Chapter 9
Occlumency
The moving spiral staircase took them up to the Headmaster's office. Professor McGonagall knocked twice on the oak door and opened it, motioning to Severus and the Marauders to enter. She closed the door after them and left them alone with Albus Dumbledore.
"Good evening, gentlemen," said Dumbledore, a small smile on his lips. "Please, sit down."
He waved his hand and five comfortable chairs appeared out of thin air. The boys sat down, Severus on the far right, next to the perch on which a beautiful, red and golden, phoenix slept with its head under a wing.
Dumbledore sat down behind the richly ornate desk, and looked at them with his blue piercing eyes. "So, Professor McGonagall told me what she saw," he started, his tone light. "Apparently, you, Mr Snape, cast a spell on Mr Potter and in answer to that Mr Black cast an Impediment Jinx on you. When Professor McGonagall gave you a detention, you didn't accept, saying that the Gryffindors ambushed you, insulted you, and Mr Potter said something that made you lose control and attack him. But you didn't want to tell Professor McGonagall what Mr Potter had said, claiming she wouldn't understand. You asked to take this matter to me; apparently, I know everything and I will be able to understand. You flatter me, Mr Snape, I assure you I don't know everything."
"Well, you do know that, Professor," said Severus. "We talked about this in the summer."
"Ah, yes." An understanding shone in Dumbledore's eyes. "Well, then, I'd like to hear your versions of tonight's events. Why don't you start, Mr Potter?"
Potter twitched slightly. He certainly hadn't expected to be the first one to be questioned. "Sni- Snape attacked me -"
"Start at the beginning, Mr Potter," Dumbledore interrupted him. "How did you meet Mr Snape tonight?"
"We were returning to our dormitory from the library when we bumped into Snape. We just talked and laughed with him -"
"At me, you wanted to say," Severus retorted angrily. "And you didn't bump into me. You were waiting for me -"
"Mr Snape, you'll have your chance to speak later," Dumbledore interrupted again. "Let Mr Potter tell us his version."
Severus nodded grumpily. Potter smirked and continued, "It was just a friendly banter. A few jokes, nothing serious. We didn't touch him; we didn't draw wands. Snape suddenly pulled out his wand and cast a stinging hex on me. I fell on the floor. Sirius cast an Impediment Jinx on Snape, and right then Professor McGonagall came."
"And what did you say that provoked Mr Snape to cast a spell on you?" asked Dumbledore calmly.
"I don't remember," said Potter, trying to sound convincing, but only a fool would believe him. "Honestly, Professor, it was something irrelevant, a joke. I didn't think Snape would react so badly."
"Thank you, Mr Potter," said Dumbledore softly, though there was hardness in his gaze. "Mr Black, Mr Pettigrew, Mr Lupin, do you have anything to add to Mr Potter's story?"
"No, Professor, James told everything," Black said with confidence.
"I have nothing to add, sir," squeaked Pettigrew.
Lupin just shook his head and turned his gaze down at his lap. Dumbledore looked at him for a few seconds, then sighed with disappointment.
"Mr Snape, if you please," said the Headmaster, giving Severus an encouraging smile.
"Right," said Severus. He glanced at Potter and saw anxiety in his hazel eyes. They both knew that Dumbledore hadn't believed Potter's story. It was Severus's chance to finally get his long overdue justice. "I was alone, walking from the library to the common room. I turned a corner and bumped into Black and Lupin. I turned back but suddenly Potter and Pettigrew were behind me. I don't know where those two came from. I had just passed that spot, the corridor had been empty, and there was no place for them to hide."
Dumbledore looked sharply at Potter who quickly lowered his gaze.
"They'd been clearly waiting for me, though how they'd known I was going to be there, I have no idea," Severus continued. "I wanted to escape but they didn't let me. They circled me and started to taunt me. They made fun of my appearance – but that's nothing new, I get it from them constantly. Then they accused me of thievery because I have new robes and a new bag. And they made nasty innuendos about my relationship with Lily."
