A Game2002 Production
The League of No Creativity
Reimu thought she heard sounds coming from outside the shrine. Curious about this, she went outside. In her head, she was hoping that it would be visitors to the shrine who would offer donations, but realistically speaking, it was probably people she know who would come to this place to do nothing all that useful.
Outside, she saw four people standing some feet in front of the donation box.
The first person was the tallest and biggest of the bunch due to his muscles. He wore a military attire and held a machine gun in his hand, and bullets for said gun were strapped across his shoulders, not to mention grenades attached to a belt that went around his waist. He was nearly bald due to having a shaved head. He appeared to be in his 30s or 40s.
The second person was a teen of about 18. He had brown spiky hair that went in all directions and wore a "cool-looking" attire consisting of a black leather coat that head fur around the rim and metal accessories all over it and a pair of denim jeans. He was carrying a sword as large as a person on his back.
The third person looked about 20 years old. He had freckles on his face and a head full of messy brown hair. His attire was a simple one, consisting of an orange t-shirt and a pair of brown pants that reached his knees.
The fourth person was a girl of about 17 years old. He had dark brown hair that went past her shoulders slightly and wore eyeglasses. Her attire consisted of a black coat worn over a white buttoned up shirt and a black skirt. She was notable for having a coil-shaped scar on the right corner of her head.
The four of them stared at Reimu silently, so silently that the atmosphere almost felt eerie. "Hello...?" Reimu said to them while waving at them. "How may I help you people?
"You must be Reimu Hakurei," the first person said to her. "I am John Smith."
"I am Jeno," said the second person.
"I am Mark Anderson," said the third person.
"I'm Harriette Potar," said the girl.
"Nice to meet you guys," Reimu said to them. "So... what brings you to my shrine today?"
"You are chosen to come with us to save a world and rescue its princess," said John. "We must go fast, because time is of essence."
Confused, Reimu asked, "What are you talking about? What do you mean saving a world? And what princess?"
Suddenly, Yukari appeared from a gap next to the shrine maiden and touched her shoulder to get her attention. "Hey there, Reimu! It was I who brought them here!"
Turning to Yukari, Reimu said with an annoyed look, "I should've known better... It's always you responsible for random people coming to Gensokyo..."
"Because that's how I roll! Lol!" said the demon with a silly attitude. "So anyway, they must go save some world out there and also rescue its princess, and I have decided that you should join them."
"What world out there? And why should I join them?" Reimu asked her. "I don't even know who they are! Why should I care about some other world?"
"Because I say so," Yukari told her. "All right; you better get going before it's too late. The Dark Lord will take over that world if you lot don't stop him fast. Off you go!" She snapped her fingers to make a gap appear underneath Reimu, who fell into it.
Reimu found herself falling through the purple dimension filled with eyes that was always seen when one entered Yukari's gaps. After a few seconds a falling, she went through another gap and emerged in a barren wasteland. The four people she met earlier also arrived at the same area using the same method.
Reimu looked around and said, "What is this place? This is the place I am supposed to help save?"
"C'mon! Let's go save the world from the Dark Lord! It's gonna be fun!" Jeno said in a cheerful manner. He then turned around and motioned for everyone to follow him. Reimu called out to them, because she wanted to know better what exactly was happening, but they didn't respond, so she hurriedly followed them.
The group of five walked for what almost seemed like an hour through the barren wasteland that consisted of pretty much nothing other than dead trees. Bored by the silence, Reimu tried to start a conversation with those four. "So... mind telling me something about you guys? If we have to work together, then we should know better about each other. I'm Reimu Hakurei, which you all know already, and I'm a shrine maiden from Gensokyo and also its protector."
"I am John Smith, a soldier from the United States of America," replied John. "I fight for my country and is willing to sacrifice my life to save others."
"I'm Jeno, the coolest and most awesome guy around!" said Jeno cheerfully. "I'm the chosen one, as evident of my super awesome sword! I'm gonna be the one to save the world! This is going to be so cool!"
"I'm Mark Anderson, and I'm a normal guy with no special skills whatsoever," replied Mark. "I was walking around happily when suddenly Yukari appeared before me and dropped me into a gap without saying anything, and the next thing I know, I found myself with you guys with no knowledge of what was happening. Now here I am, tagging along with you guys to save the world, even though I don't have any fighting skills or skills of any kind that can be useful in situations like this."
