Okay I'm sorry this chapter took so long…it's also slightly confusing. It again features sex/drug references if that bothers you. There's a lot I wanted to include in here and it ends up getting a bit muddled I feel. I'm gonna put some explanatory notes at the end, but feel free to ask any questions if you're still confused.
Hope you enjoy the chapter!
Rose was in bed with another man when she felt the love of her life dying.
Jimmy was becoming increasingly a stable fixture in her new life, much to her family's disapproval. They had now been together for a good few months. He had gotten her a job at the bar his band sang in; Rose would have never thought she'd be satisfied to pull pints after her travels in time and space, but it paid well enough and had good hours.
She had sworn she would never to back to a life of work and chips. Jimmy's world was more than just work and chips, he was excitement and danger. Rose quickly remembered why she'd been so infatuated by Jimmy when she'd met him at fifteen. His life was undeniably sexy. Even though, he was technically a different man, his actions had shown Rose he was very much the same guy she'd been head-over-heels for as a teenager.
He was impulsive, passionate, aggressive, dangerous, and glamourous. Once he had picked her up on the back of a motorcycle (he couldn't drive motorcycles) and, then, once he'd parked the (stolen bike in an alley, he had sex with her in said alleyway. Jimmy had then taken her inside the bar and gotten into a fist-fight with a man who had offered to buy Rose a drink. Afterwards, Jimmy had persuaded a shaken Rose to snort a line of white powder with him. He'd then managed to get onstage at the bar with the band and start singing with them.
All this happened in one (albeit, unusually eventful) night, it made Rose feel as though her life could be equally as exciting without the Doctor. Sometimes, she wondered what he would say if he could see her now, she doubted the ever-moralistic Time Lord would approve of her and Jimmy's antics. The great Doctor would tut at their fun, perhaps like her family, he'd even disapprove of their love. Rose felt satisfied at the idea he was angry with her, as she was now beginning to think he deserved it; but her satisfaction quickly turned into irritation when she realised that the mighty Time Lord had probably left behind any thought of her as soon as Pete had grabbed her out of his world.
An equally unhappy Jimmy disturbed her unhappy thoughts by storming into his bedroom. He was only wearing his boxers, having pulled them on when he got out of bed to handle a "business call". Jimmy exhaled in frustration, "For fucks' sake!" he cried out, kicking his wardrobe in frustration.
"What's wrong babe?" Rose asked, wondering who'd had the misfortune to annoy Jimmy Stone, and if they knew how dearly they'd pay for it.
"The bastard who owns the venue isn't letting us play on Tuesday night." Jimmy's band had been due to do a "big gig" later that week, "We're still gonna have to pay the sound people we hired and everything, and we really could have done with the money," he said.
"Aww babe," Rose cooed, not really knowing what to say.
""Awwwww babe!"" Jimmy mimicked in a mockingly high voice, his tone returned to a growling anger and he said, "Do you really think that helps, you silly bint?"
"I'm sorry, I just…" she stammered
"No, no I'm sorry Rose," Jimmy said, sitting down on the bed and ruffling Rose's hair, "You just keep that pretty mouth out of things you don't understand, okay sweetheart?"
In the back of Rose's head, she knew a few months ago, she would have given him a slap for being patronising. But she looked in his beautiful blue eyes, and she knew he meant well. So, as her boyfriend ran a thumb over her lips, she nodded submissively.
"Good girl," he murmured, leaning in to kiss her.
After a few minutes of passionate kissing, he pulled away and swung himself onto the bed. Jimmy cuddled her close and fell asleep beside her. Yet, despite being tired, Rose found herself wide-awake.
Suddenly, she felt a shooting pain, like that she had felt a few months ago, at Jimmy's party. Rose bit her lip, trying to avoid waking her sleeping boyfriend, she couldn't deal with his questions again. She closed her eyes, and again she saw an image behind her eyes. This time, not lights, but an oh so familiar scene.
Rose could see the TARDIS, the interior of the time-machine, which she would always recognise no matter how much pain she was in. She could see an unfamiliar girl, crying out the Doctor's name in anguish. It seemed she was looking at Rose, who couldn't focus on her.
Rose heard a scream, not her scream, she was still biting her lips determinedly. But a man's scream, the most heart-breaking noise, the Doctor's scream. He must be in pain too, Rose realised. Why wasn't this girl with him, she thought, why wasn't she with the Doctor rather than shouting at her?