"That's what provoked you to attack Mr Potter?" asked Dumbledore.
"No, I was angry but I don't get provoked by such childish insults," said Severus. "I tried to get away but Potter grabbed my bag and threw everything on the floor."
"Did he destroy anything?"
"No, I had put an unbreakable spell on my things. But Black took my magazine about Elvis Presley. He's a Muggle musician -"
"Oh, I know who he is," Dumbledore interrupted him. "You have a great taste in music, Mr Snape. I remember when he started in the fifties - 'Heartbreak Hotel', 'Don't be Cruel' - ah, those were the times. But please, continue."
"Yes, sir," said Severus, a bit bemused by Dumbledore's asides. "So, Black didn't want to give back the magazine and he started to mock me about it, saying that I was in love with Elvis -"
"That was just a joke!" exclaimed Black, waking up Fawkes who gave an indignant squeak. "You can't take a simple joke, Sni- Snape!"
"Please, Mr Black, don't interrupt," Dumbledore admonished him.
"And then Pettigrew said that I was a poof," Severus continued. He blushed a little and started speaking more quickly. He wanted to get it all out and be done with it. "Potter joined in and said that I was a disgusting homo and that I was with Lily only as a cover. He insinuated that I had been with Lucius Malfoy back when Lucius had been at school, and that I liked older boys. Then he asked if I – that's when I lost control, I just couldn't take it anymore -"
"What did he say?" asked Dumbledore softly.
"He asked - Potter asked if I liked taking it up my ass," Severus whispered but in the quiet room everyone heard him.
He glanced at the Marauders, curious of their reactions to his words. Potter blushed a little but tried to look indifferent. Black glared murderously at him. Pettigrew looked as if he wished for nothing more than to leave the office, and Lupin looked almost sick with shame and nervousness.
"And that's what provoked you to attack Mr Potter?" asked Dumbledore.
Severus looked back at the Headmaster. There was no trace of kind twinkle in Dumbledore's blue eyes anymore. He was grave and solemn, and there was a hint of anger in his voice.
"Yes, sir," replied Severus. "I cast a stinging hex on Potter. The rest is just as Professor McGonagall described."
"Thank you, Mr Snape," said Dumbledore. "Your story is highly enlightening."
"You don't believe him, do you, sir?!" protested Potter. "He's lying! I didn't say those things! I would never -"
"Now, Mr Potter, I think Mr Snape's version is much more believable than yours, despite you having three friends supporting your version."
"But sir -"
Potter fell silent when Dumbledore pierced him with his scrutinising gaze. The Headmaster looked into Potter's eyes for a few seconds, before breaking eye contact and sighing deeply. Severus was almost sure Dumbledore had used Legilimency on Potter. That meant that he would try to see Severus's memories as well. Severus hastily put up his Occlumency shields. He knew he was no match for Dumbledore but at least he wanted to try to prevent him from accessing his mind.
Sure enough, Dumbledore turned to Severus and gazed deeply into his eyes. Severus experienced, for the first time in his life, another's presence in his mind. He tried to repel Dumbledore, and felt Dumbledore's surprise and hesitation. He resisted for several seconds, before Dumbledore gently lowered his shields and looked into Severus's memories of the event. He delicately withdrew from Severus's mind and regarded the boy curiously.
"Interesting," he whispered, then he raised his voice and addressed all of them. "I have no doubt who to believe. It is clear to me that you four, gentlemen, specifically targeted Mr Snape. You ambushed him, mocked him, unfairly accused him of thievery, and provoked him with your disgusting comments. I will not tolerate this kind of speech in my school. Am I understood?"
"Yes, sir," the Marauders mumbled.
"I'm very disappointed with you," said Dumbledore sternly. "I thought I made myself clear, when we spoke after the Whomping Willow incident, that I won't tolerate such behaviour. And yet you still bully Mr Snape, and other students as well. Mr Potter – twenty points will be taken from Gryffindor for your inappropriate comments. Mr Pettigrew and Mr Lupin – ten points taken from each of you for your participation in the bullying. Mr Black – you've already had points taken by Professor McGonagall so I won't take more from you. And all four of you will serve detention with me. I'll inform you later when the detention will take place."
