Chapter 9: Recon

Now playing Message-057:

If you are already at this message, then you must really love hearing me ramble on and on. To be honest I am quite surprised that you would even stick with it this long. But then again, I suppose that is to be expected considering how you were once a direct part of me.

So what shall I talk about today? I know, let's try something different. You know, I always felt like the relationship I had with everyone was rather unique. Our crazy misfit adventures no doubt helped further validate that feeling. Within those adventures we all found a place to belong to, and I found friends to be with even when things seemed to get really shitty. I mean yeah we had our disagreements, but in the end things always worked out for better or for worse.

I would say that with the reds, my relationship with them was more or less professional, or at least as professional as I could get. But I will say that Grif always stood out to me aside from everyone else in the red team. He is a fat fucker no doubt, but he is deceptively so. Plus he always seemed like the smartest one whenever it came to manipulating others, a useful trait in times of extreme danger.

But my main focus in this message is everyone on the blues. Agent Washington and I got off to a bad start, you already know about that from some of the earlier recordings. Still, we repaired it over time, even as far as where I accepted him as part of the group and as a friend.

Tucker is the main subject here though. When Alpha first moved to Blood Gulch, there weren't that many blues. Only two other people besides him really, there was Captain Flowers and Tucker. Captain Flowers from the sounds of it was a chill guy, too bad Alpha accidently ended up killing him.

You know what, now that I think about this, we seems to have quite a tendency to go around team killing don't we? First it was Captain Flowers and then it was Alpha. By the way, if you ever get the opportunity to say anything to the group. Tell Caboose that I still haven't forgiven him for being a team killing fucktard.

As I was saying, Tucker was one of the first few individuals the Alpha had gotten to know in Blood Gulch. Those memories of course got passed down to me through Caboose. Now hold the line, I know what you are thinking. How can I trust him if he said before that Caboose is not a reliable source of information? I wouldn't blame you for thinking that, but trust me. I have cross referenced this information with the others who were there in those memories. So at least you will be getting a clean explanation, more than just fluffy cats and birthday cakes.

When Alpha first met Tucker, he really came off as fucking annoying. But over time I guess Alpha formed an attachment of sorts to him. Otherwise I am sure Tucker would not have stuck around this long, or wouldn't be alive at all. They were after all travelling with fully loaded guns…even if Alpha was a terrible shot. Just a heads up, you might be a terrible shot as well, it kind of runs in the family.

But you know what, after all the times I talked to Tucker, I always realized that the conversation would somehow steer back to one thing, girls. Yup, he was a desperate guy always wanting to try and get into a girl's pants. Good thing he didn't try this on Carolina, I'm pretty sure he wouldn't have been able to walk for a good two weeks if he had done so. He did once asked me a fucked up question though. You see, I consider Carolina to be like a sister to me. So when he asked if I had seen her naked after hearing that I live with her, I felt some disgust but could not help but know that this was the classic Tucker. Even after everything, what made Tucker so Tucker was not completely lost.

Heh, I'm sure he would lose his mind trying to imagine it but I did get a view of her stripping her armor quite a few times when she would want to go for a shower or something. Yeah, I bet Tucker would kill to get a good peek at that. And I also imagine that that would be the last thing he would ever see. He will probably make this awkward to, stalk her at every opportunity he could get like a psycho stalker or some shit.

But that's enough about Tucker. Simply put, he is a pervert trying to find every excuse to get into a girl's pants. But he is still a friend. Now let's move on to Caboose. What can I say about him? I guess he is a special case. Ah who am I kidding? The kid is fucking brain dead, maybe a few brain cells that still work properly since he does make sense at times. But other than that the light has long since left his head. It was actually Caboose that killed Alpha the first time around, sure would explain his stupidity before the O'Malley hostile takeover.

Caboose is very confused, brain dead and to top it all off, a five year old in the body of a grown man. Yeah, basically he is putting the literal definition of man-child in the universe. But underneath all that, he is still a good kid. Take care of them all Epsilon, I leave them in your hands.

End of Recording.


Carolina jerked up her head at the sudden ship turbulence. She rushed up to the main deck and saw that they were exiting the slip space jump. The blue portal closed behind them leaving no trace of its existence. The rest of the crew came up panicking as Donut in a very feminine voice noted. "AHHHH we're all going to die!"

"Stop getting your panties in a twist pinkie," one of the crew mates replied with a disapproving shake of his head. Muffins took note of the insult and shook his head impressed. "Private Buttmunch, that was a very mean insult. I like it."

"That space station," Washington began turning everyone's attention to it. Carolina nodded her head. "It's the one that prisoner spoke of, and it was also in Locus' data provided to us."

"Great, how do we get in?" Simmons asked looking all around the room. He was met with silence, please don't say that we will be winging it. Wash shook his shoulders. "I guess we will just wing it."

