CHAPTER 4: STRIFE 3X COMBOB: ROSE LALANDE VS BIG FOOT & ELSA AND ANNA VS DARH VADER & GUNILLA AND VOLDEDORT VS HARY POTTER
gunilla was running around harry potters castle. and it was kind of hard findign hary potter, because ,the castle was HUGE AS FUCK (volume almost 1000m3). seriously, nearly every body in these stupid ass stories has a TOO LARGE CASTLE TO BE EVEN REMOTELY PRACTICAL. what good are large castles anyways? i mean 1nd) catsles that big take almost ALL SPACE IN THE GOD DAMN COUNTRY. 2rd) what activities even require a catle thats big, no, thats insane 3st) the fucking country goes bankyrupt if taxes are used to care for the buildings.
but when gunilla ran and ran around the catsle she figrue dout there must be an additional reason: if castles are big then assassasins like her cant find the king of the catsle... thats actualy p smart. so MAYBE big catsles ARENT so uselsss after all? if ur mom refuses to give u momey for buyign HUGE AS HELL castles (because shes secretly mad that u looked at elsanna pix) just tell her that.
gunilla was already getting hopeless but then she saw HARRY POTTER! gunilla was on top of some staris and harry potter was on the lower part.
"how did u escape the fucking jail?" harry axed astonishedly. "o wait. it doesnt matter, because, IM GOING TO PUT YOU BACK TO THE SLAMMER!"
and he began RUNNING UP THE STAIRS! just a tip, please dont run up the stairs. if u fall u will possibly fucking die, especially if this running up stairs thing happens in huge castles like hogworts in which the stairs are MAGIC and ACTUALLY EXIST IN HUGE PITS OF VOID, MOVING AROUND AND MAKING IT AT LEAST 90% SURE THAT SOME BODY FALLS DOWN THE STAIRS AND DIES EVERY YEAR.
gunilla was hlepless, because she wasnt magic unlike elsa and anna. maybe that is why the last queens were magic? i mean magic is p useful if u are aboubt to get assassisnated the hell out of u. but anyways, theng gunilla remembered what LORD VOLDEDORT had given her...
... some MAGICAL VIDEO GAMES! WITCH COULD SAVE THE SITUATION... WITH MAGIC!
"hey HAIRY POTTER take these" gunilla screamed and throwed the games at harry potter, king of wizardland. thats a good tip also. becaus e people will for some reason just grab things u throw at them. so, if some times u want to kill sb, maybe throw them some lava or other kinds of deudly shit.
was GAMES the thing that was deudly shit? gunilla though when she realized p much the same thing i just said and though it may have been vodemorts intention.
hary potter was shocked and... BEGAN TO FALL DOWN THE STAIRS!
"OH FFUCK" he screamed when he realized that the games were actually magic piece of shit games that made u fall down stairs. AND the stairs in hogworts were P MUCH THE DANGEROUSEST STAIRS IN EXISTENCE!
harry pottters head hit the stair and exploded into gore. his legs hit the stair and flew across in an arc. his arms hit the stair and were torn asunder. his body hit the stairs and was crushed into an unrecognizable mess.
"well done" laughed lord volderot evilly behind gunilla. "NOW i rule wizardland! ha hah ahhahaHAAHHAHHAHAHAHAHNHSASHHAHSHHHAHAHZ"
"NOT SO FAST!" scremaed harry potter and MAGICED HIMSELF BACK TO LIFE. "i should have executed you when i had the chance..."
"witch one" axed gunilla
"no the wizard one" said harry potter "or wait actually killing both of u sounds like the better plan. but. anyways PREPARE TO DIE YOU FOOLS!"
it began raining and thundering dramatically, witch was kind of stupid because they were IN A HOUSE...? but the again, MAGIC. magic is the best thing to have in stories. i mean seriously ANYTHING will AND CAN happen and ur readers will buy it like a bunchs of suckers. (dont tell anybody i said that! hehehe)
but anyways lord voldedort raised his wand. and gunilla raised her boobs witch were the best equivalents of weapons she had since they could at least make some distracted by HUGE BOOBES.
"REX EXECUTIUM!" screamed lord voldedort and fired a HUGE SPELL (radius almost 3m) that was filled with GREEN ENERGY and FLEW INTO HARRY POTTER.
"ooaahhhh fffuuuck!" harry screamed as he was hit by the spell and FUCKING MURDERED.
"thanks for helping" said lord voldedort to gunilla. "you are now free to go."
"thanks" said gunilla "always happy to show my boobes and slash or kill the leaders of other countreis. thats diplomacy bro. uhh by the way the thing i was originally going to axe harry potter was... do u want to help me in a war against starland?"
"why is there a war" voldedort axed. "sorry i was in FUCKING PRISON and wizardland doesnt have news papers. i guess we just use magic but my wand was taken from me and it was magiced to only come back when harry potter dies. for some reason"
"oh", said gunilla. "i understand i never read the news either but anyways DARTH VADER is planning to go nuclear on the WHOLE WORLD, FUCKING DESTROYING EVERYTHING. iff i do not give him the control of ardelia... but id rather not do that. so war time it is! u in or not?"
"hmm" said lord voldedort. "on the other hand i like war but on the other hand i also like the whole world being destroyed. sorry bro im out"
"ok then" gunilla sighed and walked back to the royal sexcopter. the royal meeting had been kind of a fucking disaster but at least she was alive.
but when she saw the helicopter there was also another thing... a BABBY!
