Chapter 20: Epilogue- Pokémon


(Pokemon FireRed- Epilogue)

This is the tale of a legend, my friends.

Of Red and Blue.

Of hearts so true.

He could never do this all alone.

But it's over, so he went on home.

To Pallet Town.

Downed and Dead.

His coffin to be rusty red.

But it was never in vain.

He helped the hero through sun and rain...


The mourners gathered around the body. Some burst out in tears. Some fainted.

"Out of the way! Out of the way!" Professor Oak yelled, pushing through the crowd. He looked down, "Now, what seems to be- Oh dear."

Leaf tearfully nodded, cradling Red's head (Rhymes! Yay!) in her arms, "He's…" Oak nodded, tears starting to stream down his own face, "No… All children and faint-hearted… Please, leave the arena."

The force of the explosion had taken its toll on the Scarlet Trainer. From under his body came a red liquid, staining all it touched. Devoted fans dipped handkerchiefs in it, wishing to take away some of the Redneck's memory. Some began to flip coins for his personal belongings and body parts.

However, all bore remorse in their hearts.

Especially Red.


Red sat up, sobbing, 'Would ya lookit that?! They broke mah Tequila flask!"

The fans gasped. Oak gasped. Leaf got a short heart attack. Ash stared at Serena's chest.

Red blinked, looking around, "Was it something I said?"

(Pokemon FireRed- Victory! (VS Trainer))

[YOU BEAT BLUE!]

[GAME COMPLETE! W00T!]


The crowd burst into wild applause! Fireworks were fired off! However, some of said fireworks didn't go off until they landed in the middle of Viridian Forest, scaring the bejeebus out of a certain blond psychic who happened to be fishing nearby.

Red cheered, "I… am AWESOME!"

(Pokemon FireRed- Route 25)

Oak smiled, "Well done, Red! You have learnt how to treat Pokemon with respect and care." Red smiled, turning to his allies, "Well, I couldn't have done without those guys!" "I'm so glad that you managed to beat my grandson to a bloody pulp, and/or launch him to another region entirely." Oak continued.

"...You can't see what's wrong with that, can you?" Leaf asked, pouting, "Typical."

"Red. Your victory was not your own doing, you realize."

Red nodded, "It was a combination of allies, contrived Plot devices, and an Author!"

I smiled, chugging down a coke can.

"Red! Oh, and Leaf. Follow me."

Oak motioned for them to follow him. Red stopped, suddenly remembering the other three variations of himself. He looked around the destroyed arena, attempting to find them. Then, he looked down at his Mega Bracelet.

It still shone, only with less brightness than before. The trio were gone… The new champion smiled, whispering under his breath, "Thank you."

"No probs."

He turned around, just in time to spot Fire strolling into a portal. The Manga trainer froze mid-step, gulped, and dashed in.

Red rolled his eyes.


(Pokemon- Season 1 theme)

Oak motioned to a giant computer in the next room, "Welcome, Red. This is the Hall of Fame. Here, we honour the many who were badass enough to beat the league. Now, give me your pokemon."

Red did so, closing his eyes, "... It's just like ma said it would be like…"

The balls were placed in a device, like a Team Healer, and photos were taken of each Pokemon quickly. Hikari stuck her tongue out at the camera. Glitch made the Peace sign. UtilitiKarp flapped his fins. Char dabbed. Ash… I really don't want to and don't need to explain at this point, do I?

Oak picked up the six balls, handing them back to Red, "All done! Now, the Champion's photo. Leaf, you shall be witness to prove Red was the Champion- and Hero- of Kanto."

Red and Leaf traded glances.

Red pulled his sister in next to him, "Smile!"


GENERIC SHUTTER SOUND!

Oak's jaw dropped, "No! You screwed it! There can only be one Champion!" Red shrugged, "I dunno… Maybe you didn't notice that Leaf has been with me for practically my whole adventure? Also, I only use four Pokemon."

Oak looked at the picture and realised Red was right; with the entire of Red's team was Leaf's two Pokemon, Ev curled up cutely and Ivysaur wearing shades.

Red and Leaf's photo came in front of them. The photo was added to the team's photo.

The twin champions looked at each other and smiled. That was enough.

The tale was over.

"By the way… About your Pokedexes…"

Piss.


