Disclaimer—I do not own The Avengers, The Big Bang Theory, nor the characters therein. And I do not receive any moneys from the posting of this fanfiction.
Hello! Hope everyone is doing well. This was just a little something I came up with. Enjoy!
Please read and review.
Darcy was in the middle of doing her studying when her phone started to buzz with an incoming call. She looked at who was calling her and was shocked to say the least. She answered the phone even as she began to gather her things.
"Hey, Tinman, how are you…" she started, but was cut off by a harsh sob. "What's wrong, Shelly?"
"Th-they messed up…my work!" he sobbed. "They-they…Oh Darcy, they sabotaged my experiment!"
Anger licked at her. "Who are they?"
"I thought they were my friends," he cried quietly.
She was now nearly sprinting out of the library, as she inquired, "It's that ass-hat roommate of yours Leonard, the horn dog Howard, and the mime Raj, isn't it?"
"Yes," he whimpered. "I want to go back home, Darcy. I want Meemaw."
"I know," she sighed. "But you have to stand strong. Just tell me this, did you get the grant for the expedition from whom I told you to ask?"
"Yes, Darcy. They were so generous and this happened," he said, not sounding a bit happy. "They'll more than likely want me to pay them back."
"Don't worry about that," she told him. "I'll work on it from this end of things and I'll give you a call tonight. Try to get some rest and whatever you do, don't talk to those assholes. You aren't going to forgive them this, Shell. This is beyond forgiveness."
"Okay," he said quietly. "I'm going to call Meemaw."
"You do that," she told him. "I'll call you tonight."
They said their farewells and soon enough she was making a phone call to one of the last people she ever thought she'd speak to ever. But hey, she hacked the number and if there was one person on this planet that could help her cousin Sheldon it would be this man.
"I don't know who you are or how you got this number…"
"I hacked it, but that isn't the point," she told him. "I'm calling on behalf of my cousin Dr. Sheldon Cooper, whom you awarded the grant for his research into finding monopoles in the Arctic."
There was a pause. "Yeah, I did. What about it?"
"He just called me in tears. I don't know the details, but he told me that his team that he took with him sabotaged his work."
"Maybe he messed up and needed to blame someone?"
"That isn't how he rolls," she assured him. "If it were his own fault, he'd take the blame. But his friends are a bunch of assholes, especially that roommate of his. And if a girl's involved, which honestly there has to be because there always is with him, he did so to get back to southern California to get laid."
"A girl came before the science in other words," he muttered.
"I want names," he said, his voice hard.
The next day Darcy was able to catch a lift over to Pasadena, as well as a ride over to the apartment. She charged over to 4A with her Taser already out. The very moment she saw that it was Leonard who opened the door, she dropped him with her weapon of choice, and proceeded to step over his twitching form.
"Oh my God! Leonard!" a blonde girl screamed, running over to him even as Darcy went straight over to her cousin's bedroom door.
"Knock, knock!" she called out. "It's me, Shelly."
He opened up the door, looking dejected.
"Are you packed up?"
"Yes, Darcy," he murmured, sniffling as he did as much.
"Hey, you!" the blonde snarled. "How dare you hurt my friend?!"
"Hold on a minute, Shelly." She turned to face the other woman. "Do you know what your friend did?"
She blinked at her and said, "Uh, he said that they played a joke on Sheldon because he was being a colossal pain in the ass."
"Right," Darcy said, looking over to the two trying to help the third off of the floor. "Sheldon was being Sheldon." She looked back to the woman. "He has trouble with change and if that trip wasn't change in the extreme, I don't know what is. That is something they should have thought of before accepting the invitation to the Arctic in the first place. Chances are that the asshole that is Leonard planned on doing something from even before leaving. Why else would he bring something like an electric can opener when there wasn't going to be any cans to open?"
The woman blinked at her in shock. "But why would he do that?"
"You can't think of one reason? I'm pretty sure I can think of one and I'm looking right at it." Darcy pointed up and down the other woman's body. "And before you ask, yes, he's a pig that way. Chances are he called dibs on you. He's been known to do shit like that too."
"Now wait just one…" Darcy lifted her Taser again, making Leonard jump back with a startled yelp.
"Oh, we will be speaking in a minute, but right now I'm speaking to her," Darcy said, looking back to the other woman. "I'm Darcy Lewis. Sheldon's my cousin."
"I'm Penny," she introduced herself. "Sheldon's neighbor."
"Cool," she replied. "What they did for reasons I can only guess at was hurt not only Sheldon's career, but his heart."
Penny took a good look at Sheldon and felt her heart break a little at the sight of his tear swollen face.
"Sheldon worked hard getting the grant money for this trip and they might as well have set that loot on fire along with Sheldon's career," Darcy told her. "Sheldon may not be the easiest person to get along with at times, but he never deserved this!" She looked to the two standing next to Leonard, both now looking sheepish as they stood there. "Do any of you three know how much money he pulled together for that trip?" Glaring at Sheldon's roommate, she added, "I bet you Leonard does."
Leonard took a breath to argue, only to take one look at her Taser, and let the breath go in a whoosh.
"What do you mean, Darcy?" came from Sheldon, sounding stronger now.
"As a part of the whole implosion that was your Arctic expedition, a financial audit is currently being conducted on the expenses incurred."
"Oh my God," came weakly from Leonard.
"It's a normal part of the autopsy of a failed trip," she said to which Sheldon nodded. "Seeing as they gave over millions of dollars for it, it's more than expected for them to want to know where their money went." She crossed her arms over her chest, glaring at Sheldon's supposed friends, saying, "And don't you know that there were hundreds of thousands of dollars in unaccounted for expenses. The last I heard as of two hours ago, the forensic accountants were having a field day with what they're finding."
