Butterfly Kisses

Chapter 17~ Holes in the Floor of Heaven

Thanks again for the reviews and for sticking with me and not killing me for killing Chandler, lol. So I really should be working on my english paper, but I figure this is indirectly working on it. And how do I figure? My english teacher said that she sees improvement with everything that I write, so if I write this first and then go write my english paper, I'll have improved, so it'll be better, no? Well, I see the rationale in my reasoning, and that's all that really matters :) And one more thing…where does time go? Cuz this weekend's prom, the next is one of my friend's birthdays, the next is one of my other friend's birthdays, and then the next is graduation! *sob* And one of my best friends is graduating *sob*…where does time go???

~*~20 Years later~*~

Kayley looked in the mirror, studying her reflection momentarily before turning her attention to looking out the window, watching as the rain came pouring down. Following single droplets as they hit the window, watching the trail they left behind, like tears streaming down a face.

Felicia walked over to where her sister was standing, staring out at the rain as well. "Rain on your wedding day…that kinda sucks…" (Becca~I now realize that I got Ironic stuck in my head cuz I wrote the line 'rain on your wedding day'…at least now I know why it's been stuck in my head for the past two days *sighs*)

Monica playfully hit Felicia on the back of the head, giving her a warning look, telling her not to say anything to upset her sister.

"Daddy's crying," Kayley said softly, almost under her breath, continuing to stare out the window.

Monica froze, turning back to face her. "What did you say?"

Kayley smiled, slightly embarrassed, not thinking that anyone had heard. "Daddy's crying."

"You remember that?" Monica looked at her in disbelief.

"Every time it rains," she once again smiled at her mother.

Felicia watched Kayley, jealous of her. She could remember their father. There might not be many memories, and they may have been childish interpretations of what had happened, but she'd still known their father. All Felicia had were stories. And pictures. Pictures of a man who she could see in herself every time that she looked in the mirror, but whom she'd never known. A man who she'd been told how much she was like by anyone who had known him, but who she couldn't remember him. She was jealous. As stupid as it sounded for a 20-year-old to be thinking, she wanted to remember butterfly kisses and teardrops in the rain.

But she couldn't.

Monica smiled, brushing Kayley's hair out of her face. "Speaking of your father," she started, walking over to where her purse was, taking something out before coming back and handing it to Kayley.

"A CD?" Kayley looked at Monica, confused. "What's on it?"

"I honestly don't know," Monica admitted. "It's from your dad."

"Well…thanks," Kayley smiled, looking up as someone knocked on the door.

"As long as it's not Scott, you can come it," Felicia yelled through the door, referring to Kayley's fiancé.

"So I can come in?"

"Yeah, Dad," Felicia responded, so he walked in, slowly opening the door.

"I was sent to see if you're ready," he smiled, looking Kayley up and down. "My god, you look beautiful."

"Thanks," Kayley blushed slightly before looking away from her stepfather.

Monica had remarried when Felicia was seven. At first, it had been like she'd expected, impossible to see herself with anyone else, impossible even to see herself happy ever again. But then she'd met Eric. Eric had married very young, and his wife had been killed shortly afterward. He'd never completely gotten over her, either. So, when Monica told him that she was already taken for eternity, he said the exact same thing back. And, like her, his heart had been given away years before, and when his wife died, she took a part of him with her.

And Monica understood that. She'd lived through that. And he understood her.

When they started dating, Felicia asked if he was going to be her daddy. Kayley had screamed at her sister, telling her that she already had a daddy and that you can't have more than one. But Felicia was still looking for someone to fill the role of "Dad" that she had never truly known, and when they had married, had immediately started calling him "Dad."

Kayley refused to.

And she still called him Eric, never Dad. At first, it had been because she was holding so tightly onto the memories of butterfly kisses and the sound of her father's voice singing her to sleep. But as his voice faded and the memories became blurry, it was more or less out of habit. He'd been good to her, and she respected him for that. But she'd already once known a man whom she'd called "Daddy" and wasn't about to give that title away to someone else.

"So you ready, Kay?" he looked at her, and, after taking a deep breath and one final look in the mirror, Kayley nodded her head.

"Yeah," she smiled up at him. "I'm ready."


"Thank you," Kayley whispered to Eric as they reached the front of the church, and he leaned in to kiss her cheek. "And not just for today…"

"You're more than welcome," he whispered back, giving her hand a quick squeeze before letting go and walking away.

Kayley turned back to look at Scott, grinning. And, for a split second, she could have sworn that she felt the flicker of eyelashes against her cheek. She squeezed Scott's hand, her head telling her that she had imagined it.

But her heart argued back that her daddy had given her away.


Monica dug through a box of home movies, finally finding the ones from when Kayley was little. She put one in, smiling when the first image that appeared on the screen was Chandler saying, "Yeah, Mon, it's recording" and her arguing back that it wasn't. She laughed, realizing that that was when she'd gotten her new camera, knowing what the next thing on it was. Kayley's birthday party. Kayley opening her presents, the girls running over to play with the new dog, Chandler asking how long the video-camera thing was going to last…

"What are you gonna do, Kay?" Chandler asked Kayley, who turned to the camera and grinned.

