A/N: Sorry for taking so long. School, other fandoms, and the charity musical I'm doing are taking precedence. Actually, if you could check the musical and our production out, I'd be pretty happy; the show is in NYC, but we're filming it so people outside the city can watch.
Feel free to look us up on tumblr or facebook as TeaTime4MadGirls or TeaTimeForMadGirls.

Anyway, if you happen to be a Firefly fan, go check it out!

o.o.o.o.o

"This is bullshit."

"Your face is bullshit."

"Thank you, Matatabi, for that thrilling contribution."

The bijuu grins up at Sakura from where she has her upper body sprawled across the table. "You got Oro back, Sakura."

"I did," she acknowledges. "But he has a village to revitalize and—"

"And you're going to avoid him now that you've shouted at each other?" Isobu asks, blinking innocently when Sakura shoots him a glare.

"You shut your mouth."

Isobu shrugs and takes a bite of his cookie, still exuding purity.

"We are here for a reason," Sakura begins again, magnanimous in her own mind. "Do we all remember what that reason is?"

"Choumei," Gyuuki grunts, folding his arms across his chest. "Once we have her…"

"Then it's just picking up the two from Iwa, finding whoever's got Saiken right now—"

"Utakata," Isobu tells her.

"—and then going back to Konoha to pick up the slackers." Sakura claps her hands. "Right, any ideas?"

"We could just… kidnap Fuu," Matatabi drawls. "Her home life isn't particularly pleasant, from what I've heard."

"Old enough to have ingrained loyalty by now, though," Isobu points out. "I remember her being pretty cheerful and friendly, though. We can probably get away with just talking to her."

"Oh, that's boring," Sakura says, pouting.

"Oh no," Gyuuki drawls, "We're not going to risk killing anyone in the crossfire. Whatever shall we do?"

"Fuck?" Sakura suggests innocently, and then grins as Matatabi collapses into giggles.

"Five hundred years and you still have the sense of humor of a twenty-something civilian boy," Gyuuki sighs.

"Boo you, whore," Sakura says with a smile.

"Really? Mean Girls?" Matatabi asks. "Isn't that a little overdone?"

Isobu coughs into his fist, waiting for everyone to turn to him. Then, he smiles, and Sakura can already tell she's going to love what comes out of his mouth.

"Let's go steal a bijuu."

She's right. She absolutely loves what Isobu says.

She gives him a hug.

o.o.o.o.o

"Hello," Isobu says, standing right in front of Fuu with his hands folded in front of him. "You are the Nanabi Jinchuuriki, yes?"

Fuu cocks her head to one side, ignoring the bristling of her comrades at her sides. "Yeah? What's it to ya?"

"Can you speak with your bijuu freely?" Isobu asks, testing.

"Excuuuuuuse me?" Fuu responds, tilting her head. "What's that s'pposed to mean?"

"Do you and Choumei ever speak?" Isobu tilts his own head in response.

"Uh… not for a while," Fuu talks like a child, drawing out her words in something that would be a whine if not for the flat confusion. "Whatcha want with Choumei?"

"I am Isobu." He does not continue.

Fuu stares at him for a long moment, and then closes her eyes.

"What do you think you are doing, little boy?" One of the other Taki shinobi demands.

Isobu's eyes slide over almost dismissively. "Talking."

The man bristles, but Fuu's hand snaps out and lands on his chest, holding him back. Her eyes open more slowly, almost hazy as she looks at Isobu, considering.

"You ain't human."

"No, I am not."

"Huh." Fuu puts her hands on her hips and eyes him. "It's been months since I spoke with my bijuu, y'know."

"I suspected."

"Where's Deathless, then?"

"Waiting for your decision."

"I don't get much of one, buddy."

"Still."

Fuu grins and drops to the ground, legs crossed. "Alright, then! Let's do this!"

Sakura shimmers into existence behind Isobu, one hand on his shoulder.

She smiles.

"Hey, kiddo."

o.o.o.o.o

There is, unsurprisingly, a small delay as the Taki shinobi take offense to the interaction and attempt to kill them.

It's a game to take them down, painlessly, bloodlessly, temporary as anything.

Sakura makes sure that there is no lasting damage.

They will remember nothing of this occasion when they wake.

o.o.o.o.o

Choumei, when she looks human, has skin that many would describe as dusky. Darker than Matatabi but still not at Kurama or Gyuuki's level, her look is one that isn't seen much in the parts of the Hidden Continent that Sakura currently frequents. Desi, perhaps? Her face is aristocratic, almost delicate, with a straight nose and high cheekbones and eyes that sparkle in the light. Those eyes would be called lovely if not for the inhuman color scheme.

