"Well, Lucy, things like this happen to you because your friends are all weirdos and you need to stop kidding yourself because you've become one of them."
Lucy hissed under her breath as she tried to fix her hair, but try as she might, it stood up everywhere. The static electricity was like nothing she'd ever seen before, and as she looked around her apartment at all the balloons still present from her eighteenth birthday she couldn't forget how Erza held her down while Natsu and Happy rubbed balloons all over her.
This was why she had a static electricity problem.
When she looked up in the mirror, she saw her beloved Plue, who she'd summoned earlier that morning after she woke up electrified. He was face-down in the punch-bowl from the prior night's festivities. "Plue, get out of there! It's spiked with…idiocy."
The white spirit jumped down to the ground with a "Pun-Pun!" and stumbled around a little drunk in the middle of Lucy's floor. His master just shook her head in disapproval and went back to her hair.
Even after she put it in a ponytail, her flyaways stood on end and she shook her head and headed out to the market to get some chocolate because she could feel PMS on the verge of setting in.
On the way to the market, she emitted a little shock whenever she touched anything. People, lamppost, mailbox, the rail of the bridge…everything. Lucy fisted her hands at her sides, grabbed a little basket with a slight jolt, and headed straight to the aisle where the chocolate was.
She threw cookies, candy bars, and all kinds of other chocolate confections in the basket, experiencing a little shock with every item she grabbed. "Goddamned balloons…" she whispered.
When she spun, she collided with a person with yet another little jolt of static. "S-Sorry. I didn't mean to shock you!"
A short but deep laugh rumbled out of Laxus' chest.
Lucy looked up and realized how incredibly stupid it was for her to apologize for shocking him. She laughed and shook her head. "Hey, Laxus."
The lightning mage had a basket in hand that had some of the staples in it: bread, condoms, cheese, milk, eggs, and meat. Wait, condoms? Lucy shook the thought out of her mind immediately, but it came back. Condoms. Because he has sex. Laxus needs lots of condoms because he has lots of sex. Look at all those condoms in his basket.
He'd been shopping when he picked up her scent and then found himself puzzled by the fact that Lucy was surrounded by some tiny electrical field as she stood there with four pounds of chocolate in tow.
His expression softened in amusement as he commented, "No one has ever apologized for shocking me before."
The blonde sighed in resignation. "Natsu and Happy rubbed balloons on me for an hour last night. Today I woke up like this."
Then she realized! He was a lightning dragon slayer!
"…why?" Laxus asked, "would they do such a thing?"
Lucy laughed as her spirit lifted. "For the same reason they do almost anything. They're idiots," she answered, beaming brightly at her beacon of hope. "You can help me out, right?"
Laxus face melted in horror suddenly, and Lucy was confused about his sudden bewilderment. Maybe he didn't want to help? Or was unable for some reason? "Lucy."
"Y-Yes?" she stammered as his expression darkened and his aura started to press outward, threatening violence.
Her brown eyes slid from his face, down his muscular neck and chest, and then down further until she saw it.
The beloved Plue was quite vigorously humping Laxus' leg in a drunken state. Just as she looked upon Plue, he sped up his pace and let out a raunchy-sounding, "PUN-PUN-PUN!"
Lucy shrieked and waved a key at Plue. "GO HOME, PLUE!"
Laxus crossed his arms, letting his basket hang from the corner of his elbow. "Is that a celestial spirit?"
She blushed and looked away. "Yes. That's Plue. He's a dog. Kind of."
The man who towered over her raised one eyebrow in question, "Does it have powers?"
"No. Not really," she nervously answered, "It's more of a pet. We celestial spirit mages usually keep a Plue so we don't feel lonely."
There were so many inappropriate comments Laxus could make about what was happening, but he decided to be polite—for about ten seconds. And then he thought, fuck it, and smirked, "I'm sure the humping dog spirit is great company when you're lonely."
The blonde faltered under the weight of his confident, smug, but gorgeously handsome grin. "I swear he's never done that. He was drunk."
