Chapter 8
Back to Hogwarts
The summer ended much too quickly. Before Severus knew it, September 1st arrived, and he was at Platform Nine and Three-Quarters, saying goodbye to Petunia and Lily's parents. He profusely thanked them once again for everything they had done for him and promised to write often, then boarded the train with Lily. They quickly found an empty compartment, but when the journey started Lily had to leave him to attend a prefects' meeting.
Soon after, three timid first-years, two boys and a girl, asked if they could sit in Severus's compartment, as nowhere else was free. Severus just shrugged, but to be honest he didn't mind too much; he hoped Potter's gang wouldn't dare to bully him in front of a bunch of first-years. Fortunately, the young students were quiet, and Severus could peacefully read his book until Lily returned.
They spent the rest of the journey talking, reading and eating snacks. Lily proposed playing a game of Exploding Snap to the first-years to which they happily agreed. Eventually, Severus also joined the game after Lily's relentless urging. Lily merrily chatted about Hogwarts, lessons and teachers, and gladly answered any first-years' questions. Even Severus offered an advice or two.
During the journey, he saw Potter and Black stop at his compartment, but when they noticed Lily and three first-years they restricted themselves to nasty glares and rude gestures before hurrying away. Severus knew it was only a matter of days before they found him alone and tormented him again.
When the train started to slow down, they changed into robes and watched through the windows as it finally stopped at the Hogsmeade Station. The night was warm and clear, the sky full of stars. The first-years joined Hagrid to cross the lake in boats, and Severus and Lily found a carriage which took them to the castle. As always, Hogwarts looked mesmerising, with dozens of towers and turrets, everything bathed in the golden light from hundreds of windows.
As they entered the Great Hall, once again they had to separate. Lily gave Severus's hand a firm squeeze and left to sit at the Gryffindor table. He watched as she sat down as far as possible from Potter and Black, and was joined a moment later by her friend, Mary Macdonald. With a heavy sigh, Severus turned away and moved towards the Slytherin table.
As he was passing them, he saw Mulciber, Avery and others defiantly looking at him, as if daring him to sit amongst them. He ignored them and sat at the end closest to the staff table, leaving some seats free for the first-years. He knew his classmates wouldn't dare to attack him in the Great Hall, but he didn't want to listen to their mockery, insults and bragging.
Back in March, when they had confessed their love to each other, Severus had promised Lily that he would not become a Death Eater. But he wasn't doing it only for her.
He never believed in pure-blood supremacy and anti-Muggle propaganda, not when he himself was a half-blood and Lily was a Muggle-born. He knew that magical blood didn't make you superior. Muggles or wizards, they were all just human beings, both capable of deeds of utter cruelty and immense kindness. There were pure-blood bullies, like Potter and Black, and caring and selfless Muggles, like Lily's parents.
In fourth year, he had joined Mulciber and Avery's group because he had wanted friends, he had wanted to belong, and he had hoped they would provide him some protection from the Marauders. He had thought the Dark Lord would make him powerful, impressive, fearsome, rich. Even though Mulciber and others had accepted him, they still mocked his Muggle parentage and poverty; they still made it clear that he was not an equal to them. Severus had endured with clenched teeth, desperately trying to ingratiate himself with them, so one day they would introduce him to the Dark Lord.
Then, one evening he had overheard Rosier and Wilkes talking about a Death-Eater raid their parents had taken part in. He had heard them talking excitedly about torturing and killing Muggles; he had heard them laugh as they had mentioned a Death Eater raping a woman, then mercilessly killing her in front of her family. He had felt sick and disgusted with himself, he couldn't fathom that he had ever considered joining Death Eaters. He knew enough pain and humiliation in his short life, and knew he would never be able to inflict that on another person.
Since then, Severus had distanced himself from Mulciber and Avery's group. He hadn't told them plainly that he didn't want to be a Death Eater anymore, but had spent less time with them, and would only speak with them when necessary and about neutral topics, like homework or quidditch.
When he and Lily had become a couple, Severus had gained courage and confidence he hadn't known he was capable of. He now knew that he didn't need to impress Lily with power and wealth, he knew that she loved him just the way he was. When Mulciber had confronted him and asked what he was playing at "dating that Mudblood", Severus had made his stance very clear: he would never join the Dark Lord. Mulciber had just shrugged and said that a poor half-blood wasn't a huge loss to their cause.