Then Rose realised with a jolt that she must be seeing from the perspective of the Doctor, she was inside his head, and he was in terrible pain. She tried to see some clue as to what was happening to him, but suddenly her vision returned to black. She realised the Doctor must be dead.
Silent tears fell fast down Rose's cheeks, as she cried for her dead love.
Rose had to mourn the Doctor silently, she couldn't very well tell Jimmy, and she didn't want to tell her family as she wasn't really speaking to them anyway.
Rose wasn't quite sure how she knew he was dead, but she'd had never not been certain he was alive, and now she wasn't. Yes, she knew that didn't make sense, but it sort of made sense to her. Given her vision into his head just before he died, she wondered if she had been psychically connected to him.
She remembered asking him about psychic connections between Time Lords when they had been travelling in the deserts of Lyre.
The inhabitants of this planet had been strange, not strange as in strange looking, they appeared just like humans. These desert dwellers had not believed in the concept of speech, in fact, they'd found it personally offensive.
The Doctor had tried to tell them their names upon their arrival, and the burly soldiers had tried to hold pitchforks to their throats. They continued to do so as they tried to apologise, in fact the people had only stopped when the Doctor and Rose had raised their hands in surrender.
As they had continued their trek, the Doctor discreetly whispered in Rose's ear,
"Don't speak. I believe this particular species find speech offensive." She had looked at him in confusion, but dared not to ask a question lest they have pitchforks held to their throats again.
What was even more strange, was that these people seemed to be attuned to every need Rose had without her having to say anything. When she became slightly thirsty, she was quickly handed a flask of water-like liquid. When she felt, her skin burning, she was handed a tub of ointment which she found healed her red skin. When she missed walking with the Doctor (who had gone to the front of the convoy), a local dragged him back to her.
The Doctor looked very disgruntled at this, and Rose felt slightly offended, until he again bent down to whisper in her ear,
"They're reading our minds."
When they camped for the night, the Doctor ensured that their tent was as far away from the natives of Lyre as possible, so that they could talk, albeit in whispers.
"You don't like them," Rose whispered, as she rested her head on her lover's shoulder. They had cuddled together for warmth under the scratchy blanket in their slightly smelly tent that the locals had provided.
"Their culture is very different from mine," the Doctor stated, his jaw gritted.
"How? They seem polite enough," she challenged.
"I would hardly call reading someone's mind polite, Rose."
"You read Madame de Pompadour's mind," Rose replied, accusingly. Madame de Pompadour was still something of a sore spot with her.
"Yes, with her permission."
"And that makes a difference because?"
The Doctor sighed, running a hand through his brown hair.
"You remember me telling you that on Gallifrey, Time Lords care far more about the mental than about the physical?" he asked.
Rose nodded, he had told her that mere days ago, when he was explaining why there was no precedent for Time Lord/human relationships, after they'd had sex.
"Well, all Time Lords can read minds…but to read someone's mind…for a Time Lord, entering into one's mind is the greatest act of intimacy," the Doctor said, "It's only permitted between lifelong mates…or in a life-or-death situation."
The Doctor added the last bit quickly, clearly seeing the jealousy written on Rose's face, as he described how he'd performed "the greatest act of intimacy" on Reinette.
"So…to read someone's mind without their permission…that's like rape on Gallifrey?" Rose asked, curious.
The Doctor raised an eyebrow, "That's a good comparison, yes."
"So to read someone's mind is like Time Lord sex?"
He looked flustered clearly knowing what she would ask,
"Rose, on Gallifrey, both parties are able to read each other's mind, and once they've done it…they can do it…forever, they're always linked," the Doctor said.
"I want that," Rose said insistently, taking his hand.
"I don't even know if it's possible, you're not psychic," the Time Lord said, "And you wouldn't want it even if we could bond. It's not reversible, and it hurts Rose."
"Can we at least try?"
"It wouldn't be fair if I could see into your mind and you couldn't see into mine, would it?"
"I don't care about fair, Doctor!" Rose shouted, a little too loudly. He desperately tried to shush her, but knew it was no use.
"I'm tired of you shutting me out! I know how you feel about me, and you know how I feel about you, so why are you so scared of letting me in?" She continued her tirade.
"Okay Rose," the Doctor said in a whispered voice. Rose looked at him with a startled expression.
"Okay what?" she demanded.
"Okay we can try it if you like, after we talk about it a bit more," he replied.
"Err…good?" Rose said, clearly unused to having won an argument so easily, "Hold on, why can't we talk about it now?"
