I don't own Harry Potter and I don't make a profit off my stories

Warning: sexual content, Mpreg, language, violence, abuse – Manipulative Dumbledore/Ron/Hermione Bashing

(I'm thinking)

"I'm speaking"

Pairing: Yaoi M/M– top Harry x bottom Draco


Harry bolted upright in his bed dripping with sweat. The 11 year old was haunted for the passed few nights. He simply couldn't get the images of Quirrell dissolving when he touched him out of his mind. The agonizing screams echoed through his ears. It was self defense and he knew it. The former DADA professor had tried to help Voldemort get the Philosopher's Stone and tried to murder the young student, but Harry couldn't help but feel … lost? Sad? Confused? Scared? … he wasn't sure.

He killed someone …

No one has said anything beyond praising him for stopping the Dark Lord …

He took someone's life … didn't that matter?

And what now?

Just go back to the Dursleys?

The icy feeling of panic swept through the boy. Harry looked around at his sleeping roommates before quietly sneaking off to the bathroom. With a few splashes of cold water on his face he calmed down a little and sat down on a closed toilet.

"what the bloody hell do I do? If I go back … they might" Harry tried to swallow, but the knot in his throat made it tricky. It was scary to think about. His aunt, uncle and cousin hated him more than anything. For the first few years of his life he actually thought his name was 'Freak'. That it was normal for a five year old to cook breakfast. That he was sick in some way, but now he knows about magic and that he isn't the only person with it.

While being as quiet as possible he rolled up his sleeve revealing several fine scars running down his left wrist and forearm. Cool shaking fingertips gently caressed the scars. There were several scars all over his body not including the fact that he was too small from constant periods of starvation and malnutrition resulting in his small stature. Various burns, crisscrossing marks from a belt on his back and other marks from the many beatings he endured.

"I … can't go back" Harry gasped as he yanked his sleeve down to cover the scars that his family gave him or forced him to inflict on himself. The abuse was bad to begin with, but once he got his Hogwarts letter it got so much worse. If he returns now, after learning some magic, it will only get even worse. They might just kill him …

But he can't avoid it. When he was sitting in the infirmary bed after stopping Quirrell and Voldemort he thought he could get a chance to talk to Headmaster Dumbledore about it. He did and even tried to show him some scars, but for some reason the kind grandfatherly wizard told him it was not an option!


Didn't Dumbledore care? Did anyone? Harry has been trying to subtly drop hints about his treatment, but no one was paying him any mind. He was sure Hermione would get it, but she wasn't saying anything.

It was like they were all in on something …

Harry's eyes suddenly widened as an epiphany basically smacked upside the head. Was this a plot? Come to think of it why was this all too easy? Why would Hagrid make an important delivery in front of a kid? Why would Dumbledore leave that mirror where the Philosopher's Stone where he could easily find it and talk to him about it? Did the headmaster intend for him to get the stone? If so then Dumbledore put his life at risk on purpose and made him a target!

And what person makes the defenses around the stone so weak that three kids could get in without alerting anyone?!

Professor Snape was bitten when he tried to get passed Fluffy, but they could conveniently get through.

A groan passed Harry's lips at the thought of the potions professor. If Quirrell was the one behind everything then they blamed Snape for nothing. Quirrell was the one who was casting the curse that nearly threw him off the broomstick during Quidditch … Snape could have been chanting the counter curse!

"ow! … bloody hell" the young boy hissed in pain and clutched his hand. Harry was so consumed by his thoughts that he didn't realize that his grip on a shelf was getting stronger with each thought until his thumb slipped and he sliced his thumb. Dashing over to the sink and washing the cut was the first thing he did. Then he took a square of toilet paper to mop up the gray blood drops on the ground.

After cleaning the evidence he leaned against the sink and let his mind wander back to the potions professor … maybe that's the person he should talk to is Snape. Yes, the man seemed to have something against him, but if his thoughts were right then the professor cared enough to save him and was the only teacher to check to see if the Philosopher's stone was safe … Professor McGonagall just brushed him off when he warned her and has yet to apologize for ignoring his warnings.

Come to think of it he ran into Professor Snape right after he tried to warn McGonagall … did he over hear everything? … and actually take him seriously? Something about that made him feel warm inside.

The sounds of rustling startled Harry. Everyone else was slowly getting up and getting ready for their last breakfast before going home for the summer. A deep calming breath steadied his racing heart.

He came to a decision … right after breakfast he will talk to Professor Snape. Beg even, if he had to. Going back to the Dursleys really was a matter of life and death so he would gladly scrap any pride he had to get help. At this point he didn't care if the man laughed at first.

With a sudden burst of energy he raced through his morning routine and packed everything so he had nothing to worry about.

Neville groaned as he sat up and rubbed the sleep out of his eyes "you seem eager Harry, ready to head home" he mumbled as he saw Harry haphazardly tossing things in his trunk.