From that day, Mulciber's group mainly ignored him, or insulted him with derogatory remarks about his appearance, lack of money or dirty blood. Sometimes they pushed or tripped him in the corridors, or cast a few jinxes, but Severus was accustomed to that after five years of Potter and Black's torments. He was afraid the Slytherins would eventually target Lily, but for now they left her alone.
Encouraged by Lily, he tried to find some other friends among the Slytherins. Before the summer break, he had befriended a girl from his year, and a boy one year younger. Cordelia Selwyn was a pure-blood, but her parents didn't support Lord Voldemort. Despite being his classmate for five years, Severus didn't know her very well. She was a quiet girl, spending most of her time with her two girlfriends. When Lily had noticed that Cordelia had some difficulties in Potions, she had urged Severus to offer the other girl help. At first sceptical, Severus soon found that he enjoyed Cordelia's company. They sometimes studied together, and he had someone to talk to in classes he didn't share with Lily.
Through Cordelia, he met Ewan Carney. Severus had been shocked when he had learned that Ewan was a Muggle-born. He knew there were Muggle-borns in Slytherin, but they were rare or simply learned quickly to hide their parentage. Ewan had told Severus about his parents after Severus had admitted to him that he had a Muggle father and had grown up in a Muggle neighbourhood. Since then, they spent some time together, talking about football or their favourite Muggle films and music. Ewan even had phoned Severus during the summer and invited him to spend a few days at his home in Leicester, but Severus had had to decline the invitation.
Tonight, however, Cordelia and Ewan were sitting with their groups of friends, though they smiled in greetings upon seeing Severus. To be honest, Severus was glad to be left alone. Everyone was talking excitedly about their holidays, and he certainly didn't feel like talking about his summer experiences with anyone. He watched as new students were sorted (the Slytherin house gained twelve new witches and wizards, among them a girl who had sat with him on the train) and ate his favourite dishes, half-listening to the third-years beside him. When the feast ended, he waited until the Great Hall was almost empty, to avoid both Mulciber's and Potter's gangs.
As he stood up, Severus noticed two people walking towards him. Lily was striding quickly from the Gryffindor table; stepping down from the staff table was Professor Slughorn, waving at Severus to wait for him.
"Severus, my boy," huffed Slughorn, smiling jovially. "Lily, my dear! How was your holiday?"
"Um - it was fine," said Lily shortly, standing beside Severus.
"Congratulations on your O.W.L.s! Outstandings in Potions, both of you, excellent!" Slughorn clapped his hands, smiling even more broadly. "I'll see you in my N.E.W.T. class, am I right?"
"Yes, of course, Professor," said Severus.
"Severus, you have the best result in the Potions O.W.L. exam in fifty years. Professor Arsenius Jigger, who marked your written exam and supervised the practical one, couldn't praise you enough. He said he'd never seen such brilliance from a fifth-year student. If you maintain your results to N.E.W.T. exams, Professor Jigger will gladly take you as his apprentice and help you gain Potions Mastery."
"That's... thank you, Professor," Severus said, astonished. "It means a lot."
"And you, Lily, you were second best in Potions. What are you planning to do after school?"
"I'm not sure yet, sir, but I'm thinking of becoming a Healer," said Lily.
"Brilliant! You'd be an exquisite Healer. And Potions are very important in this job, as you must know."
"Of course, sir."
"Ah - but I didn't stop you, Severus, to just talk about O.W.L.s." Slughorn dropped his voice, even though they were alone in the Great Hall, and his expression became solemn. "Headmaster told me that you were seriously injured during the summer. That you were in a hospital and had a major surgery."
"That's right, sir," Severus confirmed.
"I couldn't believe Albus when he told me what a surgery was. They cut you open, repaired something inside and then sewed you up. Did it hurt?"
Severus smiled. "No, sir. I was under anaesthesia. I slept during the surgery. I didn't feel a thing."
"Remarkable! Muggles are sometimes astounding. They have no magic, and yet they accomplish the most extraordinary things. They landed on the Moon! Did you know that? Men actually walked on the Moon!"