"I'm Hariette Potter," replied Harriette. "I am a wizard, and my parents are murdered by someone who must not be named. I was supposed to be raised by cruel relatives with no magic, but someone I've never met before showed up and took me away to adopt me herself so that I can be spared of a terrible life with my cruel relatives. When I grew up, I went to a school for wizards and learned to become a powerful wizard."
"Okay, that's nice to know," said Reimu. "You all have... interesting backstories... I hope we can get along and save the world from this... Dark Lord... Do you guys know anything about him?"
"No," they all replied simultaneously.
"I thought you have knowledge of what we are up against before Yukari gathered you all in front of my shrine?" asked the shrine maiden.
"No," they replied again.
"So you're saying that she brought you guys to Gensokyo with little to no explanation about what is happening and what she wants you to do and then expected us all to fight this Dark Lord? Just like that?" asked the shrine maiden in disbelief.
"Yes," they replied simultaneously.
Reimu slapped her forehead and sighed in frustration. "Ugh... I think this is the worst thing Yukari has ever done... I'm going to give her a piece of my mind once all this is over!"
Suddenly, a puff of smoke appeared before them, and a wizard appeared from it. He looked no different from every traditional portrayal of wizards. He wore a dark blue robe with patterns of stars on it and a pointy hat, and he had a long, white, bushy beard.
"Valiant heroes! I am the great wizard Merlin! I am here to warn you that you must not face the Dark Lord until you have obtained the weapon that can bring him down with ease," the wizard told them. "You must go to the cave to the right of you and face an evil dragon before you can obtain the weapon he is guarding! Be strong and courageous, heroes! The fate of the world lies upon your shoulders!"
After saying all that, he disappeared the same way he arrived. "What was that all about...?" wondered Reimu.
"C'mon! Let's go find that secret weapon!" said Jeno as he turned to the side and led the way.
"Wait a minute! Don't you find that old guy suspicious?" Reimu asked them. "He showed up all of a sudden out of nowhere and said something like that and then left. I think there's something fishy about this." Those four seemingly ignored her and kept on moving ahead, so Reimu had no choice but to follow them in frustration.
After several minutes of walking, they finally arrived at a cave carved out at the side of a rocky mountain. "The dragon must be in there. We must proceed with caution," said John as he readied his machine gun.
The group of five slowly approached the cave, and then they saw a pair of glowing eyes coming out from the darkness within it. Eventually, a large dragon stepped out from the cave. He looked no different from dragons portrayed in most forms of media: green, scaly skin, a pair of horns on the head, spikes running down the back, and a pair of wings. Obviously, he had smoke and fire coming out of his mouth and nostrils.
"Oh my god! It really is a dragon!" said Mark in shock.
"All right! Let's beat it up!" said Jeno in excitement as he raised his oversized sword into the air with ease before charging at the dragon, and Harriette and John followed him. The latter was shouting loudly while running.
"Wait! We should come up with a strategy first!" Reimu called out to them, but they already got close to the dragon and started attacking it.
John kept on firing at the dragon with his machine gun, Jeno got close to him and struck him with his sword over and over, while Harriette used a wand to fire sparkling projectiles and magical lightning bolts at him, though none of their attacks seemed to be doing anything to him. The dragon attacked by breathing fire, which they avoided, and claw swipes. Even though they got hit by the claw swipes occasionally, they got back up and kept on attacking the dragon like nothing happened to them.
Reimu watched from a distance with a weird expression. She could not help but think that the whole scene looked unnatural. The way those three were attacking the dragon and the way the latter attacked them almost looked like poor acting in a low budget movie.
The dragon eventually breathed a larger than usual stream of fire, which headed in Mark's direction. He did not run and was burned by it. Reimu was shocked by the sight of it and thus ran up to him to see if he was all right, but she was surprised to see that Mark suffered nothing more than minor burns. "It's all right," he told her. "I have plot armor, so I can't die! At least not yet..."
"Plot armor?" said the confused shrine maiden.
"You will not hurt my comrades again!" John angrily said as he fired at the dragon again. The dragon swung his claws at him, like always, and knocked him down, and this time, the latter didn't get back up.
"Oh no! John!" gasped Harriette in a way that implied John was seriously injured this time.
