Answers to reviewers' questions or statements:
Guest: The 'old friend' is related to Thor, to an extent.
Jaeson Chandler: Not sure but they'd be surprised though.
Spawn Hades: It's one of them. Yes Zarda is Marvel's Power Princess which is literally their version of Wonder Woman.
Mezazra: Who doesn't? Its why people read this story. They aren't here for Spider-man, their here to see Phil in all of his lazy house cat glory.
MCRasengan: Yes, it was her.
Fyrflame: You do realize that Phil is a large mythological creature of magical origins and thus doesn't behave or operate the same way as an actual lion, right?
hakon2feb: You do realize that Peter's weapons and armor are forged by a GOD right, ergo they don't obey the laws of physics, right? Also, how can one go for any sort of realism in a story that's populated by magic, Gods, demigods, demons, superheroes and large house cats in the shape of lions?
king cool 12: Mmm you do realize that Stark altering the Bomb was because General Ross paid him with two bottles of some sort of liquor to make it more powerful because he believed that Banner made it too weak for his liking? Stark only altered it after he found out that Banner's attempts to keep the devastation to a minimum would do the opposite when he was in the middle of tampering with the bomb. And in the end, the Hulk has gone on to cause more destruction than that bomb ever could, so all Stark did was trade one weapon of mass destruction for an even greater one.
Disclaimer: I don't own any Marvel or DC characters seen, mentioned or used.
The day where things became far more complicated than they needed to started off like any other for Peter. He woke up, spent over half an hour trying to free himself from under Phil's sleeping form without waking the large feline up, make breakfast which consisted of strips of meat from a deer he killed several days ago, make sure the then awake Phil doesn't eat said meat, take a quick bath of sorts in a nearby spring he found, get dressed, do bit of light training to help him feel more awake and then spend the rest of the morning making additions to his home that he feels he's been falling behind on.
So far, he had expanded it to include a second room and Peter was looking at some plans he had drawn up that showed an additional floor to his current home while sitting on a decent sized rock near the water when he suddenly heard a voice that he prayed to every deity in existence to never hear again.
"Hello there, oh great and powerful warrior of Arachne"
Peter froze for several long moments while Phil turned his attention to who had suddenly appeared and barred his teeth in warning as he got up from where he was lying. Peter slowly looked over his shoulder to see a man who looked to be in his late twenties or early thirties clad in green and golden clothes that made some of the garments worn by kings look like cheap rags in comparison. He possessed shoulder length black hair, green mischievous eyes that looked like they could charm a snake and in their hand, was a scepter that had some sort of blue glowing stone under a curved blade.
It was Loki, the Norse god of mischief and on occasion, chaos. The adoptive son of Odin, ruler of Asgard and to Peter, the biggest pain in the ass he's ever met!
"I need your help" Loki said as he took a step forward.
Peter stared at the Norse deity for several moments before he did what any sane person that's had dealings with the trickster in the past would do.
"Screw that noise" Peter said as he turned on his heel and prepared to go back to working on his home before Loki was suddenly in front of him again. Phil jumped at the sudden move and hissed at Loki as it took several steps towards the Norse deity.
"That's not very nice" he said with a smirk towards the Nemean Lion.
"Yeah, well neither is helping you since half the time I end up near dead or worse" Peter countered with a scowl "Also how the hell did you get here?"
"Peter, I regularly travel between the nine realms and that of other worlds all the while keeping hidden from Heimdall's sight. You really think infiltrating a small island in the middle of the ocean protected by a few gods and goddesses is beyond me?" Loki said dryly.
"Hmm, fair point" Peter nodded before he took in a deep breath and yelled "Oi Hera, Demeter, there's a non-Olympian male god here! And I do stress MALE. As in he might try to sleep with your Amazons if allowed to roam around long enough, trust me he will!"
"I casted a small spell around us to keep unwanted ears from listening in before I approached you. They can't here you" Loki said with a grin "Or see us for that matter"
"I hate you" Peter said as his shoulders slumped.
"And yet you still help me whenever I call upon you" Loki replied with a chuckle.
