Basically in this story, Harry's going to be a bit of an ass while he's trying to enjoy himself at Hogwarts for once. I may mess around with certain plot points in this story, but the basic overall plot of OotP will remain the same.
Harry had been in a foul mood all day long.
Umbridge had given him yet another detention tonight, so it spoiled his entire outlook for the rest of the day.
At dinner, he ate his food with such anger, one would think that he was trying to kill it all over again.
Even Ron and Hermione seated on either side of him, looked at him apprehensively as he ate.
Those watching, who may have been unsure of his insanity, were utterly convinced at the sight.
"Somebody needs to do something about that toad. They really do..." he muttered as he attempted to mash his mashed potatoes again, pretending that it was Umbridge's face he was mashing and the gravy was her blood.
Somewhere inside of him, he felt rather disturbed at this line of thought, but it was immediately squashed when he happened to glance up and see Umbridge sitting in her seat at the staff table, looking as if she owned the place as she ate her own dinner.
Which, with the Ministry's backing and all those ridiculous decrees she'd passed as 'High Inquisitor', she might as well have indeed owned Hogwarts...
To say the whole thing was rather unfortunate would be an understatement.
"Harry, you need to calm down. People are staring." Hermione whispered.
"So?" Harry whispered back. "Don't you think I'm used to people staring at me by now?"
"Point taken," Hermione acknowledged. but there's no need to attack your food like that and look as if you want to murder everyone around you if they so much as breathe too loudly..."
"I know. I just can't help but feel upset about it..."
He tried to finish up the rest of his food calmly.
When the desserts came up, he simply ate one treacle tart and a few biscuits before he was up.
"Now, if you'll excuse me, I have an absolutely delightful social call to make this evening. I need to be ready."
He got up and was out of the hall before Ron and Hermione could say anything else to him.
He sat in his room alone, brooding until a few minutes before when he would have to leave.
A few detentions ago, he had decided that he wasn't going to take it lying down anymore.
He was going to give as good as he got.
It was when Ron and Hermione came up to check on him, that he finally told another soul what he was planning on doing.
Or at least, parts of it.
He couldn't give away all the details just yet...
His explanation drew exclamations of horror (Hermione) and one of excitement (Ron).
"I'm going to do it!" Harry insisted as he fetched his book bag to head to detention with Umbridge that evening. "I'm going to mess with Umbridge so bad, she won't know what hit her..."
"Don't do it, Harry!" Hermione begged. "She's already upset enough at you as it is! And have you forgotten that she works with the Ministry who would probably love an excuse to drop you into Azkaban right now, underage laws be damned?"
"I don't care. She's already taken everything that could have made Hogwarts fun for me away. What else do I have to lose?" Harry shrugged as he pocketed two vials of potions- both of them a light green in colour.
"Not saying she doesn't deserve someone driving her barmy, but it's kinda risky right now for you, innit? Why not let Fred and George handle it? They've been doing a bang-up job of it so far..." Ron suggested. "As for what you could lose... How... about... your place as a student at Hogwarts? Your freedom? Your life?"
"She won't kill me." Harry tried reassuring them, but obviously, it didn't work. "She'll want to by the end of it, but..." Harry chuckled a chuckle that would probably creep even Snape out. "...she's not going to kill me at all..."
Ron and Hermione looked at one another, clearly worried for Harry's mental health.
"I'm just going to rattle her a bit tonight and see where that goes from here. I'm not nearly stupid enough to start off with anything big. It'll give me something to think about other than the fact that Voldemort is waiting out there to kill us all- though that fact obviously remains rather important..." Harry said as he got up and left the dorm.
His friends stared behind him for a few seconds, before dashing out to follow him.
"Sirius will be proud of this one once he hears about it. That toad thinks I can be cowed? She's got another thing coming..." Harry climbed out the portrait hole, leaving his friends behind.
"Should we... do something?" Ron asked.
"Leave it, Ron." Hermione put a hand on the red-head's shoulder. "Now, we can only support him when the results of what he's about to do really hit him..."
Harry strolled down the corridor towards his detention with Professor Umbridge whistling happily and with a pep in his step.
He was going to turn the tables on her whether she liked it or not. Make her feel like she was the one in detention.
Harry retrieved one of the vials of potion from his pockets and downed it in one gulp.
On his last Hogsmeade visit, he had managed to get Dobby to obtain a good stock of these potions for his usage in the future, and if need be, he'd pass some out to certain members of Dumbledore's Army as well.
It was a Numbing Potion so he wouldn't feel the effects of that horrid Blood Quill.
He considered the idea of needing more potions in the future.
He was sure that Umbridge would try to get information out of him soon, in any way he could, so he wanted to be prepared for anything.
Including spiking any beverage offered to him with Veritaserum.
Did she really want to try slipping some of that stuff into his tea?
"She'll get some answers, all right. Just not the ones she wanted if she tries it on me..." Harry chuckled to himself. "I really should see if I can get some of the antidote to that as well..."
His mood began to sink as he found himself closer and closer to his doom.
When he arrived outside the door he took a deep breath, closed his eyes for a few seconds and then knocked.
