"The average human can mate hundreds of times during its lifetime. Though breeding partners may occasionally scratch or bite one another, they go largely unharmed during the process. There seems to be no sensible pattern in their mating cycles. Some theorize they may not have one, although that's highly improbable. Still, the theory is upheld by the fact that many humans breed recreationally, to the point where they have created devices and medications specifically designed to keep their carriers from becoming with child. As a result, humans are capable of carrying child once per Earth-Year (approximately 31.5 megaticks). Thankfully, the average seems to only be one child per cycle, though studies conclude they can carry up to three. There are rumors they can carry more, but those are largely agreed to be false."
- An excerpt from A Guide to Humans by Driniv of Xebnec 9
"Why are we watching this again?" Hunk groaned as he watched Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis flirt on the makeshift television he and Pidge had set up for movie night.
"Team bonding," Shiro said, though he didn't look any more taken in by the movie than Hunk.
"Sh!" Lance hissed from where he was laying down in front of the screen.
"Keith's not even here." The red paladin had wisely taken one look at Pidge's choice and disappeared to who knows where. "And why do we have to watch a chick- er, I mean, a romcom?" Hunk asked, quickly switching tracks when Pidge turned to him with a glare. "Can't we watch something we'd all like, like… Star Wars!"
"That would be more appropriate," Shiro chuckled.
"Star Trek's better," Pidge muttered, earning a gasp from Hunk.
"Do you guys mind! I'm trying to watch a movie here!" Lance shouted, hitting pause and turning to the others.
"If we are taking a break to talk, may I ask a question?" Allura spoke up.
"Please do," Hunk answered before Lance could say anything.
"I understand that perhaps your movie is just exaggerating things, but why is it taking so long?"
"Why is what taking so long?"
"Their mating cycle! They've had sex, as you call it, many times and yet neither of them have either fallen out of their mating cycle nor become with child."
"Yes, I've been wondering about that myself," Coran added. "Just how long does your human mating cycles last? Will they be getting their child soon?"
The humans stared at the Alteans in varying states of shock and confusion.
Pidge was the first to break the silence when she gave a loud snort. She buried her face into her hands, shoulders shaking from withheld laughter.
"Oh boy," Lance muttered, turning off the movie.
"Well, I'm out of here," Hunk said, jumping to his feet. He scooped up the shaking green paladin and fled the room.
"Wow," Shiro mumbled, the faintest tinge of pink on his cheeks. "Well, uh, to start off, they aren't trying to… to become with child."
"So sex is not how you humans reproduce?" Allura asked, frowning. She had been sure that was the case. It even looked rather similar to how Alteans did it.
"N-no, it is, it's just…"
"They're just doing it to have fun, you know," Lance supplied.
"Fun?" both Alteans near shouted, looking floored.
"Well, yeah, sex feels awesome so most people-"
"Not all. There are some like Pidge and Keith who don't like sex for their different reasons."
"Yeah, but many just have sex for the way it feels. Since it, you know… feels… good…" Lance finished, tapering off at the end with a cherry-red face. Is this what his father had felt like when he gave him The Talk?
"And you do this, even outside your mating cycles?" Allura asked, looking mildly disturbed.
"That's the other thing. Humans don't actually have mating cycles. We're pretty much ready whenever. That's why we have to use protection so people don't end up pregnant - with child - accidentally."
The Alteans looked downright scandalized. Coran even seemed a bit disgusted.
"Hey, I just saw Hunk and Pidge. Is movie night over?" Keith asked, peaking in the door. "What was wrong with Pidge?" He spotted Allura and Coran and added, "What's wrong with them?"
"Humans don't have mating cycles and procreate for FUN!" Allura croaked.
The red paladin turned and left.
If you have any ideas for things about humans you want to see aliens freaking out over, be free to leave them in the comments.