"That's because if I don't you make my life hell until I do" Peter stated.
"You say tomato and I say shut the Hel up" Loki said as he twirled his scepter in his hands, the curved blade knocking some sand towards a growling Phil "Now then, as I was saying earlier, I need your help"
"With what?" Peter asked with a frown "If it's to help you humiliate Thor again, pass. My leg still hurts from when he broke it after helping you steal his hammer and force him to dress up like a woman to get it back from a bunch of giants"
"No, this is actually a bit more important than that" Loki said with a sigh "I made a small error in one of my latest schemes-"
"Schemes, really that's what your calling them?" Peter scoffed as he folded his arms across his chest and gave Loki and unimpressed look "Just call them what they are, pranks"
Loki glared at Peter before he continued "As I was saying before I was rudely interrupted, one of my 'schemes' did not pan out as well as I hoped thanks to the intervention of a third party that I did not foresee and now me and my brother have been tasked with fixing it"
"Well what was it?" Peter asked with a sigh, already knowing that he was somehow going to end up near dead or wish he was dead… why him?
"I tried to infiltrate Valhalla and lace the various Valkyries drinks with ink, turning their teeth black and also causing some of their hair to turn from their famous gold yellow to chalk white or fall out completely. Unfortunately, I was unaware that I was being followed by a small elite force of Dark Elves who had shadowed my entry into Valhalla in the dead of night and kidnapped a number of the Valkyries and are now holding them hostage" Loki said in one breath before ending with a shrug "Mother and father were far from pleased that my actions may have potentially caused the deaths of some of Asgards' greatest and most powerful warriors and the guides to Valhalla"
Peter stared at Loki for several minutes in complete shock at hearing what the Norse god tried to do before he rubbed his forehead in aggravation "I swear Loki, one of these days your little pranks are gonna blow up right in your face and not even that silver tongue of yours will save you"
Loki's response was to hold up his hand which began to glow with green magical fire "That is why I've since learned the mystic arts. Should words of peace fail me, words of destruction may yet save me"
"Or Thor swoops in and saves your ass, again" Peter snarked.
"That too" Loki nodded before he turned to leave "Come, we must meet with the others to plan out our attack on where the Dark Elves are holding the Valkyries"
"Wait, others?" Peter said in confusion "Who else is coming with us?"
"Thor, lady Sif and the Warriors three" Loki answered.
"I know who Sif is, I think she tried to stab me once at a party you invited me to on Asgard, but who are the warriors three?" Peter asked with a frown.
"They are Hogan the Grim, Fandral the Dashing and last but not least Volstagg the Voluminous!" Loki said with a grin.
Peter blinked at the names before he and Phil shared a brief glance with one another before returning their gazes back to Loki "…Who are they again?"
"Useless nobodies that my brother associates himself with, trust me they are quite forgettable to one who possesses an actual brain and isn't impressed by how much one eats, looks at everything with a depressed perspective or boasts of the lovers he's had" Loki said as he waved a hand over Peter and Phil's forms, their associated armor and weapons appearing as if they were already wearing them.
"GAH!" Peter jumped before he narrowed his lenses at Loki "Stop doing that!"
"Time is of the essence and I'd rather not waste it waiting for you and your pet here arming yourself" Loki said with a simple shrug, that smirk of his never wavering.
Phil growled deeply at Loki at being referred to as a pet while Peter placed a hand on the lion to keep it from possibly attacking the Norse deity "His name is Phil and he's not my pet! He's a friend"
"A friend?" Loki said with a raised brow.
"Yeah, a friend" Peter said with a nod "You know, people that actually want to be around you because they like the kind of person that you are?"
"Sounds dull and could lead to unnecessary drama" Loki said with a grin before his gaze flickered over Peter's shoulder "Well hello, what do we have here?"
Peter and Phil both followed Loki's line of sight and saw that Donna had emerged from the jungle. She had some sort of bag in her hands and was scanning the area, likely searching for Peter.
"Donna?" Peter said with surprise before he glanced at Phil "What's she doing here?"
