A/N: just a bit of fun, I wrote this in like two hours just now... hope you all like it! Enjoy!




The Close Proximity Situation Calibration

Penny had done a lot of not so bright things in her life, even she would admit that, and then a certain someone else would back it up with a literal Power Point presentation. But this had to be one of her worst ideas ever.

When it happened she didn't think anything of it, she was drunk and acting stupid, she was sad and angry. But now, in the light of day, after a two cups of coffee and verbatim rehashing of what had happened the night before from a tall, kind of nutty, physicist

Well, Penny was currently adding to that list of not so bright, poorly decided things.

"Sheldon, look over there!" Penny said quickly and in a hushed tone, she was by a nice white sofa, sliding her hands along the seat cushions, finding nothing an sighing annoyed.

Sheldon was mildly panicked, but he did as told, he carefully checked behind the entertainment center.

"Oh," Sheldon said as he stood up from crouching down.

Penny spun around to face him, "did you find it?!" she asked hopefully.

"No, but the woman should really dust behind her electronics." Sheldon dusted off his hands and gave her a plain faced look.

Penny wanted to scream but went back to looking around the couch.

"You're not being helpful!" Penny said in frustration.

"Well what is the meaning of this illegal entering of this women's home?" Sheldon asked. "by the way, your lock picking skills are both impressive and terrifying."

Penny stuck her tongue out at him, "I told you, I was drunk and stupid last night, I drunk dialed Leonard… and it went to voicemail." Penny said as he checked under the coffee table.

Sheldon nodded, "and we're here because before Leonard left he mentioned how he had left his phone at Linda's place and they he'd get it later because they were going to brunch."

"Yup." Penny said, popping the 'P'.

Sheldon was about to reply, and then his eyes went wide. "They're back." He said in a weird low whisper.

Penny shot up from the floor, eyes wide; she looked around as she heard the keys jangling at the front door.

Sheldon was also panicked, 'what do we do?" he whispered almost silently.

Penny grabbed up her purse of the coffee table, grabbed Sheldon's arm and dragged him to a door, she opened it, shoved Sheldon in and dove in herself, shutting the door with a click.

Just as the front door started to open.

Leonard and brunette walked through the door smiling and laughing lightly at something.

"Thanks for taking me to breakfast, Linda." Leonard said as he followed the woman into her nice living room.

Linda looked back at him as she set her purse on the coffee table and started to remove her jacket.

"Hey, it's the least I could do after last night." Her tone was suggestive.

Leonard smiled broadly. He stepped closer to her and wrapped his arms around her. "We could go for round two…"

Linda giggled.


Penny wanted to scream, she could hear everything, she sighed with relief when she overheard Linda mention something about getting something out of the freezer for dinner, and Leonard followed her.

The closet was a lot smaller than she had hoped it would be, old coats, some rain boots, a couple boxes, it was narrow and pitch black. Penny's back was against one of the walls, and Sheldon was pressed against her, both of his arms were at his sides as he stood ramrod straight.

Penny's nose was pressed into his shirt when she looked forward, "Sheldon, if you need to move and get more comfortable… now is the time." Penny whispered.

Sheldon looked down at her, he moved, and arm brushed her, a hand grabbed at her, an apology left his lips and finally he settled, he had his forearm resting against the wall above her head, and his other hand was pressed against the wall next to her head, he was leaning a little.

"Better?" Penny asked.

Sheldon nodded, "how long are we going to be in here?" Sheldon whispered back, his lips close to her ear.

Penny shivered slightly, her hands gripped at his jacket.

"Just until they head upstairs so we can leave." Penny whispered back.

She heard Sheldon lick his lips, he leaned in again, and his breath was moist on her ear. "what if they commence with copulation in the living room?" he asked, she could hear the panic in his voice.

Penny shook her head, the best she could, "did you see her living room? She doesn't do that on that sofa." Penny nodded slightly.

Sheldon let out a low huff. He moved his leg a little, knocked his head on a hanger and then they both froze.


"Well I don't know, this election cycle is just too unpredictable." Leonard said as he followed Linda out of the kitchen.

"True, I guess we just have to wait and see." She gave a little shrug.

Linda sat down, Leonard sat down, and he leaned over to kiss.

Linda pressed her hand to his chest to stop him, "we need to talk about something." She said seriously.

Leonard looked worried.

"What about?" he asked as he sat more relaxed than he felt.

"It's about your living situation." Linda started.

Leonard furrowed his brow, "you mean my apartment? Look, the Star Wars sheets were a gift, I can throw them away." He said, although he looked pained.

Linda shook her head, "no… although that was startling, no I mean your roommate." She explained.

Leonard sighed, "What did he do now? Or did he say something to you? I will scold him." Leonard was serious.

Linda shook her head, "no, he hasn't said anything to me… he's just… don't you want to move out on your own?" she asked.

Leonard furrowed his brow. "Well it's great with rent going up, I mean he's a nut case but he's not that bad." Leonard said, sort of defending his roommate.