"you could say that Neville" (more like desperate though) Harry thought. Since it was still early he tidied up his clothes, summer assignments and first year books before double checking that he had everything. As the silky texture of his invisibility cloak brushed soothingly against his cut thumb another question came to mind …

Who would give an 11 year old an invisibility cloak and say 'use it well'? What is Dumbledore doing? He filed the thought away for later as he tucked the cloak away under his clothes.

Neville came out of the bathroom and started packing too "you ok Harry?" he asked softly so the many other Gryffindors didn't hear,

"huh? … oh I'm fine. Just lost in thought" (albeit some very disturbing thoughts) "thanks Neville" Harry smiled as he locked his trunk and lifted it off his bed. Neville smiled and nodded in understanding as he set his toad next to Hedwig's cage.

"yeah I can understand that … oh Harry, could you help me wake Ron? You seem to be the only one with any luck getting him up" Neville chuckled.

Harry twitched while looking at the snoring gray head. He didn't want to waste time on this "alright" he sighed, grabbed the edge of the mattress Ron was sleeping on and showed some strength by lifting it. Ron rolled off the bed with a loud thump.

"BLOODY HELL! … what was that for?" the Weasley snapped while shooting Harry a glare and ignored the other Gryffindors snickering.

"we're going to be late for breakfast. I bet your Mom won't be happy if you came home knowing you had to rush packing because you slept in and ended up forgetting something" muttered Harry, his tone filled with false concern. Ron paled and raced to start his morning routine. Ron was nice, but it irritated him that he takes everything for granted … and seems to be more interested in money and the fame of being the friend of the 'Boy Who Lived' than being a real friend.

Professor Snape didn't care about the 'Boy Who Lived' crap … that was another reason to try to tell Snape.

Harry didn't bother waiting for anyone. After setting his trunk in the Gryffindor common room he went to breakfast. Pretty green eyes feverishly scanned the great hall's few occupants for his target. The gray and gold banners were still up from the feast last night where it was announced that the Gryffindors won the house cup.

As fun as that was it felt a little unfair. The Slytherins, Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs had over a hundred more points than his house, but do to a sudden surge of points for killing Quirrell and Voldiemort they won. Not only did none of the other houses get a chance to catch up, but the points were given while ignoring all the rules that he broke. An academic award like the House Cup shouldn't reward the actions of rule breakers … at least he thought so, apparently no one else did.

Draco Malfoy was definitely mad … Harry did try to talk to the blonde Slytherin and explain that he didn't know about the House cup, but Ron made a harsh comment and ruined everything.

Everything went like a blur once he spotted Professor Snape. Not one minute went by without him casting a glance at the professor. The buzz of people was barely heard over his heart pounding against his ribcage. Snape had finished his meal and was about to leave. Harry scarfed down a little more food and said he'd meet them in the common room to Hermione who looked a little put out, but it was covered up quickly covered up with a smile so he ignored it.

It took a couple minutes to catch up to the tall professor and he was out of breath when he finally went skidding to a stop near the potions room "Wait!" he gasped and gulped air greedily to help his lungs before looking up at the cold black eyes "please Professor Snape, I need to talk to you-"

"spit it out Potter. I don't have all day" the potions professor stated coldly.

Harry flinched at the tone, but quickly squashed the nervousness he always felt under the gaze of those black eyes "I'm sorry sir … please I really need to tell you about my living conditions-"

"and what would be the problem? I can't let you take a broom, but that shouldn't be a problem since I'm sure you have several things to occupy your time at home, so what's wrong? Not getting enough love, attention and things to waste your time on? I'm sure you will be fine seeing as you get everything on a silver platter. Unless you only wish to inform me that you upgraded to a gold platter?" he said dryly as he watched the young boy squirm.

The young wizard was stunned … where did Snape get that impression? "what? … no sir, I just …" he subconsciously gripped his left sleeve and wondered if showing Snape the scars would help. He steeled himself and was about to roll up his sleeve when …

"then you have no need of me. Go back to your pampered life. Just have your summer assignments completed. Not that I expect much from you for potions. You sadly take after your father" Snape growled at the mention of Harry's father stunning the boy speechless. When Harry didn't say anything further … he was too shocked to … the professor left with his robes billowing dramatically behind him.

Harry blinked and finally came back to his senses. A sense of hopelessness and dread filled him, his mind was spinning. What was he going to do? Why did Professor Snape so readily believe that he was some sort of spoiled rich kid? How was he going to survive at the Dursleys? He was about to start panicking when he noticed Professor Snape's personal supply closet was right there.

In a daze he went over and opened the door revealing shelves upon shelves of neatly stored potions and ingredients.

