Prequel to the Chronicles of Angel series
Summary: Elizabeth was a name fashioned by a once dangerous and powerful vampire. She was known across the Eastern Hemisphere and has been deemed a legend in her own right. But she is known today as Buffy the vampire with a soul trying to make amends and atone for her past crimes. What was her past like though, what brought her to madness? What made her into such a feared name, a name that means insanity? Every end has a beginning and this is Elizabeth's.
All rights belong to Joss Whedon, for without whom none of us would be here.
Thank you to my Beta Reader, Nikon the Vampire.
London England 1738
A young blonde English girl with fiery green eyes was on her knees in front of a wash bucket. She was washing clothes and once she hangs them to dry its off to making dinner with her sister. This was the last of the clothes as she rung it out and walked it over to the clothesline and hung it. She had to use a step stool and yet she barely reached the line. The young Elizabeth stepped down walked over to the empty basket and headed back inside to help her sister Darla out with dinner.
Elizabeth set the basket down and again grabbed another step stool to reach the counter top and went to make the bread that will go along with dinner. Darla just finished with the vegetables and put them in a pot with water to start boiling them. Next she had to flay the fish, it was going to be fish and vegetable soup. Elizabeth began to make the bread and as a seven year old she shouldn't be here. She should be outside playing. Darla was older and maybe she would be in the kitchen helping their mother except their mother has been dead now for a year. The sickness took her.
The two girls took up the apartment but not because they stepped up to do it Henry, their father, one day gave them cleaning rags and put them to work. He started to drink and right now he was already starting to get drunk and the sun was still out.
Elizabeth and Darla set the table placing the food out. Their father would load up his bowl and plate first and the girls had to be careful not make too much, he gets mad when there's too much leftover. He says it spoils too fast and they lose money. But that doesn't mean the girls actually get a good portion of food either. They always feel just a little hungry all the time.
"Father! Dinner is ready!" Darla called out. Henry was getting worse with his drunken attitude and his demeanor everyday. He was never like this when their mother was around and then the day she died it was like a switch flipped. Then there was a knock at the door. "I got it!" Darla announced and went to the front door although there wasn't anyone there. She looked down and saw a small rock with a piece of paper under it. Darla picked it up and smiled. But Darla never learned how to read. Their mother started to teach them but she died shortly after. Elizabeth however knew and kept up with the practice. Elizabeth decided to help her.
"Dear Darla…you…r hair…is as gold as…the sun…the morning…s light. Your…eyes match the…green f..fields and I wish we could be there." Elizabeth read out loud with the best of her abilities and with a smile. Little Elizabeth knew it was a love letter.
"Who was that?" Henry asked walking in and Darla hid the note behind her.
"No one," Darla stammered and Elizabeth stood there in fear.
"What do you have?" Henry demanded holding out his hand. "Hand it over." And Darla did. Henry read the noted and his eyes seemed to have fire in them. "A note from a boy? A love letter from a boy?" He asked started to rip the note apart. "You're already running off with some boy." Henry threw down the pieces of paper telling Darla in silence to pick it. Darla went to the floor and collected the pieces wanting to cry. "What are you even thinking?"
"Father," Darla looked up and she was going to try and reason with him but before another word could come out Henry slapped her across the face. Darla fell back sitting on the floor for a moment holding her cheek that was already turning red.
"Go to your room and stay there until morning." Henry ordered and Darla, shaking, stood up and left. Elizabeth stood there in shock not moving seeing the event unfold. She was too afraid to move in fear. Their father has yelled at them but that was the first time he has hit one of them. "Come Elizabeth," He ordered and she wasn't going ignore the call and followed her father to dinner table.
After the rest of the chores were done Elizabeth walked into Darla's room hearing her sister sobbing. Now if Henry knew what Elizabeth had snuck up stairs then she might get a slapping too.
"Darla?" Elizabeth called to her sister and shut the door. Darla rolled over on her bed and the room was lit with candles. Darla saw Elizabeth holding a piece of bread for her sister and Darla smiling. She invited Elizabeth to sit with her and they sat together. Darla ate the bread fast and felt a little better.