Linda nodded, "I get it, and you've lived together for almost 13 years… he's like a brother to you… I get it." she paused and touched his leg. "Maybe it's time to grow up." Linda added.

Leonard thought about it, "I mean you're right… he would just lose his mind if I ever left." Leonard grumbled. "You know what? You're right… he might be holding me back!" Leonard was getting more confident.

Linda smiled, "now let's talk about your ex… and how she just barges into your apartment any time she likes." Linda's calm exterior melted away.

Leonard frowned, "Penny? She'd our friend." He tried.

Linda sighed, "Okay you know what… we should talk about this later, want anything to drink?" she asked as she stood up.

Leonard nodded and followed her back into the kitchen.


When the living arrangements came up, Penny froze… More so than she already was, and with her head pressed to his chest, she could hear his heart rate speed up. When Leonard lamely defended Sheldon, she felt Sheldon's body let out a deep sigh.

When her name came up, Penny narrowed her eyes annoyed.

When they left for the kitchen, Penny poked Sheldon's side gently; she looked up at him, resting her chin on his chest.

"You okay?" she whispered it.

Sheldon looked down, they severely miscalculated how close they were, his nose bumped her nose, and if it wasn't for her grip on his jacket, he would have bounced back.

"I'm fine, the sooner we can get out of here the better." Sheldon whispered.

Penny thought a moment, she poked his side again, "well personally, I have enjoyed being your neighbor and stealing your food for the last 10 years." Penny whispered.

Their noses were still touching; she felt his warm breath go across her face.

Sheldon nodded a bit, "likewise…"


Leonard and Linda walked back to the living room, silently. Clearly the conversation had made everything awkward.

"Oh, you haven't seen Lord of the Rings yet," Leonard said as he picked up the remote to turn the tv on.

Linda looked almost horrified, Leonard smiled reassuringly. The tv was on, Lord of the Rings was found on Netflix.


"Are you kidding me?!" Penny seethed in a whispered as the loud monumental music started up on the tv. "Out of all the movies…"

Sheldon hung his head, "we may die in here." He grumbled.

About 30 minutes into the movie, the duo had been quiet, she swore that he had fallen asleep, but he was simply thinking.

Penny tried to keep her mind off of being cramped up, like that her bed was really soft and soon she would be in, that tonight was Pizza Night and she'd be getting a hot slice of pizza with Sheldon later… and that Sheldon smelled really good.

Yeah, she didn't have much to think about, but that the man smelled really damn good, he didn't wear cologne, he didn't use any body sprays. He did use Zest soap, the conditioner and hair product he used had a nice, manly scent, but she wasn't overpowered by it… and his clothes were always fresh and clean. And his breath… she had never smelled bad breath on this man; she welcomed feeling his breath on her. It was nice.

She felt him perspiring a little under her touch, but even that was nice, his sides and abdomen were flat, she couldn't help her hands from floating up his chest a little, even though they were pressed together, his leg was between her legs, but she also felt something pressing against her hip… it felt hard. She wondered if it was his phone or wallet or… he adjusted his hips, yeah that wasn't an electronic.

She looked up at him again, her nose touched his nose. His breath was a little heavier.

Sheldon was losing his mind, he was reciting any and all of the known and unknown formulas he could think of, numbers and symbols and Penny raced through his mind… yeah he couldn't get her out of his mind.

She was soft and delicate, he'd never been pressed against her for this long period of time, a half dozen hugs and one time falling asleep on the couch aside… he was overwhelmed.

She smelled better than anything. And it was a constant. She was light and flowery and sweet, all the time. He enjoyed standing near her just to inhale her scent. And right now it's all he smelled, green apples, sweet buttercream… he imagined her shampooing her hair, he imaged the body wash she used… and her body. He imaged her putting the lotion on her body to make her skin stay so soft and perfect.

And her little nose kept bumping his and her breath was minty and sweet and she had put on that strawberry lip-gloss. He wondered if she tasted as sweet and good as she smelled.

And then he realized that his thoughts had wondered and now it was very obvious as to what she was doing to him. He grunted softly, tried to move his hips away from touching her, she stopped him with her hands on his sides.

"Sheldon," Penny whispered.

Sheldon pressed his lips to hers, it was gentle and sweet, and his hand by her head drifted to her side and pulled her closer.

Penny practically purred, she had been revving herself up and here they were, she gripped the front of his jacket and got on her tip toes to kiss him more soundly.

Sheldon grunted softly and turned his head just right.

When Penny's tongue lightly touched his lips, he pulled back. He was panting softly, loud music was blasting from the movie, some fight scene. Sheldon of course knew what scene it was, but he was too focused on Penny.

Penny, who was panting softly… Penny, who had her fingers dancing up his ribcage.

Sheldon dipped his head back down, he pressed a kiss to her lips again, pressed her against the wall.

They didn't notice that Leonard and Linda had dashed up the steps, leaving the movie going.

Penny knew what she wanted, and Sheldon was showing signs that he wanted it to. So during a loud battel scene, Penny bit at his lip and ran her hands up his chest.