Something inside him snapped …

The bottomless bags hanging on the hook on the inside of the door were used to carefully move ingredients to and from desks or to hold the large number of confiscated items from many students. One of which was in Harry's hand before he knew it. The other hand started quickly skimming through several empty vials and filling each with an ingredient. With a speed of a possessed mad man the young wizard took a bit of every ingredient, a small cauldron, a few extra vials before quietly exiting the supply closet and softly shut the door.

Despite what Professor Snape thought he really did pay attention in class and actually loved it … or he would if the strangest things didn't keep happening. Yes, fror a big reason he had a hard time at first, but then he found ways around his … handicap. Every potion would start perfectly, but the second his back is turned away everything goes haywire. It wasn't until a month ago that he realized someone, he suspected a Slytherin, was tossing random ingredients into his potions during class. Sure it was ruining his grade, but it could kill someone too.

One wrong ingredient and … BOOM!

With his footsteps echoing through the halls he headed back to Gryffindor tower. However his eyes caught sight of the library and before he realized it he slipped in. in a rush he started pulling a large number of books from many levels and subjects and placing them in the bag.

Charms, Transfiguration, Healing, Potions, Elemental, Herbology, something called Occlumency & Legilimency, History, Creatures, Blood Magic, Wards, Hexes, Defense, Making & Breaking Curses, and Ancient Runes books from second year level to 7th year or even more advanced levels found their way into the bottomless bag.

Finally Harry was satisfied and hid the bag in his robes as he entered the Gryffindor common room. For the last day of school they weren't asked for a password.

"what took you Harry? The train will be here in 10 minutes" snapped Hermione a she held her own trunk.

"I ran into Professor Snape" muttered Harry. Both Ron and Hermione cringed at the thought of running into Snape.

"what did that greasy git do?" snarled Ron.

Harry rolled his eyes "he said sorry for being an ass, gave me a big hug and wished me a happy summer" he tried to keep a straight face, but the looks on the other Gryffindor's faces were priceless "I'm joking! He snarled and insulted me … oh you should see your faces!" he gasped through his laughing.

"very funny … I almost had a heart attack at the thought" grumbled Ron who ignored his older twin brothers, Fred and George, who were laughing hysterically "are you going to change?" he huffed as he saw that Harry was still in his uniform.

"nah, I'll change after we get to the stop" he said, but it was too warm so he put his robe in his trunk. They didn't see Harry slip the bottomless bag into his trunk with the black robe.

Unfortunately Harry's normal clothes were Dudley's old worn clothes that he didn't want to be seen in. Thankfully … and sadly … it was unlikely his uncle would bother to be there to pick him up for a while and he knew it, he'd have time to change while waiting. However, after following everyone to the train station, putting the trunk on the rack of the compartment and taking his seat next to Hermione everything started to sink in …

He had a bag filled with contraband in his trunk!


Snape sighed as he stopped in the hall "maybe I should've listened to what he wanted, but I doubt it was of great importance" despite saying that he turned and went back to where he saw Harry last. When he found no one he shrugged it off.

"well it's the end of another year Severus" said Minerva as she strolled down with a relaxed smile on her lips.

"the brats aren't gone yet" scoffed the potions professor making Minerva roll her eyes fondly.

"how about joining me for some tea and watching the train leave in … 15 minutes?" the transfiguration teacher smiled as she received a nod in response. As they went down the hall they didn't notice Harry ransacking the back of the library and completely missed him making a mad dash to the common room.

"now it wasn't so bad having Mr. Potter in your class, was it?" she asked her fellow professor.

"agonizing" he sneered as they watched the students scramble for the train "he's a menace with potions and he keeps talking back or trying to make excuses … it's like he to stupid to tell the bloody difference between red and green potion color changes. He's lazy just like his father" he spat in distaste. Minerva handed him a cup of tea and sat down in a red and gold chair next to him "how many students do you think forgot things this year?"

Minerva chuckled "there's always a few, but nothing can be done until next year. The main wards in the building need to recharge so no one can be here to get their things"

The shrill whistle of the train signaled the departure of the students …


Sadly Harry didn't know this fact about the wards so he had a white knuckle grip on his compartment seat expecting an Auror to barge in and arrest him for stealing … or worse, Professor Snape. Weak wards in the castle meant that someone could take a book and the wards wouldn't go off. The other wards protecting Hogwarts work, but also need to recharge. If someone tries to get in an alarm will go off …

The train's whistle was heard and Harry screwed his eyes shut in silent prayer hoping he wouldn't be caught. The thought of possibly getting expelled made his fear triple. If he was trapped with the Dursleys … he would be killed. Finally after a few minutes, even if it felt like hours to a panic stricken Harry, the train started moving.

Once the school was no longer in sight Harry relaxed, but was a little puzzled at how Ron and Hermione didn't seem to notice his obvious distress. They were just ignoring him like he wasn't there. Then again did they ever notice?