"Because," the Doctor sighed, "I think your shouting has attracted attention." Sure enough, just as he finished speaking, a muscular arm reached into the tent and seized him. Rose exited the tent too, and was greeted by a dozen angry locals bearing pitchforks.
"Right…errr…sorry," the Doctor said, only making the locals edge closer to them, "Oh yes, I'm making things worse, right. Err…Rose, run!"
He grabbed her hand and they began sprinting away from the crowd of locals across the desert. As they out-ran them, and landed into the TARDIS, they both collapsed on the floor laughing with elation.
"God I love this," Rose declared, as they lay on the grating of the TARDIS floor, chests still heaving from laughter. She rolled over on her stomach so that she was closer to him, and kissed him.
"I love this," she repeated.
"Me too," the Doctor said, grinning from ear to ear.
But now the Doctor was dead, she just could feel it. She hoped the girl with him had given him a good funeral.
Rose couldn't help feel a pang of jealousy that he was clearly travelling with someone new. Perhaps he loved this new girl more than he had loved Rose. Stop doubting yourself Rose, she told herself, you would know if he loved someone else.
She didn't know where this new bout of assuredness had come from, but suddenly she was perfectly confident about the mysterious Gallifreyian connection she had with the Time Lord. Well, she was confident it was gone now.
Things felt even bleaker for Rose, in the back of her mind, she had always thought she'd be reunited with the Doctor. Somehow. But now he was dead and she no reason to live her life in a way the Doctor would approve of.
Rose was going even deeper down the rabbit hole with Jimmy. Jackie, Pete, and Mickey had all-but stopped talking to her; she only went back to Pete's mansion to grab some stuff occasionally, she mainly lived with Jimmy. Her family suspected Jimmy to be a dealer, and they were basically right.
Money really wasn't great, and Jimmy's band weren't doing well, so he sold a bit on the side, just to keep them afloat. Rose still had her barmaid job, but it wasn't enough to support them both. And so, he dealt drugs, Rose knew what her boyfriend was doing wasn't right. But truth be told, she didn't really care.
Her and Jimmy had terrible rows, sometimes they got physical, he didn't like Rose's cheek. It wasn't like she was blameless, she riled him up, and she would hit him back. It was by no means a perfect relationship, but since her family had stopped talking to her. He was all she had.
Rose Tyler was unrecognisable from the woman who the Doctor had travelled with. She had lost the very essence of herself.
There was one night when she was out with Jimmy and his mates, walking back from Arcadia, when they spotted someone familiar to the men.
"Yo Jimmy," Phil, one of his most loyal cronies aid, pointing at a small middle aged man on the phone at the door of a bar, "That's Tom Gordon who fucked us over."
Jimmy turned sharply to glance at the man, he grinned, "Yes, it is."
Rose looked at Reece who was normally the most sensible of the gang for explanation, sure enough he said, "That's the guy who cancelled our big gig last minute."
"Fucking bastard," Aaron muttered confirming, the guy's identity as the one who had cost the band their money.
Before anyone could say anything else, Jimmy was staggering across the road.
"GORDON!" he hollered at the man, who looked up startled, "You son-of-a-bitch."
The rest of the gang followed Jimmy to stand behind him with clenched fists, leering aggressively at the man. Rose cowered behind Jimmy, not daring to say a word.
"Look Jim, I don't want no bother, I'm sorry you lost your money on the gig, okay?" Tom Gordon said.
"No, it's not okay Gordon, no-one fucks Jimmy Stone over like that!" he replied, shoving the smaller man.
"I'm sorry!" Gordon cried terrified, stumbling backwards "I'll pay you back!"
Jimmy's mates were circling him like sharks now, sensing blood.
"It's not just the money, it's my fucking dignity. Everyone was expecting to see us play, and then we had to cancel. People laughed at me," Jimmy said, darkly, "No-one makes a fool out of me."
He threw a punch at the man who tried to swing his fists wildly in defence. It was too late, Jimmy's gang had descended on him, and were ruthlessly attacking him. Soon, Tom Gordon was on the ground, yet the attacks didn't stop. Rose heard a sick crack and she saw blood trickle from the man's broken body. She shielded her eyes from the gory sight.
"Our work's done here lads, let's go," Jimmy said. They all began to run away from Tom Gordon, whose mouth was moving without words coming out, clearly unable to scream. But Rose was rooted to the spot, eyes now fixed on the man,
She could see the man was gravely injured, she ought to help him, or at least call an ambulance. The man tried to reach out a hand to her, clearly begging for help.