"No, you do not say that!" Simmons inched closer with an aggressive tone. Wash jumped back with his hands defensively in front of him. "Okay, calm down."

"I guess we can't just go up to front doors and ask nicely to come in after telling them that we intend to fuck up some shit in there," Grif pondered earning a grunt remark from Sarge. "You never know, maybe if we say something like, 'Hello, do you have time to talk about our lord and savior Jesus Christ?' They may just take enough pity on us to let us in heh heh."

"Yeah, let us in right into their psychiatry ward," Doc commented with a grin under his helmet. Carolina looked all around the deck, no ideas came forth. "Caboose, what do you think?"

"Yeah, I was going to say knock on the front door but since that does not seem to be a great idea anymore, I don't think I will say that now."

"Thank you for your useful input as always," Grif sarcastically replied. In return he earned a very unsurprising response. "I'm just glad that someone appreciates my expertise. I would also like noted that I was present for this meeting, I want an A+ on my attendance."


Captain Muffins walked into the group's discussions. "Well, the ship is maintaining a safe distance from the station. Have you homies come up with a plan?"

"That's what we were trying to do, but every plan just seems too crazy, stupid, simple or just doesn't make any sense at all," Donut replied wondering if the enemy would open their doors upon hearing his manly man singing. Nah, they would probably just start firing at us either way. Hmm, what do we do?

"What if we tried exploding our way in?" Sarge suggested going on to discuss a few methods of doing it. Muffins shook his head at the plan. "Nein! We must do this subtly."

"What if we tried hacking their shields to force our way into the docking bay? From there we will just need to defend the ship, which the crew can take care of. The rest of us can go off and find Tucker," Simmons put forth the idea earning several nods all around. Grif however still remained quite skeptical. "How will we even get into the station?"

"Think about it Grif, we have a prisioner who belongs to this organization. He would have some security clearance or something."

"That is a good point Simmons. Maybe Lopez and I can get him to spill a few of those codes for us," Sarge said now on board for that idea, though he was saddened that his explosions idea was turned down. Darn it, it would have looked epic as well in space.

"When can we attempt this plan?" Wash asked of Muffins displaying his lack of confidence as well. But right now this plan was better than no plan. Muffins looked to one of his crew mates and motioned for him to come on over. Hearing the private, Muffins explained the situation to the others. "So our engines are fried from the magic portal jump. This ship can go Sonic for only so long. The engines must cool down before we can go anywhere now."

"Seriously, the UNSC has so many resources and they still give you guys this shitty ship?" Grif asked feeling spited by the higher ups. Muffins shrugged his shoulders holding his hands up questionably. "Transport ships are not high on their budget priorities. But at least this ship is adequate enough to begin my universal conquer to bring back the only sane way of living."

"Which would be?"

"A life under das Fuhrer Muffins! Ja! Ja! Ja! Ja!"


"So when are we launching this attack?" Carolina questioned in her no-nonsense attitude. Muffins felt his spirits take a hit. Why does the beautiful scary lady not approve? The world is too cruel ja. "No one refuses to listen to das Fuhrer! We launch once engine cool down."

"Be ready guys, doing this could lead to a small scale war if things go south," Wash advised everyone around them. They all agreed, but at the same time they were ready to risk it for Tucker's sake. Muffins cleared his throat. "I suggest we send out a remotely controlled drone to gather juicy intel."

"That sounds good to me," Sarge replied as the others felt the same. This would give them an opportunity to study for any other exploitable openings in the station. Muffins turned to his privates and shouted. "Private Buttmunch, prepare to launch dem drone ja!"

"Yes sir," the private replied fed up with the Fuhrer act Muffins put on. Sadly for him, he did not realize that Muffins truly believed in himself to be the Fuhrer's reincarnation. He motioned towards the main display screens. "Bring up remote display Buttmunch."

As the video feed became clear, they saw several docking stations. From the design on the outside, they could also determine that hidden guns were stored away on the surface of the station. Wash crossed his arms hoping that the prisoner's accounts were not entirely true. "Well at least we can check off that the prisoner was telling the truth."

"Sadly so," Muffins replied in a low pitch.

"We will be fine, we always have been," Carolina stated optimistically. Wash shook his head vocally questioning. "Yeah, but for how long?"

"Wash, this is not time to be jinxing us. Have a little faith," Sarge said surprised to hear the one person who perhaps showed the most faith in them on Chorus now doubting their own actions. Perhaps Wash did not get off as dandy as others may have believed with Church's death. Carolina placed a hand on Wash's shoulder. "We will be fine, trust us."

She turned to look outside the windows and study the space station. A sense of contempt arose in her with her biting her bottom lip and forming fists on both of her hands. Wait for us Tucker, we are coming for you. Nothing will stop us from getting to you no matter how strong that force maybe. We will see one another soon.