"You monster!" Jeno angrily said to the dragon before attacking him, but was eventually knocked down by another claw swipe. "Ah!"
Reimu thought it was time for her to do something, but when she took out some paper amulets, she saw John standing back up. "I'm not dead yet! I'll send you to hell right away, you monster!" the soldier angrily said to the dragon while removing the pins of some of his grenades. He then let out a loud and angry cry while running towards the dragon.
The dragon set him on fire with his fire breath, and despite being caught on fire, John kept on running towards him and shouting. He got close to the dragon, and that was when his grenades exploded. He exploded close enough to the dragon to injure it, and the latter roared in pain before falling over on his side and eventually stopped breathing... just like that.
"John! Why did you have to die?!" lamented Harriette.
"You will always be remembered as a hero John..." said Jeno while watching the dead dragon. "We will not let your sacrifice go to waste!"
"Somehow, I can't bring myself to shed a single tear or even feel sad..." said Reimu.
After they were done lamenting John's heroic sacrifice, they went into the cave and made their way to the end before coming across a glowing golden sword floating on top of an altar made of rock. "This must be the secret weapon!" said Jeno in awe.
"It's so beautiful!" commented Harriette.
Suddenly, a feminine, echoing voice came from the sword. "You have done well to come this far, warriors. I am the weapon capable of bringing down the Dark Lord. Only the chosen one can wield me."
"That would be me! Two swords are better than one!" said Jeno as he stepped forward to grab the sword.
"The chosen one is Mark," said the sword, much to their surprise.
"Why me? I'm just an ordinary guy with nothing special," said Mark.
"You are in fact the son of the king of this land, who was killed by the Dark Lord," explained the sword. "Your father sent you to another world to protect you. Now that you know the truth, you will wield me and fight to avenge your father and then claim your rightful place as king of this land."
"Wow! I never knew about my past! I can't believe it!" said Mark in excitement as he stepped forward. He grabbed the hilt of the sword and... turned around to show it off. Were you expecting a transformation of some kind to happen to Mark?
"Oh well... Guess I'll just have to roll with it," said Jeno with a shrug.
The group then went back outside, and Merlin was standing there, waiting for them. "Well done, heroes! You have obtained the weapon that can defeat the Dark Lord with ease!" he said to them. "And you have discovered your true origin, Mark! You must now go to the Dark Lord's castle and defeat him once and for all! Behold! His castle!" He pointed in a random direction, and there was a black castle with a gloomy atmosphere around it, such as being surrounded by dark clouds and bats.
"Wait a minute... That wasn't there before..." pointed out Reimu.
"Go and save the world and rescue the princess, heroes! Believe in yourself and your friends! You will surely succeed!" said Merlin before disappearing in a puff of smoke.
"C'mon, let's go and defeat the Dark Lord!" said Mark, raising his newly acquired sword into the air before leading the way.
"Let's hope this comes to an end soon..." said Reimu before following them.
The group walked for several minutes in the direction of the castle, and Reimu noticed something and asked the others, "Is it just me or are we never getting any closer to that castle?"
After asking that, there was a burst of smoke, and from it appeared a man-sized bat. "I am the evil servant of the Dark Lord, the Dark Bat!" he said. "I have been sent by my master to defeat you, for you are a threat to him!"
"Don't worry; I'll defeat him using my sword!" Mark said as he stepped forward with his sword in hand.
"Prepare to die!" said the Dark Bat before flying at Mark at a fast speed. However, he was knocked out of the air with a single hit from Mark's sword. "NOOOOO! I HAVE FAILED YOU, MY LORD!" He fell to the ground and the burned up in purple fire.
"Yes! I win!" exclaimed Mark happily.
"Wow! You're awesome!" commented Harriette.
"I can do better," said Jeno, sounding unimpressed.
"This is too easy... So easy that it's not right..." said Reimu.
The group continued heading for the castle, and Reimu noticed that after they defeated the Dark Bat, the castle became closer and closer as they approached it. They eventually arrived at the front gate of the castle, which is wide open for anyone to enter. The sound of thunder could be heard, accompanied by the cawing of crows.
"C'mon! Let's go in there and defeat the Dark Lord!" said Mark in a heroic manner.
They went into the castle, and not too long afterwards, several knights and monsters, ones that look like they came from medieval-themed JRPGs, appear from puff of smokes in front of them.