"Come on," Darla grabbed Elizabeth's hand and they both knelt on the floor beside the bed. "Let's pray ok," Elizabeth nodded. They both started with the sign of the cross. "Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust." Both started to say prayers. Not only did they pray to God in written prayers but they asked to be saved.
Elizabeth returned to her own room and went to sit on the ground. She pulled up a rug where it hid a drawling of a piano. Elizabeth drew it herself, all the black and white keys matched that of a grand piano. They still have one but once her mother died she could no longer learn or play it, her father didn't want loud noises. Her mother was teaching her though and Elizabeth continued to learn. It was getting harder though to hear the different notes in your head everyday, the music was fading. She sat down on the floor and like all musicians you start with a warm up and that includes your scales and arpeggios.
Elizabeth sat in her room in the dark. Her knees were up against her chest as she sat there. She was waiting for Darla to come back home from the market. But she didn't dare leave her room. Her father could be heard ranting and yelling. She didn't want to get in the way of him for fear of being hit. Just then she heard another cry and it was Darla. Elizabeth got up and went to help.
It wasn't Darla announcing she was home it was her screaming as she gotten in the way. Elizabeth saw Darla on the ground with their father on top about ready to hit her. Elizabeth ran to her father grabbing him trying to get him off of Darla. Henry pushed Elizabeth away, got up and stormed away as he hit and slammed anything in his way. Darla sat up shaking while her little sister sat next to her.
The night settled in and Henry was getting drunker and will probably pass out. The two sisters were together making sure each was safe.
"We need to leave," Darla finally broke the silence and Elizabeth looked at her. "We need to go."
"Where?" Elizabeth asked because where can they go? Darla then faced her sister as a plan was forming.
"I'll pretend to go to the market again," Darla went on. "I'll leave and come back for you once I know where we can go that's safe." Darla assured her little sister and they joined in for a hug. "I'll come back and we'll be free."
A fourteen year old Elizabeth rolled over in her bed and opened her eyes. The sun won't rise for another hour or so but she needed to get to work. The place only had two people living in to now. Darla ran away when Elizabeth was ten. She told Elizabeth she will come back but that was four years ago. This Elizabeth was different so different. Her spirit was about to be broken. She has been beaten into submission for the most part. She has been beaten down physically, verbally, emotionally and at times sexually. Every day she waits for her sister to come back. Every day she waits someone to save her. Why doesn't she just run? What if her father comes after her? She'll be looking over shoulder everyday. She's never really been outside the apartment except going to the market. Where would she go?
She felt too afraid to run. But then again she felt afraid to just stay as well. So Elizabeth sat up in her bed and looked at her bruised arms and sighed. The superficial bruises will disappear but they will never truly go away.
Elizabeth checked in on her father and he was out cold. She looked up to the clock and went back to her room and got dressed. She wanted to go to church, maybe she's not praying hard enough or going enough. Of course she doesn't have the nicest of dresses and she does get jealous of the girls and women in the pretty silk clothes they wore. She kept one dress aside, kept it clean. She was becoming more of a woman as far as her body went and the dress she has was one of her mother's. It didn't fit completely but that won't stop her.
Elizabeth took it out and went to put it on and looked in the mirror. It was a red-pink dress with quarter sleeves but it had some lace around the sleeves that met her wrists. It has some gold stitching around the waist and in the middle at the front was a gold color bow. The bottom half of the dress was the ball gown style and Elizabeth looked to the mirror and smiled. She felt pretty in it. The dress made her feel so much better than the peasant and the work dresses and skirts she wore.
Elizabeth continued to sit in a pew as the people of the services have long since disappeared. The Mass was over and right now it was just Elizabeth sitting in the sanctuary. Then she saw the lonely piano and got up. Elizabeth looked to the instrument saw the hymnal book was open to a song. Elizabeth sat down in the seat and glanced at the music briefly. She plays on her piano at home well the one that's drawn on the floor. The hymnal was open to a song called When I Survey the Wondrous Cross by Isaac Watts. It was a newer hymn so Elizabeth started to play.
Feeling the keys under her finger tips rather than stone was almost blissful. The sound of music was so peaceful; it filled the emptiness she endures daily. She continued to play with a small smile, as she hasn't lost her abilities despite not having the proper resources. Of course Elizabeth knows she will have to stop and go home but for now she enjoyed the sound of peace.
