Author's Notes: So a while back, I spent an unreasonable amount of time on a website where people described horrible weddings that they'd attended or heard about. Then, another unreasonable amount of time later, I decided to write a fanfic inspired by it.
I just wanted to say that I love your website and that it was a big help in planning my daughter's wedding recently! I also enjoyed reading through your "Weddings from Hell" section whenever I was stressed out and needed a laugh. I was really hoping that I wouldn't have my own entry to contribute, but now that the big day is over it looks THAT hope was in vain.
Let's begin by saying that I'm not exactly crazy about my new son-in-law (you'll see why below!), but I was going to try my best to pull off the wedding that my wonderful daughter deserved. Fortunately, my mother volunteered to help cover expenses, so we were able to book a lovely resort for the ceremony and reception. Unfortunately, my mother also has a lot of health issues, so she wasn't able to join us, despite her being very close with me and my daughter. In retrospect this seems like a bad sign of things to come. (My ex-husband also neglected to show up or contribute, but after all these years THAT'S to be expected!)
Now for the rest of the family. I have two sisters, let's call them "Ellen" and "Annie." Ellen is married with two daughters; Annie is still single. Annie tends to avoid family get-togethers, so I wasn't surprised when she claimed that she couldn't make it to the wedding. Ellen and I are close, but she is horrible at holding grudges and has a drinking problem. (She insists that she doesn't, but that doesn't explain why she gets drunk every time I see her!)
Ellen seemed excited when I called to tell her about the wedding, but then immediately goes off about how OF COURSE her daughters are going to be bridesmaids! Mind you, Ellen's family lived across the country until recently; her children and my daughter have met maybe half a dozen times in their lives. Even though the bridesmaids and groomsmen were already all picked out, I asked my daughter about it and she graciously said that Niece #1 and Niece #2 could be in the wedding. But now the sides were uneven! Well, my daughter's fiance had two nephews he said could stand up for him. Not to give anything away, but all this is going to come back and haunt us later!
My daughter had a short engagement, so only a few weeks later the wedding date has arrived. Ellen and her family pull up—and somehow Niece #1 has gotten the wrong bridesmaid's dress! I don't see how, since her sister didn't have any problems, but it's too late to do anything about it and at least the dress she got looks pretty similar. But then who should pull up right after them? Annie, the sister who hates family events and RSVPed saying that she wasnt coming! Of course that meant that I had to pay the caterer an extra $50 out of pocket and get them to set up an extra place in the seating arrangements that had been finalized weeks ago! As if I didn't have enough stress on this day! Meanwhile, Ellen is already going around asking where the bar is. Uh-oh.
Thankfully, the wedding itself was beautiful; my daughter looked like an angel, the rain clouds went away just in time for the outdoor ceremony to begin, and the priest made a wonderful speech about love that left me close to tears. If only things had gone half so well at the reception...
First of all, up at the head table, Niece #1 starts telling all these ridiculous stories—apparently she even told the other bridesmaids that she wants to become a stripper or something! This girl is sixteen yeears old! But I didn't learn about that until later; why? Because I was busy trying to keep track of how much HER MOTHER was drinking! And then she goes off trying to pick a fight with me over things that happened twenty or thirty years ago, while her husband suddenly starts fighting with my date for no reason! I tried to calm things down, but the two of them wound up making a huge scene. My daughter, who had been making her rounds greeting all the guests, interrupts what should be the happiest day or her life trying to help me play peacemaker. What does her new husband do? He actually LEAVES THE RECEPTION TO GO TO A BAR! You can see why I'm not exactly thrilled to have him in our family!
Well, while I'm trying to deal with all of this, what should happen but the police suddenly arrive! At first I had no idea why; did somebody see me and Ellen arguing and assume that she would get violent? No, they're actually here for the OTHER fight that I didn't know about—one of the groom's troglodytic nephews wound up BEATING UP THE PRIEST! Oh, but don't worry; he insists that the priest actually started it! Fortunately my boyfriend offered to take care of that mess for me, as I still had my hands full with Ellen. To her credit, she eventually apologized, and I like to think that we're going forward on a good note, all things considered.
Unfortunately, there was one last little surprise to make the day perfect. Just as Ellen and I were making up, her husband runs up and says that nobody can find Niece #1. After having security search the grounds for an hour, the groom's nephew (the one who didn't decide to ASSAULT A PRIEST) casually mentions that she and Annie just decided to go out for some fast food! After each of them ate a $50 meal that I paid for! (Again, out of pocket in Annie's case!) In a town that neither of them really knows and without telling Niece #1's parents!
I just feel so sorry for my poor daughter; her wedding was a disaster, and unlike some of the stories on your site it doesn't at least end with her happily married to a real prince charming. Oh well; maybe her second wedding will be better once she wakes up and dumps that Neanderthal!