"We're surrounded!" said Harriette, stating the obvious.
"Don't worry! I can't defeat them all with my sword!" said Mark with confidence. He raised his sword into the air, and then a bright golden flash came out from the blade. The monsters were blinded by the light and screamed, and then they all disappeared in puffs of smoke. Just like that, all the enemies were defeated.
"Seriously?!" said Reimu in disbelief after seeing how easily Mark defeated them.
"Yeah! I'm the best!" said Mark with pride.
"You're making me jealous..." grumbled Jeno.
"You're awesome, Mark!" exclaimed Harriette.
The group then headed deeper into the castle, and they encountered nothing until they came to the throne room. There on the throne was seated a man with purple skin and long, white hair. He wore purple medieval armor and had a purple cape on his back.
"You must be the Dark Lord!" Mark said to him while pointing his sword at him. "I am here to avenge my father and restore this land! Prepare to die!" Without thinking twice, he ran towards the Dark Lord with his sword raised over his head, and then he swung it down to fire a sword beam at the villain.
The Dark Lord managed to deflect the sword beam with a swinmog of his arm, much to mark's surprise. He then fired a blast of dark magic at Mark to knock him on his back. "You are a fool to think you can defeat me. You are just as weak as your father, who screamed in agony when I killed him," said the Dark Lord.
"Don't you dare hurt my friend!" Jeno angrily said to the Dark Lord before charging at him, but he, too, but knocked down by the same kind of energy blast. "Ah!"
"All of you are too reckless! We must work together to take him down! We won't get anywhere if we charge at him individually and fight him recklessly!" Harriette told them.
"You're right... I let the thought of vengeance consume me... I got too reckless..." said Mark as he stood back up. "We should work with each other to take down the Dark Lord. There's power in numbers! As long as we trust in each other's power, we can definitely defeat him!"
"Friendship is for the weak! The strong does not need anyone on his side to win! Such beliefs will be the end of you people!" said the Dark Lord.
"Why do I have the feeling that I just heard an incredibly cliched thing...?" said Reimu to no one in particular.
"Cmon! Let's take him down together!" said Mark while raising his sword into the air, and then he charged at the Dark lord, this time alongisde Jeno and Harriette.
Mark and Jeno swung their weapons at the Dark Lord, but the latter created a force field around himself for protection. Harriette ran to the side and fired magical lightning bolts at the villain, but the force field was able to block it as well. The Dark Lord then swung out his hands to create a shockwave that blew them away. Paper amulets then flew at the Dark Lord, and they attached onto the force field before causing the latter to disappear, much to the villain's surprise.
"If it's about barriers, then look no further for than me!" said Reimu, who threw those amulets.
"C'mon! Let's give him the finishing blow!" shouted Jeno. He then ran at the Dark Lord and plunged him through the body using his sword. After the former pulled out his weapon, Harriette fired a lightning bolt from her wand at the villain, zapping him badly.
While the villain was screaming in agony, Mark jumped at him with his sword raised over his head and swung it down at him.
With that, the Dark Lord fell on his knees with a large gash on his body. With his dying breath, he said, "It's not over... As long as darkness exist in this world and the heart of people, I will be back...!" With that, he slowly disintegrated into nothingness.
Mark, Jeno, and Harriette raised their arms into the air in triumph and exclaimed, "We did it! We defeated the Dark Lord!"
Reimu simply watched from the side with an unimpressed look on her face. "I still don't get why I'm hanging out with these guys..."
"C'mon! Let's rescue the princess!" said Mark. They all proceeded into a room behind the Dark Lord's throne and then up a spiraling staircase. Once at the top, they saw a beautiful woman with long, blonde hair standing at the far end of a room there. She wore a frilly pink dress and had a golden crown on her head. "You must be the princess!"
"I knew you would come and rescue me! You have defeated the Dark Lord and saved this land!" the princess happily said to him. "You have rightfully reclaimed your throne, Prince Mark! Let us get married and then lead this world down a path of happiness!"
"Congratulations! You did it!" Jeno and Harriette said to Mark.
"Congratulations, I guess..." said Reimu, even though she didn't really felt like saying it.
While Mark and the princess were holding hands and looking at each other in a romantic manner, Yukari appeared from a gap next to Reimu and said, "Congratulations on saving this world and rescuing the princess! I knew you could do it!"
