Title: And I'm Saying Goodbye
Summary: He hated the way her voice sounded. She didn't deserve any of it, but he was giving it to her anyway. He hated himself most of all for being the cause of her pain.
A/N: This was written for barsonaddict. I hope you are happy with what you have done.
Rafael let himself into the apartment as quietly as he dared. His vision was blurry, and his stomach burned from too much Scotch and nothing to eat. He hadn't checked his phone in hours. Not since leaving the courthouse that afternoon. He'd wanted to be left alone.
"I thought you were dead." Olivia's voice moved through the darkness. She flipped on the lamp, revealing herself as she sat with her knees to her chest on one end of the couch. Her eyes were red from crying, and her hands were still shaking from their last encounter outside the courtroom.
He snorted at her overdramatics. He then discarded his loosened tie and jacket on the back of the chair nearest the door. "Liv, can we not?" He was not up for round two. Not tonight. Not ever if he were being completely honest with himself.
She frowned and pushed herself up from the couch. "Fine." She should have known that everything they had built together was too good to be true.
They'd always been straight shooters with one another, but things hadn't been good for months now. Not since he accepted the district attorney position in Brooklyn. He'd been working too many long hours, and he'd barely made time for Noah. That left none for her.
He hated the way her voice sounded. She didn't deserve any of it, but he was giving it to her anyway. He hated himself most of all for being the cause of her pain. "Liv, wait…"
She snorted, "Why? So you can tell me again how I am not being patient enough? So you can tell me that it's all in my head…" Tears started to form in her eyes once again so she had to bit the inside of her jaw to keep them from falling. "I'm done, Rafael. Done. I tried, and where you've always met me half way, you didn't even try this time."
He moved toward her, grasping her elbow gently and giving it a squeeze. "You don't mean that. Noah…"
"Don't you bring him into this. This has nothing to do with Noah, and everything to do with you not being there. For either of us." The tears fell anyway. "I needed you…"
He closed his eyes as the tears rolled down her cheeks. Shame colored his face. "You think this has been easy for me? Olivia, I am doing the best that I can."
She faced him full on in that moment. She shook her head. "Bullshit. You told me once that you didn't want to be a coward like-like your father. And you're worse, Barba. You promised to not give up. The first signs of this getting hard, and you're staying over at the office, drinking, and passing out drunk on your couch because you can't bother to come home and face me. Face us." Her eyes moved from his face. "What happened to facing everything together? Huh?"
He sat down hard on the end of the couch and buried his head in his hands. "I don't know. I really don't." His mind wouldn't clear. He couldn't focus.
"I'm taking Noah, and we're going to stay with Amanda for awhile. Until I figure out what to do next." It broke her heart to put their son through this, but Noah knew things weren't right between his mother and father. Their troubles hadn't come out of nowhere. She had to put Noah first. Even if it broke her heart.
"I'll get a hotel. I don't want to disrupt his life anymore than-than I already have." He didn't want this at all, but he also knew that tone in her voice. Nothing he could say would get through to her. Least of all tonight. "Please don't take him from his home."
She frowned but nodded. Ultimately, it would be best for Noah to stay. She swallowed back a sob as she had to turn away from him. Her hands shook even harder as she brought them to her face. "Just go, Rafael. Just go before we wake him up, and he has to see you leave." She moved to the window and looked down onto the quiet street below.
He stood up, moving toward her. He could see himself reflected in the window. Tears slipped down his cheeks. "I will make this right, Liv. I swear…"
"It's too late." Her eyes closed tightly as more tears fell down her cheeks. She stood there with her head pressed against the cold glass window until she heard the door close and lock behind him. She then fell to her knees sobbing as her heart broke into what felt like a million pieces.
A/N: You can all blame barsonaddict for this. As of right now, I am unsure if I will write more to this piece. It has completely broken my heart. I just don't have any ideas on how to fix what I broke. Until I do, this piece is complete as it is written.