"It's incredible! You met every single Pokemon in Kanto!" Oak smiled, handing Red his cocktail-soaked dex back, "All that means… You're the best Pokemon Hunter in Kanto! I've modded your dex, so you can catch all… Hmm… 801 Pokemon in existence!"

(Needle scratches record.)

Red turned very pale, "... I can't even count that high! How many…" "151 down! 650 left!" Oak smiled happily.

Our hero glared at Oak, slammed his dex back into his hands again, and walked off without a word, "I'm going to update my Poogle Plus blog…"

Leaf shrugged, taking off, "I'm so going to Kalos after this!"

Oak sobbed, "I just wanna be loved…"


(Hatsune Miku- Rockman Zero 4: Freesia Remix)

Red walked outside, where Leaf stopped him, "So, Red… I guess this is goodbye. It was fun, but…" Red smiled, patting Leaf on the back, "We'll meet again. Perhaps… Yearly? Anyway, how about we Email each other!" The Heroine of Kanto nodded, "Okay. Until we meet again… Just tell me, where, exactly are you going?"

"I'm gonna travel all the eight regions via montage, then maybe settle down on top of Mt Silver, just like I always wanted to… in the Pimpkemon Centre!" Leaf laughed, "Alright. I figure I can work in a visit or two if I can… Um… Red. Even though we are so far apart…"

Leaf leaned in, and kissed Red.

"I'll always be with you. Always."

With that, Leaf Budwiener exited stage left.

Red smiled, "Goodbye..."


"If it's not the days I dreamed of, I'd rather have this…"

"I can still feel your warmth on my fingertips."

"I wrap it up in my palm."


(ACDC- It's a Long Way to the Top!)

(A.N. Finally, after all this time, Redneck gets his own theme song in his own series! Also, Pokemon Generations's Pilot kicked ass! Anyway, enjoy the montage, PokeFans! WHOO!)

Red finally adjusted his backpack, "Now that's over… ON WITH THE MONTAGE!"


"Ridin' down the highway!"

"Goin' to a gym!"

"Stop in all the grasses!"

"Gonna catch 'em all!"


Viridian Forest, Kanto

The Caterpie on the road looked up. Red was standing over it, holding a ball. The Pokemon whistled.

Now, Pidgeys can hold grudges apparently, and they have Einsteinian leaps of logic when they really really REALLY hate someone.

Red was chased out of the forest, covered in tar, feathers and blood, chased by hundreds of Pidgeys. Now we all know how.


"Grindin' levels!"

"Potion spam!"

"Gettin' badges!"

"It's my brand!"


Ecruteak City, Johto

Red sat in a meditative pose next to the river, "So, like this?" The ninja named Gold sitting next to him nodded, "Yes. Now, wait here for next hour." "W...What?! A whole hour?! That's boring! When do I get to Hadouken stuff?" "Patience, student." Gold said, "Patience is a virtue."

"Yeah, and you know what? I'm too apathetic to sit here." Red yawned, "Laziness is the mother of all bad habits. However, she is a motha, and I shall RESPECT HER! HU TAH!"

He opened his eyes, shoved Gold into the river, and checked his Pokebook. Suddenly, a school of rabid Woopers tore him limb to limb.

In reality, Red was actually sitting on a stage in the town, and the river and rock were just drunken hallucinations. But Gold getting torn limb to limb was real. Except it was rabid Johtoese fangirls doing the attacking while in a zombie-like daze.

"GAAAAHH! I SWEAR REVENGE ON YOU, RED! I WILL DEFEAT YOU ONE DAY! GUAAAHHH!" Gold screamed.

Red shrugged, "Onwards, hot fangirls!"


"Gettin' had!"

"Gettin' took!"

"I tell you folks!"

"It's harder than it looks!"


Agate Village, Orre

Red looked around, before running up to the Celebi monument. He angrily tapped on it, "Hello?! Mrs Celebi! I want to sue you! I mean, seriously! You say that you can remove shadows if I came here, and look at this! My shadow's still right here! Hello?! I WANT A REFUND!"

Celebi's eye twitched.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!"

That is the sound of Red getting chased out of town covered in Orran Tequilla, feathers and blood.


"It's a long way to the league!"

"If you wanna catch 'em all!"

"It's a long way to the league!"