"C'mon Rose, we've got to go!" Jimmy yelled at her.
"We can't leave him like this!" she cried, gesturing at him, "Please Jimmy, let me call an ambulance!" She was crying now, as she battled with her conscious.
"Someone will find him! He'll be fine, but we won't if we're caught! Let's go, NOW!" he shouted, snatching her hand.
Rose ran with him, daring not look back at the bleeding whom she feared was dying.
There was a time when she'd have risked her life for others in a heartbeat, but now, Rose Tyler had become a coward.
In another universe...
John Smith was having the oddest dreams. He had always had a perfectly normal life; a schoolmaster's life was a stable one.
Yet he had found himself having the oddest dreams, of impossible creatures and places and people he was quite sure had never seen before.
He had dreamt that he was a man from another world; a man who could travel through space and time, a man who could change his face, a man who could do extraordinary things. A "time-lord" named "the Doctor".
Of course, this was impossible, John was a mere schoolteacher and not at all extraordinary. Normally, he would spurn such silly notions, but he had found himself increasingly captivated by the vivid dreams. John had begun to record them, drawing sketches of what he saw. He recorded these in a "Journal of Impossible Things", as he referred to it. He hoped his naming of the journal would help draw the distinction between fantasy and reality, which had become increasingly blurred.
For the dream seemed real. When he was in them, he felt like the Doctor. Each morning for a few short seconds, he forgot he was John Smith and truly believed he was a time-traveller from another world.
John thought he had read somewhere that you couldn't dream of a person unless you had seen their face before, but the only familiar character in these dreams was his maid, Martha. But she too looked and acted differently, in these dreams she was a medical student from 2007, not a lowly maid.
One face, who John had dreamt of frequently, was one Rose Tyler. Another 21st century character with blonde hair and a brash London accent. Not the type of girl John Smith would have taken a shine too, yet she was undeniably pretty, he had blushed when Nurse Redfern had pointed out her drawing in his journal as he was afraid his love interest would be jealous.
Joan didn't seem jealous, but then she wasn't aware of the dreams he had been having. Dreams of improper things.
John's imagination was evidently extremely over-active, for not only had he dreamt of adventures in time and space, but also of improper relations with the London shopgirl.
On one occasion, John had dreamt of a vast desert, like the ones in African he had read about. Rose and he were being chased across the sandy plains, by some strangely dressed men brandishing pitchforks.
They reached his ship (which the Doctor referred to as the TARDIS, and was bigger on the inside that on the out), and collapsed on the floor in relief. Rose began laughing and the Doctor followed suit (although John wasn't quite sure what was funny).
The blonde girl rolled over and leaned in to kiss the man. When she pulled away (all too soon for the Doctor's liking), she smiled a tongue behind tooth grin that made even John's sensible heart flutter when he thought of it now.
"I love this," she told him. And he couldn't help smiling back at her,
"Me too," the Doctor said. He reached over to stroke her face, before kissing her again hungrily. He rolled so that Rose was on top of him, peering down at the Time Lord through her thick lashes and panting heavily.
"…Rose, are you sure you want this?" he asked her, sitting up, bringing his companion with him.
"Yes, I want you to share my body and my mind," she said, squeezing his shoulders. John did not understand what these words meant, just that it made the Doctor's blood rush with affection.
He kissed Rose's blonde hair, before standing up, with the girl still clinging onto him. She wrapped her legs around her waist and allowed her Time Lord to carry her through the corridors of the TARDIS to a bedroom.
There he laid her down on the bed, and…well John was horrified to say that they engaged in things that ought to be confined to the marital bed.
Yet, the Doctor appeared to have few reservations, and his bold young companion even fewer. Rose was clearly a brazen young woman, whose actions made the Doctor (and even the prudish John), wild with lust.
John had never actually partaken in such acts, having never been married, and he wondered how his imagination came up with anything this lewd. He was loathed to admit that he was incredibly aroused by the spectacle, and that a naked Rose had been occupying his thoughts for weeks.
The most curious part was that midway through the Doctor paused saying, "Rose, I'm going to try and graze the surface of your mind is that okay?"
The 21st century girl had nodded, and solemnly replied "Yes I want this Doctor." The Doctor kissed the unclothed young woman chastely, before resting his forehead against hers. John's bold alter-ego surprised him with this odd action, despite having no experience in this area, he was sure this wasn't a usual action in carnal relations.