It's clear where Fuu's orange eyes come from; or maybe it's the other way around, that Choumei took inspiration from Fuu when designing her human form. In any case, her eyes are the same color as her jinchuuriki's, though unnaturally reflective, and her hair is the same dark blue as her true form's exoskeleton, all shiny and smooth. Orange eyes wouldn't even be that strange, but Choumei takes her delight in unnerving people, and so her sclera are the same bright green as her wings and Fuu's hair.

She gets to her feet with a wide, unnerving smile. "Hello, Deathless."

"Stop joking around, Choumei." Sakura tosses her some clothing, and Choumei laughs as she catches it.

"Ne, Sakura-chan! That's really rude, you know." She sticks out her tongue even as she starts pulling her clothing on. "Telling me to stop joking around when we all know what you're like."

"Hashtag rude," Sakura scoffs, but she doesn't hold back her grin when Choumei laughs again, like tinkling bells.

"Aw, you got my favorite!" Choumei says once she dressed, twirling on the spot. The dress floofs out, knee-length and huge, with more petticoats than Sakura would normally give anyone. There's some kanzashi in her hair, silver with rainbow gems and chains, sparkling in the light as it swings about.

She looks young, still, maybe seventeen. Older than Fuu, and older than Isobu's chosen form, but still. Young.

Sakura stands back and watches as Choumei spins and squeals and catches Fuu up in a hug, spinning her around.

Fuu laughs, too.

She squawks as she gets set back down, and rears back as Choumei gets in her face.

"You're not allowed to die this time around, m'kay?"

"Wha'ever you say, ma'am," Fuu says, blinking. "Where're you guys heading after this?"

Choumei pouts, lips twisting up to one side, and turns to look at Sakura. "Plans?"

"I was thinking we go get the dolts from Iwa and Saiken, head back to Konoha to pick up the slackers and zombies, then make a road trip out of it," Sakura admits.

"We're going to need a bigger car," Isobu reminds her.

"Hit up Yuki first, then."

Choumei shrugs and then turns to Fuu. "Apparently we're doing that."

"Can I come with?"

Sakura blinks as both girls turn to look at her.

"Uh… sure?"

o.o.o.o.o

"We picked up an extra person."

Gyuuki looks up from his beer, raising one eyebrow. Matatabi perks up a little, no longer slouching in her seat as she was when they walked in.

"Ooooh, hello, little thing." Matatabi purrs. Sakura momentarily panics, but Matatabi just pats Fuu on the head with a smug grin. "We're keeping this one."

"Yes, well, that was the plan."

"No, no, I'm telling you that we're keeping her. She's ours. We're your family now, brat."

Sakura has no idea what's going. "Are these, uh, maternal instincts, or…?"

"Absolutely. Do you have a mom? Doesn't matter. I'm your mom now." Matatabi pulls Fuu closer, which looks mildly hilarious if only because Fuu is already an inch taller than Matatabi is. "Mine now."

Fuu glances at Matatabi, then at Choumei and Sakura, who are hiding smiles. She shrugs. "Hers, 'pparently."

Sakura laughs.

o.o.o.o.o

Fuu isn't allowed out of anyone's sight for a few days, because this is the first time Sakura's stolen an actual person, and even for the bijuu she's taken so far, she's gotten the village leaders to say yes first.

"We should go pick up Kurama," Choumei says. "Y'know, if we're not going to be going directly for the others."

Sakura makes a face.

"I'm sure Orochimaru's fucked off back to Oto by now," Choumei assures her.

"The zombies haven't."

"Your fault, your responsibility."

Sakura's frown changes to a plain old pout as she droops over the table. "I don't want to deal with them."

"Too bad."

"C'mon," Matatabi says, a smile on her face. "We all know you're hoping for some alone time with Kurama."

Sakura can't really argue that one.

Fuu looks between the bijuu and Sakura, and then turns to Choumei with wide eyes. "Are they talking about sex?"

Choumei laughs. "Yep! Sakura's… very fond of sex."

"Darling, are you slut-shaming me?"

"Just a little!"

Fuu puts her hands over her ears. Sakura tilts her head in response, because what?

"I'm fourteen," Fuu says, utterly blunt. "I don' wanna hear about your sex life."

Isobu takes her by the wrist and heads for the door to their hotel room. "I don't want to listen to that discussion either."

"Same!" Choumei calls as she bounds after them, catching up as they exit into the hall.

Sakura looks between Matatabi and Gyuuki, then grins. "So… who wants to get lucky tonight?"

None of the bijuu would ever agree to a threesome that involves one of the others, but good half of them are willing to sleep with Sakura if she's in the mood when they are.

"Any preferences?" Matatabi asks, smiling with her eyes half-lidded as she leaned closer.

