Disclaimer: Everything you recognize is JK Rowlings. No infringement is meant or implied.
DRACO MALFOY AND THE GOBLET OF FIRE
BY Lady Lestrange
Because I'm sure you want to know just what happened to everyone after the Tri Wizard Tournament was over, here's the update.
We know of course that Harry Potter died a very valiant death at the hands of the Dark Lord and he is now in the company of his dear mudblood mother—er no—that's not right. He has remained at Hogwarts as a ghost companion to none other than Moaning Myrtle, although her moaning has taken on a slightly different sound—at last poor Harry has found true love! Dumbledore has now added the following announcements to the 'forbidden' list at the beginning of each year. The following bathrooms are closed until further notice: Girl's second floor. Girl's fourth floor. Boy's First floor. Boy's Third floor. AND ALL PREFECT'S BATHROOMS. Snape has suggested that next year's Hogwarts letters tell the first years to bring a port-a-potty.
Draco, of course, took his father's place at the right hand of the Dark Lord. He brought several people with him including Pansy, Mort and his pet ferret. Some people have speculated that Draco is the Dark Lord's heir, because Draco has taken over so much of the day to day running of the Death Eaters affairs. Draco smirked. "Of course not. Don't you remember? The Dark Lord is immortal. LordVoldemort is the wizard-who-lived?"
Lord Voldemort, on the other hand, is paying less and less attention to details at home. Rumor has it that, due to Draco's excellent management skills, he and Lucius have been spending a lot of time in France at the Delacour Mansion. When Draco was asked about this turn of affairs, Draco shrugged. "They're just lucky I guess." He said. Again, his cool smile does not give a hint of his thoughts.
Narcissa Malfoy could not immediately be reached for comment about her husband's long absences, but we finally caught up with her on her yacht in the Mediterranean. She and Ludo Bagman, formerly of the Ministry of Magic, were target practicing with live goblins. "My son always gets what he wants. She said mysteriously. "He takes after his mother in that respect—"
I want to let the readers know that my colleague, Rita Skeeter is no longer with the Daily Prophet—or Witch Weekly. In fact she is no longer with us—period. She was not a witch after all—she never was. She is an alien. The Men in Black (not to be confused with Snape)hog—um—bug tied her and sent her home.
Unfortunately the Hermione/ Krum romance didn't work out. You know that he had a thing for younger women. Well once he saw Fleur's little sister, it was all over with Hermione. They ran away to Bulgaria together—or perhaps he kidnapped her at wandpoint; no one is sure. In any case, they stayed together for a few years. Once She was old enough to exercise her veela powers, she realized she didn't want to stay with the aging Krum, so she took his Quiddich money and ran off with the new seeker from the Chudley Cannons. Yum.
Hermione, heartbroken, over both Harry and Krum, cried on Ron's shoulder for a while. You expected that right? However, Ron, being Ron, said. "Hermione! Snap out of it! Go to the library or something." So she did. While she was there, she discovered an ancient text called Most Potente Love Potions. So Hermione, being the bright girl she is, brewed a new love potion, and thought of—Ron?
While she was reading, she found a section called "Anti-love potions". The text read: "Guaranteed to keep the opposite sex from attacking you. Disguises as much as eighty percent of your natural charisma." On the page were notes to double the potion and crossed out notes to triple and quadruple the potion. All of the notes were in a spidery hand that she recognized from somewhere. When she got to the end of the potion, she realized whose handwriting had made notes in the book.
She read: "Do not drink. Instead apply this potion liberally to the hair after showering. Your problems with members of the opposite sex mauling you will be over." Snape? She thought. "What do you really look like under all that potion?" HMMMM. We know, don't we fanfic fans?
Dream on, Hermione, because we all know that you marry Ron and have 14 kids, enough to field not one, but two quiddich teams! They all have bushy red hair and freckles. Sorry, none of them were blessed with your brains.