"I'm gonna ride a bike," she said before turning back and climbing onto her bike, Chandler holding onto the back of the seat. "Okay, don't let go," she looked back at Chandler, who nodded, running after her as she started riding, eventually letting go, watching as she continued to ride. Kayley looked back, and, realizing that he was no longer holding on, lost her balance and fell to the pavement. "You said you wouldn't let go!" she yelled, picking her bike up off the ground and walking back to where Chandler was standing.

"But you did so good by yourself!"

"But you said you wouldn't let go!"

"I'm sorry, baby," he smiled in apology. "Do you wanna try again? I won't let go this time…"

Kayley looked at him, not sure. "Pinky promise?"

"Pinky promise," he smiled in return as he took her pinky in his.

Kayley looked at him, still skeptical, but finally deciding to get back onto her bike, Chandler doing as promised and not letting go.

"Let go!" she finally shouted.

"You sure?"

"Yes, let go!" she repeated, so Chandler stopped and let go, watching as she rode down the street for a second before turning to face Monica. She assumed that she'd smiled at him because he grinned in return, stuffing his hands into his pockets.

Monica smiled to herself; that was the image that she got in her head when she thought of him. It had been right before he got sick the last time, and he was wearing his backwards baseball hat that he'd worn for most of that year, his sweatshirt extremely baggy because of all the weight he'd lost after all of the chemo.

"Chandler, watch her," Monica said nervously.

"I am watching her," Chandler replied, his eyes never moving from Monica, but, hearing her crash once again and start to cry, he quickly turned, running down the street to her. He scooped her up into his arms, kissing her on top of the head before giving her butterfly kisses, carrying her back up to their driveway.

"Why would she ever call me 'Dad' when he's my competition," Eric said, causing Monica to jump.

"Jesus, how long have you been standing there?"

"Not long," he moved, sitting down next to her on the couch. "Old home videos?"

"Old home videos of Kayley," she smiled at him. "How can she be married when yesterday she was that old?" she motioned to what was now her graduation from preschool, and he didn't miss the fact that Chandler was now absent from the picture.

"You okay?"

"Yeah," Monica smiled slightly in return. "It's just…you know?"

"Yeah," he returned her smile. "I do know."


Kayley grinned, taking her CD out, finally finding a CD player and getting the chance to listen to what was on it. She put it in and pushed play, a smiled creeping over her lips as Chandler's voice filled the room.

"Hey, Kayley. Well, I guess if you're listening to this, I owe you a congratulations, so congratulations, baby. I would give the world to be there, to be the one to give you away, but unless some sort of a miracle occurs, in which case I'll probably just burn this and pretend that it never existed, I'm pretty sure that I won't be the one to walk you down the aisle. And I wish I could be there…for everything…" he trailed off, and she could tell that he was trying not to cry. "So, baby, this is the best that I can do. Oh, and the next song on here is the real version of the song in case your tastes have grown and you no longer prefer me over it…And Kay…I love you," he finished softly, and Kayley grinned, the next thing coming on being exactly what she'd expected.

There's two things I know for sure

She was sent here from heaven

And she's Daddy's little girl

As I drop to my knees by her bed at night

She talks to Jesus, and I close my eyes

And I thank God for all the joy in my life

Oh, but most of all

For butterfly kisses after bedtime prayer

Sticking little white flowers all up in her hair

Walk beside the pony, Daddy, it's my first ride

I know the cake looks funny, Daddy, but I sure tried

Oh, with all that I've done wrong

I must have done something right

To deserve a hug every morning

And butterfly kisses at night

Sweet 16 today

She's looking like her mama

A little more every day

One part woman

The other part girl

To perfume and make-up

From ribbons and curls

Trying her wings out

In the great big world

But I remember…

Butterfly kisses after bedtime prayer

Sticking little white flowers all up in her hair

You know how much I love you, Daddy, but if you don't mind

I'm only gonna kiss you on the cheek this time

Oh, with all that I've done wrong

I must have done something right

To deserve a hug every morning

And butterfly kisses at night

She'll change her name today

She'll make a promise

And I'll giver her away

Standing in the brideroom

Just staring at her

She asks me what I'm thinking

And I said I'm not sure

I just feel like I'm losing my baby girl

She leaned over…

Gave me butterfly kisses with her mama there

Sticking little white flowers all up in her hair

Walk me down the aisle, Daddy, it's just about time

Does my wedding gown look pretty, Daddy? Daddy, don't cry

Oh, with all that I've done wrong

I must have done something right

To deserve her love every morning

And butterfly kisses at night

Kayley wiped the tears from her eyes, and hearing the beginning of the "real" song, pressed the button to go back, wanting to hear her father's voice again.

"Hey, you," Kayley jumped at the sound of Scott's voice. "You okay?" he asked, wrapping his arm around her, and she nodded, once again wiping her eyes. "What are you listening to?"

"Something from my dad."

"From Eric?"

Kayley shook her head. "No. My dad," she smiled at him.