"I feel like I didn't contribute anything at all..." said Reimu.
"Don't say that! If it weren't for you, they wouldn't have be able to defeat the Dark Lord!" Yukari told her.
"Can I please go back home now?" Reimu said to her impatiently.
"Sure! You earned it!" said Yukari, and then she snapped her fingers to make the shrine maiden fall into a gap.
Reimu fell out of a gap and found herself back in Gensokyo, in front of her shrine. Looking around to make sure that she was really back, the shrine maiden said in delight, "Good to be back! What a pointless and boring adventure that was, if it could even be called one... What was that all about anyway?"
Suddenly, there was a burst of light behind her, and she turned to see something glowing in the air. When the glowing dimmed down a bit, she saw a person covered in golden fire-like aura slowly floating towards the ground. "Now what...?" said the shrine maiden.
The person wore clothing similar to that of a ninja's, and one couldn't tell what its color was due to the golden aura around him. He had short hair that were all sticking into the air and waving around slowly because of the aura, and his eyes were pupil-less. Floating a few centimeters above the ground, the mysterious ninja-lika person of about 16 said in an echoing voice, "Greetings, mortal. My name is Narto Uzmak, and I come from another world."
"Narto Uzmak? Another world? Great... I feel like things are going to became really annoying and complicated..." grumbled Reimu. "Who exactly are you and what are you doing here?"
"I come from a world where ninjas rule the world," replied Narto. "When I was a baby, a nine-headed demon fox was sealed inside my body for the sake of my city's safety. My parents did this, and they sacrificed themselves in doing so. Because of the demon within me, I am hated by almost everyone in the city, so I grew up all alone and feeling unwanted.
"As time went by, I became stronger and stronger, and people in my city eventually changed their opinion about me, and I gradually came to be viewed as a hero. Eventually, a huge war broke out, and I participated in it. I soon came face to face with the person responsible for the war, and with the help of my friends, I was able to defeat him. However, before he fell, he used the last of his powers to create a portal to suck everyone inside. I tried to stop the portal, and in doing so, I was the only one to get sucked inside, and thus I sacrificed myself in order to save my land.
"The next thing I knew, I found myself becoming more powerful and smarter than before, to the point where I think I have the power of the gods. In fact, I consider myself a literal god now, and I will now show you my power as proof."
He then raised his hand into the air to created a large shuriken made of energy. He then threw it at a random mountain located way behind the Hakurei Shrine. When the mountain was hit, it exploded in a massive blast of energy that created a shockwave so powerful that all the trees around the Hakurei Shrine were stripped clean. Reimu stood back up from getting pushed down by the shockwave and said, "What... What was that...?!"
"That is the power I have obtained," said Narto. "With this power, I will guide this world down the path of justice and light. I will now become the savior of this world."
"Wait a minute! You don't show up out of nowhere all of a sudden and declare yourself the savior of this place!" Reimu angrily said to him. "For all I know, you may actually be a troublemaker! I think I better do something about you before you try anything funny!"
"Fear not; I have no intentions of causing harm to this land," Narto told her. "I will become its protector. All I ask for in return is lots of ramen and my own harem."
"What...? Harem...?" said Reimu with a weird expression.
"Yes, because a god must have a legion of female followers adore him," Narto told her. "That is the law. No women can possibly see me and not fall in love with me. I have the power to make them fall for me, and I will prove it to you." He then snapped his fingers, and shortly afterwards, the ground started shaking. Reimu looked around and eventually saw, to her surprise, all the young women of Gensokyo, most of which were people she knew, running towards them from all directions. The women all threw themselves at Narto and began praising him and telling him how they much they love him.
"You're my hero, Narto!" Marisa said to him.
"Please! Marry me!" Alice begged him.
"I want you to be my husband! Please! Marry me!" Sanae told him.
"I cannot possibly live without you!" Tenshi told him.
Reimu, the only girl at the scene not in love with him, watched in disbelief at the sight before her eyes. She then shouted at the top of her voice, "WHAT IS THIS ALL ABOUT?!"
Reimu woke up with sweat all over her body. She looked around to find herself in her room, and nothing seemed to be out of the ordinary. "What...? What the...? Was that... all a dream...?
"Mistress Reimu? Did I hear you screaming just now?" called out Ruukoto's voice from outside the room. "What happened?"