"Yes, sir," said Potter. The rest of the Gryffindors nodded in silence.
"Mr Potter, about your father's gift." Potter's eyes widened at Dumbledore's words. "Oh, yes, I know what your father gave you. And I'm sure he didn't give you this extraordinary thing, for you to torment other students. If I find once again that you use it to harm others, I will take it away and give it back to your parents. Am I clear?"
"Yes, sir," whispered Potter. Severus was looking intrigued at the Gryffindor boy, raking his mind about what that special gift could be.
"Mr Lupin." Dumbledore turned his attention to the brown-haired boy. "You're a prefect, and your responsibility is to prevent such incidents and help those who are bullied, no matter which house they belong to. Instead, you participate in bullying. One more time and I'll take your prefect badge."
"I'm sorry, sir, it won't happen again," Lupin muttered.
"Mr Snape." Dumbledore addressed Severus at last. "Thank you for coming to me and bringing this incident to my attention. I understand perfectly why Mr Potter's words upset you so much. Words can sometimes hurt much more than actions and do a great deal of damage. However, we should always try to refrain from physical violence. While I understand that holding back after hearing such insults was difficult, the best way to act in this situation would have been to come straight to me instead of attacking Mr Potter. We should always try to deescalate the conflict, not create more damage. That's why from twenty points that Professor McGonagall took from you, I give you back only ten points. Your detention with Professor McGonagall is annulled. Do you accept this punishment?"
"Yes, sir, it is fair," said Severus, satisfied that justice at last had been served.
"Excellent," said Dumbledore, leaning back in his chair. "Gentlemen," he spoke to the Marauders, "you may return to your common room. Directly, no detours. Mr Snape, I'd like you to stay for a while."
The Marauders stood up and bade Dumbledore good-night. On their way out, Potter and Black gave Severus murderous looks, and Severus knew that sooner or later he would pay for tonight. As the door closed after the Gryffindors, Dumbledore waved his hand and their four chairs disappeared.
"Do you have a bit of time for a little chat, Severus, or do you rather retire for the night?" Dumbledore asked kindly.
"We may talk, sir, but it's almost curfew - "
"Don't worry about that. I'll give you a permission note when you leave my office." Severus nodded. "Thank you again, Severus, for coming to me tonight and trusting me, though I sadly never gave you any reason to trust me. I'm sorry for that."
Severus just inclined his head, not knowing what to say to that statement.
"How are you doing?" Dumbledore asked.
"Apart from tonight, I'm fine," said Severus.
"If I remember correctly, when Madam Pomfrey and I visited you in your home, she asked you to come to her for a check-up as soon as you return to school. Have you seen her?"
Severus fidgeted in his chair nervously. "I haven't, sir," he admitted.
"It's of course your decision, I won't force you, but I highly recommend that you visit her. When was your surgery? A month ago?" Severus nodded in acknowledgment. "Then your wound couldn't possibly have healed in that time if no magic was used. If you go to Madam Pomfrey, she'll heal you completely in no time. Also, there'll be less scarring. And you need another dose of the immunity potion, if I'm not mistaken." Dumbledore peered at Severus over his half-moon glasses.
"I'll go to Madam Pomfrey tomorrow." Severus squirmed under Dumbledore's gaze.
"Splendid, thank you." Dumbledore smiled. "What about your lessons? Is everything all right?"
"Yes, sir. It's demanding, but I wasn't expecting anything less in sixth year. The new Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher is... more competent than the last one," Severus said sheepishly.
"I'm glad to hear that," Dumbledore said. "It wasn't easy to persuade Professor Birchmore to accept the job. I hope you'll learn a lot from her. She was a remarkable Auror. This leads me to one of the subjects I want to discuss with you. What are your plans for the future, Severus?"