Phil's response was a simple blink of the eyes before he walked towards the Amazon. A small ripple formed around Phil as he emerged from Loki's area of effect for his spell, startling the young woman.
"AH!" Donna jumped back in surprise before she regained her composure "Oh, it's you…"
Phil sat on his hunches and looked at her with a blank expression as he dragged his tail across the sand. After a few moments Donna cleared her throat "Um, where is you mas-"
"Friend, I meant friend, at?" Donna coughed awkwardly under Phil's look "I wanted to give him this, it's a gift from Diana that arrived just this morning"
Peter glanced at Loki who was watching the Amazon Princess with a calculating expression on his face. Peter bristled a little "Oi, back off before I call Sigyn"
"It wasn't like that, there's something about her that's familiar is all" Loki said as he twirled his scepter around "See what she wants so we can go. My brother is bound to be getting impatient by now"
"Yeah well a little patience might do him some good if he's going to be a king one day" Peter said as he made his way to the edge of Loki's spell and stepped out into the opening "Donna…"
"Oh, hello Peter" Donna said with a grin as she gave the man a wave before she frowned "Where'd you come from?"
"From meeting with the Norse god Loki, who is in fact a man and trespassing on this island and must be punished for such a transgression" Peter said… or wished he did.
In reality, he scratched the back of his head as he shrugged "I'm testing out a new feature in my suit is all… makes me invisible. Thought it might be useful down the line"
Donna blinked at that before she turned towards Phil "Does he have that too? I didn't seem him earlier and then he was just there…"
"Yep, I uh had Hephaestus install something like that for his armor too!" Peter said while Phil glanced at him with a small scowl. Peter returned the look before turning back towards Donna "So, what's this about a gift from Diana?"
"Oh, this…" Donna said as she handed Peter a small package that was the side of his hand.
"Was she here?" Peter asked as he examined the gift he was given.
Donna shook her head "No, she sent it by way of Hermes. According to her, he's still better than any mailing service in man's world and a quarter of the price"
"Well I know who I'm having deliver my Amazon packages when I get a computer set up here" Peter said with a snort as he pulled the gift away from Phil when the large mythological lion started to sniff it in a way that warned Peter he was gonna try to bite it.
"Are you… are you busy?" Donna asked with a faint blush on her face 'Please say no, please say no, please say no…'
"Umm…" Peter sounded as he tired to think of a way to say that he was going to help the Norse God of Mischief without actually saying it.
"He's helping me with something" Loki said as he suddenly appeared next to Peter who in turn flinched at the suddenness of his entrance, causing him to nearly drop the gift from Diana that Donna gave him.
"Dude, warn a guy before you appear like two inches from him!" Peter scowled at the smirking god.
"Who are you?" Donna asked her body tensing at the unexpected new arrival.
"I am Loki, the Norse God of Chaos…" said deity proclaimed as he gave Donna an exaggerated bow "…At your service"
"God of Chaos?" Donna said with wide eyes before Peter scoffed.
"That's not his title, it's Loki God of Mischief" Peter said before he glared at the smirking deity "Keep the 'Silver Tongue' for your brother or whoever else aside from me is cursed with talking to you at any point in their life"
"Hmm, so very protective of the fair maiden" Loki chuckled before glancing at what Donna gave Peter "Well, what is it?"
Peter looked down at the wrapped package before he removed the cloth and was greeted to the sight of a small circular disk with an engraved image of Diana on it. It was beautifully crafted and the sunlight reflecting off the image of Donna's older sister made it seem even more enchanting.
"Whoa… cool" Peter said as he examined the picture while Donna felt her brow twitch ever so slightly in annoyance.
'She doesn't look that beuaitufl in it…' Donna thought before she saw Loki studying her with narrowed eyes "What?"
"I'm sorry, but I feel as if I met you before. Who are your parents?" Loki asked as he began to circle Donna with an inquisitive look etched on his features.