"Yes, sir, they did that seven years ago," said Severus, smirking under his nose.
"I wanted to be an astronaut when I read about the Moon landing. That was before I knew I was a witch," said Lily.
"Amazing. Incredible." Slughorn sighed. "But once again I stray from my purpose. Severus, the Headmaster said you should get a private dormitory. It is located near the seventh-year boys' dormitory, the last door on the right."
"I know which one," said Severus. "I always wondered what's behind that closed door."
"The password is Serpent-Breath," said Slughorn. "No one else knows the password, but you should tell it to someone you trust, in case of an emergency."
"I'll tell Cordelia Selwyn and Ewan Carney. Thank you, Professor," said Severus.
"You know the password to the common room?"
"Yes, the prefect told me."
"Well, then, that's all, I think. I'll see you tomorrow after breakfast, Severus, to discuss your timetable. The first Slug Club meeting should be at the end of September. You're both invited."
"Both?" asked Severus. Despite his excellent work in Potions, he had never been invited to the Slug Club. As a poor half-blood, furthermore awkward and unpopular, Severus didn't have connections or charm that would interest Slughorn. Lily, on the other hand, had been invited to the Club in their third year.
"Yes, you're invited too, Severus. I hope you'll come," said Slughorn.
"Yes, of course, sir. Thank you."
"Great. Goodnight, then." Slughorn waved to Severus and Lily, and left the Great Hall.
Lily took Severus's hand, and together they walked out of the Great Hall, stopping at the foot of the marble staircase.
"I'll walk you to the Gryffindor Tower," offered Severus.
"Don't be silly. I can manage on my own. There's no need for you to walk through the whole castle twice," said Lily.
"You waited for me, and now you're left alone. All your friends are already in the common room. I don't want you to walk there alone at this hour," Severus insisted.
"Nothing will happen to me. I can deal with Peeves."
"I'm not worried about Peeves, but Mulciber and Avery," said Severus.
"Oh. But if you walk with me, then you have to go back alone, and I'll be worried," said Lily.
"I'll be fine. Please, Lily, I insist." Severus took a few steps up, dragging Lily with him.
Lily rolled her eyes and followed him. While Severus's overprotectiveness and stubbornness were sometimes tiring, Lily had to admit that she liked being taken care of.
"Your O.W.L.s, Severus. I knew you were good, but I didn't expect you were that good," Lily said, as they were climbing many stairs. "The best result in fifty years. And the apprenticeship with Professor Jigger."
"Well, we'll see about that. I have to pass my N.E.W.T.s first," said Severus sensibly.
"Oh, we both know you'll pass them with your eyes closed. You'll be the best potioneer in this century, I'll bet." Lily smiled, looking at Severus with admiration.
"We both know talent and hard-work isn't enough to be successful. You also – or I should say mainly - need money and connections, and I have neither," said Severus gloomily.
"You know my parents will help you financially. Slughorn will give you great recommendations. And in Slug Club you'll be able to make some new connections, not only among the Slytherins and future Death Eaters."
Severus grimaced. "I don't really fancy going to those meetings, but I guess I should seize the opportunity."
"They're not so bad," said Lily. "The food is good. Slughorn sometimes invites famous witches and wizards. And we'll be together. Maybe finally you'll agree to come to the Christmas party with me."
"I don't promise anything," said Severus, smirking.
"And I don't take 'no' for an answer," said Lily, poking Severus in the arm. "Slughorn should have invited you to his club years ago."
Severus just grunted in response. He always claimed that he didn't care for Slughorn's silly club, but deep down he felt hurt that the Professor hadn't deemed him good enough for his association until now.
When they reached the corridor leading to the Fat Lady's portrait, Lily slowed down. She tightened her hold on Severus's hand and looked at him.
"Will you be all right?" she asked, concern in her voice.
"Don't worry. I know some secret passageways. When I'm in my dormitory, I'll write to you."
"I'm not worried about your way back to the dungeons," said Lily. She stopped, far away from the Fat Lady, so they wouldn't be heard. "It's your first night alone since your father -"
"No, it's not," Severus interrupted her. "Lily, you forget that the day you rescued me wasn't the first time he did that. I spent many nights alone before you found out."