"Um - I want to be a potioneer," said Severus, a bit surprised by the Headmaster's interest.
"Oh, yes, I saw your Potions O.W.L. exam results. Extraordinary, truly. I spoke with Professor Jigger and he said he'd never seen such a work from a student, not even on N.E.W.T. levels. You have a talent, Severus; you are smart, hard-working, persistent. You'll make a brilliant potion-maker."
"Thank you, sir," said Severus, blushing slightly, not accustomed to hearing praises.
"It's a very good career," continued Dumbledore. "You'll have no problem finding a job and earning a steady income. You can work for St Mungo's hospital, researching and making new potions. You can open your own apothecary. You can teach potions at Hogwarts."
"I don't think I'll be a good teacher," said Severus.
"Who knows," said Dumbledore, his eyes twinkling. "What other plans do you have after graduation?"
Severus stared at the Headmaster, perplexed. Surely Dumbledore wasn't asking if he was planning to marry Lily and start a family?
"I don't know, sir," he answered.
"I'll be straightforward, then." Dumbledore looked intently at Severus, his expression solemn. "As you know, we are at war. Though it doesn't influence you much while you're at school, you'll graduate in two short years. It's becoming more and more difficult to remain neutral during this war. Sooner or later, everyone will have to choose a side. I want to know what side you will choose, Severus."
"You want to know if I will become a Death Eater," said Severus, an accusatory tone in his voice. "Just because I'm a Slytherin, you assume I will join You-Know-Who."
"Not because you're a Slytherin, but because you are friends with Mr Mulciber and Mr Avery," said Dumbledore patiently. "Their fathers are the Death Eaters, one of the oldest and closest to Lord Voldemort. I'm afraid their sons are following the same path, and that you may join them on that path."
"I will not," retorted Severus firmly. "I will not become a Death Eater. I promised that to Lily, and to myself. No matter what, I won't join the Dark Lord."
"I'm very glad to hear that," said Dumbledore, and Severus thought he saw something like relief on the Headmaster's lined face. "You have to forgive my accusations, but you are spending a lot of time with those boys, and I was afraid they persuaded you to join Lord Voldemort's cause."
"With all respect, sir, if you'd been paying a bit more attention, you would have noticed that I'm not spending time with them anymore," said Severus coldly. "I broke off with them a few months ago, even before I started going with Lily Evans. I admit, I was tempted once to join the Dark Lord, but I learned what his Death Eaters do, and I know I would never be capable of inflicting such things. And I never agreed with pure-blood supremacy. I told Mulciber I would never join the Death Eaters and I distanced myself from him and the rest of the Dark Lord's supporters. They are evil, what they do is wrong, and I don't want to be a part of it. Not every Slytherin is evil."
"Of course not," agreed Dumbledore. "I never suggested that. But you have to agree that your housemates are more prone to join Lord Voldemort than members of other Houses. Lots of your fellow Slytherins have parents or other family members in the Death Eaters' ranks. They have been influenced since childhood, and it's hard to stray from that path if you've been taught all your life that it's the right one."
"I talked recently with Regulus Black," recalled Severus. "I tried to reason with him but he wouldn't listen. He was unwavering in his belief that Muggles and Muggle-borns are inferior to wizards."
"Yes, and there are a lot like him in your House, as you well know. With their strong convictions, they influence students with no prior Death Eater affiliation and tempt them to join Lord Voldemort. Forgive me for saying this, but you are a perfect target for them. That's why I was afraid you would join the Death Eaters."
"Yes, they talked about power, knowledge, wealth and influence I would gain if I joined them. I was really close to commit myself fully," said Severus, ashamed. "But I realised what they really are and I backed away."
"I'm really happy you did," said Dumbledore honestly. "Is Mr Mulciber, or others, giving you a hard time because you left them?"
"They mainly ignore me. Sometimes they insult me or cast a jinx on me. Nothing worse than what Potter and his friends have done constantly since we first met," said Severus scornfully. "And now, having a private dormitory, I don't have to spend much time with Mulciber and Avery. I feel much safer."
