevents a leader from their destined greatness. That something, in my case, just happens to be a poorly organized flock of six Ducks, and one very disrespectful dragon. We'll get to my ancestral cousin later, I've got enough of an argument with her. But the Ducks are the ones that deserve the full brunt of my wrath. Not only am I furious at myself for letting this band drive me away from my original scheme of the reconquest of Puckworld, but now they prevent me from taking Earth over as well! Who do they think they are, defending this worthless planet as if it were their home? I really thought for a moment that I had them defeated, in managing to throw their leader into the same limbo that had caged me and my kind for so long. After all, what better revenge is there than that? I threw that featherbag into limbo, and I thought that it was over. I had a whole new universe of options in front of me, and if I didn't like the one I ended up in, I could always go back and retake Puckworld. I certainly didn't count on those six Ducks standing in my way, and I would never have imagined they could remain in my way for this long. It's not enough that I'm kicking myself for underestimating them, but their story is quite similar to mine, you see. After all the adversity I've had to overcome, I should have known that others, even a species so low as a Duck, could come through something like that.
But trust me, that's far from a concession. Six bags of feathers and one overgrown gecko have nothing on the Saurian empire. I give my enemies credit for stifling my efforts, and causing me many a headache, but they have been futile in the overall struggle. Something akin to winning the battle, but still having the war to fight. They've merely prolonged the inevitable. If you haven't noticed, all of this fighting and struggle hasn't winded the Saurian forces a bit. I've still got a massive amount of resources behind me, while I've already sent their leader to a certain death. It's only a matter of time before the rest of the Resistance follows in his webbed footsteps. Wars tend to wear down the weaker side over time, and I don't have to point out to you that cracks have shown in the facade of their 'team'. Don't let all of that comradery fool you, maybe they want to believe they're closer than they really are. Because I can see it, when they're put under stress, one of the first things to go is their ability to stick together and pull through. Maybe it's just my predatory nature, but I know it's smart to single out individuals, in order to thin out a flock.
Which brings me to something else, I was born to conquer. Humans have always had the impulse to be greedy and self-serving, don't ask me where it came from but it's obvious that they haven't evolved out of it yet. But while humans try to mask their darker animal nature, we Saurians are proud of it. We embrace it. It's the only thing that's kept us alive, really. We are born predators, hunters, and we find eating the flesh of our victims an added bonus. Wouldn't you? After all, why let all of that good meat go to waste? And according to what I've heard, nothing tastes better than a freshly roasted Duck. I'm not ashamed of anything like that. Anyone who's disgusted by it is probably more afraid that they'll end up being feasted upon next. And I like them crispy, just so you know.
But wouldn't that be typical of a bad guy like me? Blame it on how I was brought up. It was a wonder we didn't end up eating each other in limbo. Those Ducks had it easy in my labor camps, comparatively. I'm well beyond the point of 'once bitten, twice shy' by now. The next time I have the opportunity to enslave a population, I'll make sure there's no way that they can get out from under me. I don't care if it's cruel, it's just what I have to do to get where I need to be. My destiny is to restore the glory to my empire. If I have to step on the backs of a few lower beings along the way, so be it. First I exterminate the last of the Resistance, then I make an example of that dragon and her species, and then the human race will be mine for the enslaving.
So, cheer for me, spit on me. I'm able to take the abuse after so many generations. But I have a warning for all of those who would underestimate me. They won't live long enough to feel regret for their error. The time of the Saurian redawning is close at hand. I will rescue my race from the doldrums of their existence, and we will find our past status once again. There simply isn't a power big enough to stand in my way. I'm a bad guy, I can do anything.
Mighty Ducks-The Animated Series, including all logos and characters are copyright and property of Disney. Zelda and associated characters are copyright of their creator, Zelda. If you're reading, Disney pencil-pushers, quit thinking about suing me and get to work on putting the Ducks back on the air!