Lily's eyes misted with tears. She knew that day hadn't been the first time Severus's father abused him, of course she knew that, but she had never thought about many lonely nights Severus must have suffered. All alone, hurt, with his abuser still present in the house.
"I'm sorry," she whispered, taking both his hands in hers.
"Don't be. I didn't say that to make you feel guilty," Severus said softly. "I just want you to know that there's no need for you to worry. I dealt with lonely nights before, and now I have my own dormitory so it's going to be much better than at home. Occlumency helps a lot, too. And I'll see you in the morning. I'll be fine."
"Will we have breakfast together?" Lily asked, whipping away her tears.
"Sure. At the Gryffindor table?"
"I don't mind sitting at your House's table."
"But I do mind. I don't want to hear the Slytherins calling you names or mocking you," Severus said, stroking Lily's soft hair. "I much prefer to deal with your housemates' hostile stares and Potter's silly nicknames."
"We can sit at the Hufflepuff or the Ravenclaw table. They usually don't mind."
"No, let's sit at the Gryffindor table. I may sound petty but I want to show Potter that I'm not afraid of him, and that I'm going to sit with my girlfriend wherever I want," Severus said.
Lily laughed. "He'll be mad. I can't wait to see his face," she said. "It's getting late. You should go back or you'll risk getting caught after the curfew."
"I'll write to you as soon as I'm in my dormitory."
"You better will. If I don't get your message in fifteen minutes, I'll go searching for you."
Severus smiled. He leaned down and kissed Lily.
"Goodnight, sweetheart." Severus embraced Lily one last time.
"Goodnight," she said and approached Fat Lady's portrait. She whispered the password (Severus thought he heard something like 'Flobberworm') and went through the portrait hole. Before the painting swung shut, she turned back and waved at Severus.
Severus waved back and watched as the portrait hole closed. He turned away, with a small smile still on his thin lips, and went down to the dungeons.
Severus was sitting in the corner of the Slytherin common room, by the window through which he could see Grindylows fighting with each other. But he wasn't paying any attention to the water demons; he was so immersed in his Potion essay, that he didn't notice someone sitting opposite him until they spoke, "Do you mind?"
Severus raised up his head, startled. "Regulus. If you must," he said, scowling. "But be quick, I have loads of work."
"Fine, I'll get straight to it," Regulus said. "I was wondering if you gave your decision some thought over the summer."
Severus had no idea what Regulus was talking about. "Speak plainly. What decision?"
"Your decision to not join the Dark Lord," said Regulus, lowering his voice.
"I didn't have to give it any thought. It's final. I told you all last term that I don't want to join the Dark Lord anymore. I won't be a Death Eater. Never," Severus said firmly.
"I just thought that maybe you came to your senses over the summer and changed your mind."
"Why do you care? Did Mulciber send you here?" Severus looked around the common room, searching for his former friend, but he was nowhere to be seen.
"Nah, he thinks you're a lost cause, he wouldn't bother," said Regulus. "I care because I like you, Severus, and I think you'll waste your potential if you don't join him. You're brilliant at Potions, you know a lot about the Dark Arts. Merlin, you even invented your own spell! Just think how much more you can achieve with the Dark Lord's patronage."
"I don't need his knowledge or power. I won't be the madman's servant," Severus said.
Regulus grimaced when Severus insulted the Dark Lord. "Don't be a fool. It's your last chance. If you approach Rosier or Avery and tell them that you regret and that you've changed your mind, they may still be willing to introduce you to the Dark Lord. But you'll have to dump that Mudblood first -"
"Don't call her that," Severus hissed furiously. Regulus just shrugged. "Have you met him?"
"Not yet," Regulus admitted. "I'm too young. Lucius says that he'll take me to the Dark Lord next summer."
"Do you know what the Death Eaters do during their raids? Have you heard about killings, tortures... rapes?" Severus whispered, looking closely at Regulus to see his reaction.
Again, the younger boy shrugged. "I heard. They're not killing wizards, they're targeting Muggles and Mudbloods."
"And you're okay with that? You'll be able to do that as well?" Severus asked incredulously.
"They're just Muggles."
"They're human beings, Regulus. Same as you and me. Just because they have no magic, doesn't mean that they're inferior, that they don't deserve to live."