After getting up and cleaning herself, Reimu went to the dining room to eat breakfast. When Ruukoto asked her why she was screaming earlier, the shrine maiden told her about the bizarre dream she had. After hearing her story, Ruukoto said, "It must be the work of the dreaming pill you brought from the rabbit named Reisen. You know, the one that says will let you have a very vivid dream where you can remember everything about it perfectly."
"Dreaming pill?" said Reimu in confusion, and then she remembered something. "That's it! I bought such a thing from Reisen yesterday! I was curious if it would really work, so I bought one and gave it a try just before I went to sleep yesterday! I can't believe I had such a strange dream!"
"I guess it worked like wonder! Good for you!" said Ruukoto happily. But then, she always had a cheerful attitude and face.
"Ugh... I'd rather not think of that dream as being a wonderful one..." grumbled Reimu. "That's the craziest dream I've ever had... I'm glad it's only a dream... I don't know if I can live through something like that in real life...
That afternoon, Reimu left her shrine to take a walk in the Human city, hoping to run into Reisen so that she could give her her opinion on the dreaming pill. It didn't take long for her to come across the lunar rabbit walking towards her with a basket of medicine for sell on her back. Seeing the shrine maiden, Reisen waved at her and said, "Good afternoon, Reimu! How's the dreaming pill I gave you yesterday?"
"I'm never going to buy something like that from you or your master again..." replied Reimu in an annoyed tone. "I had the most bizarre dream ever, and I wish I can forget it..."
"Oh, sorry to learn that you didn't have a pleasant dream..." said Reisen. "Guess I should tell my master to improve it in some way."
"You better! I can't imagine how badly all the poor souls who bought these pills from you are suffering in their dreams!" said Reimu.
"Is it really that bad?!" asked Reisen in shock.
"Okay, I'm exaggerating, but I still hope you tell your master to make pills that cause happy dreams instead of crazy, nonsensical ones..." said Reimu. "You should be happy that I'm not asking you for my money back, though I actually feel like doing it..." She then continued on her way, leaving Reisen to wonder what sort of dream she had.
It didn't take long before Reimu came across Yukari, Ran, and Chen walking in her direction. Yukari greeted her, and when the latter got close to her, she stared into her eyes and said in a somewhat intimidating tone, "Never. Ever. Bring random people to Gensokyo or take me to random places to do random things without my consent!"
"Um... What's wrong...?" asked a confused Yukari. Reimu didn't respond, though; she simply walked on ahead with a frustrated attitude, leaving Yukari to wonder what on earth she was talking about. Yukari asked Ran, "Did I do something that angered her lately?"
"None of that I know, but you do barge in at her place from time to time, so I guess she must be very frustrated about it and wants you to stop," replied Ran.
"Do I look like someone who would barge into other people's place without a reason? I'm a lady, so doing something like that does not fit my image!" said Yukari, sounding a bit offended.
"Oh sure, you do enjoy doing that..." Chen said in her head while giving Yukari a weird stare.
I hope you enjoyed this "ridiculously boring and cliched" story! This is supposed to be a spiritual successor to The Greatest Story Ever Made. It's also canon to my Touhou series.
This story makes fun of all the uninspired and cliched story elements out there, mainly those found on this site. I'm sure you can tell that Harriette Potter is a genderbent Harry Potter, which is very common on this site. Him being adopted by other people instead of the Dursleys is very common as well.
And I'm very sure that all of you should find Narto Uzmak and his backstory very familiar. Way too familiar...
In my opinion, I think the Naruto and Harry Potter sections of this site contain the most uninspired and cliched stories. It's borderline impossible to find ones that try something different. Being well-written doesn't make things any better if it is still very cliched. Overpowered god-like Naruto with a harem, overpowered Harry? C'mon... Where are people getting those ideas...?
I can't really say the Touhou section is any better too. Random OCs go to Gensokyo, a bored Yukari being used as plot device character... I feel like crying every time I see those stories. Where have all the creativity gone...?
I really do hope people come up with more creative stories instead of relying on overused cliches. Seriously, think outside the box! Even if you can't come up with very unique ideas, at least don't copy overused ideas!
So anyway, other than the Touhou characters, all the others are OCs, though Harriette and Narto are debatable, and Merlin is a well-known name for a well-known wizard, so I don't think that counts.