"If you ever feel threatened by them, don't hesitate to let me know," said Dumbledore with care.
"Yes, sir." Severus faltered for a moment, then said, "Forgive my impertinence, Professor, but if you're so concerned about students joining the Dark Lord, shouldn't you be doing something to stop them?"
Dumbledore smiled sadly. "I am doing something, Severus. At least I try. I regularly invite Slytherins for little chats, with a purpose to find out their intentions and incline them to reconsider their willingness to join Lord Voldemort. I started with the oldest students, and those with strong Death Eater connections, those most prone to join him. Unfortunately, I didn't have much success. Some of them came and listened to me, but I saw that they were mostly unconvinced by my words. A lot of them didn't even come, no doubt after hearing from their friends what the meetings were about. You see, Severus, it is very hard to turn children against their parents. It's very unlikely they are going to listen to me, an old Muggle-lover as they call me, when everything I say goes against what they've been taught all their lives. And honestly, I can't blame them. Those children, they love their parents; they believe their parents are right, and that joining Lord Voldemort is the best way. Some of them are afraid of their parents, and to those Slytherins I give courage and a promise of protection, if they decide to renounce their parents' beliefs."
"I'm sorry, sir, for accusing you of doing nothing," said Severus shyly.
"I suppose those students that met with me don't advertise the fact," said Dumbledore, stroking his white beard. "Don't think, Severus, that I forgot about you. I was intending to invite you for a talk in a few weeks. I decided to focus now on Slytherins in a similar situation as yours. Those with no Death Eaters in the family, but pressured or tempted to join Lord Voldemort by peers." Dumbledore examined Severus with his piercing gaze. "Perhaps you could help me in this matter."
"How so, sir?" asked Severus, confused.
"You can indicate those of your housemates that are most likely to join the Death Eaters, but may still be persuaded to change their minds if shown that there are different paths. I've already asked Professor Slughorn for help but I believe you have more inside knowledge than him."
"I'll gladly help," said Severus, pleasantly surprised that Dumbledore was trusting him with such a delicate matter. "I can make a list of students that I think are in the greatest need of some help and guidance."
"Excellent," said Dumbledore. "If you could, please, bring me the list in a few weeks. The password to my office is 'Apple Candyfloss'. Now, if you're not too tired, I'd like to bring up another topic."
"I'm not tired, sir," assured Severus, eager to hear what else Dumbledore wanted to talk with him about.
"Earlier tonight you did something that, I have to admit, amazed me. Do you know of what I speak?" asked Dumbledore mysteriously.
"I'm not sure, sir."
"How long have you been studying Occlumency, Severus?" asked Dumbledore.
An understanding dawned on Severus's face. "Since last year. November, I think."
"Less than a year, then," said Dumbledore. "How exactly are you studying and practising Occlumency?"
"I read many books about it, almost everything I could find in the library, including the Restricted Section," answered Severus. "I follow instructions in the books, like emptying my mind before sleep. I meditate a lot. I try to control my emotions and reactions in stressful situations."
"And how are you doing?"
"I like Occlumency a lot. It helps me in many situations and, as far as I can tell, I'm quite good at it," said Severus.
"In what situations does it help you? Can you give me some examples?" Dumbledore implored.
"Um - before exams, for example, it helped me with stress. I could block feelings of anxiety and fear of failing, and instead focus on the task. When I'm dealing with Potter and his friends, Occlumency helps me to rein in my reactions, though I'm not always successful," Severus said ruefully. "And - it helps me immensely with nightmares. And – I tried to use it in the summer – when my father – but I wasn't able to empty my mind when he - "
Dumbledore looked at Severus with a deep sadness in his blue eyes. "Did you ever practise with a Legilimens?"
"No, sir."
"Did you know that I was using Legilimency on James Potter earlier tonight?"