"But they are lesser than us. As you said, they have no magic. How can they be equal to us? It's high time we stop hiding and show them who is more powerful. They must fear us, they must know their place. If we have to kill and torture some of them to install that fear, so be it."
Severus looked at Regulus as if seeing him for the very first time. How could this young, smart, somewhat nice boy, speak so carelessly about murdering other humans? How could he, Severus, have ever considered joining such people? It made him sick when he thought about that.
"You're just repeating your parents' propaganda," Severus said. "You were fed this anti-Muggle and pure-blood supremacy bullshit all your life, first in your home, now by some of our housemates. Have you ever given this matter some thought? Have you ever thought about this on your own?"
"I have!" Regulus said with passion, but Severus was somewhat sceptical. "I know Muggles are inferior to us. They are evil. They persecuted us for ages, they burned witches, it's because of them that we have to hide. We can't mingle with them, their dirty blood will dilute our magic -"
"Bullshit," Severus interrupted him. "Wizards and Muggles married for ages, and we're still here, and I've never heard that contemporary wizards are less powerful than wizards of old. The so-called blood-purity has nothing to do with magical abilities. You have pure-blood wizards who are almost Squibs and Muggleborns who are extremely talented. Dumbledore himself is a half-blood."
"Exceptions," said Regulus, looking away, clearly having lost an argument but not wanting to admit it.
"How can you justify murdering innocent people by the fact that some Muggles three hundred years ago burned witches at the stakes?" Severus again tried to reason with Regulus.
"If they could, they'd still be doing it!"
"No, they wouldn't," Severus said. "They don't burn people at the stakes anymore."
"Okay, listen, you won't have to kill and torture Muggles if you're so queasy about that," Regulus said. "You can make potions or invent spells. I'm sure the Dark Lord will find some purpose for you."
"You're gravely mistaken if you think he won't eventually order you to kill. And it's not because I'm queasy that I don't want to murder other people; I don't want to do that because it's wrong. Besides, do you think the Dark Lord will accept me knowing that I'm in a relationship with a Muggleborn?" Severus asked rhetorically.
"Obviously not! I told you, you'd have to break up with her -"
"And that's not going to happen," Severus said fiercely.
"Okay, I see I won't convince you. At least, I tried. But let me give you a warning." Regulus leaned closer to Severus and whispered, "For now, under Dumbledore's watchful eyes, you are safe. But in two years you'll be out of school and you, a half-blood Slytherin traitor, and your Mudblood -"
"Stop using that word."
"- you'll be the first on the list to eliminate. Mulciber already said that he wants to be the one to kill her and then you."
"I'm not afraid of Mulciber. He hardly knows how to cast a simple spell."
"He's not as stupid as you think. And there are other Death Eaters. Far more powerful than our housemates. Lucius, my cousin Bellatrix -" Severus involuntarily shuddered. He had never met Bellatrix, but he had heard about her cruelty from her younger sister, Narcissa. "- not to mention the Dark Lord himself," Regulus continued. "If he wants someone dead, there's no escape."
"I'll manage but thanks for a warning," Severus said, trying to sound fearless, though he would be lying if he said he wasn't scared.
"So, how was your holiday?" asked Regulus, leaning back in the chair and no longer talking in a quiet voice. "What's that look? I get it, you don't want to be a Death Eater, I'm done trying to convince you. Doesn't mean we can't talk about other things."
"My holiday? It was -" Severus was trying to find a suitable word, "- eventful."
"Wow, Severus, what an eloquent statement," Regulus mocked. "I heard that you're living with your Mud- with Evans now?"
"Where did you hear that?" Lily had promised not to tell anyone except Mary Macdonald and had assured Severus that Mary was trustworthy. Apparently, Lily's Gryffindor friend wasn't as reliable as she thought.
"I heard Evans talking about that with her friend. I was passing them in the corridor and heard a bit of their conversation. So, is it true? You're living with Muggles?" Regulus asked incredulously.
"I lived my whole life with a Muggle," Severus answered dryly.
"Yes, but that was your father, you had no choice. And at least your mother was a witch. What happened? Why don't you live with your father anymore?"
"He's in jail."
"You're joking! What did he do?"
"Among other things, he almost killed me," Severus said.
