Yeehaw! Last chapter ever! Man, I just spent all this time working on this music video only to discover that when I rendered it after all my hard work cropping out the subtitles it totally screwed up the video, so now my final version has subs in it…oh well. Life is so cruel sometimes. And then you find out that the last chapter of this wonderful fic is up! Life is full of such bittersweet rewards…
Don't Leave Me Now
"Spike," Faye wriggled her naked body closer to the warm man next to her. "Thank you."
"What?" Spike's eyes drifted open as he blinked in the dark night air still musky with the scent of their lovemaking. "Thanks for what?"
"Everything." Faye's lips curved upward in a small smile. "For always being here for me, even before we were together. For knowing everything about me and still wanting me, still loving me. For giving me a wedding even though it's not your type of thing. For keeping your promises. For staying with me even though you know what's going to happen in the end. For letting me see who you are. For giving me a chance." She paused. "For never complaining when I hog all the blankets…"
"Why should I? You always end up bringing them back to me." Spike kissed her forehead, pulling slightly at the blanket so that he could cover his own body as well. "And I'd rather have you keeping me warm than those old blankets." He nuzzled the top of her head.
"Spike, when I die, what will you do?" Faye's question froze her husband.
"What's all this all the sudden?" Spike teased her, his arms pulling her body closer to his as he turned into her. "Why so serious?"
"I don't know." Faye smiled slightly, kissing his jaw-line. "I was just thinking about it, and I don't know what I'd do if you left me."
"I don't know." Spike answered finally. "What can I do? I can't bring you back. All I can do is keep living, waiting until I get to see you again."
"So…you think that when people die, they end up back together?" Faye asked, tucking her head under Spike's chin as he stroked her hair soothingly.
"I always thought that." He told her. "If we can't stay together, what's the point of going through all this shit? I mean, fuck, Faye. We went through so much to meet each other, to get together and all that. Is that just dumb luck? I don't think so. It's something a lot more powerful than that."
"But…what if you loved two people." Faye's voice was soft, and Spike's breath hitched as he realized what she was getting at. "Would you be with the first one, or the second one?"
"Are you trying for a decision here?" Spike asked her, his voice gentle as he tilted her face up to his. "You want me to say who I love more, don't you?" Faye didn't answer, but her green eyes sparkled with determination. "I can't give you the answer you want, Faye. I love you. I love Julia. Both of you. That's who I want to be with when I die."
"But…what if tomorrow, Julia was alive again." Faye's voice was wavering slightly, and Spike knew the situation was dangerous. Not because she would be angry, but because he could hurt her badly, and that was the last thing he wanted. "And she said she wanted you back. You can't…just have us both."
"I know." He answered, sighing after a long pause. "I guess…if it was between you, I'd have to stay with you." He told her.
"Why?" she asked. "Because we're married?"
"No, because, even though I love you both the same, I could never really trust Julia. She was exciting, but only because I never knew what she was going to do. You're a lot like that, but I know that you wouldn't lie to me, that you'd never back out on a promise and you wouldn't ever betray me." Spike told her. There was a long silence before Faye shifted her body up along Spike's so that her green eyes met his mismatched burgundy dead on.
"So…you love me best." She concluded, a mischievous smile marking her lips.
"No, I said I trust you—" Spike protested.
"Simple semantics. I got the answer I wanted, so I won't worry about the reason." She leaned in, kissing him deeply. "I wish I could say I just want you to be happy, but I mostly want you to be happy with me. I'm a jealous woman, you see."
"I'd noticed." Spike let his eyes slide shut as his wife snuggled against him. "Let's get some sleep."
"Goodnight, love." She kissed his nose before settling down beside him, their breathing becoming shallow and even in the deep night.
*A/N: This next part is in Spike's pov, he's writing a letter, just for those who would otherwise be confused*
Gods, what the hell am I going to do now? I can't leave the room just yet, I haven't stopped crying and I don't want anyone to see me like this. I don't want to see me like this. All I can seem to do right now is look at you, still in bed, looking like you're only asleep. You look so happy, so peaceful, it makes me feel like you knew. Maybe not to the point where you could tell me this would happen now, but somewhere in the back of your mind, some part of you knew that last night was our last together. Is that why you asked me all those questions? I didn't think about it much then, but it makes sense now that I think of it. I hope I gave you all the answers you were looking for, everything you needed to know before you left.
Last night, after we talked, I didn't tell you I love you before we went to sleep. I said it earlier, and I know I say it almost any time we're alone together, but I feel like I did something wrong by not saying it that last time. My last chance to tell you how much you meant, and I didn't say a thing. I let the chance pass me by, like so many other things in my life. I wonder when it happened. You were still warm and soft when I woke up, but maybe that was only because my life kept your body warm even though your life had moved on. Married for the first time, probably the only time, in my life, and after three years, my wife is dead.
I think back on our life together, and I realize that even though I loved you long before I was sure of it, it'd be just like me to never let you know. I'd have gone the rest of your life, the rest of mine, and never admitted how I felt. But you did something to me, Faye. You made me feel more than love. You made me trust you, made me feel responsible for you, made me want to always have you with me. I don't know. Maybe all those things mix together to make love. Or maybe it's more than that. Whatever it is, it's making me hurt right now. It's a familiar pain, but I don't remember feeling so much loss with Julia. Maybe I really did love you best. Or maybe it's because Julia and I were nothing but lovers. You and I…we were companions, then friends, and then lovers. I even married you. I never considered marrying Julia. Maybe we never got to that point. We didn't have a lot of time together, but with you it was different. It hurt when Julia didn't leave the syndicate with me, when I had to go years not knowing whether she was alive or dead. I think that hurt more than seeing her die. But this…gods Faye. I don't remember it hurting so much.
Maybe it would be easier if I could go kill someone, someone who I could blame all this on, but who would it be? It's not like with Vicious and Julia. You just…died. One morning we woke up together, kissing and staying close, not wanting to leave the bed, not wanting to be farther apart than necessary, and then the next morning I wake up and lean over to kiss you, just to find out you can't ever kiss me back again. You can't tease me or give me a hard time, you can't laugh at me or with me, you can't look at me with your eyes so full of emotions I wonder if they'll pour out. I miss you so much, and you're still here in the same room as me. It hurts to see you lying there, not moving. I wish I could just close my eyes and find out that this was all a dream. Just a bad dream. And when I woke up, you'd kiss me and tease me until we finally got out of bed. I'd take you out to breakfast and waste all the money I had on all those clothes you wanted. Gods Faye, just open your eyes.
Just let this dream end. Let me wake up to your face once more. Don't leave me now, please.