He leaned down so he was not far from her face. "There's this big orange cat that lives at my house. When I get shitfaced, I always tell her she has to stay sober for the both of us. Just some wisdom for you as a pet owner."
And somehow, this scenario was actually pretty believable to Lucy. In her mind, she imagined the famed dragon slayer sitting at a table in the dark drinking from a flask while he lectured a fluffy orange cat on sobriety.
This whole conversation was going nowhere but down, and the faster it went, the more amused Laxus was. She had inadvertently engaged his attention fully, and it was actually quite something to have his focus. His form was imposing, his tone was playful, and his gaze was piercing.
Lucy took a deep breath and cleared her mind, because she knew her position well. He was quiet for the most part, but when he chose a conversation, he was a master at a game only he knew how to play. "Can you please just help me with this static problem?"
Laxus shrugged. "Electricity attracts electricity. Meaning…it was gone the instant you bumped into me."
"You're terrible," she answered, suddenly exhausted by the whole conversation.
For anyone who didn't know, the smile that the man had was practically deadly because it was so adorable. It was a rare sight, but when it happened, it was worth just observing for the sake of having seen it.
She smiled back.
Lucy expected him to vanish as he tended to do, but he just kind of lingered in her space, which surprised him too.
The lightning wizard settled in his thoughts for a moment, having found her conversation both enjoyable and invigorating. He was glad they'd run into each other, and even though they didn't know each other as well as most others in the guild, he found her pretty cool.
The king was throwing yet another ball for Fairy Tail, but this time it wasn't about the Grand Magic Games. It was a ball to honor the guild's enormous impact on the country. Considering that Fairy Tail crushed the entire Balam Alliance and the Alvarez Empire, Zeref, and Acnologia…well, as the king said it, "The least I can do is throw you a party."
Laxus, being both confident and successful with women, felt no anxiety. "Hey. I got a question for you."
"Be my date for that ball."
"Me?" she pointed at herself in question. "Wh-Why me? And by that way, that wasn't really a question,"
He quickly said, "Okay. Would you like to be my date? Unless you have one?"
Lucy shifted uncomfortably. "No, I was going to go stag."
His face formed a peculiar, almost unreadable expression. "And going with me is somehow worse?"
"N-No," she nervously and quickly replied.
Reasons not to go with Laxus? Her eyes subconsciously drifted to the COLOSSUS XXL brand condoms in his basket.
When he saw her eyes fall to his basket, he looked down because he'd honestly forgotten what was in there already. Then, he did what he felt was most appropriate and laughed and reached out to pat her on the head. "Just a date. We'll dress up, eat, dance, and then it'll be over. Maybe we'll do it again, maybe we won't. It's not that serious."
Lucy hesitated and faltered. "It's just…I've never been like….on a date. A real one, at least. I was busy, and then I was…"
Laxus was surprised by this comment. "Now is a good time then."
Then she thought about it again, as if she was trying to find a reason it wouldn't work. "What about Natsu and Gray? They're not going to like it."
"So? You're a grown woman. You can choose for yourself, and you shouldn't let anyone else look down on the decisions that you make," he tone grew more serious then as he added, "Because in the end, everyone has an opinion about what you should do, but the only person who has to live with you is you."
This rang true in her spirit. "Yes. Let's do it. I'll go with you, Laxus. The world isn't going to end over one date."
Lucy suddenly felt a wave of some kind of shy/embarrassed feeling course through her veins. "Right. I should get home. I'm glad I ran into you. Let's say hello from now on."
He nodded in agreement and turned to head toward the register when she called his name.
"I have one favor." Lucy pointed to the top shelf. "Chocolate Plue. Can you reach it for me?"
Laxus sighed but easily reached up to the huge chocolate Plue. There was a comment on his tongue about her wanting the drunk humping dog in her mouth, but he refrained. He was proud of himself for doing so, but as he handed her the box, her eyes narrowed, as if she'd heard the unspoken punch line.
His eyes had a glow of delight to them, and to her that light just illuminated him right there as he stood before her.