"Wow," Regulus said, staring at Severus. "I mean - that's horrible. I'm glad you're alive. Was it a close call?"
"Yeah, if Lily and her father had found me ten minutes later, I'd have bled to death."
"What did your father do exactly? Did he shoot you?" asked Regulus, with a badly hidden excitement.
"I don't want to talk about that," Severus said icily. "Lily and her father found me, called an ambulance, and I was taken to a hospital -"
"A Muggle hospital?"
"Yes, Regulus, where else?" said Severus in exasperation. "Doctors treated me, and then Lily's parents took me in."
"What do you mean: 'took you in'?"
"They're my foster parents now. It's like an adoption, but not quite," said Severus.
"And you agreed to that?"
Severus scowled. "Yes, I happily agreed. I thought I'd go to the orphanage as I have no other relatives. But Lily's parents wanted to take care of me. I didn't ask them for that, but I was overjoyed when they told me they wanted me to live with them."
"Couldn't a wizarding family adopt you?" asked Regulus.
"Good luck finding a family that would take a sixteen-year-old teenager, a total stranger, who was abu- yeah, I doubt anyone would take me in. To be honest, a Ministry official offered that they could find a magical family for me, but I refused. I want to live with Lily's family."
"Lily's a witch at least, but her parents... and she has a sister, doesn't she? A Muggle sister, right?" Severus nodded. "How can you live with that much... muggleness around?"
"For heaven's sake, Regulus, you really don't get it! You're so fixed upon the fact that they're Muggles. You're so closed-minded that I almost pity you," Severus sneered. "I love them. Lily's parents are the kindest people I've ever met. They love me, care about me, and want the best for me. No witch or wizard, except Lily, has ever done so much for me. Not even my mother -" Severus stopped, feeling uncomfortable admitting his mother's negligence.
"I won't pretend that I understand your love for Muggles. You'll make a great pair with Dumbledore, another Muggle-lover," Regulus mocked. "I feel sorry for you, Severus. You could achieve so much more if you chose the right side."
"I think this conversation is pointless. We have to agree to disagree." Severus reached for his book. "I am confident in my decision. Maybe it won't be easy, but I've made the right choice. My conscience will be clear."
Severus looked at Regulus intensely. His gaze made the younger boy squirm in his seat.
"You're young and naive, Regulus, and you think you know better. But you still have time to reconsider. Remember, a day may come when the Dark Lord will take something you hold dear from you, and you'll regret joining him."
Severus was walking briskly along the empty corridor. Though there was still some time to the curfew, corridors and staircases were almost deserted, as most students were in their common rooms at this hour. Severus had spent the afternoon in the library, doing further research about Occlumency. He had gained permission from Professor Slughorn to use books from the Restricted Section, and had read them for a few hours under Madam Pince's watchful eyes. Lily couldn't join him today as she had her weekly Charm Club meeting.
Severus turned the corner and came face to face with Black and Lupin. Startled, he took a step back and bumped into someone. Turning quickly, he saw Potter and Pettigrew, grinning smugly. Where had they come from, Severus wondered, not for the first time. And how had they known he would be here? They had planned to meet him here, that was certain. They had waited patiently for a few days to ambush him in an empty corridor, when he was all by himself, without Lily or his Slytherin friends.
Severus tried to push between Black and Lupin. As a Slytherin he knew it was better to flee, rather than fight, especially when he had no advantage at all. His attempt to escape was deterred by Potter who grabbed his robes from behind and pushed him into the wall. The four Gryffindors stood in a semi-circle around him, close to each other, and Severus knew he had no chance of escaping without a fight. He gritted his teeth and grabbed his wand tightly in his pocket. He didn't pull it out, however. He didn't want to be the first to cast the spell, and he still hoped that maybe tonight the Marauders would restrain themselves to just verbal abuse. Though his hope was very frail.
"Look, who's here," said Potter, a nasty grin on his face. "Long time no see, Snivellus. Have you missed us?"
"Not everything revolves around you, Potter," spat Severus. "I hardly spared you any thought during the summer."
"And how was your summer? It looks like they didn't feed you very well," Black mocked Severus's skinny figure. Though Severus had gained a few pounds in the last two weeks he had spent at the Evanses, he still didn't manage to make up for what he had lost in the first month of summer.