"I wasn't completely sure, sir, but I strongly suspected it," Severus said. "That's why I was prepared when you entered my mind."
"When you tried to block me, do you think you could have done better? Was that the strongest protection you could make?"
"I - I think I was able to make stronger shields," admitted Severus, puzzled by Dumbledore's questioning. "If I'd had more time to prepare myself, I would have been able to resist longer. And I have to admit that I wanted you, sir, to see my memories, so I wasn't resisting much."
"Remarkable," murmured Dumbledore, leaning back in his chair and appraising the boy.
"Sir?" Severus asked, a bit nervous.
"You see, Severus, Occlumency is an obscure branch of magic. Not many wizards practise it, even less can master it to a really useful level. Most students at Hogwarts don't even know that such things as Occlumency and Legilimency exist. James Potter didn't even feel that I entered his mind."
Severus couldn't help a little smirk at that notion.
"And yet," continued Dumbledore, "you've studied it for less than a year, on your own, with no previous lessons with a Legilimens, and, not only you recognised correctly when I was using Legilimency, you resisted me with strength and skills I've never seen before in such a young wizard at the beginning of his journey with Occlumency."
"But you entered my mind with absurd ease!" protested Severus.
"Oh, it wasn't that easy, believe me," said Dumbledore. "Of course, for a skilled Legilimens like myself, your Occlumency shields weren't a real obstacle. Still, you resisted me for several seconds. I taught many witches and wizards in Occlumency, and no one was able to repel me even for a second on their first ever encounter with Legilimency. Most, even after months of training, couldn't hold against me for longer than a few seconds."
Severus stared at Dumbledore dumbstruck. He didn't know how to answer the Headmaster's remarks.
"And you tell me that it wasn't even the best protection you could have made. I wonder how long you could have resisted me if you had put everything into it." Dumbledore went silent for a while, stroking his beard absentmindedly, clearly contemplating something.
"You have a natural talent for Occlumency, Severus," he continued. "What you did tonight was exceptional. An innate predisposition to the Mind Arts is important if someone wants to excel in them. Of course, with hard work and training, almost everyone can learn Occlumency to some level, but to truly master it – it demands something more. And you have plenty of that. It would be a shame to waste such a talent. Would you like to train Occlumency with a teacher?"
"I'd love to, sir," said Severus, trying to keep his excitement at bay. "But I don't know where to find a teacher."
"I can teach you," said Dumbledore earnestly. "I don't want to boast, but you won't find a better Occlumens and Legilimens in Britain at the moment."
"You want to teach me, sir?" asked Severus incredulously.
"It would be my pleasure. You have a great potential, Severus, and I'd like to see it fulfiled. If you train hard, I think in two, three years you'll be one of the best Occlumens in Britain."
"You're joking!" Severus exclaimed, before cringing at his words.
Dumbledore smiled. "No, I'm not. I trained to some extent almost every Occlumens in the country, and believe me when I say that you'll be one of the greatest. You already show extraordinary abilities, far exceeding those expected at your level. Of course, if you prefer someone else to teach you, I can arrange lessons."
"No, sir, I'd like you to teach me. As you said, you're the best. And... during lessons a teacher will see my memories, won't they?"
"Unfortunately, there is no other way," Dumbledore confirmed.
"Then... it has to be you, sir. As you already know what happened to me," muttered Severus, feeling mortified that Dumbledore was going to see his memories of those humiliating moments. Yet, there was no other way if he wanted to learn Occlumency.
"I have a Pensieve in which you can store some of your memories before a lesson. It won't make you forget them, but it'll be harder for me to see them as they'll be in the back of your mind, somewhat blurred and undetailed. After a lesson you'll take your memories back from the Pensieve. But I'm afraid, as we delve into more difficult and refined techniques, eventually I will see even those memories. It is important for you to learn how to protect every part of your mind, including the memories buried deep, those that you may not even remember. On the other hand, you will gain access to some of my memories, as I intend to teach you not only Occlumency but Legilimency as well. Of course, anything we will see in each other's memories is strictly confidential and stays between us," Dumbledore said, looking seriously at Severus.
