What am I doing here? I don't belong here…I never have, have I? I've always be the outsider, the one who didn't understand…Ah, can you ever forgive me? I'm so sorry…Inuyasha…
I pack my things, slowly. Something is holding me back. Am I needed here after all? No, don't be silly. Of course no one needs you. But I want to be needed here…I don't want to leave! I suppose I have no choice. My task in this time is complete. I hug myself tightly. I can feel them, hot tears springing to my eyes. I won't cry, I always said that I wasn't crying. Today I'll be telling the truth.
You appear in the doorway now. I haven't told you of my plans yet, have I? No…I can't tell you. For some reason I can't think of nor explain, I can't tell you. I just cannot bring myself to tell you "goodbye", Inuyasha.
You're so handsome. Why can't I tell you that, either? Why can't I tell you that even hearing your voice make my heart pound in my chest? I'm so stupid. Foolish child that I am, I cannot tell you these things. Even though my heart yearns to…even though I…
"Kagome…?" The sound of your voice sends shivers up my spine. To think, I once thought I hated you. I hated you once, and now just hearing your voice makes my heart ache. My hands stop moving.
"What is it, Inuyasha?" I am struggling to keep my voice even, and my tongue still beyond those words. I'm scared, so scared. But not of you, no, never of you…I don't think I was afraid even when you turned on me that first day. Even then was I…I can't even think it. Let alone say it to you.
"What are you…what are you doing, Kagome?" Is your voice slightly afraid, or is it just my wild imagination taking flight once more? Yes, I'm imagining things again. The only way you'd sound like that was if you didn't want me to leave, if you loved me. That's almost funny, or it would be if the truth didn't break my heart into tiny pieces. The truth is, you don't love me. Why would you need to love me, anyway? You have Kikyo. I'm only her shadow, a pale imitation of the real thing. I cannot compare…
"I'm leaving, idiot." It felt wrong, insulting him like that. I do it all the time, and yet now it feels wrong. "I'm sorry." I mumble. There must be something wrong with me, I know it. Why do I say these things that mean nothing while I keep unspoken the words in my heart? I'm a twisted fool. I'm twisted and foolish and oh so scared….
"…Leaving?" you say to me, your voice so small, so lost. What have I done to make you act this way? This isn't you. This is not my Inuyasha, the one I…It's like an invisible hand clamps over my mouth and my mind when it comes to the three words I want to say, an icy and unseen hand, smothering me…I almost gasp for air until I realize that the hand is not real. I'm delusional.
"Yes…" So much hesitation. Only an hour ago I was so sure, and now I see your face and my heart and will waver. "I'm not needed here anymore…Inuyasha." Your name is like a magic spell to me, I hear it and my heart flutters. I speak it and this heart of mine aches with feelings undefined. Oh how I wish that you still needed me.
So silent you are now! Why not say something, Inuyasha? Oh, please speak to me once more. Say something, anything, with that voice that sends such delicious shivers down my spine, that voice that drives me mad. I cannot breathe until you speak…! So speak to me! "Oh…" Are you fumbling for words? You tremble inside, I know. Where is the strong demon that I knew? He seems to be replaced with you…And yet I love this incarnation still. My heart aches for you, for me, for something which we must end before it had even begun. "Kagome, I--!" you start to say to me. I cover my ears and squeeze my eyes shut.
"Please don't lie to me. Don't make this any harder than it already is." I can feel my eyes burn with unshed tears. "Don't lie to me…" My heart hurts. I feel so bad right now I want to die, and so cold…Warmth. I can feel warm hands, strong arms wrapped around me.
"I'm not lying to you, Kagome. I love you." Your voice whispers in my ears just what I want to hear from you, your lips brushing against them. I cannot think, I cannot move. All I can do is revel in the feel of your arms around me and wish for this moment to never end, for this feeling to never fade. Your voice fades away to nothing more than a gentle murmur of sweet nothings. With a finger I silence you.
"Be quite for a moment," I say. For once my heart doesn't ache; for once the icy hands are gone from my mind and throat. "Inuyasha…" I say, turning and kissing you. We kiss so long my lungs burned from lack of air, but I do not care. I've waited so long to say these words, and now nothing with stop me. "Ashiteru, Inuyasha. I love you, and I have for so very long. Please don't let me go." Hot tears escape finally now that I have stopped struggling to keep them at bay. You wipe them away with a gentle hand, so warm against my skin.
"I won't, I promise you. I need you here with me." Kisses and kisses and kisses once more. Oh, how I love you. And I will remain here until the end of time with you. I'll stay here in your arms.