"Look, he has new robes!" exclaimed Pettigrew. "Completely new. And a new bag."
"Have you robbed Gringotts, Snape?" asked Potter, looking astounded at Severus's shiny new robes.
"I didn't steal anything," Severus said coldly.
"Maybe he got a job during the summer," suggested Lupin reasonably.
"Who would have hired such a greasy git?" sneered Black. "He either robbed someone or Evans took pity on him and gave him some money."
Potter grimaced when his friend mentioned Lily. "Speaking of Evans, has she finally come to her senses and dumped you, Snivellus?"
"You should check your eyesight, Potter," said Severus, smirking. "Only a blind man would not see that we're very much still together. We sat at the Gryffindor table yesterday, didn't you see us?" Severus saw fury in Potter's eyes; it was a glorious sight.
"Did you shag her, Snivelly?" asked Black suddenly. Potter turned towards Black and elbowed him strongly in the ribs. Clearly, he was unhappy with the direction this conversation was heading into. As was Severus.
"Vulgar as always, Black," said Severus, trying to hide his discomfort. "It's none of your business."
"You didn't shag her!" shrieked Pettigrew. "That's why you're so grumpy all the time!"
"Can't blame Evans that she doesn't want to have anything to do with your greasy prick. Greasy and small, we all saw it last term," said Black.
The Marauders roared with laughter. Severus turned crimson at the memory of the humiliating event by the lake.
"Let me go!" he tried to push between them, but they roughly shoved him back into the wall. Potter grabbed his bag and, turning it upside down, threw everything onto the stone floor. Fortunately, Severus had placed an unbreakable charm on his possessions so nothing got damaged.
"What's that?" asked Black and picked up a magazine which Severus had got today in the package from Mrs Evans.
"Elvis Presley? Who's that?" asked Potter as Black leafed through the pages full of colourful pictures.
"He's a Muggle musician," said Lupin. "Very famous."
"Never heard of him," said Black.
"Yeah, Black, ignorance is something to be proud of," scoffed Severus, trying to snatch the magazine from Black's hands.
"It's full of pictures and articles about him," said Black, keeping the magazine out of Severus's reach. "Are you in love with him?"
"What?" said Severus, perplexed.
"He's quite handsome, I have to admit. Do you have a poster of this Elvis above your bed?" asked Black.
Severus blushed. Once again, he tried to seize the magazine back but to no avail.
"Our little Snivellus is a poof!" exclaimed Pettigrew, delighted. "Do you wank to these pictures?"
"Shut up, you fat pig!" shouted Severus, his anxiety and anger rising. His hand was clenched on his wand, still in the pocket of his robes. "I'm with Lily, I'm not -"
"Lily's just a cover," said Potter, clearly enjoying Severus's embarrassment. "You're dating her to hide the fact that you're a disgusting homo who prefers boys."
"You're being ridiculous," said Severus, trying to sound calm, but to his utter terror he heard his voice quiver. The Marauders' remarks brought back painful memories of his father saying similar things. His father had called him all kind of slurs during the rapes, going as far as claiming that Severus must have enjoyed being used.
"Am I? Do you remember, guys, how little Snivellus adored Lucius Malfoy? How he followed him everywhere, did his every bidding? Do you like older boys?"
"I don't! Shut up, Potter!" Severus was trembling. He needed to get out of here, before he lost control and embarrassed himself even further.
"Admit it, Snape," said Potter viciously. "Do you like taking it up your ass?"
Severus snapped. Before anyone could react, he pulled out his wand and nonverbally cast a strong stinging hex at Potter. Potter shouted and tumbled to the floor. But it ended as it always did; one against four, Severus had no chance to protect himself from retaliation.
"Impedimenta!" shouted Black, and Severus was sprawled on the floor. "You son of a bitch!" Black was aiming his wand at Severus, thinking what other jinx to use. Severus noticed that Pettigrew and Lupin took out their wands as well.
"Black! Snape! Stop this at once!" shouted another voice. They all turned and saw Professor McGonagall hurrying in their direction.
Black cursed under his nose and stuffed his wand back in the pocket. He helped Potter to his feet. Severus quickly gathered his stuff back into his bag and stood up as McGonagall stopped before them, a furious look on her stern face.