Elizabeth walked into her home and was quiet. Henry could be sleeping and she didn't want to wake him up. Once inside she looked around the place and where her father was sleeping it was empty. He might have moved somewhere else so she moved quietly.
"Where did you get that?" A voice asked and Elizabeth turned around and saw her father standing there well sort of. He had one hand on the wall to hold him up.
"Uh," She wasn't sure what he meant for a moment as he stared at her. She then looked down at her dress. "It, it was mother's…remember?" Henry continued to look at her. It looked like Henry wanted to say something to her but he continued to stare at her. It was this awkward silence between them; the moments seemed to stretch out. "You…you should sit down." Elizabeth suggested to him and he nodded in agreement. Henry stumbled to the small sofa and laid there letting out a big sigh.
Elizabeth walked away holding her breath until she got to her room. She shut her door leaning against it shaking a little.
Elizabeth has endured her father's hits, his punches, shoves and words. But that's not what she was afraid of. The day before Darla left, her sister would tell Elizabeth what their father did to her. It wasn't hitting her, it wasn't smacking or yelling it was something else.
' "He looked at me funny…and…I couldn't move as he walked to me, pushed me down and got on top of me," Darla's voice was shaking.'
Elizabeth remembers that night as Darla spoke the unspeakable to her. Of course Elizabeth was young and she didn't quite understand what really happened but she could see it in Darla's eyes, hear it in her voice, it was fear as if she feared death. But her heart raced because she now knows what look Darla had seen.
Elizabeth was reading a book in her room trying live in a different world but didn't feel alone. She didn't move hoping this was dream she could wake up from. But she couldn't shake that feeling of being watched and rolled over. She rolled over seeing her father staring right at her. He then placed a finger over his mouth in a gesture telling her to be quiet. Elizabeth then felt her heart racing as Henry reached out to touch Elizabeth's face. Before he touched her Elizabeth sat up while throwing his hand away. By doing that though angered Henry, he stood up and delivered a blow to her.
That's all Elizabeth wanted to happen, she can mask the redness and the swelling but she knew something else was about to happen, it was like she her body, her instincts went into overdrive. Henry advanced to her, on her and Elizabeth went to hold her ground. The only problem though it Henry had the high ground, Elizabeth could maneuver out. She felt her father place his hand over her mouth to keep her quiet.
Time then just stopped completely. Elizabeth felt limp like she couldn't move a muscle. She looked up to the dark ceiling and it was like she was looking down at herself, as if this wasn't happening to her but to someone else. Her mind went blank just as her body went limp. She wanted to fight it, to run, to yell but she no strength to do so.
Elizabeth sat in the corner in her room in a ball shaking. Henry was long gone for the night but Elizabeth was wide-awake. She then couldn't hold it back and threw up. With the vomit came the tears as she fell back to the ground. 'Why, why, why, why?' She asked herself in her head over and over again.
"Bless me Father for I have sinned," She paused for a moment thinking. She knew her face was blank, she felt so dirty and ashamed. "It's been…it's been one week since my last confession." She was in the confession booth at church. And the last sin committed was not really by her but by her father. He continues on a routine basis touch her; abuse her in every form now.
"Don't worry, God forgives all," The priest stated but that's what he said last week, and the time before. It's the same thing he says over and over. 'God forgives all.' To Elizabeth it means every time she gets violated by her father God will forgive her? That doesn't make sense.
"What about…" Elizabeth started to ask but she wasn't sure where to start. She's never actually confessed what the actually sin was but it's disgusting when you think about it. "Father, if…" How do you ask or explain this to some one. "Do you believe if someone…if someone did something wrong to you…" She paused again trying to word this. "Could it be your fault that the sin or…could it be your fault?" Elizabeth asked and there was a moment between them.
"I would need to know the sin first." The priest stated and Elizabeth wasn't sure if she could say but maybe she could get help.
"If you…" Elizabeth paused again. "If a man…" She couldn't word this, there's no correct or easy way to say this.
