Story Prompt: Post-Trenzalore Jenny is dealing with the fact that she died and she can't stop the repeats in her mind. Vastra tries to help her come to terms with it.

This time.

Vastra felt the bed moving and immediately recognized what was happening. Jenny was dreaming again, reliving dying, again.

This was a nightly occurrence for Jenny since Trenzalore. Her body thrashing, she would gasp herself awake in a pool of sweat. Vastra tried to reach out to her, to hold her, but every time Jenny would push her away and sob herself back to sleep. Or just get out of bed altogether and leave a puzzled Vastra to wonder how to help her wife.

This time, Vastra would insist. She would insist that her wife talk to her.

Jenny gasped and sat bolt up in bed, covered in sweat.

This time, instead of attempting to take her into her arms, Vastra stood across the room and put another log on the fire. She then made her way over to the settee and lit the lamp on the small table.

"Jenny," she said in warm calm tones. "This has to stop. You have to let me help you."

"I'm fine, Vastra." Jenny said turning over and pulling the covers tight around her.

"You are not fine," Vastra insisted. "And I am afraid this will not stop until we talk about it. I have already apologized a thousand times. There was nothing I could have done to keep you from slipping away that night. I could not have stopped it."

Jenny sat up and looked at Vastra. "Is that what you think is wrong? Do you think I blame you for me dying on Trenzalore?"

"That certainly is what it seems," Vastra said. "You have these nightmares and when you awaken you will not talk to me or even look at me. You will not let me help you. What else am I to believe? You blame me for your death." Vastra now set on the edge of the settee.

"You are so daft," Jenny said and fought back tears. She sat back against the headboard and avoided eye contact with Vastra.

"How am I daft?" Vastra asked. "Tell me what I am missing, Jenny. What is it that I do not understand? I almost died alongside you that night. You are my world, my everything. And to watch as you disappeared out of existence almost killed me too."

"You have no idea what that was like, where it took me, what happened to me. I'm sorry if you hurt too, but you have no idea what happened."

"I do not know because you will not tell me." Vastra stood up. "You have awakened like this every night since Trenzalore and all you do is push me away like it was my fault. What am I supposed to think?" Vastra was now pacing back and forth between the bed and the settee. "Please tell me. You cannot go on like this. This time, let me help you."

Jenny sobbed. She buried her face in her hands and sobbed.

Vastra stopped pacing and sat on the edge of the bed to be near her wife.

"You killed me," Jenny said as she lifted her face. Her eyes were red and tears fell from her cheeks.

"Jenny, what?" Vastra asked.

Jenny's tears had stopped. Her voice did not shake when she spoke this time. "You killed me. In that alley. The night you found me."

Vastra's heart sank. Why hadn't she thought of this? Why had this never occurred to her? "Oh, Jenny …" She was speechless.

"That's what I wake up to every night. That is what happened on Trenzalore. I fade backwards through my life over the past few years with you. In a flash I relived the happiest days of my life only to end up in that alley with your hand around my throat." Jenny paused for a moment. "Then, everything stops, and a new reality starts. Without the Doctor there to stop you, you showed me no ounce of mercy. And I lived through it all until I gasped my last breath. And the last thing I see is your face. Your face covered in my blood."

Vastra shot up from the bed and turned her back on Jenny.

"This is why I haven't told you," Jenny said. "I didn't want you to feel guilty. I didn't want this."

Vastra was motionless, her back to Jenny. Then, without warning, she fell to her knees.

Jenny jumped from the bed and ran to her wife. "Vastra, it's alright. I'm right here. I didn't die. You didn't kill me."

"But I would have." Vastra's voice cracked. "If the Doctor had not been there. I know what I would have done to you."

"But you didn't. He was there." Jenny pulled Vastra in closer. "And look at us. Wife and wife."

"But you have to relive it, like it has happened, every time you fall asleep." Vastra said, now pulling Jenny even closer in.

"Maybe that will stop now. After this time," Jenny said. "Maybe I should have told you this weeks ago and it would all be over and done by now."

"We cannot think about what could have been," Vastra said. "We talked this time."

"Yes," Jenny said sliding around and kneeling in front of Vastra, each holding the other tight in her arms. "This time."

Notes:

If you would like to suggest a story prompt, please message me on Tumblr blog/jmdeloach
Rules:
1. Vastra and/or Jenny stories only
2. No explicit scenes
3. No cross fandom
4. No "fixed points in time" stories such as birth, death, wedding, anniversaries, other major milestones.
5. Will be consistent with my canon, not necessarily BBC canon
6. I can refuse any prompt for any reason.