John's perspective suddenly changed, rather than seeing his companion's flushed pink creamy flesh, he saw the expanse of space. The Doctor was suddenly filled with joy, as he saw his previous self stretch out a hand (John had seen the leather-clad man in a previous dream, and knew it was a previous form of "the Doctor"). He saw flashing bright lights and heard Rose's voice say "My Doctor, I want you safe". The scene changed again and he saw Rose's mother and again her voice saying "The Doctor showed me a better way of living your life…". And these things, as meaningless and fragmented as they seemed to John, made sense to the Doctor. The Doctor was sure now that she wanted him, her mind had showed him.
John didn't understand how the Doctor's mind worked, or indeed how a man who was after all a figment of his imagination, had such wholly different thoughts to his creator. He only knew that the Doctor believed he had seen inside Rose's mind, and that it had made him sure of what he'd never quite known before, that she loved him. John Smith wasn't an expert in emotions of love, but to him it was pretty evident that the young woman had loved the "Time Lord" of his imagination. But apparently, the Doctor with all his bravado and magnificence hadn't believed the girl could truly love him.
The Doctor believed the girl was too pure to possibly love an old time traveller like him. John had scoffed momentarily at the idea of the clearly wanton woman being "pure". But apparently, this was the Doctor's belief. He was overjoyed at the idea of his Rose actually loving him.
John/The Doctor's vision cleared to see her lying before him again, she was looking up concerned.
"Did I do something wrong?" she asked, "I couldn't see anything."
The Doctor felt a little emotional, "You could never do anything wrong Rose," he said to her, stroking her cheek, "I saw into your mind."
A smile spread over her face, "Oh yeah, was it interesting?" she asked, "I don't feel any different."
The time-traveller closed his eyes as though in pain, "I thought this might happen," he murmured, so quietly she didn't hear. He stroked her cheek again,
"More than interesting, it was life-affirming," he replied to her, before catching her full lips in a kiss, and proceeding with what they had been doing.
John thought the dream might end, now the Doctor and Rose were done their…relations (which the staid schoolmaster had enjoyed more than he ever cared to admit). However, it continued to the aftermath.
The Doctor felt worried as he held Rose reverently in his arms as though she might break. They lay there for some time before she finally broke the silence,
"Did you enjoy the Time Lord mind-sex?" (John's imagination really must have been on over-time) she asked teasingly.
The Doctor tensed, "Rose we can't do that again," he said. She rolled over and looked at him, outraged,
"Why on earth not?" she demanded.
The Doctor stood up, still unclothed, and paced about the room,
"I told you, humans and time-lords aren't compatible psychically. You couldn't see into my mind, it's not fair," he said.
"We literally had this discussion already you big idiot alien. I. Don't. Care." John was surprised at how impolite the young woman was to her male counterpoint (and perhaps slightly impressed).
"Rose I'm not willing to take anything from you that I can't give you in return. We didn't bond, I can't continue to enter your mind," the Doctor replied curtly.
There was silence in the bedroom between the two lovers for some time.
"Did I disappoint you?" Rose asked.
"Where you disappointed that I couldn't bond with you… did it remind you that I'm only human?" she asked.
The Doctor stopped pacing and knelt on the bed before her,
"Why do you think human is so bad? I love human."
"But you, you belong to this superior race and we're not compatible…"
He sighed deeply, "Rose we are more than compatible. We don't need some stupid Gallifreyian mind trick to tell us we're bonded. We'll always be bonded, you've saved my life so many times, in so many ways. You wonderful human being."
She smiled her lovely teethy smile again, and said, "You know I feel the same way don't you?"
"Yes, yes I do," the Doctor could reply honestly for the first time.
John Smith, as much as he disapproved of the brash actions of the young woman, couldn't help feeling that, like the Doctor, he was just a little bit in love with Rose Tyler.
Yeah, so the Doctor isn't dead obviously. Rose thinks she saw him die when he transformed himself using the chameleon arch in "Human Nature". The "Doctor" flashback is a memory that John Smith sees as a dream in his human form. It features John seeing the Doctor seeing into Rose's mind during weird Time Lord mind sex (are you confused yet?).
Also, as you can hopefully see, the Jimmy/Rose relationship is turning very problematic. If you or anyone you know is experiencing any of this kind of shit in any sort of relationship, then please seek help! The relationship as portrayed in this fic is not healthy nor should it be romanticised.
Anyway, I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter, and continue you to read the story. I promise to endeavour to write more quickly (it helps if I get nice reviews), and yeah feel free to ask me any questions you might have!