Summary: Takes place after Subaru Sumeragi has left the Dragons of Heaven and joined the Dragons of Earth. That really pissed me off, sort of, so I wrote up this angsty fic where Kamui meets Subaru by accident. (Poor poor dear Kamui... :: huggles Kamui ::)
Disclaimer: All belongs to CLAMP. If I were smart enough to come up with these things, I wouldn't be sitting here and drinking cheap coffee and typing up this fic. LOL
Warning: Subaru/Kamui shounen-ai (slight), and well, sort of OOC, and sort of AU as well since this never happened in the manga or anywhere else. Also, spoilers... eerrrmm... O.o; darn, the summary itself is a spoiler... sorry about that. *giggles*
Archive: Sure, if you actually want this. Just ask first please. ^^
Last note: PLEASE REVIEW! :D
" Reaching Out "
Kamui had barely slipped out of the campus without being glomped by Keiichi again. It was sweet and kind of him to want to always help him and support him, but sometimes, and even more lately, he wished to be left alone. He felt like a bastard, for pushing away such a friendly person like Keiichi, but seriously, he didn't feel very kind and cheerful lately. It had taken a huge amount of self-control to avoid from prying off his hands from his shoulders. Thankfully, the boy got distracted by a teacher, and Kamui was able to disappear from the crowd of students who were all busy trying to get out of school and home.
It was autumn, and the breeze was slightly chilly and perhaps even a bit too cold to be comfortable. Kamui shuddered and held the coat shut tightly. The breeze was playing with his bang and his coattail. He looked down at his shiny black shoes while walking, and kept on going forward to wherever his feet were taking him, without really looking at where he was going.
Kamui finally looked up and smiled when he found himself at where he always ended up when he went on this walk with no destiny. This park was always filled with sakura trees, and they were all blossoming beautifully. He felt so peaceful and protected when he was here. It was as if the sakura blossoms were swaying with the wind and waving to him, telling him to forget his present situation and all his grief that he carried in his heart.
Kamui snapped out of his reverie and gasped when he bumped into somebody. They both fell to the floor with a loud thud. Kamui reached out and placed a hand on the man's shoulder.
"Oh, gosh, sorry... I wasn't looking where I was going...I..."
The man looked up. Kamui gasped in horror and backed away.
Subaru stood up and looked down at Kamui with an indifferent and cold look. Kamui looked up in absolute shock at the man who had left his side when he was most needed. He had almost not recognized him. Subaru was dressed in pitch-dark clothing, a long coat like Seishirou's covering his lithe body. Dark gloves were covering those pale hands of his, and his hair had grown slightly longer than when Kamui had last seen him.
Time seemed to have frozen around for what seemed an eternity. Kamui's large violet orbs locked with Subaru's cold eyes. After a while, Subaru finally snapped out of this trance and whirled around to leave as quietly as he had appeared. Kamui launched himself forward, reached out, and caught Subaru's coat before he could stop himself.
"Subaru.. please... please don't leave me again..." Kamui started crying, crystalline tears trickling down his cheeks. "Why did you leave? Why?" His voice was cracking and failing him.
Subaru stopped in his tracks, not looking back. After thinking a while, he responded in a low and icy tone.
"Because I chose to do so. It is my wish."
Kamui almost staggered back at the answer. "So... so I don't matter to you anymore? Did I ever matter to you at all? Don't we matter, all of us?"
"Not as much as this matters to me."
The Seal gasped at the answer, his hand covering his mouth in shock.
No... this is not the Subaru I remember... it's just not him anymore... how can he say that? How...
When Subaru failed to hear any response from the young boy, he decided he wouldn't have to listen to any more. He started to walk away. He stopped and stiffened when he heard the boy whisper sorrowfully, the wind carrying his voice towards him.
"I see, Subaru. So our relationship meant nothing to you. It meant so little that you left and ran to the Angels' side. It meant so little that you decided you'd start killing people and feeding to a damned tree. I see how things are now, Subaru. I see how I was just a momentary relief from your grief and your pains."
Subaru just listened quietly and stood there for a while, thinking. But soon after, he resumed walking away, and finally disappeared amidst the sakura blossoms that were swirling and flying around the whole park.
Kamui started crying, and berated himself mentally for having said such a terrible things to Subaru.
I am so sorry... I'm so sorry I said that. I shouldn't have... I really shouldn't have.
He just sat there on the floor, on his knees, crying his heart out. The tears trickled down his cheeks and stained the floor with dark circles. After what seemed like hours, he finally stood up, and looked towards the end of the pathway, hoping that he might be able to catch a last glimpse of Subaru's back. But unfortunately for him, there was nothing but emptiness.
Subaru walked to the huge Sakura tree. He stared at it for a long time before leaning on it and looking up at the blossoms.
Is this my destiny?
Am I bound to this fate, bound to this tree?
Then he started digesting the image of Kamui, those violet eyes, filled with tears. He digested his words, the painful phrases that had come out of his mouth. Subaru closed his eyes and sighed, for he knew Kamui didn't mean to say any of it. And yes, that was what hurt him the most; the fact that Kamui didn't mean it.
Suddenly, he couldn't take it anymore and slid down the trunk and onto the ground. He put his face in his hands and started crying shamefully. Crying was something he had definitely forgotten to do, but for this time, this moment, he could make an exception. He stayed there crying and repeating the word "sorry" mentally like a mantra. No matter how many times he apologized, he didn't feel any better.
If only he knew how much I want to run back to him and hold him in my arms... whisper comforting words into his ears... promise him a billion promises... plant small hopes into his heart...
Subaru sat on the ground for a long time, staring blankly at his feet until his tears had dried and disappeared. He stood up and brushed away the sakura petals and leaves on his coat. Looking at the tree one last time, he shoved his hands into his pockets, and left once again on a walk with no destiny.
Hoping that this time... he wouldn't meet the boy again, for he wished not to see him reaching out to him again. Because if he did that again this time, he would indeed go running back to his arms.
So... what do you think? :: sigh :: I wrote this fic because it gives me hope and helps me believe that inside that cold thing that Subaru has become, there is still the "real" Subaru somewhere in there and that he still holds Kamui in his heart. *starts bawling* I still can't believe he left the Seals! I can't! Poor Kamui! Nothing ever goes right for him! Anyways, this is the second X fic that I ever write, so don't flame me or anything. (My first was an NC-17 that got erased, but it doesn't matter, it sucked. I think like half the reviews were flames. LOL) I hope this fic gives you hope too, and please be nice and leave a review for me. ^^