"If a man lusts after you…you must examine why. Is it by your actions? Words? Is by your accountancy?" The priest asked and Elizabeth was quiet. Was this violation happening because it was her fault? "It's ok, this can be fixed; this can be changed." That's what Elizabeth wanted so she was ready to listen. "Take a reflection of yourself, your actions, your words, your appearance, change them and this to can be changed." Elizabeth hung onto the words wanting more. "I want you to pray, do pence of prayer and pray the Rosary. Let God in and listen." Elizabeth's heart then stopped for a moment. "I absolve you of your sins, go in peace." Elizabeth sat there for a moment. That was it? Pray? Because apparently she's not praying enough?
Elizabeth walked out of the booth in a bit of a trance. She looked around the church as the prayer of adoration has started. The people who were here prayed in Latin. Elizabeth stopped at a pew but never took a seat. The pew was empty and everyone was in the moment of prayer as she stood there. She took a step back and left the church.
Elizabeth was just laying there as her own father had his way. She didn't fight it, why fight this when she can't win. By her age now, the age of seventeen going on eighteen and she should be out courting men, looking for a husband. But instead she was nearly confined to her own home and the only man that wanted her if you call it that was her own father and this was not love this was hate. And the person Elizabeth hated the most above her father was herself.
I continue to count the days until Darla comes back. Well, I use to count the days and now I count on nothing anymore.
I don't even feel the pain of the words or of the hits. I feel numb on the inside and out. I want to wish for a better day, a better tomorrow. But wishing has nothing thus far. I can't even cry out for help. I can't even cry myself to sleep. I hope by some grace, the grace of God, the grace of an angel, or some grace of a miracle I'm saved. I just want all this to stop."
Today I have decided something for myself. I think all the time but most days as you can see go without thinking. It's all the same, the same steps, the same thoughts, the same motions and emotions. But I have realized something today, on this day. This day once meant something for me and maybe it meant something to others. I'm twenty years old. I should be happy but I'm not. I haven't done anything in or with my life.
I should be married by now. I should be someone but I'm not. I'm still here with my father. I still feel numb and I can't think of any other feeling. I don't even want to feel the feel of no feeling. I should be something…and I'm not.
We have moments in our lives that set us out who we're going to become, how we are remembered when we die. Great people of our time Christ, Cesar, Alexander, Hector, Achilles, all had moments that turned them into people we read and we remember no matter what the deed was. There's a turning point that makes our lives known for better or for worse. I don't think I will become anything and I'm to just be nothing.
I have nothing, I want nothing, I want death.
For He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.
This will be my last entry."
And that's the prolog. I hope you all like it so far. This is going to be a long story. I am not just rehashing the bits from Chronicles that mentioned Elizabeth. We're going from the start to the end. There's a small review in the forum for you guys TheBuffyAngelWhedon if want to check it out. It feels great to be back writing again and writing for you guys. Thank you all for your support, comments and well wishes. I hope this is a story you will enjoy. Reviews and comments are always welcomed. Thanks for reading.
Chapter 1 Everything New
Elizabeth kept walking and then she saw a shadow in the distance. She wasn't sure if she keep walking or go the other way. Elizabeth got a little closer seeing a woman with her back to her. The woman was dressed up beautifully. She was a noble woman and Elizabeth wanted to dress in rich silk and beautiful dresses like that. The woman then turned around and Elizabeth's eyes widen, her jaw dropped, she dropped her bag and tears started to fall.
"Darla!" Elizabeth screamed and took off running and jumped into her sister's arms and Darla held her. "Oh my god," Elizabeth sobbed finally feeling safe.
"I told you I'd come back for you baby sister." Darla whispered and Elizabeth pulled away. "Come with me, I've seen so many things and I want you to come."
"But what about father?" Elizabeth asked and Darla cupped her sister's cheek. The idea of running away was great but still she worried about her father. Part of her wanted to stay in London and check in on him.
"Father will be fine but come with me and I'll show you everything. I can show you the world Lizzy." Darla tucked some hair behind Elizabeth's ear she smiled and nodded. She's always wanted to see the world, Paris, China. "Then close your eyes baby sister." Elizabeth did and Darla morphed into her demon form and bit her sister's neck. Elizabeth let out a gasps of pain but couldn't pull away as Darla held her tightly.