"Uh, Queen Hippolyta and… well I'm not sure who my father is to be honest. Mother's never told me who helped her conceive me and my sisters" Donna said as she felt a tad bit uncomfortable under Loki's stare.
"Interesting" Loki murmured before he shrugged "Ah well, I'm sure the answer will come to me soon, it always does"
"Pfft, never let it be said that Loki is one of humility" Peter said with an eye roll before he nodded towards Donna "Thanks' for the gift"
"It was my pleasure" Donna said with a faint blush.
Peter nodded as he turned and went to put the picture in his home while Phil came to sit by Donna and look up at her with a curious expression. The Amazon princess noticed this and quirked her brow at him.
Phil's response was a small growl as he quirked his head to the side for a moment before he yawned and rubbed his head against Donna's thigh, causing her to giggle at the feel of his fur against her skin. The smile she grew quickly fell as she felt something wet on her thigh and she backed away from Phil's head to see that he wasn't rubbing his head against her out of affection… but to rub some of the bits of fish that he still had on his lips.
"Of course… this is why I'm a bird person" Donna said with a sigh.
Loki chuckled at the display before he saw Peter had return.
"Alright then, lets get going" Peter said with a resigned sigh.
"Finally…" Loki said with a snort as he prepared to teleport the three of them away.
"Where are you going Peter?" Donna asked with curiosity.
"To save a bunch of warrior women that Loki here got caught in a prank of his gone wrong with the Norse God of thunder and some of his friends" Peter said towards the surprised woman.
"Oh… can I come too?" Donna asked shyly as she kicked a bit of sand around with her foot.
"Huh?" Peter said with a quirked head.
"Can I join you in your quest?" Donna asked with a blush "It sounds fun"
Peter stared at the young woman for several moments in silence before he spoke "Your sense of fun and mine differ greatly…"
"If your capable" Loki said as he examined his fingernails.
Peter scowled at the Norse god "Loki, I'm not gonna let you bring Donna to-"
"Can you give me a few minutes to go and get my armor and sword?" Donna asked with growing excitement.
"Wait what?" Peter said as he turned towards Donna "No, Donna this isn't some sparring match with your sisters, we're going to a realm inhabited by blood thirsty Dark Elves and-"
"Peter, I've trained for several decades in the art of war under both my Aunt and Artemis and I'm the strongest Amazon here with my sister currently in man's world" Donna stated as she crossed her arms under her breasts "I believe I can handle myself"
"But… but… but what does your mother have to say about this?" Peter asked with a sigh "I doubt she'll be okay with you running off without permission"
"What my mother doesn't know won't hurt her. Besides if she's allowed my sister to run off into Man's world, why can't I be allowed to journey to…" Donna paused as she glanced at Loki "Where are you going again?"
"Svartalfheim" Loki stated as he had his scepter's handle extend until it became more of a spear or staff and allowed him to lean against it.
Donna nodded at this "Right, Svartalfheim"
Peter stared at the young woman for several moments before he glanced at Phil "Come on man, back me up here"
Phil stated at Peter for several seconds before he turned towards Donna and nodded, causing said woman to beam and for Peter to groan.
"I just know this is gonna come back to bite me in the ass… it always does" Peter said as he rubbed his brow while Loki muttered something under his breath and suddenly Donna was clad in black leather armor with silver stars on her sides that started at the knees and went all the way up to her breasts. She also had a pair of metal bracelets similar to the one's that Diana wore, and Peter assumed worked in the same compacity with a single black star under the wrist. Her feet were covered in a pair of metal knee high silver boots that also each had a single black star on her calf. On her back was a curved sword and a small silver and bronze shield with engravings of various monsters on it.
Donna looked down at her attire before she looked towards Loki "Could I learn that spell? You could save me five minutes every time I have to put this on"
"If you survive this, sure" Loki said with a shrug before he gave Peter a distinct wink "And maybe I'll teach you the reverse spell to help it come off even faster. Never know when it may come in handy"
Peter narrowed his eyes at the Norse god "Dude, seriously don't"
"Thank you" Donna said with a bow to hide her blush, already having an idea of what the Nordic deity was hinting at, before Loki pulled his staff out of the sand and had it shrink back down to it's more portable size before his eyes began to glow green.