"LET US WITHSTAND!" screamed rose lalande at the bigfoot. it was the sixth big foot, after four men in big foot costumes and one chewbacca. but at least this one seemed real and it didnt even sceram "help dont kill me im not a real bigfoot!" unlike the others but it could have been a ruse so rose had killed them anyways.
"so u think u can defeat a big foot?" screamed the bigfoot. "WELL THEN THINK AGAIN!"
and when the leader big foot said that SIX MILLION BIGFOOTS SUDDENLY APPEARED BEHIND THE TREES AND ROCKS AND OTHER NATURE THINGS NEAR BY!
"this is suggestive of the deleterious" whispered rose lalande to her gf kanya maryam.
"quite irrevocable" she agreed.
mean while behind them bigfoots killed the fuck out of DR HOUSE and ROBOT BARTY ANDERSON.
"AAAAAAAHHHHH" dr house screamed.
"i am a robot and there fore feel no pain" said barty. "but i do recognize that this situation is bad so AAAAHHHHH"
and then they fucking died.
"the ballgame has emerged as even aggrandizedly unmitigable" whispered kanya.
"esteemed commodioushoof" said rose how ever "it is congenial that you extirpated two of my compatriots."
"why?" wondered the leader big foot.
"because this symmetrizes the amphitheater" replied rose and drew her wand. kanya drew her chain saw.
the leader big foot ROARED and JUMPED at rose and kanaya with his SHAR AS FUCK CLAWS. the other 6 million big foots also did the same thing, but because there were only two of rose and kanaya, it was p much useles. like 6 big foots were even able to reach and attack the long word girls... so what even is the point? btw this is also a good thing in magic, because the useless dudes can just do some magic dumb spells that power the fuck out of the others.
but anyways rose screamed "KILL BIGFOOT!" and a HUGE PURPLE BEAM shot from her wand. it hit the leader big foot RIGHT IN THE FUCKING FACE and he fell down crying.
"you are discomfitured" said rose "retrograde or go way of all flesh!"
but the big foot was MERELY PRETENDING TO BE DEAD! it JUMPED AT KANAYA AND SLASHED THE HELL OUT OF HER! kanya screamed "aaaahhhh" and flew back wartsds.
"NOOOOOOOOOOO!" scramed rose and EXPLODED INTO A FIERY RAGE EXPLOSION OF DEATHLY RAGE MAGIC THAT FLEW AROUND AND FUCKING KILLED MILLIONS OF BIGFOOTS! INCLUDING THE LEADER BIGFOOT!
rose ran to the place where kanyas corpse had flown and cried flaming tears that killed more big foots.
"my paramour has been annihilated" cried rose. "what inducement do i have to abide?"
and she drew her wand and put it next to her head, kind of like u do with guns when u want to fucking kill urself. but with a wand isted of a gun.
"ROSE TARRY!" kanaya screamed. "I WAS ONLY HOODWINKED TO BE UNANIMATED TO EMBOLDEN YOUR THAUMATURGY!"
but it was TOO LATE! rose screamed "MAGIC SUICIDE HELL" and a BIG BEAM OF BLOOD BURST OUT OF HER WAND, EXPLODING HER HEAD.
kanya began to cry. it was just like in hamlets.
"i guess ur the leade of big foots now" said one big foot. "what do we do"
"magnificent" cried kanaya. "i spiel... SPOLIATE THIS ACREAGE! MISLAY NO PNEUMA COGNIZANT!"
"what" axed the bigoot.
"i mean" sniffed kanaya... "FUCKING KILL EVERYTHIGNG AND EVERYONE!"
"now lets find darth vader" whispered elsa to anna. they walked out of the elsanna nuclera birth room and founda BIG hall full of all kinds of evil stuff. like white cats. and suspicous goatees. and nuclear weapons that they had just birthed before.
"cant we just go" whipsered anna who was spooked by all the evil things. "i mean im p sure that darth vader DOESNT have evil tracking stuff on us"
"NO anna" said elsa angrily . "i want answers. like how the hell are we alive if elsa and ana the twin lesbien queen incests of ardelia just died?"
"hmm" wondered anna. "thats a p good question. but can we first at least find doridtoes and pan cakes?"
"fine" said elsa "lets go find darth vaders kitchen."
luckily they saw a sign that said "THIS WAY TO DARTH VADERS KITCHEN." so they went that way and found... DARTH VADERS KITCHEN. they checked the fridge and there were pan cakes, dead babbies and doridtos. anna decided to eat the doridtsos and pan cakes while elsa consumed the babies. to get magic bbay energy, witch would be useful in a battle.
"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!" laughed some one evilly. the queens turned back wards and IT WAS DARTH DADER! "I KNEW THAT PACKING MY KITCHEN WITH FOOD ITEMS SO DEAR TO YOU WOULD LEAD TO THIS, IN CASE YOU ESCAPED! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
elsa and anna drew their knifes. "anserws or i KILL YOU" hissed elsa.
"fine then" said darth vader and drew his lazersword. "what do you wish to know?"
"HOW THE HELL DO WE EXIST IF THE REAL ELSA AND ANNA ARE DEAD?" demanded anna.
"elementary, my dear anna" said darth vader. "you are clones"
elsa and anna gasped.
"and how the HELL did u get our dna?" axed elsa.
"even simpler. i stole it when u were babies."
"and... how did u GET NEAR ROYAL BABIES?"
darth vader laugheds. "that is the most simplest thing of all... it was because... I! AM! YOUR! FUCKING! FATHER!"
NEXT CHAPTER: WHO IS GUNILLAS BABY? WHO IS THE BABY IN GUNILLAS HELICOPTER? WHO IS DARH VADERS BABY? WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BABIES?