"Do you want to?" Penny asked softly in his ear.

Sheldon could reply by carefully bringing both of his hands down and giving her ass a quick squeeze.

Penny yelped softly, she couldn't see his face, but knew he was grinning. She slid her hands down and undid her shorts, pushed them and her underwear down and shimmied her hips.

Sheldon's large hands were still on her ass, but now they were touching soft skin.

And he had to bite his own lip to keep from grunting loudly when she reached and undid his pants, reached into his briefs and pulled him out.

Penny leaned up and pressed a kiss to his lips once more before she gently pushed him back and she turned around.

Sheldon knew what she wanted, hell he knew what he wanted, but he dipped his head down anyway, to her ear. "Are you on some form of birth control?" he asked in a husky whisper.

Penny nodded, "you trust me?" she asked. He nodded his head; she only knew this because the tip of his nose gently brushed her cheek up and down. "Okay… I trust you too."

Sheldon was in shock, when she pressed back into him, well he was more than overwhelmed. But he got the idea quick; Penny was still upright but was sticking her ass into his front. Sheldon's hands were on her hips, his breathing was on her neck, he had to bend his knees a bit and it was insanely awkward… but he slipped in.

Sheldon's eyes rolled into the back of his head and he tipped his head back. That was certainly not a sensation he thought he would experience anytime soon. She was hot, wet and oh so tight. And then Penny moved back into him and he started to move his hips in slow but deep thrusts.

Penny clawed at the wall. Yeah she hadn't expected an impromptu special ops mission to end up this way… getting hot and heavy in her closet of her ex's new girlfriends house, with her friend and neighbor.

She bit her lip to keep from screaming, it was good and it had been months and Sheldon was oddly very good and it made her happy and for a moment she was thinking about the future and what that might hold and what fun places they could go there.

And then his hand snaked around her tummy and two of his fingers pressed against her in that perfect spot. And Penny had to bite the back of her own hand so she couldn't scream.

And then she shuddered and seized up and fluttered around him and Sheldon bit her shoulder as his thrusts lost their rhythm.

And then she was being pressed against the wall and Sheldon's hands were gently squeezing her sides and his lips were on her neck.

They waited a couple minutes before they finally pulled apart, Penny let out a soft sigh, she heard some plastic and knew that Sheldon was producing a wet wipe. She was trying to figure out how to pull her shorts up without actually bending over when she felt Sheldon sink down behind her. She was startled when she felt the warm wipe on the inside of her thigh. And then his lips on her Soup tattoo.

And suddenly the thought entered Penny's mind of how much she loved this man, he stood up slowly and pulled her shorts up.

Penny turned around, fixed her shorts, and while Sheldon buttoned himself back up, she pressed a kiss to his cheek.

She knew he was blushing. Then he leaned and kissed her lips gently.

And then they heard shouting.


"Leonard, please relax!" Linda said as she followed him down the stairs.

Leonard turned to her, "it's just… I like you but you're talking about my friends and they are my friends and I can't pick you over them… I'm sorry." Leonard said it, he turned and walked out the front door, letting close more than gently on his way out.

Linda stood there, she was so confused, and she thought she was right, his friends were messed up.

She let out a sigh, and then she heard a creak.

And suddenly her closet door burst open, the door off the hinges. She jumped back and almost screamed. And then she saw two people on the door that was now on the floor with a mix of coats and hangers on them.

She knew these people.

Sheldon stood up first, he took s deep breath, fixed his jacket, he gave Linda a nod, "hi, sorry about your recent dissolution of your relationship with Leonard."

And then Penny stood up, "I found his phone! It was under the couch!" Penny was excited as she held the phone up to Sheldon.

Sheldon took it from her and slipped it into his pocket.

Penny looked back at Linda, "hey… sorry about your door… and that's what you get for trying to come between Leonard and his friends." Penny gave a nod and then she started to walk to the door, Sheldon followed.

The door shut.

Linda was still in shock and confusion in her living room. She was trying to figure out what the hell had happened.


Leonard looked up from his comic as Penny and Sheldon entered the apartment, "hey guys." He said solemnly.

Sheldon and Penny exchanged a look. "Here is your phone Leonard," Sheldon handed him his phone.

Leonard was confused as he took it from him.

"We found it out in the parking lot." Penny lied as she walked to their fridge to get something to drink.

"Okay… thanks," Leonard wasn't sure; he shrugged it off, "and um… I broke up with Linda today." Leonard said softly.

"Oh no!" "That's terrible!"

Sheldon and Penny said it at the same time.

Leonard furrowed his brow, "no, it's okay, I feel okay… so what were you to up to?" he asked.

Sheldon was about to sit in his spot, he looked at Penny.

She sipped her water, "we were at the Container Store… Sheldon was showing me things I should get so I could organize my closet better." Penny said. Good lie.

Sheldon nodded, "yes, we spent the whole afternoon, in a closet." Sheldon said.

Penny had to stifle a giggle.

Leonard thought they were crazy.

Just another normal day.