"Before we go, did anyone here eat anything within the last ten minutes?" he asked as he glanced at the semi-immortal, the Amazon princess and mythological lion.
"No" Donna shook her head.
"I was gonna but seeing you ruined my appetite for the next month"
"Grrrr?" Phil sounded, not understanding why him eating not even five minutes ago was an issue.
"Good!" Loki smiled before the four of them disappeared in a bright green light, leaving only a few faint burn marks on the sand as evidence that were ever there to begin with.
All Arachne saw was red. The blue sky, the white clouds, the yellow sun, the green grass, and grey and browns of the ground, all were a dark scarlet red. It glowed, like fire, like it was burning. Just like the blood in her veins as she paced outside the tomb that was recently desecrated… and the Amazon behind her, kneeling on the ground, had failed to protect the tomb's sole inhabitant.
"Give me one reason why I shouldn't have half of your sisters ripped apart by my children?!" Arachne growled out through clinched teeth as she paced back and forth before the mouth of the destroyed tomb.
Diana flinched at the age in the goddesses' tone before she spoke, being mindful to keep her eyes solely on the ground. Normally she'd be staring the deity in the eye, more out of pride then anything else, but even Diana knew when to submit, and this was one of those times.
"Because I will not be able to locate the ones that did this in a timely order if my thoughts are distracted by the welfare of my home" Diana said, her voice cool and collected.
"It can also be a very great motivator to find those that have committed this sacrilege!" Arachne said as she turned towards Diana with a glare.
Diana bowed her head a little further "I will find the ones that did this my lady… and offer you their heads"
Arachne was silent for several moments before she spoke in a dark, cold whisper that echoed around Diana's body "See that you do Amazon, I would hate to have to tell my beloved champion that you allowed the body of his wife to be stolen and desecrated…"
And then suddenly she was gone, leaving Diana to stare at the ground for several moments before she slammed her fist into the ground, creating a small crater as her body shook with fury.
'I should of have been able to stop them dammit!' Diana mentally seethed 'I've been training since I could first walk, I should have been able to easily rip those animals apart!'
"So, how do you intend to hunt down these creatures if you do not even know where they have gone?" Betsy's voice echoed through the clearing before she stepped out from behind a tree, having watched Diana's conversation with the enraged spider deity with an unimpressed expression on her face "Did the goddess grant you omnipotence?"
"No…" Diana said with a scowl towards the woman "But I already have a few ideas of where to start"
Betsy quirked a brow at this "Oh, like where?"
"In New York, there is a powerful Sorcerer by the name of Doctor Strange" Diana said as she crossed her arms "He owes me a favor"
"Strange?" Betsy said with a raised brow "As in Stephen Strange? Former neurosurgeon? Has an admittedly cool floating cape?"
Diana nodded "Have you met him?"
"Once" Betsy said with a shrug "Back when he was still a surgeon, a rather arrogant and self centered one at that"
Diana hummed at that "Were you hoping if he could fix whatever it is that make's your personality less then desirable?"
"No" Betsy said as she held Diana's gaze with a blank expression "I was hoping he could save my dying brother only for him to tell me that it was beyond his current skill at the time"
Diana's eyes widened at this "Oh… I'm sorry I didn't mean to-"
"Be so freakin gullible" Betsy said with a snort as she tried to hold back a laugh at the expression on Diana's face "God you make it too easy I swear"
And just like that, any sympathy that was growing in Diana shriveled up and died like a worm in a fire. She let out a huff as she turned on her heel and began t move away from the smirking purple haired beauty.
"Let's just go already… Steve should have secured a flight for us back to the states"
"Lead the way" Betsy said with a smirk as she followed Diana back to the compound that was set up by ARGUS and the recently arrived Spanish military.
Next chapter, Peter, Phil, Donna, Loki, Thor, Sif and the Warriors' three gather to infiltrate Svartalfheim to save the Valkyries! Try saying that five times fast.