"Butterfly kisses?" he asked after listening to it for a few more seconds.

Kayley just smiled. "Every morning and every night."


Kayley walked through the cemetery, not at all surprised to see her mother kneeled down in front of her father's grave. She pulled her jacket tighter, looking up at the grey clouds and wondering how much longer the rain would hold out for.

"There's holes in the floor of heaven," Kayley started in a whisper, reciting the song that had comforted her when she was younger. "And his tears are in the falling down rain. That's how you know he's watching, wishing he could be here now. And sometimes when I'm lonely, I remember he can see. Cause there's holes in the floor of heaven, and he's watching over you and me…"

Monica smiled, looking up at her daughter. "That's an old song…"

"Yeah," Kayley took a seat next to her.

"Did you listen to the CD?" Kayley nodded. "What was on it?"

"What do you think?" Kayley laughed.

"Butterfly kisses?" She nodded. "Hey, what are you doing here? Aren't you leaving for your honeymoon today?" Monica asked, suddenly wondering what she was doing there.

"We don't leave till later tonight. Mix up with the times of the airlines," she shrugged, studying her mother's face. "You okay?"

"Yeah," Monica looked up at her and smiled.


Monica sighed, looking back down. "I just never stop missing him…" As she trailed off, Kayley wrapped her arm around her shoulder, leaning her head down against her shoulder.

"I know," she whispered in response. "Sometimes I wonder how much I actually even remember and how much are just stories that I've been told so many times that they feel like memories…Events that I've created or been told about so many times that I just think that I remember them. But then, when I start thinking about that, it scares me to death, and I wonder if I even actually remember at all…" she trailed off, sighing. "But then there are some things. And I know I've never been told about them…so then I wonder if they even actually happened…or if I'm just remembering a dream…"

"Like what?" Monica asked softly, brushing Kayley's hair out of her face.

"Being left at the top of an escalator at the mall," Kayley laughed. "I was holding onto his hand, and then the next second I wasn't, and I was still at the top, and he was going down…and I just remember standing there crying, scared to death…but then the next second he was there again, and he scooped me up into his arms and didn't let go of me for the rest of the day…"

Monica smiled. "Yeah, that happened. You wouldn't ride on escalators for years," she laughed. "Chandler didn't even tell me about it at first…but then you started refusing to go on escalators, so there had to be some sort of an explanation," she laughed again.

"I don't remember that," Kayley looked at her. "Being scared of escalators, I mean."

"Time heals all wounds, I guess."

"Yeah, but wounds leave scars," she looked back at her mother, not really referring to the escalator incident, but rather to the fact that she had said that she still missed Chandler.

"How did you even end up so wise?" Monica looked at her daughter.

"Must have been from Dad," she laughed, and Monica hit her lightly. "Well, um, I should probably get going," Kayley looked down at her watch as she stood up.

"Have fun," Monica stood up as well, hugging her.

"Thanks, I will," she hugged her back, giving her a kiss on the cheek. "You sure you're gonna be okay?"

"Now who's the mother here?" Monica laughed, and Kayley held up her hands in defeat. "Yes, I'll be fine," she smiled at her.

"Okay. See-ya, then," Kayley turned to leave. "Love you."

"Love you. Bye," Monica watched as she walked away, finally sitting back down, directly in front of his gravestone, tracing the letters with her finer. "You'd be proud," she said quietly. "Really proud of both of them," she trailed off. "And I still love you so much," she wiped her eyes, trying not to let herself actually cry. "You promised me eternity, Bing," she managed to say, still on the verge of crying. "And I've done everything that I've promised you, so you'd better not go back on your promise to me," she stood up, looking around. Birds chirping, the sun starting to peek out from behind the clouds…and she smiled.

The years that they ended up spending apart would be nothing compared to the rest of eternity together.

And that's it!!! Yay!!! Sorry that last line was kinda corny, lol. Or I think so, but just to end on a happy note, and I wasn't about to do the whole meeting in heaven thing, sorry for the people that asked for one of those endings. I think they're too corny. And to those of you who didn't want Monica to get remarried…I thought about that…but spending the rest of your life alone would get awfully lonely. So just trying to be a little realistic and not let my romantic side take over completely :)

Okay, I would just like to say that the entire fic was based around getting to this point in time and the line "Daddy's crying." And the idea for that came from the song Holes in the Floor of Heaven by Steve Warner (the lyrics Kayley said) except for that it says "she" instead of "he" so I was originally gonna kill Monica and base it around that song…but then I decided to do the whole Chandler-Kayley thing and the Butterfly Kisses thing just kinda happened. It wasn't really supposed to have anything to do with that song, lol. Just a little insight, hehe. I just thought I'd let you know that Chandler didn't have a chance, I was killing him for sure from the beginning ;)

So now I'll shut up and you can review. Thanks for sticking with me :) You guys rock! (and if I really rock as much as you people say, it's only cuz of you guys :-D). Oh, Allie, Abby, and anyone else who cares, I swear that I'm really working on Never Assume, lol.

(Butterfly Kisses, Bob Carlisle & Holes in the Floor of Heaven, Steve Wariner)