"Yes, sir."
"So, am I right to assume that you agree to me teaching you Occlumency?" asked Dumbledore.
"Yes, sir," repeated Severus, elation in his black eyes. "It would be an honour."
"Excellent! As I understand you read everything about Occlumency that was available in our library. I have a few additional books that I want you to read. I'll check your timetable and choose a day that will suit us both. I think we should meet once a week, but I must warn you that I'm a busy man and sometimes I may be forced to reschedule our lessons."
"Of course, sir. Thank you so much." Severus couldn't believe that today's evening had turned out so well. Mastering Occlumency was one of his greatest goals, and until today he had thought that he would be able to start lessons with a teacher only after graduation.
"There's one more point I'd like to discuss with you, Severus," Dumbledore said gravely, and Severus felt a sudden nervousness. "I have heard rumours that you're interested in the Dark Arts."
Severus squirmed in his chair. He wanted to lie, to deny these rumours, but he knew Dumbledore would see through his lies. If not now, then certainly during their Occlumency lessons.
"I am, sir, but my interest is purely theoretical. I read a lot about the Dark Arts, but I've never used them."
"I hope so," said Dumbledore. "Why are you interested in the Dark Arts?"
"As you said, sir, we are at war, and I want to understand the danger I'll be facing," Severus explained. "I want to know how to protect myself against many curses and dark spells and I can't do that if I don't understand how they work. But I don't intend to use the Dark Arts unless it's strictly necessary."
"It's true that if one wants to be a truly great wizard, one must study and understand all aspects of magic. Understand, not use," Dumbledore cautioned. "Your curious and ambitious mind led you into a dangerous territory, Severus. You're young and vulnerable and you must be very careful. The Dark Arts are alluring, it's very easy to lose yourself in power and control over others that they offer. Once you start using the Dark Arts, it's very hard to stop. The sense of power they give is very addictive."
"I will be careful," Severus promised. "I won't use them." He was very wary of addictions of any kind. His father was addicted to alcohol and gambling, and Severus had read somewhere that susceptibility to addiction ran in the family. He was determined to not succumb to that weakness.
"Casting dark spells doesn't automatically make you a Dark wizard," said Dumbledore. "But you must remember that they're not easily-reversible jinxes that students use in the corridors of Hogwarts. These are cruel curses, causing much damage, very often incurable or deadly. But I guess you know that if you read so much about them." Severus nodded shamefully. "There's also another reason why you shouldn't be using dark magic," Dumbledore went on.
"What's that, sir?" Severus asked with interest.
"Practising dark magic is damaging to the soul. While there's only one deed capable of tearing the soul apart - "
"What deed?" Severus interrupted, his curiosity taking over good manners.
"Murder. Murder splits the soul," Dumbledore explained, his voice grave. "However, all forms of dark magic corrupt and maim the soul. With time, it becomes harder and harder to heal damages. And your soul, Severus, is the most precious part of your being, something you must protect at all costs."
"How do I do that? I mean – if I decide to pursue my interest in the Dark Arts, how do I protect myself from their temptation?"
"I found that Occlumency helps a lot. It protects the mind from the lure of power," Dumbledore advised. "When you study the Dark Arts, you must be constantly on your guard, aware of your strengths, but even more so of your weaknesses. When you notice the first signs of succumbing to their seductive call, it is advisable to step back, make a break for a while. Still, there is one power stronger than all those methods, strong enough to resist the temptation of dark magic. And I think you have plenty of that power."
"What's that power?" asked Severus, enthralled, on the edge of his seat, waiting to learn about some mysterious kind of magic, powerful enough to conquer the darkest aspects of magic.
"Your ability to love," said Dumbledore softly.
AN: Thank you for reading. If you liked it, please leave a comment.
I'm still looking for a beta for the new chapters (mainly grammar/spelling). If you're interested, you can contact me here or on tumblr: sigrun23.