This was originally posted by KODIAK here: http://www.tb3.org.uk/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?t=8095
Star League-ism: You have two cows. A goat takes over the barn. One cow blows up the goat's home, then fights with the goat over the barn. The goat is killed. The fighting cow leaves the farm while the other cow proceeds to systematically nuke parts of the farm for the hell of it.
Rim Worlds-ism: You have two cows. They are nuked along with
the rest of your nation because of what your goat did.
Outworlds-ism: You have two cows. They are pacifists who
also happen to be ace fighter pilots. You are invaded by Combine cows. You
slice off the heads of some of the cows and drop said heads on remaining
Combine cows. You still are pacifists.
Taurian-ism: You have two cows. The cows openly carry
nuclear weapons. No one messes with you because you will nuke their asses if
they look at you sideways.
MoC-ism: You have two cows. One buys rank in your military,
the other tours human space as a novelty in a "pleasure circus."
FRR-ism: You fight for hundreds of years for freedom for
your two cows. You win freedom for you and your cows. Your cows are
subsequently made Bondscows to Clan Wolf and Clan Ghost Bear. Your life sucks.
St.Ives-ism: You have two cows. You commit treason. You and
your cows are seen as good guys. You are also seen as an independent nation.
Neither statement is true.
Free Worlds-ism: You have two cows. That's it. No one cares.
Lyran-ism: You have two cows. One starts a business and
becomes insanely rich. The other buys rank in your military and subsequently
loses three assault regiments and two worlds to a band of pirates in Locusts.
Draconis-ism: You have two cows. One charges a Smoke Jaguar
Dire Wolf in a Phoenix Hawk. He dies honorably and quickly. The other refuses
to charge and is ordered to slice open his belly to atone for dishonor and
having a brain. You are messed up.
Capellen-ism: You have two cows. Your Celestial Wisdom
orders them to participate in cow wave attacks against the FedSuns. You still
lose half your nation.
Davion-ism: You have two cows. One joins the military and is
hailed as a hero. The other sits on the impoverished farm. You don't care about
the second cow.
ComStar-ism: You have two cows. They are neutral in all
things. You have swamp land in Florida to sell if I buy the neutral thing.
WoB-ism: You have two cows. They walk around in robes with
math symbols. Everyone makes fun of the cows. The cows nuke everyone.
FedCom-ism: You have two cows. One can't fight but is rich.
One fights expertly, but is poor. Instead of working together, your cows blame
each other for their faults and fight a war with each other.
Wolf-ism: You have two cows, distantly related. Both are
********, one has a good PR agent. They beat the crap out of each other and sit
in opposite corners of the room, refusing to speak to each other.
Falcon-ism: You have two cows. One gets his entire Cluster
killed by a guy with an physically impossible explosion. The other kills the
best Mechwarrior in human space with a jump jet to the head. People can't
decide if you are munchy or unlucky.
Jaguar-ism: You have two cows. Both are ******** who like to
massacre civilians. You are surprised when everyone comes after your cows and
blows them apart.
Ghost Bear-ism: You have two cows. You have good PR.
Everyone sees the cows as nice. They ignore the fact the cows threaten
massacres more often than the Jaguar cows.
Viper-ism: You have two cows. Both are super-elite. You
exist to lose to the Falcon cows. Sorry.
Raven-ism: You have two cows. They can't fight their way out
of a paper bag on the ground. Good thing you won't let anyone reach the ground.
Scorpion-ism: You have two cows. Both are stoned.
Cobra-ism: You have two cows. They are almost as messed up
as the Scorpion cows, just without the drugs. What was that Marx said about
religion being opium?
Nova Cat-ism: You have two cows. They see things more than
the Scorpions do, without the drugs.
Adder-ism: You have two cows. They build an insane army and
navy. They just sit there, doing nothing.
Coyote-ism: You have two cows. Both are perceived as losers.
You build a lot of new equipment. You are still seen as losers.
Spirit-ism: You have two cows. They sit at home and talk to
Mandrill-ism: You have two cows. They fight with each other
more than with anyone else. People ignore you.
Shark-ism: You have two cows. Both are part of a warrior
society that disdains everything else. Both cows still focus on money.
Horse-ism: You have two cows. They follow combined arms
doctrine. People drop Inferno IV missiles on your cows and have ribs for a
Hellion-ism: You have two cows. One has a temper tantrum and
is ridiculed by all others. The other cow only fights to the first hit thinking
that alone determines the victor, he is quickly destroyed by enemy cows.
MERC-ism: You have 2 cows, 1 steals from his employers, cheats on his contract, hide salvage and use loopholes to end their service early. The other cow picks up the contract, swears he wont default, does a good job but charges 3 times the price... both cows meet later and have a bar bee Q.
Pirate-ism: You have two cows. Now you have no cows. See?
Should have invested more into anti-pirate cow defense.
The Nice Guy
PS. The rest of my stuff is still on the way, though I'm dying of quantum mechanics right now…