"What is the meaning of this? Duelling in corridors, on the first week of school! I thought you were too old for this," she said disapprovingly. "Are you hurt, Potter, Snape?"
"I'm fine, Professor," said Potter sycophantically.
Severus just shook his head. Black's jinx had hit him directly in the stomach, and his wound hurt a bit, but he wasn't going to admit that.
"Ten points from Gryffindor, Black. And twenty from Slytherin, Snape, and a detention with me. Saturday evening, seven o'clock in my office."
"Why?" Severus asked, irritated by this clear injustice. "They started it!"
McGonagall raised an eyebrow. "I clearly saw what happened. You were the first to cast a spell. That's why you deserve a more severe punishment." Severus saw Potter grinning behind McGonagall's back.
"I - I don't accept your punishment, Professor," said Severus defiantly.
McGonagall and all four Marauders looked at him in astonishment. None of them had expected such rebelliousness from the shy Slytherin.
"I'm afraid you have nothing to say regarding your punishment, Snape," said McGonagall coldly. "If you fail to come to your detention, I'll take more points from Slytherin. If you fail again, you'll be suspended."
"But it's unfair," said Severus softly. "They ambushed me. I was walking along the corridor, minding my own business, when they jumped on me. Made fun of me, insulted me, took my things. Yes, I admit, I was the first to cast the spell, but only after Potter said something that made me snap. I couldn't take it anymore."
"Whatever he said, it didn't give you the right to psychically or magically attack him. I realise that words can hurt, but you can't start duelling with everyone who insults you."
Severus gritted his teeth. "You didn't hear what Potter said."
"Then tell me."
"You wouldn't understand, Professor."
McGonagall scoffed. "I assure you, Snape, that I'm perfectly capable of understanding teenage boys' insults."
"I didn't mean that you're not, Professor," clarified Severus. "It's just - you don't know everything. You wouldn't understand why it meant so much to me."
"Explain, then," said McGonagall, this time more softly, looking intrigued rather than angry. "If you don't, I'll have no choice but to maintain your punishment."
"I can't," said Severus. He would rather serve detention every evening for the rest of the year than tell McGonagall and the Marauders what his father had done. "Can we take this matter to Professor Dumbledore?"
"Professor Dumbledore has more important things on his mind than boys duelling in corridors and detentions," said McGonagall sternly. "If you insist, we can go to Professor Slughorn. He's your Head of House."
"No, he doesn't know either. It has to be Professor Dumbledore. He knows everything, he'll understand. Please."
"Fine," McGonagall relented. "All of you, follow me."
Severus and the Marauders went after her to the second-floor corridor where the entrance to the Headmaster's office was located. She told them to wait, spoke the password and stepped on the moving staircase. As soon as the stone gargoyle shut after her, Potter turned to Severus.
"Have you lost your mind?!" Severus noticed with satisfaction a slight panic in Potter's voice. "Why do you want to see Dumbledore? It's just a few points and a detention. What we did today, it wasn't even that bad. You had worse and you never went to Dumbledore before. Why now?"
"I should've done this years ago," Severus hissed. "I'm done taking blame for your actions. If you must know, Potter, I never went to Dumbledore because I knew he'd never side with me, which he proved by how he treated me after you almost killed me." He looked at Black and Lupin with disgust. Black glared at him, but Lupin lowered his gaze in shame.
"So why now? What has changed?" Potter demanded.
"A lot has changed. Dumbledore visited me in the summer and told me I should come to him if I have any problems. And I have a huge problem with you four."
Potter gaped at him. "Dumbledore visited you? Why?"
"Shut your mouth, Potter, you look stupid," Severus sneered. "It's none of your business why he visited me."
"What happened in the summer?" asked Black. "What is this thing you didn't want to tell McGonagall about?"
Severus just smirked and delighted in their anxious looks. He hadn't planned on going to Dumbledore, but when once again he had been punished for something that hadn't been his fault, he had had enough. He wanted Dumbledore to know how cruel his precious Gryffindors were; he wanted to see if the Headmaster would live up to his promise.
The ugly gargoyle moved aside, and McGonagall stepped out.
"The Headmaster will see you now."