"Ah, Mr Potter. You're finally here for your latest detention..."
Harry fought down the urge to be sick when he opened his eyes and looked right into the pink toad's face and heard her sickly sweet voice as he stepped into what he had dubbed "The Pink Explosion Room".
What a sight to open your eyes to...
"I am indeed, Professor Umbridge." Harry summoned up as much sweetness and sugar as he could within himself (which, if he was entirely honest with himself, was in quite a short supply these days) and gave her the most winning smile he could.
He could see that he was throwing off Umbridge already.
A flash of a memory flickered through his mind, of carefully groomed hair, blue eyes and a grin, all combining to form the face of a certain former Defence Against the Dark Arts professor...
He shuddered at the thought.
Though, Harry wondered... would he have been a better teacher than the old toad seated in front of him?
That wasn't to say that Umbridge would indeed be the better teacher, however.
They were both terrible teachers.
Just terrible in different ways, is all.
"Have a seat then, Potter." she gestured to the desk and chair she had prepared, just for him.
He sat, making sure to look her straight in the eyes entire time as he made his way to the seat.
He didn't blink once.
"Well then... get to it. You know what you must do..." Umbridge smiled at him.
He really wished he could smack that bloody smile off her face...
He took the quill in hand as he smirked and got to work.
If he was going to get another scar because of something he didn't want to do, he was damn well going to make the best of it and make sure that it would be a scar he actually liked this time...
When Harry started whistling happily as he did his 'lines', Umbridge looked up at him, immediately suspicious.
When she got up and walked over to check on what he was doing, she stopped in her tracks as she took in what Harry was doing- and it certainly wasn't the lines she had set for him to do.
Instead of writing, 'I must not tell lies.', he had instead started drawing little pictures of lions and stars all over the paper, which was starting to override the marks left on his hand by previous detentions.
"Potter!" she screeched. "What are you doing?!"
"Drawing." Harry said simply. "I find it a pity that Hogwarts doesn't have art classes, you see. Perhaps I should join the Art Club or something like it. I think my picture looks lovely, don't you?"
Upon looking closer, Umbridge realised that the drawings of lions and stars were simply repeated drawings of a lion breathing stars out of its mouth as a dragon would with fire.
"Th... th... that is not what you are supposed to be doing! Where are your lines?" she asked angrily.
"I didn't feel like doing them." Harry shrugged, the motion of which caused a few droplets of blood from his hand to get on Umbridge's cardigan. "I'm sure you've heard by now that I tend to get bored rather easily and if you listen to Professor Bat... oops, I meant, Professor Snape, I apparently have no respect for authority figures or rules whatsoever and that includes you and your 'Educational Decrees'. They're not very educational at all though since they hinder rather than help anything at all..."
Umbridge huffed. "How... how dare you!"
"How dare I? I dare quite easily, actually. No one except your fan club, excuse me- Inquisitorial Squad- actually accepts your rules and I don't think even they're such big fans of them as it affects them too, even if you turn a blind eye to their own infractions." Harry pointed out.
"I should have you punished for your insolence!" Umbridge attempted to draw herself up and appear taller, but even with him sitting and her standing he was still taller than she was.
"Go right ahead. What else can you do to me? Give me another detention? Given that we've both proven here that your Blood Quill... aren't those illegal for use on minors anyway? ...doesn't work anymore."
"It does work!" Umbridge pointedly ignored Harry's suggestion about the quill.
Harry noted how easy it apparently was to get under her skin.
He really had hoped that it would have been a bit more of challenge but alas.
At least, there was still plenty more fun to be had...
"Not on me it doesn't. At least not anymore." Harry gave her the most saccharine smile he could manage.
Umbridge actually let out a bit of a snarl before turning away to take a deep breath and trying to calm herself down.
"It was merely a fluke." she spoke calmly.
"I don't think so." Harry shrugged. "They normally work quite well on me, leaving my hand a bloodied, mangled mess. Mind you, it still is..." he waved the hand in question dismissively causing even more of his blood to get on Umbridge, who shuddered in disgust.
Harry liked to think that it was more of the fact that it was blood that came from someone like him rather than the fact that it was blood generally.
That thought was actually rather disturbing...
"I see that you're a particularly... strong-willed one, aren't you?" Umbridge still appeared mostly calm, though Harry could easily pick up on her annoyance.
"One has to be when you're in my position. After all, with Voldemort being back it wouldn't do to be a nervous wreck, would it?" Harry shrugged.
"He is not back!" Umbridge snapped.
"Fine then. Keep on believing that. See what happens when you open up your door one day and see Voldemort's-" Harry enjoyed the little flinch she gave every time he spoke the name. "-snakelike visage greeting you and it's the last thing you see."
"Get out." Umbridge pointed at the door, apparently having enough of him for one evening.
"Gladly. See you tomorrow evening, Professor!" Harry waved cheerfully as he stepped out of the office.
Once outside and some distance away from Umbridge's lair, Harry cackled to himself, drawing several stares from the portraits lining the walls along his route.
He was only just getting started.