"Leonard, what is she talking about?" Howard demanded.
"I never thought…"
"Apparently you didn't do a lot of thinking," she said. "As one of the first things they found was that you charged a snowflake in superglue to the expedition at nearly one thousand times its actual worth. What's even sadder is that you bought it on E-Bay and didn't think people would be checking that shit."
"He what?!" Penny snapped, now sounding pissed.
"You heard me the first time," Darcy drawled. "The boy wanted into your panties, he gives you a snow flake in superglue and you let him tap that. Congratulations, you are now a bigger fool than even I accredit myself with being."
Penny's face went red and she charged out of the apartment, slamming her door as she went. Darcy turned towards Leonard, Howard, and the ever silent Raj. "You knew how Sheldon could be before you even left Pasadena. But you saw this as a chance to what? Steal money? Make a name for yourself? What?" She snorted. "I don't know and I could care less. What I do know is that you fucked with the wrong people." When all they did was frown and look like they didn't know what she was speaking of, she looked over to Sheldon. "Didn't you tell them who was putting up the money for this?"
"No I didn't," he said quietly. "I didn't think it was necessary."
"Apparently it was," she murmured. "Because I don't think Mr. Leonard the asshat would have thought twice about stealing that money if he knew you got it from Stark Industries."
"Oh holy Shiva," Raj breathed.
"Tony Stark doesn't…" Leonard started weakly only to be interrupted by the door opening and Tony Stark himself come strolling into the apartment.
"Oh my god," Howard breathed. "We are such toast."
"Are these the three that stole my money?" Tony asked of Darcy.
"I didn't steal anything!" Howard exclaimed. "It was all him!" He pointed straight at Leonard. "I may have played with the can opener and wanted to kill Sheldon with a frozen dinner, but I didn't steal one cent from anyone."
Tony studied him a moment. "Inventive, I'll give you that much, but you messed up on my dime. So you owe me money." He looked towards Raj. "So do you." Finally looking to a pale faced and heavily sweating Leonard. "And you most of all, Scarecrow."
He went over towards Sheldon. "I'm sorry this shit happened. Just know that they're going to be held accountable for what they've done." Patting his shoulder, he said, "Are all your possessions labeled here in the apartment?"
"Yes," he answered, going over and picking up his Green Lantern and showing the man his mark on the bottom of it.
Pulling out his phone, Tony took a photo of the mark. "I'll make sure he doesn't sell anything with your mark while you're off visiting your grandmother."
"Thank you," Sheldon said and took up the handle of his roll away luggage.
"Let's get going, Shelly," Darcy said, wrapping her arm around his waist. "Meemaw told me that she's made her homemade chocolate peanut butter bars and your mama said she's already praying and baking snickerdoodles. And that means as soon as we get there, I'll be making a real meal, as it's clear you'll end up with diabetes if you eat all that sugar."
"Darcy, you don't…"
"I'm cooking a real meal as you can't live on sugar alone," she cut him off. "That's what I meant."
"Oh." He cleared his throat. "True."
Rolling her eyes, she looked over towards a smiling Tony Stark. "Thanks."
"No," he said. "Thank you."
She looked over to Sheldon, who was staring at the three men who he thought were his friends. "Goodbye. I hope messing up my expedition was worth what you'll be going through now."
"It wasn't our fault!" Leonard whined. "You…"
"So let me see if I get this right," Tony cut him off. "You're going to blame your every action on Sheldon?" He looked over to Darcy. "Wow, you were right."
"The boy that is Leonard Hofstadter relies upon the jackassery that is the 'It isn't my fault' mentality," she said, making Tony chuckle at her wording. "Not only isn't it not pretty, it's damn annoying." Taking up her cousin's hand, she began to pull him towards the door. She opened it and stepped aside for a statuesque strawberry blond woman to come in with a briefcase and clipboard in hand.
"Pepper! Just on time," he said, pulling over a desk chair for her to sit in.
"Thank you," she said, sitting down. Looking over to the now trembling three men, she told them, "The FBI has been notified and will be arriving at the university shortly to collect any and all documents connected to the expedition we weren't able to provide them with. Needless to say, charges will be pending. Caltech was informed as well and we all will be meeting up at the school once we finish up here. In the meantime, we need to figure out a way for you to repay the twenty-five million dollars you owe to Stark Industries."
The three were crying, as Darcy and Sheldon walked out of the apartment.
"You didn't have to do all this, Darcy," Sheldon told her as they were walking down the stairs.
"I told you, Shelly-bean, no one fucks with my family," she murmured. "Leonard is just really lucky I didn't kick him in the goods."
"Oh no worries there," he assured her. "Penny is sure to castrate him the moment everything clicks in her head."
Laughing she said, "Then it's a good thing I didn't. I wouldn't want to have messed up her fun." She paused on the second floor landing, asking, "If Auntie tries exercising me again, you'll help?"
Smiling sweetly, he said, "Chances are she'll be doing it to the both of us."
Worrying her lower lip, she said, "Team up with Missy and get George in trouble again for booze under her kitchen counter?"
"That works for me," he replied, but he stopped and hugged her awkwardly. "Thank you, Darcy."
Hugging him back, she sighed, "You're welcome, Shelly."
And there you go! That whole Arctic trip with the guys messing up Sheldon's work has never sat well with me. It wasn't funny and the outcome they came up with on The Big Bang Theory was unsettling to say the least. I hope that you enjoyed my twist on things. Thanks for reading. If you could, please review. And until next time, may your days be cooler (currently a very hot summer in my neck of the woods) than mine. Chao!