Looking back on it he wasn't sure. When he brought up his thoughts on trying to find a different living arrangement to Hermione while recovering in the infirmary she tried to talk him out of it despite his little hints of abuse, which weren't that subtle really. The only thing he didn't do was flash some scars. Ten minutes later the headmaster came to visit and almost immediately brought up the subject of where he had to stay.

Then there was that strange Quidditch issue … Ron was rambling about how amazing Quidditch is and Harry decided to be honest … he loved flying, but didn't care for the game and wanted to quit. Again barely a few minutes passed before he was called to the headmaster's office. Dumbledore was smiling just saying that he wanted to make sure Harry was adjusting ok. After the quick pleasantries the subject somehow changed to flying and Quidditch where he was informed that if he loved flying he had to stay on the team because he can't fly around the school or in the muggle world.

In short he was stuck, but the old grandfatherly wizard looked so apologetic that he thought nothing of it beyond a caring piece of advice. Now though … was there more to everything? Who could he trust?

Either way he was way too tired to think anymore. He was going to have a difficult summer as it is. The questionable loyalties of the people who claimed to be his friends will have to wait. The Dursleys were the biggest issue right now…

As the train rolled to a stop he grabbed his things and Hedwig and followed everyone off the train "see you guys" he frowned when both his friend just waved over their shoulders without looking at him, but he instantly felt better when Neville smiled, waved and wished him a great summer. It wasn't long before everyone was picked up by their parents or guardians, he was alone.

"well … here we go" he kneeled next to Hedwig's cage and opened it "I'm sorry girl, but if my Uncle Vernon sees you … I couldn't forgive myself if something happened to you. Take your cage and fly to the house. The window in the attic is always unlocked so slip in and hide there or leave and hunt until I get there. Just please don't be seen" Hedwig hooted sadly and gently nipped his hand making it clear that she understood the seriousness of the situation.

With a heavy sigh Harry watched his beautiful white familiar fly off with he cage held in her talons. Once Hedwig was out of sight he found the nearest bathroom, hid his wand in his bottomless bag and fished out his muggle rags-… clothes and changed. As he suspected his uncle made him wait … and wait …

Five hours later of sitting on his trunk in oversized worn rags Vernon finally rolled up "move it boy! You have to make dinner" the fat tub of lard barked not even bothering to help Harry with his trunk. Harry quickly put the trunk in the back and just managed slip in the back seat before Vernon raced off … he nearly took off Harry's head.

The car ride home was very quiet, awkward and seemed to take far longer than 30 minutes. Soon they parked in the driveway and Harry was roughly dragged into the house by his arm "it's about time freak! Get cooking!" Dudley glared as Vernon shoved him towards the stove.

Harry just rubbed his arm … there were going to be some deep bruises there … before he started cooking. Sizzling from the butter in a pan was as far as he got before he heard grunting from outside. The young wizard's heart plummeted as he watched Vernon drag his trunk in the house and his Aunt Petunia open the cupboard door. With a loud thump Vernon tossed the trunk in the cupboard and locked it.

Petunia smirked cruelly at the heartbroken look on her nephew's face "hurry up, my Dudder's is hungry"

Dinner of thick juicy steaks and rice was served and Harry was forced to watch them eat then clean up, but after Harry got another shock. Vernon dragged him up the stairs. Harry gulped as he saw a heavy door with multiple locks and a small flap door just above the floor.

The door was opened …

Harry was shoved into the dark windowless room so hard that he crashed to the ground …

Darkness consumed him as the door was shut …

All the little wizard heard next was the sound of several locks clicking or sliding into place …

"what do I do now?" Harry shivered in the darkness. After feeling his he found a metal frame a that seemed to be a cot and curled up on the hard mattress. Just as he tried to fall asleep he heard a light tapping from the ceiling and something like dust cascading on top of him.

Realization hit him instantly … this small windowless room was the former coat closet and that meant attic access! With very slow and careful movements he stood on the creaky cot and reached up to examine the ceiling. The rough texture o the ceiling grazed his fingers, but he felt something give way. It was the attic panel!

After pushing the panel to the side he felt soft feathers press against his hand "thank heavens … I'm glad you're ok" he smiled at the sound of a comforting hoot "I don't know what to do girl. If I don't get the stuff in my trunk I won't be able to survive let alone complete my homework. I wanted to make some nutrition potions, but I can't get out of here without my wand …"

Suddenly a thought came to mind …the very first day at Hogwarts he saw Dumbledore lighting candles without a wand. Hermione said it's not possible, but Dumbledore did it. It's worth a shot at least. He sat down on the cot and heard Hedwig perch on the cot's metal frame.

Though he couldn't see his own hands he still wanted to try and he had the perfect spell in mind …

Harry took a deep breath calm down and whispered "Lumos"