Fleur went to Egypt to visit Bill but he complained that he could never go anywhere alone with her. Aside from her chaperone, she brought a dozen attendants and people always were accosting her on the street. Bill was getting disgusted with the whole thing, when Charlie invited them to visit Romania for a while. He suggested a holiday in the wilds of Romania, near the Dragon Caves. It sounded like a good idea. Unfortunately—or fortunately—During a tour, one of the empty dragon caves collapsed due fire breathing eroding the wooden supports and both Bill and Fleur were trapped inside. The entire wizarding world was in an uproar until Molly Weasley send a letter to the ministry. Apparently she got a tiny owl out of the rubble. Little Pig managed to fly out of a crack in the caved in cave to the Burrow to inform the Weasley's that Bill was alive well and never feeling better. In fact his specific request was, 'Tell the wizards digging us out, to dig slower.
Cho Chang and Cedric Diggory got married on Valentine's Day. They have no children because are rarely in the same country together. Cho is still working on her Auror's Doctorate Degree and Cedric was accepted to take Krum's place on the Bulgarian Quiddich team. Unfortunately Bulgaria hasn't won a game since. Well, Cedric, maybe if the seeker on the other team falls off of his broom—
Lee Jordan is the official announcer for England, and as far as I know still has the hots for Angelina who plays chaser for England now. "Those lying, cheating Bulgarians—no—not you Cedric—"
Lupin fell in love with Darla, and –opps—no. Wrong story. You'll have to read my fanfic, Harry Potter and the Seers' Truth to meet Darla.
Dumb-as-a-door, begins another year at Hogwarts with the inspiring words: "Nitwit. Blubber. Oddment. Tweak." And we're still waiting to hear the joke about the troll, the hag and the leprechaun who went into the bar—(If anyone knows the joke, please post it in a review)
And Sirius Black, alias Snuffles, was last seen on the grounds, chewing a rather meatless bone. When I asked Hagrid if he knew what kind of animal could have a bone that looks like that. He answered unhesitatingly. "Bone of Hyppogrift-- Professor Snape told me."
(A/N: REVIEW. Right this minute. Review. If you have a fanfic, I will return the favor.
ANSWERS TO REVIEWS:
FALLEN ANGEL OF DARKNESS: I did update Harry Potter and the Seers' Truth. Looking forward to your next review. Sorry I didn't put in more Fleur. Maybe next fic.
OLIVIA: Here's my explanation about Lucius knowing Voldemort's plan. I know he doesn't know anything about Voldemort's rebirth in JKR's story, but when Draco joined the Tri-Wizard Tournament, that changed things. I thought at first, Moody/Crouch wouldn't be concerned, but when Draco beat everyone so soundly in the first task, he had to tell Voldemort. Who, via Wormtail, send a cryptic message to Lucius to tell Draco to lose, which Lucius did. Lucius isn't stupid. He knew that cryptic messages like that could only come from the Dark Lord or one of his messengers. Anyway, the Dark Mark on his arm has been getting darker all year. Lucius sends the owl back, saying he'll take care of Draco and make sure he knows to lose. Draco doesn't listen. I don't think Lucius knows everything. That's why he wasn't more insistant about Draco losing.
Rei K. A hotter Draco? Yeah, I'd say so, in Harry Potter and the Seers' Truth, but you have to wait for a while for him to show up. I've toned it down to keep it PG-13.
Miakuluchi: Glad you like my Draco. Read my other fics. I don't have an ICQ, but I have an AOL screenname. It's carmandoogle That's not my name. It's the name of a character.
SPHINX RIDDLE: Your Word
Finally to all of you people who asked if I could send the answer to the Sphinx Riddle to you via email—NO. Here's the answer though—Some of you wrote, a promise or a secret. Very close. It is "your word"
Which if you remember, Pansy, in talking about the Yule Ball said, "You wouldn't break your word, Draco. Not when you promised in front of the whole of Slytherin house—"
I guess I'll put the answer in the story now, although I'm still not sure if it was too hard—
Thanks for all of your input—your reviews—your moral support—
LOVE YOU ALL. HOPE TO SEE YOUR NAMES SOON UNDER REVIEW OF
HARRY POTTER AND THE SEERS' TRUTH.
I have 2 other ideas for funny stories. One is what various people see in the Mirror of Eisrid. Another is what if Sirius the dog was caught by the Dursley's and sent to the dogcatcher at the beginning of Prisoner of Askaban? I have to toy with it for a while and see which, if either one will stay funny. Be patient. Read my other fics.