Unfortunately for her, Sakura's eyes flicker over to Gyuuki. He raises an eyebrow.

Sakura gives both bijuu an almost apologetic shrug. "Sorry, but… I haven't actually had much dick since I got back from the future. Plenty of sex, but it's almost all been vaginas. Which, don't get me wrong, I love having sex with people who have pussies, but I want me some gorram penetrative genitalia once in a while."

Matatabi drops her face into her hands and tries to smother her laughter.

"Did you really have to put it like that?" Gyuuki asks, almost groaning.

"Is that a 'no?'"

o.o.o.o.o

Sakura gets some dick that night.

o.o.o.o.o

They do swing by Konoha, because Sakura trusts the bijuu when they say that trying to get to the Iwa duo right now would be a terrible idea.

"What's up sluts, guess who just got out of prison!"

Minato drops his zombie-cracked face into his hands so as to stifle a groan. Tobirama doesn't, but he closes his eyes and looks like he might be dying inside a little.

"What happened?" Hashirama asks, looking legitimately worried. That's cute of him.

"She got locked up for a drunk and disorderly," Matatabi says, pushing her way past and flopping down into an over-stuffed armchair. "It was just the drunk tank, and she broke out like thirty seconds before they were planning to let her go."

"Because…?"

"Because I could," Sakura says, taking a few steps over so she can sling an arm around Minato's shoulders. "So, how's bonding with your baby boy been going?"

Minato makes a face. "I understand why you've been unstable since coming here."

Sakura's smug grin dims. "Ah. You've figured out how bad it is when they don't remember."

He looks more concerned than annoyed, eyes tracing over her face as he pulls away from her. "Are you okay?"

"Better than I was." And that's as much of the truth as she's willing to say at the moment.

"Ahem," Hiruzen coughs into a fist, and the room turns to him. He eyes them all with a bone-deep tiredness. "You're all in my office, and I still haven't received an explanation for anything. I believe I've been quite patient with you all, but this is really getting out of hand."

"I'm a time-traveller."

The sound of Tobirama's palm meeting his forehead is an audible smack, even amongst the giggles from Choumei, the bark of laughter from Matatabi, and the tired groans and sighs from the others.

"…I was already aware of that, Haruno."

Sakura smiles, small and condescending and maybe a little brittle, if she's being honest with herself.

(She's not.)

She slips a hand up one wispy white sleeve, unseals a scroll from the crook of her elbow, and lays it out on the desk.

"What's this?"

"Memories." She taps one finger against the parchment, not quite nervous, but… close enough. "Including yours."

"Of the future that isn't."

"Yes."

Hiruzen eyes her in silence for a long moment, and then sighs and pulls out his pipe, lighting it with a wordless, signless Katon technique.

"You've put me in a very uncomfortable situation, Haruno."

"I mean…" She shrugs. "I do that to a lot of people."

"And then don't stick around to deal with the consequences."

She almost feels guilty, at that, but… well. It's deliberate, these days.

Hiruzen's gaze lays heavy on her anyway.

"Haruno."

"I'm not sure what you want from me," she admits. "I'm just here to pick up the humanized bijuu I left behind last time. Get them out of your hair, so to speak."

Hiruzen's face twists up. "I can't trust you."

"Yeah, that's a pretty common sentiment."

"You could test the memory transference on someone else, if that's what you're worried about," Tobirama suggests. He sounds bored. "She certainly collected plenty before coming back."

"You're suggesting I risk the lives of my subordinates on—"

"No," Tobirama cuts him off. "I worked on those seal matrices myself. I know they work, and I know they're safe. I wouldn't be suggesting you try them on someone at random unless I was absolutely sure they would work. And they will."

Sakura grins and holds out a fist, urging Tobirama to bump it.

He scoffs and looks away, dismissing her.

Minato takes a step closer and fist-bumps her in Tobirama's place, flashing her a bright smile as he does so.

"Stop being cute," she tells him.

"I can't. It's my natural state of being," Minato says, so matter-of-factly that it almost distracts from how utterly vain the line is.

"This is true." Sakura nods.

"Enough circle-jerking," Matatabi whined, letting her head fall to the side. Choumei comes up behind her sister and puts a hand on her head, and Matatabi's form flickers out just enough to shift, to give herself cat ears that Choumei delightedly starts scratching at. The entire process takes perhaps half a second. "Give me my brothers back."

"If you want to test the memories on someone who is currently fairly weak and not a threat, but also not one of your own, there is an option," Gyuuki speaks up. "She should still be in the village."

"But would she say yes?" Hashirama asks. "I mean, assuming we're talking about the same person."