"If you wanna catch 'em all!"


Weather Institute, Hoenn

Red checked his map, "Zinnia? Are you quite sure this hand-drawn map will really lead to the Hoenn Booze institute?" He sniffed the air, "Also, I smell something burning."

He paused, observing Latios and Latias flying around him, "Ooh. Pretty!"

THEN he noticed the log bridge he was standing on was on fire.

"Oh, snap."

GENERIC SNAPPING SOUND!

"NOT LITERALLY AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!"


"If you think it's easy with your gen seven bangs!"

"Try playin' in the Kanto grand!"

"It's a long way to the league!"

"If you wanna catch 'em all!"


Snowpoint Temple, Sinnoh

Red happily skipped around the snow, and he was sure the MASSIVE PROBOPASS CHASING HIM THROUGH THE SNOW was having fun too.

"ARCEUS DANG GEN FOUR STEEL-TYPES! AAAAAAAHHHH!"

Okay, so maybe I wasn't close. Eh.

Red's screaming and general panicking made a Regigigas stand up, roaring, "MY BODY IS RREEEEAAADDDDYYYY!" It ran at the Probopass, landing a few DIRECT hits on it!

Red sighed, "I don't get paid 'nuff fer this…"


"Fainted."

"Beaten."

"Make you wanna cry!"

"Joys do the healin'!"

"Don't know the reason why!"


Relic Castle, Unova

Red dodged the wild Volcarona's attacks, protecting the very important package in his hands, "Gotta find somewhere to hide… Aw, SCREW IT!" He punched up a stone in the floor, flipping it up and making a shield against any attacks.

Red pulled out his McDitto's™ Poke Meal, shoving a handful of cholesterol-filled fries into his face, "Aw Yeah."


"Gettin' old!"

"Gettin' grey!"

"One five one!"

"Can't trade!"

"Gettin' Missin!'"

"Break my save!"

"That's how it goes!"

"Playin' my jams!"


Terminus Cave, Kalos

The minecart clattered down the tracks swiftly.

That didn't mean Red was in it, though.

"DARN IT! NOT AGGAAAAIIINNNN!"

Our hero sprinted away from the attacking Noivern covered in Lumiose Galettes, feathers and blood. He continued running, before giving up and employing the master battle strategy known as 'Shoot it with a shotgun until it goes away.'

It worked, and Red exited the cave…

Zygarde stared at Red, "Who are you, and why are you covered in delicious pies?" Red pouted.


"It's a long way to the league!"

"If you wanna catch 'em all!"

"It's a long way to the league!"

"If you wanna catch 'em all!"


Pokken Stadium, Ferrum

"NO NO NO! YOU GOT IT ALL WRONG!" Red groaned, as Char Shoryukened the Braixen in the face again, "I said TEKKEN, NOT STREET FIGHTER!"

Char nodded, and then jumped the Braixen and reached for her chest where her heart was. The fox whimpered weakly.

"AND I NEVER SAID NOTHIN' ABOUT MORTAL KOMBAT EITHER!"


"If you wanna be the very best!"

"Cartridge in!"

"Take the test!"

"It's a long way to the league!"

"If you wanna catch 'em all!"


Iki Town, Alola

Red screamed, covered in Malasada, sugar and jam and running away from a starving Hau, "AAAAAAHHHHH SSSAAAAVVVVEEEE MEEEEEEE!" "COME BACK, JUICY FRESH MALASADA! YOU'RE MINE! ALL MINEEEEE!"

Best not to ask.


Well, after a series of crazy adventures, Red moved to the top of Mt Silver, and was never heard from since. I honestly think the guy is all tuckered out from adventuring and all that shit. But I digress…

He promised he'd never come down… Well, not anytime soon, at least.


"I'm only coming back if there is a sequel to this travesty of a fanfiction!" Red called to Gold, who was standing outside the Pimpkemon Centre, "If you go and beat the Johto League in a crazy sequel involving ninjas, cameramen and EVIL CONSUMERISTS, I'll think 'bout it!"

Gold stared at the door. Red stared at his copy of Pokemon Monthly. Leaf stared at Red via videophone. Ash stared at Serena's chest.

"You heard me!"


POKEMON REDNECK

-END-


In commemoration of 20 Years of Pokemon

TRAIN ON!