Sex Ed
Dedicated to LightofEvolution.
~From MrBenzedrine and Waymay

"On Top Of The World" by Imagine Dragons

Hermione sat hunched over her desk in her office, furrowing her eyebrows together at Liam Killingsworth's atrocious examples of what he thought were 'early signs of pregnancy.' Amongst his list included, 'being really, really mean,' 'complaining' and 'becoming allergic to watermelon.'

"I really hope I don't have to fail him this term," she muttered.

A knock to her office door had her head raising up in anticipation, and she met the warm, bright eyes of a sixth year Lidia Penelope Cornelia. In her hands was a small basket filled to the brim with muffins. Hermione's stomach gurgled at the sight. Merlin, was she ever hungry.

"Miss Cornelia," she greeted the young witch, "Come in."

Lidia strolled up to the desk and plopped down the basket.

"What's this?" Hermione asked.

"It's an anniversary gift! For my favorite Professor Malfoy."

Professor Malfoy. Yes, Hermione was still getting used to that one. She glanced down at the glistening diamond ring on her left finger, accented with sapphires (her birthstone).

"Anniversary?" she raised an eyebrow.

"It's been two years since you started teaching here. Can you believe it?"

"Has it been?" Hermione glanced up at the calendar. Lately, her head was in such a fog -she hadn't felt much like herself at all. The last two weeks, she was sure she was coming down with a cold. Her body ached, she was sick to her stomach, and she was far more sluggish than usual. Still, one look at those muffins had her excited to eat. "Oh my goodness, it has, hasn't it?" She giggled into her hand and plucked a muffin from the top. "Thank you, Lidia. This was so very kind of you." She bit into the blueberry flavored pastry, mouth gushing with saliva as she chewed happily. "Oh my word. These are simply amazing!"

"Thank you! Made them myself!"

"How did you manage that?"

"Convinced the elves in the kitchen to let me cook with them."

"I always knew you were a smart witch." Hermione grinned. "So, could you do us both a favor and convince your boyfriend to, please, try a little harder in my classroom?"

Lida picked up a muffin for herself and nibbled. "Honestly, Professor, no matter how hard I try, I don't think there will be any help for him." Both witches laughed. Hermione was so very proud to have a student like Lidia.

"Alright now," she waved her hand, "Off you pop. I have papers to grade, and you have class to attend."

Lidia stood up, waved gleefully to her professor, and skipped out of the room. Hermione took another bite of her muffin, lost in thought. Being married, she found, was better than anything else. Draco was attentive, caring, and still wildly charismatic in his sexual advances. True, Lucius and Narcissa Malfoy barely tolerated her on almost all levels, but, luckily, her family had taken Draco right in as their son-in-law.

"Oh, come on, Liam," she groaned, reading over his five paragraph essay on childbirth. "It's called the umbilical cord, not the umbrella chord… I pray that boy never reproduces…"

"You and me both."

Hermione looked up from her grading to find Draco standing in the doorway, arms crossed, his own wedding ring glistening on his left hand. "Hello," she smiled.

"Hello." He smiled back. "Why don't you take a break?"

"I can't," she muttered, "I've put these tests off for three days already."

"Still getting over that spout of food poisoning?"

"I'm better today," she said, holding up her muffin. "See? Sustenance."

"I'm so proud of you." He stuck out his tongue and strolled across the room, behind her chair. There, he placed one hand on each of her shoulders and leaned in to whisper, "Does that mean you're up to a little… frivolous activity?"

"Draco." She tried to shrug his hands off, though only half hearted. "I'm trying to work."

"So?" He kissed her cheek. "I want to ravish my wife. Sue me."

"Help me grade these papers, then." She pushed Liam's parchment up into his face.

"Yeah, don't care." Turning her chair around, he placed his hands on the armrests and caged her in. Hermione, giving up, leaned in to kiss him -and then covered her mouth, shaking her head. She dove underneath his arms, out of the chair, and dry heaved into the nearby trashcan. "Oh my goodness!" she gasped when she was through.

"Maybe you should see Madam Pomfrey," Draco offered, concerned.

"No, I'm fine. Really." She wiped her mouth with the back of her sleeve, collecting drool. "Oh, I just wish I knew why I felt so bad…" She stood up, with Draco's help, and made her way back to her desk. There, she sighed, irritated, and picked up a new essay to grade. Liam's was far too full of errors to be taken seriously at the moment. It just so happened that she picked up Lidia's test. "Now, this is is how you score on an exam!" she muttered, holding it up for Draco to see. "Do you know Liam wrote down 'craving tacos' as a sign of pregnancy?"

"My mother craved squid while pregnant with me," Draco shrugged, "Maybe he's speaking from personal experience?"

"Perhaps," she mumbled, "But look at these answers that Lidia's given. Food aversion and naseua. Fatigue. Mood swings. Headaches. Breast tenderness. These are much more applicable answers than," she picked up Liam's paper, "allergies to watermelon."

"He really didn't put that, did he?" Draco scooped up the paper and laughed. "And I thought I was sexually repressed at sixteen. This takes the cake."

"Oh God… don't mention cake…" Hermione groaned, holding her stomach at the thought. And then… "What if…" She raised her head, still clutching her stomach, and scrambled her graded papers out of the way to find her calendar under the stack.

"Whoa, slow down there," Draco said, "What's got your knickers in such a twist?"

"December… December…" She perked her head up, back down at the calendar, and then turned, slowly, to Draco. "Of course."

"Of course what?" he scowled. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing." She shook her head, smiling. "Nothing's wrong, Draco." She stood from her chair, wrapped her arms around his neck, and kissed him chastely on the lips. "Be right back."

She ran over to her medical bag, picked it up, and excused herself to the loo. Draco stared at her in confusion, and Hermione told him she'd be right back. She wouldn't be long.

"It isn't food poisoning," she said when she returned, a large smile creeping across her lips. She sat him down in her chair, took a seat on top of his lap, and wrapped her arms around his neck.

"It isn't?" he asked, confused, rooted to his spot as his eyes raked over her face, looking for answers. "Why are you smiling that way? What? Do I have something in my teeth?" Hermione shook her head.

"Do you recall that little romp we had underneath the Christmas tree last month?"

Draco smirked, recalling. "Quite literally one of the best shags we've ever…" He'd figure it out. In three… two… one… his eyes rested on Lidia's essay. Slowly, but surely, the cogs in his brain began to turn, and he looked back into Hermione's eyes, full of questions. And then surprise. And then… happiness. "You're… we're… are you…?"

She nodded. "We're having a baby, Professor Malfoy." She plucked the pregnancy test from her pockets and presented it to him. "The two little lines confirm it. I'm pregnant!"

Draco stared in wonder at the pregnancy test in her hands, inhaling, trying to sort out his thoughts in his head before he sputtered out, "Sweet baby dragons… I'm going to be a father?"

"You're going to be a wonderful father," she said.

Draco smirked, taking the news in. "Yeah, I will, won't I?" He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her tight to him, so that they were nose to nose. "We're having a baby."

"We're having a baby."

He laughed, kissing her on the lips. "Potter cannot be the godfather," he said at once.

Hermione laughed along with him, rolling her eyes. "Care to bet on it?"