"She might," Sakura says. "If we're talking about the same person, then she might see it as a tactical advantage that she needs to avoid returning to…"

"Ah." Hashirama winces. "Yes, that would do it."

"And who are you talking about?" Hiruzen asks, sounding a little tired of their bullshit, which was… fair.

"Uzumaki Karin," they answer in unison.

"She's a Kusa genin that was here for the exams," Sakura explains. "And I've got her memories in there, too."

"Why?"

Sakura shrugs and smiles. "Take back yours and maybe you'll find out."

"Haruno," he says, like he can actually command her.

"Sarutobi," she says back, mockingly.

"What the hell?"

Sakura turns slowly on the spot, to see Karin in the room. She's standing right next to Minato, who has his hand on her shoulder.

He shrugs. "You were taking too long."

o.o.o.o.o

Karin listens to the whole story, nodding and solemn, and listens to what little Karin feels comfortable with telling her about the future.

"Feel free to insult her," Gyuuki says when Sakura finishes. "Deathless is a violent bitch of a kunoichi—"

"Rude."

"—but she's not going to attack you if you call her out on it."

"Then I think you're fucking nuts," Karin says plainly. "But I also think you're telling the truth."

Hiruzen raises an eyebrow at that, glancing around the room.

"Future best sensor on the continent? I'd be surprised if you didn't know how to play lie detector by this point."

"Hilarious," Karin says, shifting uncomfortably. "Can we get on with this?"

"Wait, is that a yes to the memory transfer?"

"Just do it."

Sakura picks up the memory matrix, trying not to show her surprise at Karin's easy acquiescence. She expected the girl to need more convincing, but…

Well. She won't question it.

The memory matrix pulses a bright gold before it sinks into the skin of Karin's forehead.

Her eyes flutter shut for a moment, and she sways on her feet.

"Karin?" Sakura asks.

It's all she manages, because gold chains fly out of Karin's back and wrap around Sakura's body, tightening to the point of discomfort, if not quite pain. The chains are smaller than Sakura's used to seeing her friend make, but they're most certainly present.

Karin still has one hand stretched out at Sakura, seemingly to aid in directing the chains. She raises her head slowly, and her eyes take even longer to open up.

"…well, well, well," she drawls, head falling bonelessly to the side. "Isn't this interesting?"

"I'd think so," Sakura breathes out.

"Huh. It actually worked." Karin looks down at her own arms and hands, turning them over in the light. "That's… new."

"New?"

"Well, old, but forgive me for being a little unnerved by the lack of most of my scars after having spent more than one lifetime with them as one of my defining features."

"…put me down, Karin."

She snorts derisively, but the chains slip away from Sakura and slide into Karin's back again. "I feel so small. And yet it feels right."

"Yeah?"

"Well, I remember five minutes ago as both a twelve-year-old and as a dead woman, so yeah. It feels like both, Sa-ku-ra."

"Interesting."

"Innit, though?" Sakura leans forward and ruffles Karin's hair, getting her hand smacked away for her troubles. She turns to Hiruzen with a grin. "Well? Trust me to play god for a bit and give you back memories you never should have had in the first place?"

"Hardly," he says, sounding like the old, tired man that he is. "But with the results I've already seen and my dead comrades telling me to do this… it seems I haven't much of a choice."

"That doesn't sound like something a responsible leader would do," Sakura comments.

"Just do it, Haruno."

o.o.o.o.o

Hiruzen's attitude doesn't change very much, even with the memory return. Sakura almost feels disappointed, but… well, he's always been the sanest of the bunch.

o.o.o.o.o

A/N: Now, the bijuu obviously aren't human, and thus don't have a real race or ethnicity (at least, not a solid, permanent one), but their human forms do tend to be visibly of one race or another, though it's impossible to pinpoint an exact country since appearances can be fairly similar across countries if one disregards inhuman traits like their eye/hair color and Shukaku being literally made of sand. So I think I'll just jot down the vague real-world equivalents here:

Shukaku - Middle Eastern
Matatabi - Latina
Isobu - White
Son Goku - Pacific Islander
Kokuou - East Asian
Saiken - Indigenous peoples of Canada
Choumei - South Asian/Indian Subcontinent
Gyuuki - Black
Kurama - Caribbean/Afro-Latino

Some of you have probably noticed that I kept some of these groups fairly non-specific. There are dozens, if not hundreds, of ethnic groups in East Asia, twenty countries (and six dependent territories) in Latin America, multiple nations within the First Nations and Inuit, and so on. This is because, as mentioned above, the bijuu do not choose a specific country from the real world (especially since our countries don't even exist in the Naruto universe) on which to base their background, such as it is, but choose an appearance that they personally like; rather than attempting to mimic a specific ethnicity, they take on a form with varying elements of a more general group.